All About...
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TNN Outdoors: Pro Hunter |
Review | |
Tired of all those mean old Strog and marines shooting back at you? Now you can pump a few rounds in harmless wildlife |
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| Dude! This is the best! You can completely cap these poor bastards all day long! |
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I've been hearing about these so-called "hunting games" for a good while now, so I decided that it was high time I check one out. After contemplating venturing out to the local Wal-Mart myself, I opted to send Salmon out for a copy of TNN Outdoors: Pro Hunter. (That pretty boy wasn't do much of anything anyway, and he needs to learn a lesson or two about what it means to be an underling.) Out of all the crappy hunting games released in the last year, this one actually looked like it could be half-way decent. After all, the fine folks at TNN consulted on it (and if there's one thing they know, it's country crap like hunting), and it sports that fancy Unreal-engine.
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Like all them other hunting games out there, Pro Hunter attempts to simulate the experience of real-life hunts by sending you out into the wilderness in search of deer, elk, rabbit, and an assortment of other critters. Unlike Deer Hunter, where you basically turned in a circle all the time, Pro Hunter actually lets you walk through the woods in real-time. The game even goes one step further by having your body temperature effect your aiming abilities. Damn if that doesn't sound exciting.
Unfortunately, this game pretty much blows, and the first problem is the steep system requirements. Now, as the super rich CEO of PC Accelerator, I can afford a top-of-the-line system. But even with my fully-loaded Pentium II 400 with Voodoo2 SLI, this game chugged. Worse than chugged; Pro Hunter runs about as fast as a six hundred pound man on a treadmill. As for you poor saps out there with lesser machines, well, good luck suckers, because you're pretty much screwed--Pro Hunter does not run at an acceptable level on anything below a Pentium II-class computer. So much for them "minimum system requirements".
Now, the reason them country-hicks buy these hunting games is because they simulate the real-life experience of hunting, which can be summed up in one word: boring. Wait, let's make that four words: boring as all hell. If the idea of sitting up in a tree blowing a screwy whistle gets you wet in the pants, well, have at it. But if you're a gamer, you'll be wishing that shotgun was real so you could shoot yourself.
Not that Pro Hunter is all bad. The quick hunts are pretty fun, like the time I went out and shot an entire herd of elk. (Now that's gaming!) But the tournament mode is a steaming pile of shit. In order to progress through the tournament, your game must be of a certain size. Simple enough. But when you spend 30 minutes stalking an animal only to be disqualified when it's not big enough, well, that's enough to drive a good man insane, because you keep doing the same thing over and over and over!
The bottom line to this mess? The game is a system hog and is no fun to play. Avoid this one like the plague and go play a real game, like Half-Life.
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Cecil Bloomfield |
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"This game pretty much blows." |
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Quiet! If he sees you he'll be able to use his deadly eye-lasers on you. |
I hope I'll be able to hit this guy with my wide-dispersion shotgun from 15 feet away. |
For the love of God be careful! If he turns on you he could peck an eye out! |
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Developer |
Dreamforge |
Publisher |
ASC Games |
Genre |
Action |
Supports |
3D Acceleration |
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Pentium 166; 32MB RAM; 185MB hard-drive (Who they trying to kid?)
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PII 333; 64MB RAM; Voodoo2 SLI; the ability to spend good money on a game where you sit in one place for thirty minutes doing nothing
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Hunting Games We'd Like to See! |
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Seal Clubber:
Head out into the wild Arctic, armed with nothing more than a big old club adorned with rusty nails. Hover over breathing holes, and when those little seals pop up, whack 'em on the head. Get the expansion pack where you sell their valuable hide on the black market.
John Hunter: The Hooker's Revenge
You've been a hooker for ten years and can't take the shit anymore. Stalk the mean streets of New York City, luring men in with your lurid promises. Once you get them in your lair, bash in their skull with your trusty hammer.
Celebrity Stalker:
As a member of the paparazzi, your job is stalk celebrities and snap revealing pictures for the tabloids. Be sure to avoid the police and the psycho ex-husband. Look for the bonus level where you secretly film the stars having sex with each other.
Geriatric Hunter:
In this exciting new hunting sim, you're the head of a nursing home who suddenly snaps. Armed only with a baseball bat and hi-speed wheel chair, you navigate the nursing home, tracking down the old cooters who live inside. Keep an eye out for the stray grandchild, as they are the game's bonuses.
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