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Figure-4 Weekly Archive: One Year Ago... By Bryan Alvarez Every Wednesday, we will be posting archived editions of the Figure-Four Weekly on wrestlingobserver.com. Once you see some of the archived editions of the Figure-Four Weekly posted on the site, you will be able to have a better opinion as to the quality of work that is put into the sheet.
Ordering info for the newsletter is as follows:
Checks or money orders can be made payable to: Figure Four Weekly You can also order either the print or online editions on this website. To order HARDCOPY ONLY via credit card, you can also call 1-800-960-3366. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns, you can e-mail me at bryan@wrestlingobserver.com.
In what was either an attempt to get his sinking ship back under control or a power play gone awry, Eric Bischoff basically told WCW employees during a closed door meeting before Nitro that they could get a full release from the company if they just stood up and requested it. As of press time, both Raven and Kidman have taken him up on this offer. Bischoff actually did not give an open invitation for wrestlers to leave the company at first. He began by talking about people in the company whom he felt were displaying bad attitudes. He specifically mentioned Konnan, Public Enemy and Raven. Konnan has made derogatory comments about the company in various media, including a very high-profile article in USA Today. He has also expressed concern about having to fly in for house shows and TV tapings despite the fact that he is not cleared medically to wrestle and ends up just sitting around backstage or — and this has really happened — doing run-ins to save Hacksaw Jim Duggan at house shows. Public Enemy left the house show tour this week after an incident backstage at the Amarillo, TX show (see WCW On Tour for full results). Apparently, management yelled at Chris Benoit and Saturn for selling so much for PE during the match. Benoit and Saturn were told it was supposed to be a total squash and that they should do a total squash throughout the rest of the tour. PE got pissed and basically went on strike. Raven has gone on record numerous times in the past few weeks and stated that WCW is completely disorganized and inept. During an Internet interview, he also said that he planned on jumping to either ECW or WWF when his contract expired next July. Bischoff, at this point in the meeting, told Raven specifically that if he wanted his release he could have it. Other wrestlers in the room stated that Bischoff pretty much backed Raven into a corner so that he would have looked like a total pussy had he declined the offer. Raven stood up and left the room. Others in the room said that Konnan was heavily considering walking out, but didn’t end up doing so. Raven was the only wrestler to leave during the meeting. Once the meeting was adjourned, numerous wrestlers walked directly to the pay phones in order to call their representatives and inquire as to whether there were any offers on the table from either WWF or ECW. Later that evening, in the hotel bar, Kidman walked up to Eric Bischoff and requested his release from the company as well. Bischoff declined at first, saying it really wasn’t an open invitation to everyone. Later, he reportedly told Kidman that his release would be in the mail within the next few days. Kidman, despite being rather small by WWF standards, is a fantastic young talent who basically could have been made into a superstar had WCW actually wanted to push him in that direction. He managed to get over to an amazing degree by himself, but never really achieved anything more than all the other mid-carders WCW has held back for most of the past several years. Most would consider him very high on the list of future superstars. He is the second of such to leave WCW (the first being Chris Jericho) in the span of just two months. This, more than anything else, really illustrates the problems within WCW. When you think of all the turmoil inside WCW, and all the wrestlers who have voiced displeasure in the last several months, it almost seems shocking that only two people took advantage of this offer when it was made available to them. It is probably also no coincidence that the two people who appear to want out of WCW the most — Ric Flair and Randy Savage — were not at Nitro that evening and therefore weren’t given this offer in the meeting. Savage, who no-showed all the house shows, Thunder and Nitro tapings the past two weeks, is "on strike" from WCW. Really. Savage is apparently pissed that he is not the most over guy in the company despite trying to portray a rule-breaking, swearing badass a la Steve Austin. What Savage doesn’t seem to realize is that his schtick is old and he looks like a washed-up Sugar Daddy trying to imitate the real superstars with his lame catch-phrases. He had a brief run on top, and the TV ratings and pay-per-view buyrates show that it was a failure. He told a few friends last week why he was angry, but nobody could really figure out what in the hell he was talking about. He claimed Hogan was "sabotaging his career" and had given "his spot" to Sid. Nobody was quite sure what he meant about Sid getting "his spot". Was Savage suddenly going to be billed as undefeated? Obviously, none of this makes any sense. There also doesn’t seem to be anything new regarding Ric Flair
at this point. He still has a doctor’s note saying he can’t wrestle
for at least a month or so. Anyone who knows anything about the
relationship between Bischoff and Flair knows that the chances
of Bischoff offering him a similar full release are extremely
small. David Flair, backstage, has been talking as if his father
is gone from the company for good. Something has to give in this
situation, and it has to give within the next two or three weeks.
Mankind Wins WWF Title at SummerSlam Jesse Ventura counted the pinfall as Mankind pinned Steve Austin to win the WWF Title at SummerSlam on August 23rd. The following night on Raw, Hunter Hearst Helmsely pinned Mankind with help from Shane McMahon to begin his first reign as WWF Champion. The plan since WrestleMania was for Hunter to win the title from Austin at SummerSlam. Although there has been a lot of talk in recent weeks about Austin perhaps not wanting to job to Helmsely, the truth seems to be a lot more straightforward than that. First, Austin’s knee is screwed up bad. He’s going to be out of action until at least October, and the WWF pretty much wrote him out of the storylines on Raw. It wasn’t even a definite that he was going to be able to work the match at SummerSlam without doing further damage to the knee, and there was no way the WWF was going to risk having him wrestle at the pay-per-view and at Raw the following night. So Austin pretty much had to lose the belt at SummerSlam. The second problem was that Ventura was scheduled to be the special guest referee at an event which took place in the state that elected him Governer. Although they probably could have found a way around it, the WWF apparently figured that having Ventura raise the hand of a heel at the end of the match probably wouldn’t have been the world’s greatest idea. So they needed to find a way to get the belt off Austin without having hometown hero Jesse Ventura award it to a bad guy. Enter Mick Foley. And the rest is history. In a related story, Ventura almost didn’t make it to the event due to some legal hassles which arose in the week prior to the event. Leslie Davis, one of Jesse’s political opponents and a member of a group insider sources tell me was called "People Who Have Nothing Better To Do With Their Lives But Bitch", filed suit against Ventura claiming that his appearance would violate a state law barring elected officials from using their office for personal gain. Ramsey County District Court Judge Kathleen Gearin responded that voters, not judges or juries (or annoying