Sex: No, only allusions.
Violence: A brief description of a battle <grin>.

As she had been preparing for bed, Ares had been admiring Xena's
figure.  But then he made a serious mistake. She had been cranky as a
broody hen all day. Hoping to lighten the mood, he asked her if maybe
she had put on a little weight around her hips. He had only been kidding,
but she had taken it as a mortal insult. She was no longer speaking to him.
'Open mouth, insert foot.' he thought to himself grimly. She was treating
him with an icy disdain. When he had tried to get in bed with her, she had
handed him his pillow and a blanket, and pointed silently at the diven. Now
the divan might have been reasonably comfortable for Xena, but Ares was
somewhat taller. There was no possible position he could take that would
be really comfortable. He wound up on his back, with his heels hanging
over the other end of the divan.

He awakened with his leg doubled up tightly to his body. The cramp
was horrible. He really couldn't believe it, who knew that Gods could get
charlie horses? He'd heard of them, but he'd never had one before in his
life. He finally rubbed the cramp out, and tried to go back to sleep. Then
his feet went to sleep.  They had this awful tingly feeling in them, and when
he tried to stand, he almost fell. They didn't want to hold him up. This was
insupportable. Gods did not have mortal failings. By this time he too was
getting angry. He marched up to the bed, and woke Xena. "I'm sending
you home, you can sleep in your own bed." He snapped his fingers
angrily, and she disappeared. He then collected his pillow and blanket
and crawled into bed. It felt incredibly cold and lonely.

Xena had been having the same feeling, she hadn't really been
sleeping when Ares sent her home. She had been laying there regretting
her outburst of earlier. He hadn't really done anything, she realized after
she had time to think about it. She finally realized that he had been teasing,
and she had over reacted.  She should have come back with some wise-ass
comment of her own. That's what she would ordinarily have done. He had
sounded really angry as he sent her home. Well...he'd get over it. She
finally went to sleep, but it wasn't a restful one.

Several days went by without any contact whatsoever. The children
started asking questions. "Where's Ares, when's he going to come play
with us?"  She made no reply at first, but then said that he must be busy
right now. "You know that he has an important job to do. Sometimes he
gets busy and forgets about other matters until things quiet down." This too
had worked for a while, but not for long. "I want Ares!" Jeb screamed one
day. He was tired of girl things,  he wanted to talk to a guy. Joxer was
unavailable, he had been sent to deliver some packages to a customer.

This customer really liked cheese, and they always ordered extra
when they got their own supplies. She would order a quarter of a cheese
at a time, and would eat the whole thing within a matter of days. They often
wondered at the condition of her bowels, cheese is very constipating.

Jeb had promptly sat down and started crying. Eve tried to comfort
him, but nothing worked. Finally she asked. "Then why don't you call him,
don't just sit and cry about it." He thought about that for a moment, then the
sobs died to whimpers, and finally to silence. Eve was right. He dried his
eyes, he didn't want Ares to think he was a sissy., then called quietly.
"Ares?" His call was promptly answered by the towering dark figure of the
God of War. "What seems to be the problem here? he asked quietly. He
could see the red eyes, and the dried tracks of tears, but knew enough to
ignore them. Little boys liked to appear tough, and he didn't want to
embarrass the child. He knelt at his side, and was promptly assaulted by two
little bodies. "We missed you!" both replied at once.  Arms were entwined
about his neck, he received wet sloppy kisses on both cheeks, and was
generally inundated with attention.

He hadn't been aware of how much he missed these two. He had been
in the habit of visiting them for at least a brief while almost every day. He
hadn't been to call for almost a week. This just would not do. He and Xena
would have to settle their differences. A small matter of a difference of
opinion couldn't be allowed to affect the lives of these precious children.
He stayed with them for quite a long time, and finally left, with the promise
that he wouldn't wait so long in future.

That evening he arrived in time for supper, ate with the family, and
went up with Xena when she took the children up to bed. After they were
settled, he told her. "Xena, we need to talk." She quickly agreed. She had
missed him terribly.  They had gone to her room, and sat on the bed. "I
apologize for my comment the other night, I was only teasing, hoping to
lift you out of that mood you were in." "I too apologize, there was no
possible reason for me to take such strong exception to your comment. I
don't know what came over me." He wrapped his arm about her, and held
her close. "You have no idea how much I have missed you." he murmured
softly into her ear. She smiled up at him with teary eyes and said . "No more
than I've missed you." He grinned, and said. "No, I'm sure I missed you the
most." Her tears were quickly forgotten and, grinning, she pushed him back
on the bed saying "I assure you that I missed you more than you ever could
have missed me." He was also grinning from ear to ear by this time.

They carried on their battle for some time, each insisting on the
superiority of their feelings with kisses and more than kisses. Things soon
got completely carried away, and he transported them back to his huge
canopied bed. Here they would have more room for their forays into
enemy territory. The war continued for hours, each making attacks on
enemy positions, each returning the attacks eagerly. Finallly Xena was
exhausted. He grinned down at her and asked.  "Truce?" and she replied
"Truce....but I won." He began to laugh uprourously.  Leave it to Xena,
she did have him on the defensive a few times, but he had enjoyed every
moment of it. It was good to have her back.

The End