people) would have the ultimate say in "whether Ventura’s activities in his spare time were acceptable." Gearin dismissed the lawsuit on August 19th. Personally, I really don’t see what the problem is with Ventura being a referee for a wrestling event or a baseball game or a Skee-ball tournament or whatever. I do see a problem with him completely changing his views on the industry within seconds of receiving what will amount to a payoff in the millions. He is a jackass for selling his soul. But I don’t see a problem with the concept of a jackass doing a one-day refereeing gig. Minnesota residents also received the largest tax rebate checks in state history last week, the average dollar amount being $652 per family. So Ventura could probably have cavorted naked through the streets snorting crack cocaine and residents would have said: "Well, we elected a pro-wrestler so what do you expect?" In other big news for Ventura, the Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel has named a room after him. The room, which will be called "Jesse Ventura Suite", was formerly known as "Monica’s Oral Office". It will be decorated with "Navy Seal regalia" and pro-wrestling memorabilia. Jesse has admitted to visiting this ranch, and will be offered a lifetime pass as well. Where is Leslie Davis to bitch about this one? The show, which was among the best pay-per-views of the year, opened with a trademarked Michael Cole hype-job. He said Billy Gunn vs. The Rock would be a "Kiss My Backside" match. He also said Jesse Ventura would allow "no shenanigans" in the main event. A highlight video aired showing clips of past special referees, including Mike Tyson and the McMahons. This two-minute video had better production values than the entire three-hour Road Wild pay-per-view. And they haven’t even implemented their new half-million dollar TV editing and production system yet. Jesse Ventura was shown backstage giving instructions to Helmsely and Chyna. Jesse said that the main event was going to be a pure wrestling match, and that if Hunter used any foreign objects he was going to refuse to count for him. Helmsely sluffed him off. Throughout the rest of the show, Ventura was shown meeting with both Austin and Mankind and going over the rules with them as well. Austin sluffed him off. Mankind, on the other hand, talked some politics with him. Chris Jericho was shown arriving at the Target Center. "Harold" Finkle is his new lackey bag boy. 1. Jeff Jarrett beat D-Lo Brown to win the WWF Intercontinental and European Titles. Jarrett screamed at Debra before this match and sent her to the backstage area. Thermonuclear heat for that. She ended up running into D-Lo on the way back, and he asked her to come out with him. Big pop for that. D-Lo was crazy over with the fans. Jarrett spent much of the match working on D-Lo’s shoulder. Jarrett debuted a new move which could best be described as a tornado shoulderbreaker off the middle rope. Near the finish, Debra jumped up on the apron and distracted the referee. Mark Henry then ran out, picked up the guitar, and snuck up behind Jarrett. Apparently, Henry really was pissed about all that running and dieting D-Lo has been making him do, since he turned around and walloped D-Lo with the guitar. Jarrett made the cover and got the pinfall. After the match, Jarrett, Debra and Mark Henry all had a cute group hug. Ross explained that the three of them were in "collusion" all along. So I guess Jarrett and Debra won’t be breaking up for awhile, which means his career is saved. **3/4 2. Seven Team Elimination Match. The rules of this match were that two teams would start and the losing team would be replaced by a fresh team. Whichever team made it through to the end would get a Tag Title shot on Raw. A. Edge & Christian beat Hardy Boyz. This was a fantastic match while it lasted. Highlight was Edge spearing the living fuck out of Jeff off the dasher boards. I thought he was dead for sure after that one. ***1/4 B. Edge & Christian beat Midean & Viscera. Thank God this was short. Crowd was going hoss for the former Brood after this second win. 1/2* C. Edge & Christian beat Droz & Prince Albert. Albert went for the Whatamaneuver on Christian, but Edge clipped his leg and Christian fell on top of him for the pinfall. Good while it lasted. We had superstars in the making at this point. **1/2 D. Acolytes d. Edge & Christian. So much for that. * E. Acolytes d. The Hardcore Hollys. What a team name. The Hollys got into an argument allowing Faarooq to kill Bob with a sidewalk slam. This all pretty much sucked once the Acolytes took over. 1/4* Al Snow was shown consoling Pepper backstage. What he should have been doing was giving that dog some blood-thinning medication. Road Dogg came down to the ring. He needs to never, ever wear shorts again because he has some damn skinny legs. He said he’d been taken off this show, but challenged the winner to a Hardcore match on Raw. Suddenly, the Millennium Clock counted down to zero and Jericho appeared. He got a huge pop coming out, but quickly turned himself heel with his promo. He ran down Road Dogg and "SummerSham". Road Dogg replied with: "Shut up, bitch!" That wasn’t very nice. He told Jericho to suck it. Crowd popped big for that. 3. Al Snow beat Big Bossman to win the Hardcore Title. Road Dogg grabbed a wireless mic and did roving commentary on this match, the highlight of which was when he said: "Oh, that was fake!" Bossman picked up the carrying case supposedly containing Pepper and threw it at Snow. Apparently, the WWF got some nasty phone calls at this point because about twenty minutes later, Ross began profusely apologizing and explaining that Pepper hadn’t been in the cage after all. Snow and Bossman brawled out of the building, across the street and into a bar. It is no coincidence that everyone in the bar was wearing a WWF T-shirt. Al hit on a woman during the fight. Insider sources tell me she turned him down. She did, however, call America’s Most Wanted to tell them she had seen the Civil War Bandit. Snow did a moonsault off the bar and through a table. He broke a glass over Bossman’s head and then pinned him on a pool table. This was decent, but again, if you’ve seen one WWF Hardcore match you’ve pretty much seen them all. **1/4 Al ran back to the Target Center after this match and beat up Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards, who apparently had been trying to dognap Pepper. 4. Ivory beat Tori. This was horrible almost beyond words. Ivory won after a screwed up sunset flip. Ivory tried to pull down Tori’s pants after the match, and when that didn’t work she ripped her shirt off. Luna, of all people, ran in to make the save. Tons and tons and tons and tons of messed up spots and some very loud spot calling. It’s pretty sad when you call spots so loud that fans at home can hear you, and then you can’t even do those spots without messing up. -** 5. Ken Shamrock beat Steve Blackman in the Lion’s Den Weapons Match. There were a bunch of weapons up on top of the Lion’s Den. If you climbed up there and grabbed one, you could use it. That sneaky Blackman had a pair of nunchucks in his tights (he got that idea from Shawn Michaels). Ross said at one point that the winner was the guy who beat up his opponent and escaped through the door. Well, they beat the crap out of each other for a long time and finally Blackman KO’d Ken with a kendo stick to the head. Blackman, however, refused to leave the cage. So Shamrock came back to life, Went Into The Zone (TM) and KO’d Blackman with a kendo stick shot of his own. Suddenly, the ref rang the bell and said Shamrock won. That sure came out of nowhere. Shamrock roared in a shootfighting manner after the match. ** 6. Test beat Shane McMahon. If you would have told me last week that Test vs. Shane McMahon would be the best match at SummerSlam 1999, I would have said: "Well, what do you expect with Pete Gas involved?" As usual, my psychic abilities are unparalleled in this industry. Right before this match began, the Posse came out wearing the Dopest Outfits Ever to the Dopest Music In The World. Somehow, Pete Gas had been fitted with a neck brace. The miracles of modern health care. Shane and Test beat the crap out of each other early. Shane was bumping like a mofo and took a stiff powerslam on the floor. Test press-slammed Shane onto all the Posse. They attacked Test, despite being "injured". Shane used some Greenwich Plunder, including a sign, a mailbox and a big group picture of the Posse. Where in the hell do I get one of those pictures? Shane may have the best leapfrog in wrestling. He knocked down Test, went to the top rope and attempted a CORKSCREW MOONSAULT. I am not making any of this match up. The referee took a bump and the Posse hit the ring en masse. They beat the shit out of Test, dragged him outside and laid him across the Spanish announcer’s table. Shane then started climbing the top rope. "My God," I thought. "What is he going to do from up there?" No sooner should I think these words then Shane KILLED TEST DEAD WITH THE PHATTEST ASS ELBOW IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Words cannot even describe how awesome this move was. Really. Shane jumped SO HIGH. The Posse pulled their corpses from the rubble, tossed them into the ring and put Shane on top. The referee made the count but TEST KICKED OUT! Crowd wet their pants at this point. Pete Gas ran into the ring but accidentally KO’d Shane. Test made the cover but Joey Abbs pulled Shane out of the ring right before the three count. Abbs then KO’d Test with his cast. Shane made the cover but TEST KICKED OUT AGAIN! I wet my own pants at this point. Suddenly, the Stooges ran out and destroyed the Posse outside the ring. Test took this opportunity to hit the meltdown and a MASSIVE flying elbow for the pinfall. Shane is one hell of an athlete. Stephanie ran down to the ring and hugged Test after the match. I wept profusely at this point, which meant I was practically wet all over. Golly, did this ever rock. ***3/4 7. Undertaker & Paul Wide beat X-Pac & Kane to win the WWF Tag Team Titles. Kane has a fancy new outfit. Most of this match consisted of Undertaker and Big Slow killing X-Pac. Man, when Wide gets in the ring it’s like the whole world slows down. X-Pac finally got the hot tag and ran wild on the bad guys. X-Pac hit Wide with his Bronco Buster in the corner. Giant basically no-sold it and chokeslammed Waltman. He made a lazy cover with one foot (which should come as no surprise) but Waltman kicked out. Undertaker got pissed at Wide for being so lazy, picked up X-Pac and tombstoned him for the pin. Pretty scary to see the fragile-necked and concussion-prone X-Pac take a tombstone. **1/4 8. Rock beat Billy Gunn in the Kiss My Ass Match. Billy came down to the ring with a very fat woman. Billy said Rock was going to have to kiss her ass after the match. Finkle, when doing ring introductions, actually said "Kiss My Ass Match". They brawled all over the place. Man, when Rock outbumps you, that’s bad news. Ross and Lawler kept talking about how rotund this woman was, basically trying to convince fans that she was the fattest woman in the whole world. Actually, she wasn’t THAT fat. In fact, she wasn’t even the fattest woman I’d seen all day. With that said, she was rather corpulent. Near the finish, Rock went for the uranage but Billy turned it into a Fame Asser. He then told the portly woman to come into the ring and lift her dress up. She did, revealing an ass the size of the Great Pyramid. Billy tried to make Rock kiss her ass, but Rock blocked it and shoved Billy’s face into her mammoth cheeks. Lawler and Ross sold this pretty much the same way Dusty Rhodes sold it when Woman kicked Chris Benoit "in the thang". They were going CRAZY in the booth. They could have made a cartoon about Ross and he wouldn’t have been this animated. Rock then hit a bodyslam and the People’s Elbow for the pinfall. Crowd went totally hoss for the finish of this match. **3/4 9. Mankind beat Steve Austin and Hunter Hearst Helmsely to win the WWF Title. Ventura came out to a large ovation. He told the fans that no matter what the press said, he was proud to be a wrestler, proud to have been a wrestler and proud to be referee that afternoon. Isn’t that nice? Only a few months ago he had a totally different take on wrestling in his best-selling book. Regardless, this got a huge pop. HHH came to the ring wearing what appeared to be chain mail. Fantastic production for the ring entrances. Austin came out wearing a brace on both legs. Mankind and Hunter basically worked over his good leg throughout the match so as not to do further damage. Chyna interfered liberally until Jesse caught her, at which point she was sent to the back. It was mostly one-on-one throughout this match with the third guy selling some major injury. For example, Mankind got crotched on the post at one point and sold it like his balls had fallen off. He stayed down longer for that than he did the time he was thrown through the Hell in the Cell cage and splatted in the ring. Helmsely nailed Mankind with a chair at one point and Jesse refused to count the pin. Remember, he warned the guys not to use chairs. He is a man of his word. Shane McMahon then ran out (thank God, that means he’s alive) and yelled at Jesse. Austin gave Shane the Stunner and Jesse threw him out of the ring. "That’s for your old man, you little bastard!" Jesse screamed. What an honorable elected official. Actually, I thought that was the funniest thing anyone has said in months. Near the finish, everybody hit their finishers but the third guy broke up the pin attempt. Finally, Helmsely hit Austin with the Pedigree and went for the pinfall. Mankind tossed Hunter off, hit Austin with the double-arm DDT and got the clean pinfall. The crowd popped huge, then immediately stopped because they weren’t sure if that was what was supposed to happen. Jesse then gave the belt to Mankind and said he was the winner. Finish didn’t look like it went entirely according to plan. **3/4 After the match, Helmsely destroyed Austin’s knee with numerous
chairshots. Crowd booed him mightily and chanted "JESSE!" Jesse
didn’t come out and Helmsely just went to the back amidst thunderous
heat. Overall, a very entertaining show. Internet Quote of the Week "What in the HELL did Barbarian say?" Special Thanks I would like to thank the following individuals for their help
in putting Figure Four Weekly together: Gladys Gibson, Carlos
and Valerie Alvarez, Craig Proper, Brent Kremen, Mike Rodgers,
Natina Schulz, Koji Yamamoto, Peter Stein, Mike Lorefice, Carlos
Loera, John Courville, Brian Schenk, Dave Meltzer, Bruce Mitchell,
Mike Mooneyham, Bob Barnett, Georgiann Makropolous. WWF News and Notes • Warrior’s $15 million lawsuit against WWFE goes to court on November 15th. He also posted a note on his website last week introducing himself to Paul Heyman and letting him know that he was available to work. Warrior made it clear that he has never seen any ECW programming nor does he have the slightest clue what Heyman’s pay scale is. Heyman was reportedly equally perplexed as to what in the hell Warrior was talking about in his message. Those close to both parties claim that there is dialogue between the two and that an appearance by Warrior in ECW is not completely out of the question. • Sunday Night Heat is now a magazine-style show with interviews, hype packages and music videos galore. The show features no actual wrestling matches and is far superior to having another hour of first-run programming now that Smackdown is on the air. Plus, that means I will never have to watch it again. • Here is a weird story. A Minnesota radio station had a contest and gave away 20 front row tickets to SummerSlam. Unfortunately, the winners showed up Sunday and found that the tickets they had been given were doubles and there were people already sitting in their seats. After some loud arguing, the winners and the radio station employees were kicked out of the Target Center. Sucks to be them. • Remember how Road Dogg told the press last week that Rock got a big push and let it go to his head? Well, the Rock had this to say in response on WWF Byte This: "Road Dogg, I’m not a big fan of him. I never have been, and I never will be. Personally, I just think he’s an OK guy. It’s just one of those things. He’s somebody who, believe me, The Rock would never invite over to his house for Christmas or anything like that. Road Dogg is the epitome of what jealousy can be, and that’s exactly what he is to The Rock." • Steve Austin was on Conan O’Brien Friday. They talked about flipping people off. "It’s all about timing," Austin explained in an intellectual manner. Conan said he and Austin had a similar physique (similar in that they are both white guys). They talked about beer and then drank some. Andy Richter is actually one hell of a beer drinker. Conan spilled all over himself as if he had a large plug imbedded in his throat. Pretty funny show. • Godfather and Val Venis were removed from the Tag Team Turmoil match at SummerSlam because Godfather is out having a cyst removed from his tailbone. Too much time on his back I guess. • D-Lo Brown was on AOL for a Generic Chat Session last week. He did reveal that "D-Lo" was the nickname of a friend of his who passed away just as he was breaking into the business. • Mick Foley has told friends that he will be cutting back on the number of chairshots he takes and will eventually be phasing them out completely. His doctor also told him it was important to keep his weight down so he didn’t do further damage to his repaired knees. • The WWF is talking with Steve Williams again about another run with the company. • Edge and Val Venis are telling friends that they plan on moving to the Bahamas since they wouldn’t have to pay taxes there. • Jim Ross had this to say in the Ross Report about his Barbecue Sauce: "Stone Cold sampled JR’s BBQ sauce first hand Wednesday night at the Ross home. The Texas Rattlesnake gave my family recipe a resounding ‘OH, HELL YEAH!’, and even had seconds! We expect to be able to give you more information soon on when the sauce will be available. I hope you’ll give it a try too." • The National Examiner had a story on the Civil War Bandit and
the Big Bossman. Bossman claimed to have an IRON CLAD ALIBI. His
alibi was that he was wrestling when the robberies occurred. Seems
pretty weak to me. Also, insider sources have confirmed to me
that Bossman and the Bandit have never been seen at the same time
together. WWF On Television Raw is War (August 23): Jerry Lawler opened up the show this
week since Jim Ross was standing in the ring. Ross said he was
going to interview the new WWF Champion. Hunter and Chyna came
out instead. Helmsely was pissed for some reason. He said he had
been screwed a million times and bitched about Ventura’s officiating
from the night before. "Austin!" the crowd screamed. Hunter said
he had crippled Austin. He started running down Ross and ended
up putting him in an armbar. Hunter said he was going to break
Ross’ arm unless Mankind came out and gave him a title shot. Mankind
ran down and said he’d give Hunter the shot if he let Ross go.
Helmsely "broke" Ross’ arm anyway. The fakest snapping noise ever
was edited in at this point. Mankind got pissed and said since
Hunter broke his promise, he (Mankind) was going to break his.
Hunter got mad yet again. He needs to take some anger management
courses. Finally, Shane McMahon came out. He said Shawn Michaels
was not in the building and ordered a Hunter vs. Mankind title
match for later in the show... Michael Cole replaced Jim Ross,
who was taken away in an ambulance... Road Dogg NC Al Snow. Jericho
ran down midway through and chased Dogg backstage. Big Bossman
took this opportunity to steal Pepper and drive away in a car.
Then they just went to commercial. Nice finish, you bozos... After
seeing Bossman abduct Pepper, I am SURE he is the Civil War Bandit...
X-Pac and Kane came out to do commentary for the next match. Kane,
despite being mute, put the headset on and just sat there. Undertaker
& Paul Wide NC Acolytes when X-Pac and Kane ran in. Another
lame run-in, for those of you keeping score... Backstage, Test
told Stephanie to wait while he went and got a surprise for her...
They aired a Blonde Bytch Project segment with Blue Meanie and
Stevie Richards. Richards fell down with the camera and said:
"Oh, my neck!" Now THAT was funny... Test came down to the ring
and called out Stephanie. He said he was going to "pop the question".
Shane ran down to the ring and said all of this had gone to far.
"ASSHOLE!" the fans screamed. Stephanie proceeded to berate Shane
with the worst acting in the history of prime time TV. Test then
got on his knees and proposed (to Stephanie, not Shane). She said
she loved him, but added: "I’ve got to think about it!" I’VE GOT
IT! She’s going to be in the First Family. Test said he understood.
Shane looked forlorn about all of this. Pretty horrible segment...
Backstage, Jericho told Harold Finkle that he didn’t need a fink,
he needed a warrior... Jeff Jarrett came out with Mark Henry and
Debra. Jeff gave the European Title to Henry. They should just
rename it the WWF Weight Loss Title. Jarrett then called out some
hot babe named "Miss Kitty", whom he said would be Debra’s new
bodyguard. Jarrett said he had an open contract backstage for
any challenger... D-Lo NC Mark Henry when Jarrett ran in. Good
while it lasted. That’s three matches total and three matches
without a finish... Chyna told Billy that she would keep an eye
on Jarrett’s open contract while he looked for a pen. As soon
as Billy left, Chyna signed her own name on the contract... Rock
d. Gangrel in a good TV match. Finally, somebody won. Rock then
cut a promo and said Hunter needed to stop crying. Rock said he
was going to take matters into his own hands later... Tori challenged
Ivory to an Evening Gown Match at Smackdown... Finkle came down
to the ring to Ultimate Warrior’s old music. Man, it’s a new audience
for sure because there was barely any pop for that music. Fink
challenged Road Dogg to come out. Roadie came out but ended up
getting jumped by Jericho. Jericho kicked his ass and killed him
with a Takaiwa double bomb. Did that beating ever rule... Hardcore
and Crash Holly brawled all over. Eventually, they just cut away
to a Kevin Kelly report on Austin’s condition. Crowd hated that
match ESPECIALLY THE PART ABOUT HOW THERE WAS NO FINISH... Undertaker
and Big Slow came out to do commentary. Midian & Viscera d.
X-Pac & Kane when Viscera squashed Waltman (literally, like
a bug). What a bad two days it has been for poor X-Pac... Mr.
Ass came to the ring and called out Chyna. He demanded she give
him his title shot back. Jeff Jarrett snuck into the ring and
NAILED Chyna with his guitar. She sold it like she was dead. Mr.
Ass then grabbed a second guitar from Miss Kitty and KO’d Jarrett.
Big pop for that... No match, by the way... Rock came down to
do some funny commentary for Mankind vs. HHH. Shane came out in
a referee’s shirt and replaced Earl Hebner. Some good nearfalls
near the finish. Finally, Helmsely went outside and nailed Mankind
and Rock with chairshots (he REALLY laid one into Rock). Helmsely
then threw Mankind in the ring, hit the Pedigree, and got the
pinfall. HUGE ASS pop for the title change. I mean, the fans were
just going crazy. Helmsely raised the belt up and looked genuinely
happy to have finally won it, which is a nice thing to see these
days. WWF On Tour Winnipeg, Manitoba (August 21): Harold Finkle came out before
the show started and announced that Rock wasn’t going to be there
due to some terrorist problems at the Miami Airport. That’s one
you don’t hear every day. Nuclear heat for that. Fans chanted
"REFUND!" and 65 people actually went and got their money back.
Gangrel d. Chaz, Val Venis d. Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett was mistakenly
billed as the Intercontinental Champion. Steve Blackman (who was
way over as a heel) beat Ken Shamrock. Chris Jericho came out
to a huge pop. He said he was going to replace Rock in the main
event. The crowd was hoss for that. Test d. Midian, Acolytes d.
Edge & Christian and Hardy Boyz in the three-way, Ivory d.
Tori, X-Pac d. Mr. Ass, Kane d. Paul Wide, Jericho d. Big Bossman
in the nightstick on a pole match. This was said to not be Jericho’s
best match ever. First, the nightstick fell off the pole halfway
through the match. Jericho used what was described as a "Hogan-level
chairshot". He did manage to do his Lionsault without killing
himself, which some thought he wouldn’t be able to pull off since
the WWF’s ropes aren’t as tight as those in WCW. Jericho finally
got the nightstick and KO’d Bossman for the win. He was said to
be easily the most over guy on the show. WCW News and Notes • How come Eric Bischoff isn’t suing Randy Savage and Public Enemy for $2 million? • Mean Gene joked on the John Boy and Billy Show that Ted Turner offered ABC $100 million to move football. • Kevin Nash and WCW started spreading a story last week that Nash was going to quit wrestling for real in order to open up a "Native American Museum" and employ such people as — this is really what they said — Jay Strongbow and Tatanka. People actually fell for this. • Hogan was on WCW Live again last week. He said his knee was getting better due to a new injection he was getting, but that he "couldn’t remember exactly" what the name of it was. I’m no doctor, but I’d guess it was Crowdpoperide. That usually does the trick. He said he was getting a third injection prior to his match in LA, and that he expected it to solve the problem for two or three months. Keep in mind he ended up being the most over guy on the LA show. Hogan said his knee was even worse than Dr. Andrews thought going in. He said Andrews gave him another couple of years of wrestling as long as he didn’t twist it or sprain it or anything like that. He said he planned on passing the torch someday to either Goldberg, Bagwell (really) or "even Sting". He said he wasn’t sure about going back to the red and yellow and has been shocked with the response. He said he originally wanted to save the transformation for the very end of his career, so he could retire as a good guy. He said when he is in the red and yellow, he can cut to the front of the line at Disneyland, but when he’s a heel he has to go to the end of the line all night. I’m not making that quote up. According to Hogan, the actual attendance for WrestleMania III is now 94,000. Someday, I’ll bet it will hit 100,000. He ran down Ventura for awhile and said he was a hypocrite. He said the ratings would not improve overnight but rather through weeks and weeks of chipping away. He said there were a lot of personal issues between himself and Nash. He said WCW needed to put the period at the end of their storylines sentences and then concentrate on booking good wrestling in order to turn things around. He said he didn’t know what the deal was with Ric Flair. Hogan said Ric always drew a good number and that their PPV match beat Vince McMahon vs. Steve Austin. Hogan is talking about the February pay-per-views, SuperBrawl (Hogan vs. Flair) and St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (Vince vs. Austin in the cage). The problem is that Flair vs. Hogan DID NOT beat Vince vs. Austin. SuperBrawl drew a 1.10 and Massacre drew a 1.21. It was close, but Hogan is wrong. Hogan said Goldberg, Sting, Nash and Hall were the future of WCW. I thought Nash was retired? Hogan also said he was considering investing in the WWF when the stock went up for sale. He said "Hulk" was trademarked by Marvel Comics and that he has to pay a percentage to them every time WCW uses the name. He also said that Marvel was owned by Ted Turner, so he was going to ask them to tone it down a bit as far as royalties are concerned. Someone needs to tell Hogan that Marvel is not owned by Turner. • There will be a whole KISS army. Really. • Hogan also said during this chat that he had no idea when he was going to wrestle Bret Hart. Bret said in his Calgary Sun column that he had no idea if he was going to return to wrestling. Hogan vs. Bret ended up being the main event on all the weekend house shows. As it turns out, both guys were telling the truth when they said what they did. Bret was called Thursday, August 19th and told to pack his gear and get on a plane to the Cow Palace because he was going to be wrestling Hogan all weekend. Bret said OK, and the rest is history. The word is that Bischoff wasn’t as kind and giving as he’s been towards Bret in the past few months and pretty much just demanded he show up for the matches. Bret did mention in his column that he figured the only way to decide whether or not to return was just to hop on a plane someday, head to an arena and tell Eric he wanted to wrestle. So he probably wasn’t too bothered by this decision. Check the WCW On Tour section for results. • Eddy Guerrero and Vampiro almost got into a legit fight backstage after their match on Nitro. Eddy was pissed about the match in general, and started yelling at Vamp for being so stiff with him. Eddy challenged him to a fight but the rest of the wrestlers in the room quickly moved in to make sure nothing happened. • Goldberg has gone on record saying he hates that stupid Megadeath song. Fans hate that song too. It also killed off a lot of his heat. So WCW will continue to use it as his theme music. • WCW will reportedly be throwing some hefty money at Vampiro when his contract expires in eleven months. He has told friends that the only American company he would ever work for is WCW, so he’s probably not going anywhere regardless of what they end up offering him. • WCW will be starting a full-fledged Women’s Division to ensure a negative star match on every show. • Scott Steiner wanted to return to WCW at Road Wild and interfere in the Goldberg vs. Rick Steiner match, in order to set up a future series between himself and Goldberg. Obviously that never happened. Steiner’s back is still said to be in horrible shape and there is no longer any timetable set for his return. He had originally told friends he expected to be back by early August to be revealed as the Hummer Driver. In a related sidenote, WCW actually offered $200,000 to — this is true — Carmen Electra to show up at Road Wild for a one-time appearance as the Hummer Driver. I think they just wanted to hear Mike Tenay say "Carmen Electra" and "Hummer" in the same sentence. Anyway, in a shocker, she no-showed. Of course, this would have made absolutely zero sense from a storyline standpoint, but what do you expect? Gorgeous George ended up playing her role at the show. • In a real shocker, Dennis Rodman was arrested this past Saturday night for allegedly being drunk in public and causing a ruckus. Rodman was taken to jail and released early Sunday morning. The police had "no other details" on the disturbance other than the fact that the owner of — this is a real place — Woody’s Wharf had called and said Rodman was "intoxicated and causing a disturbance". Rodman was booked for investigation of public intoxication, which is a misdemeanor. He will be arraigned October 1st. • First Daughter actually scored a 6.9 final rating, as the 6.6 we talked about last week was just the overnight number. The replay drew a 3.8. That makes it the highest-rated cable movie of the entire year and the second highest-rated of all time behind only USA’s Moby Dick. • Sting will be filming the TBS Original Movie Shutter Speed starting in September. He is still expected to work Nitro dates during that period. • Luther Biggs, the original Big Sexy, will be playing the role of Coach Buzz Stern’s whipping boy. • Kanyon and Shane Helms trained Rodman for his match with Randy Savage on August 18th out in LA. Savage got pissed again at one point because he wanted Rodman to fly out to Florida to train, but Rodman refused. Savage ended up doing the Tonight Show on the 17th and then staying around the following day to train with Rodman. • Contrary to what WCW officials are telling everyone, merchandising has dropped way down as well. • Curt Hennig couldn’t be found last week just minutes before he was scheduled to go out and job to Goldberg on Nitro. Nobody really knew what happened to him or where he went. Maybe Goldberg cancelled his flight again. • There is an item available on eBay that is described as follows: "Anatomically Correct Hulk Hogan Troll With Penis". The top bid is currently $14.00. Go see for yourself if you don’t believe me. • In a correction from a few weeks ago, Whisper is no longer employed with WCW and is not getting paid. • WCW Saturday Night plunged to an abysmal 1.5 rating last week, which means that Jimmy Hart may finally get his wish and be allowed to take control of the show. The feeling is that he won’t be getting any of the bigger names, but will be allowed to do his best to get the younger talent over. This has been talked about for a long time, but things kept getting delayed for various reasons. For example, they put Dusty Rhodes on the show because they thought Scott Hudson and Mike Tenay weren’t doing a good enough job explaining things. That, management reasoned, was why the show was drawing such low numbers. I can’t believe the Bull of the Woods didn’t solve that problem within just weeks. If Hart truly does get the book and is allowed to go to town with the younger guys, it could end up being the only show really worth watching from either company in terms of pure wrestling. Hart is telling people he really thinks he can make the rating competitive with at least Thunder. • Thunder drew a composite 2.5 rating this week off hourly numbers of 2.3 and 2.7. • Universal Soldier II, which features Goldberg in a starring
role, opened at number seven with $4.7 million, which is OK. The
original Universal Soldier opened at $10 million and grossed nearly
$40 million by the end of its run. It still kicked the KISS movie’s
ass. WCW On Television Thursday Thunder (August 19th): Keep in mind, when reading this report, that this was the final episode of Thunder prior to the debut of WWF Smackdown... Sid came out for an interview. Mike Tenay revealed that Sid claimed he was 61-0 now. I’m not good at math, but if he was 55-0 and beat up an additional eight men at Nitro, that would make him — where’s my calculator — 63-0. So not only is Sid a liar, he’s a dumb liar. Tenay said he wasn’t so sure about that number... Silver King NC Psicosis when Sid ran in. Screw you Sid. I mean it. Sid cut yet another horrible promo running down Goldberg and Hogan. Sid said he didn’t know what number he was currently at (65, although I don’t know why I’m bothering to count) but when he got to 76 he was going to "shake all over" because he beat Goldberg’s record. Someone needs to tell Sid that it’s 176 wins. What a jackass. Nobody, including Tenay, bothered to point out that Sid screwed up... Shane Douglas d. former number-one contender Al Greene. Not good, but Shane was over for once... Gene interviewed Rick Steiner. This was horrible and pointless. When Gene can’t carry you in a segment, you have no business talking... They showed a Coach Buzz Stern (formerly Glacier) promo. This could be funny if it’s done right. Any bets on whether it’s done right?.... Steve Regal & Dave Taylor & Chris Adams NC Bobby Blaze & Adrian Byrd & Dave Burkhead. I’m not making that second team up. Actually, the Euro Badasses were laying utter waste to the Worldwide Pussies until Shithead Sid ran back in again. I am CERTAIN that I am the only guy in the world who was enjoying this match. I truly, honestly hate Sid now, from deep within my soul. Sid killed the jobbers a few times, which I guess makes him 68-0... Lenny Lane pinned Rey Misterio Jr. in a KICK ASS match to win the WCW Cruiserweight Title. Lenny kept up with Mini Me and got the clean pinfall after Rey bonked into Lodi, who had jumped up on the apron (that’s clean in the 90s). Lots of gay antics from Lenny and Lodi, and the crowd was crazy into this match. Thank God they got the belt off Rey... Harlem Heat beat Horace & Scott Norton. Every bit as crappy as you’d expect... Gene interviewed the First Family, who screamed repeatedly. Now THIS was compelling television. In undoubtedly the highlight moment of this decade, Mean Gene Okerlund actually gave the microphone to The Barbarian at one point, who said — and this is a direct quote — "How you say? WE WILL EAT YOU LUNCH!!!" I have literally no idea what message he was trying to convey, but I watched that moment over and over to the point where I had to refrigerate my VCR afterwards. Even Gene was perplexed. I assume that Barbarian meant that if Harlem Heat shows up next week on Thunder, he is going to eat their lunch. Knobs challenged Harlem Heat to a Tag Title match on Thunder next week. My God, Smackdown is doomed... Rick Steiner NC Saturn when Sid ran in. Benoit ran down to make the save and the bad guys fled. Benoit and Saturn then challenged Rick & Sid to a tag match on Thunder next week. I am giddy at the thought of Benoit getting his hands on Sid. WCW Saturday Night (August 21): Harlem Heat d. Barry Darsow & Bobby Eaton. Booker T said something before this match, but it was totally bleeped out... Earnest Miller beat Al Greene. The Shat called out Greene, even though Greene was already standing in the ring with him. They did the four-minute gimmick again and Shat supposedly beat him in 2:37... Saturn d. Mikey Whipwreck... Scott Norton d. Dave Burkhead... Rey Misterio Jr. d. Silver King to retain the Cruiserweight Belt. This would have worked had Misterio not lost the Cruiserweight belt two days prior on Thunder. Jackasses... Rednecks d. Riggs & Kaos & Putski... Kidman d. Kaz Hayashi... Chris Benoit d. Psicosis. WCW Monday Nitro (August 23): Tony hyped up the show and put
extra emphasis on the debut of the KISS Warrior. They sure know
what will draw those ratings... Chase Tatum faced Mikey Whipwreck.
You just knew Sid was going to run in here. Tony revealed that
Sid’s winning streak was up to 66-0. Actually, they added wrong
again because he was at least 68-0 at the end of Thunder. I even
did research on this, which consisted of reviewing what I wrote
about Thunder. Like I was going to actually WATCH the show again.
Sid powerbombed both guys and Tony said this meant he was now
68-0. Charles Robinson, who was a heel performer turned faceless
referee, ended up playing both roles this evening as he carried
signs for Sid informing fans of what number his streak was at.
This was also done in case WCW forgot what number they were at
or added wrong again. Sid ran down Goldberg for a long time on
the mic afterwards... Backstage, Kidman apologized to Kimberly.
She said she’d talk to Page about his behavior. She told Kidman
she had to go because she was dancing soon. She didn’t end up
dancing for a long time. Sucks to be Kidman... Backstage, Goldberg
arrived. He ran into the Triad. Page called Goldberg "Meat Head".
Goldberg got pissed and they got into somewhat of a pull-apart...
Triad came down to the ring. Page made fun of Kidman and challenged
Goldberg to a match later in the show... Sting came out and hyped
up his main event match with Hogan. Lex Luger then returned to
a decent pop. Luger looked really old. Luger said he was concerned
about the main event and didn’t trust Hogan. Sting said Hogan
was a straight-up guy. OK, both Luger and Hogan are turning SOON...
Mike Tenay interviewed Eric Bischoff, who arrived in a black Humvee.
MY GOD, THE HUMVEE DRIVER HAS BEEN REVEALED AT LAST!!! The announcers
didn’t figure this out. Bischoff denied rumors that he would be
the next company President. Actually, his first response was:
"I don’t know who you’re talking to!"... Buff Bagwell beat Shat.
Sonny Ono tried to interfere, but Luger saved the day. He’s turning
for sure... Triad came out again. Page called Goldberg a "big,
bald-headed geek" to which Tony proclaimed: "WOW!" like it was
the most vile slur ever spoken. Goldberg ran down and KILLED Kanyon
with a spear. Kanyon sold it like a pro to the point where people
called after this match and thought he was hurt for real. Turns
out he was just fine and didn’t even get a scratch. Page ran for
his life. I even sprinted around my living room in fear. Goldberg
cut a mean-spirited promo and basically challenged all three of
them for next week... They showed some Nitro party clips. A bunch
of guys were sitting around with signs, screaming that Lodi was
the best wrestler in the world. Must have been at a gay bar. Actually,
the main goofball in this segment was actually CJ Afi, one of
Malenko’s students from Florida who will be debuting soon. What
a gimmick they have lined up for him... Lenny Lane NC Juvie when
Shithead Sid ran in. This match was just the BOMB while it lasted.
I would chastise WCW for having Sid run out in the middle of a
great match if it were not for the comedy of Sid getting win number
69 at Lodi and Lenny’s expense... Rednecks came out and lip-sync’d
a live performance of "Good Ol’ Boys", which is basically Jeff
Jarrett’s old WCW theme song with some bad lyrics thrown in. It
was a fantastic performance. They even had invisible background
singers. Barry Windham also looks just like Roy Orbison when he
wears his sunglasses... The Worst Family d. Revolution when Rick
Steiner bulldogged Saturn behind the referee’s back. Pretty bad.
Benoit challenged Steiner to a match later on... Rey Misterio
Jr. & Kidman d. Insane Clown Posse in an amazingly good match.
What is left of the Dead Pool attacked Kidman and Rey afterwards
until Eddy Guerrero made the save... Gene interviewed Hulk Hogan.
Hogan said he’d given his son, "Nitro Nick", the word that he
wouldn’t screw Sting. Lots of boos for Hogan this week... Benoit
NC Rick Steiner when Syphilis Sid ran in. Crowd was so numbed
to these lame-ass finishes that they weren’t even reacting anymore
at this point... Barry & Kendall Windham d. Harlem Heat to
win the WCW Tag Team Titles. You read that right. Boy, was this
ever not good. Hennig hit Booker T with a cowbell behind the referee’s
back leading to the pinfall. It is always the best worker in a
match that has to do the job at the end. Tepid response for the
title change... Vampiro d. Eddy Guerrero. The clowns ran down
near the finish to interfere. Eddy tried to dive onto them, but
lost his balance and looked to have taken out Shaggy’s knee. Shaggy
was thus out of position for the finish and it looked lame...
Sting NC Hulk Hogan when — you will never guess this finish —
Sid and Rick Steiner ran in. Boy, does WCW ever suck sometimes.
The crowd was booing like CRAZY for the 50th no-contest of the
evening. Didn’t Hogan say on WCW Live that the main events needed
clean finishes from now on? I guess they need clean finishes as
long as he’s not the guy who has to do them. Goldberg and Lex
Luger ran down and cleared the ring. Hogan told Sting after the
match that he’d give him another shot next week with Goldberg
and Lex Luger watching their backs. So let’s see if I can book
this. Hogan and Luger turn on Sting and Goldberg. Hogan, Luger,
Sid and Rick Steiner all beat the crap out of the good guys. Bischoff
runs down as the mastermind behind it all. Fans throw crap in
the ring due to another lame, cop-out finish... KISS lip-sync’d
a song as Tony marked out in the booth. That’s right, they put
this on at the very end of the show. This was THE MAIN EVENT.
To their credit, the crowd at least appeared to be into KISS.
At the end of the song, Brian Adams emerged from a big box in
KISS make-up. What a debut. What a Nitro. What a great time to
go to bed. WCW On Tour Salt Lake City, UT (August 15): Prince Iaukea d. Kaz Hayashi, Kidman d. Vampiro, Hugh Morris & Barbarian d. Steve Regal & Dave Taylor. Barbarian had threatened to eat Regal and Taylor’s lunch prior to this match, until he found out it was crumpets. Bam Bam Bigelow d. Disco Inferno, Booker T d. Rick Steiner--DQ when Sid ran in, Sting & Booker T d. Sid & Rick Steiner, Goldberg d. Dallas Page. Amarillo, TX (August 18): Juventud Guererra & Norman Smiley & Psicosis d. La Parka & Silver King & Villano V, Hacksaw Jim Duggan d. Dave Taylor, Dean Malenko DRAW Kidman, Disco Inferno d. Vincent, Chris Benoit & Saturn d. Public Enemy, Booker T d. Scott Norton, Buff Bagwell d. David Flair in THE MAIN EVENT. Poor David got whupped and Bagwell wouldn’t sell a thing for him all weekend. San Francisco, CA (August 20): Earnest Miller d. Chris Adams, Knobs & Barbarian d. Disorderly Conduct. Both of Disorderly Conduct were a step or two slow this evening due to feelings of extreme hunger. It was later discovered that Barbarian had eaten their lunch before this bout. Buff Bagwell d. David Flair. Poor David, who realizes how much he sucks, was practically begging Bret backstage to take him to Calgary and train him. Rey Misterio Jr. & Eddy Guererro & Chavo Guererro Jr. d. Barry Windham & Kendall Windham & Bobby Duncum Jr., Goldberg d. Rick Steiner, Sting d. Sid (Dave Meltzer, who saw this match live, gave it -****), Bret Hart NC Hulk Hogan. Bret looked to be in great shape for his re-debut. Hogan was crazy over with the fans throughout most of the match. Then he missed the Legdrop of Doom and the fans went hogwild as Bret applied the Sharpshooter. Nobody even bothered to look to the back, which is what usually happens nowadays in these situations, since they honestly thought they were going to see a World Title change right before there eyes. Imagine the heat when Rick Steiner and Shithead Sid ran in. The Rednecks ran down as well to join in the beating. Finally, Goldberg ran down and speared all the bad guys to a mondo pop. Eric Bischoff was happy as a clam backstage, apparently ignoring the fact that WCW only drew about 5,000 people to the Cow Palace despite having a fairly loaded line-up. Said to be an OK show. Los Angeles, CA (August 21): Disorderly Conduct d. Barbarian
& Knobs, Earnest Miller d. Chris Adams, Buff Bagwell d. David
Flair, Rey Misterio Jr. & Eddy Guerrero & Konnan &
Chavo Guerrero Jr. d. Rednecks, Goldberg & Sting d. Rick Steiner
& Sid, Bret Hart NC Hulk Hogan when Sid and Steiner ran in.
ECW News and Notes • Daily Variety actually wrote a story last week about how Taz signed a seven-figure deal with ECW. John Dempsey, who wrote the piece, claimed: "The Nashville Network has gone to extreme lengths to pin down grappler Taz for a three-year contract extension before it climbs into the TV wrestling ring." Taz was called "the top draw in Extreme Championship Wrestling" and "The Taz Man". The signing was called "crucial" to CBS because it "solidifies the potential audience appeal" for the TV show. Brad Small, described as "the attorney who negotiated the seven-figure deal for Taz", said WWF and WCW had both made aggressive bids for Taz’s services. In real life, the "aggressive bids" consisted of WWF offering around $200,000 downside and WCW not even returning any phone calls. Due to the nature of these aggressive bids, ECW "sweetened its renewal offer", according to Dempsey. In real life, the highest-paid performers in ECW are making about $150,000 per year. There is a CHANCE that Taz signed for maybe $200,000, but even that is pretty unlikely. I think the entire payroll for the whole company is barely into the seven figures. I guess, as Bruce Mitchell once pointed out to me, it’s all in where you put that decimal. • Also, how weird is it that Taz’s lawyer is named "Small"? • Poor Paul Heyman had to appear on an MSNBC debate with Bob Peters of Morality in Media, Dan Cole (described as a "Minnesota radio host and Jesse Ventura fan") and Bert Sugar of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro-Wrestling. Sugar co-wrote that book on the grounds that he is a complete idiot. You could tell this was going to be a disaster when the host opened the show with the following statement: "There are colleges now that have clubs where everybody gets together to hunker down in front of the tube for watch a few hours of Monday Night Nitro or SummerSlam." Absolutely nothing new of note on the show. There was one funny moment when Heyman was asked what would happen if a wrestler didn’t go along with the script or refused to lose. Heyman said: "What happens if your news producer tells you to cover a subject and you say no, I’d rather cover another subject?" The host responded: "In other words, you fire them." So basically, Heyman put forth the impression that he’d fire anyone who didn’t want to follow orders, but didn’t exactly say that in so many words. Remember that for future reference. The highlight of the evening was WITHOUT A DOUBT during the call-in segment when a guy from Bayonne, New Jersey phoned in and said: "Yeah, I’ve got a question for Mr. Heyman and Mr. Peters. Is that your name, sir?" Peters began: "Yeah..." at which point the caller screamed: "IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!" I love pro-wrestling. • Tommy Dreamer has told friends that he’s given up the fight and will be going in for back surgery. Dreamer had been trying to avoid surgery to the point where he was spending hours and hours every day on physical therapy. He is also telling people his career may be over for real, since he doesn’t want to return unless he can do so at 100%. • The cheese grater that Balls Mahoney and the Dudleys used at
the last pay-per-view is up for sale on eBay. What a screwed up
world we live in. ECW On Tour Duluth, GA (August 19): Danny Doring & Roadkill d. Vito Lograsso
& CW Anderson, Uganda d. Spanish Angel, Nova & Chris Chetti
d. Tony DeVito & Simon Diamond, Yoshihiro Tajiri d. Super
Crazy & Little Guido in a three-way, Tommy Dreamer & Francine
d. Steve Corino & Dawn Marie, Jerry Lynn d. Justin Credible,
Spike Dudley d. Bubba Ray, Taz d. D-Von Dudley. Said to be pretty
bad. Etcetera • The number next to your address label indicates which issue your subscription expires with. Thus, if you have a [218] next to your name, your subscription to Figure Four Weekly expires with this issue. Renewal rates for the United States, Canada and Mexico remain $35 for 20 issues, $75 for 52 issues and $125 for 100 issues. Renewal rates for the rest of the world are available on the front cover. Subscription renewals or related product orders should be sent to Figure Four Weekly, PO Box 426, Woodinville, WA 98072. VISA or MasterCard orders can be placed by calling toll free 1-800-960-3366. • The Memorial University in Newfoundland will be offering a course on pro-wrestling next year. Gerald Procius, a folklore professor at the school, told newspapers: ""It will basically look at how academics have studied pro wrestling, from sociology and history and anthropology. One of the criticisms that people have instantly is that they don’t watch it because it’s fake. Star Wars is fake and Shakespeare’s plays are fake. But wrestling is dismissed because of that. I make no bones about this [being] a serious academic course. You have to sit down and think about why intellectually you like it so much and why you relate to it. For many people who are interested in wrestling, I think they’re curious as to why it fascinates them so much, and why they get off on it so much. And that’s what we’ll do. Analyze why it appeals to us." • For the most up-to-the-minute breaking stories, I am available every day on the Wrestling Observer Hotline (1-900-903-9030 — 99 cents per minute) with a recorded news update on option four. New updates will now be logged every Sunday (latest news, weekend results, pay-per-view previews), Tuesday (breaking news, Nitro report), Wednesday (latest news, Monday night ratings and Smackdown taping results) and Friday (latest news, Smackdown report, Thunder report). Remember to press either one (touchtone) or two (rotary dial) during the initial main menu message before making any further selections. A complete list of Hotline hosts is available on the front cover. • Super Chico’s Phattest Ass Tape in the World Volume I is a compilation of my first six videotaped matches. The tape runs approximately one hour and forty minutes and is taped in SP mode and shipped priority mail. The cost is $20, which includes all shipping and handling charges. The PWF is also selling a tape of the complete June 16th Milton, WA house show (I wrestle two matches, one versus Ken Parelli and the other versus Lady Vi) and the May 8th Tacoma Dome Show (including Alvarez vs. Craig Corrosion with Tim Flowers doing commentary). The Milton tape is $12 and the Tacoma Dome tape is $25. Checks or money orders can be sent to: PWF, PO BOX 73118, Dept. C, Puyallup, WA 98375. We also still have copies of our Real Names and Insider Terms booklets for sale. Each booklet is $5, or you can purchase both of them for $8. • Make sure you check out the "Off the Top Rope" radio show if you live in the Chicago area, hosted by our good buddy Brian Schenk. It currently airs from 7:00 to 8:30 AM on WEEF AM 1430 every Saturday morning. Brian is also selling tapes of his show, and you can receive a sample copy for $2 to PO Box 6082, Lindenhurst, IL 60046. For more information, you can e.mail Brian at his new e.mail address: offthetoprope@mailcity.com. • Thanks for reading this week!
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