Interview With The Farmers
By: Lissia

Disclaimer:
Characters, except Lissia aren’t mine. No Subtext!! I finished this in about two hours..so if it’s terrible, ya know why. I just knew I had to get it down and outa my head so I could focus on bigger and better. Anyways..lemme know what ya think at: lissia_rieger@hotmail.com. Thanks! Rated: PG(watch the language)

Summery:
Lissia, Ares younger cousin, still as a Goddess, has come to interview Ares, Xena, Gabrielle, and Horace. But maybe there’s more to her visit than she originally lets on. After Old Ares Had A Farm, but I changed the ending so that Gabby an Xe haven’t left.






Lissia: We are now outside of my dear cousin’s new lodging. Now, I don’t think he’s going to be very happy to see me, so let’s have a little talkies with Horace, his dog. Now Horace, what do you think of my cousin, Ares?
Horace: Bark Bark!!
Lissia: I agree totally! He does whine allot. But, if I may say so, he sure is hot, isn’t he? Wow! Anyways, back to the interview. Next question, what do you think about Xena?
Horace: Bark Yowl Growl!!
Lissia: Now, now, she isn’t all that bad. Yes, she did put the pinch on your master, but she was protecting him. And as I can tell, you aren’t very fond of the attention he gives her. Now lastly what do you think about Gabrielle, the battling bard?
Horace: Bark Whine Bark
Lissia: Yes, her stories are very nice. And I can tell, you must be so happy that she kept those two apart. Thank-you.
Lissia: Time to find my next victim. Oh look! There’s Gabrielle! Let’s go talk to her. Why hello there Gab-.
Gabrielle: Who the hell are you and what are you doing here?
Lissia: I am Lissia, Ares younger cousin, I am-.
Gabrielle: Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice, whatever. He’s inside.
Lissia: Now, I didn’t ask about him. I have a few questions for you.
Gabrielle: I really don’t care. Now, go away!
Lissia: Fine, fine Mrs. Crabola. I’ll go, but I think the dog was more help than you.
Gabrielle: What the hell? The dog? Okay, fine, ask you damn questions!
Lissia: Thank-you for seeing things my way. Now, how do you feel about the dog, Horace?
Gabrielle: You’re wasting my time. The dog is fine, what more can be said?
Lissia: Now, be totally honest, what are your feelings towards Xena?
Gabrielle: Xena? I love her, isn’t that much obvious?
Lissia: Yes, it is quite obvious, but what is the nature of your love?
Gabrielle: We’re as close as we can be.
Lissia: Okay, now, how do you feel about my cousin, Ares?
Gabrielle: He needs to act like a man, so me and Xena can get on with our lives. And can you believe I was an after-thought?!? He needs to get over this obsession with Xena and move on. It’s pathetic. It’s so obvious that she only helps him ‘cus she owes him for saving me and Eve. Of course though, I was just an after-thought. Typical!
Lissia: Oh...uh, thanks. I’m gonna go find Xena now. Uh, thank you again Gabrielle.

Lissia: Why look, there’s Xena and her horse. Let’s go see if she’ll answer my questions. Hello there Xe, wuz up?
Xena: Who the hell just called me Xe? Oh by the gods, Lissia! Long time no see, how ya doin girl? Why ya here?
Lissia: Good to see you too. I’m here to interview you. I already talked to Horace and Gabby.
Xena: Well, hey, ask whatever you want.
Lissia: Thanks, I’m so glad you’re in a good mood. Now, what are your feelings towards Horace?
Xena: (laughs) Uh, he’s cute, I guess. Damn thing bit my butt! And Ares protected it! I should give that thing a piece of my mind.
Lissia: Oh, still mad, I see. What about Gabby?
Xena: My feelings towards her? She won’t know anything I said, right?
Lissia: Right. Now, come on, answer the question.
Xena: We’re close and all, but I really wish she’d back off a bit. It’s like she suffocates me. I need room. Frankly, I need someone else, not her.
Lissia: Hmmm...Well! Next question, How do you feel about Ar?
Xena: He’s cocky and arrogant as a god. But, now, as a mortal, he’s charming and sweet, he has a weak side and he’s lettin it show. I love him. Damn! I didn’t mean to say that.
Lissia: But it’s true, isn’t it?
Xena: Go away Liss. Go talk to Ares so you can get outa here.
Lissia: Fine, fine, but, please, just one more, okay?
Xena: Fine, what is it?
Lissia: Do want Ar to be a god again?
Xena: Well, in a way yes and in a way no. He’s so pathetic as a mortal, it doesn’t suit him. But as a god we’re forced to be enemies.
Lissia: (nods) Thank you Xe. I’m gonna go find Ar and try to talk to him.
Xena: Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

Lissia: Well, there he is, hasn’t even noticed me yet. I’m almost afraid to confront him. Last time we were together was right after he seduced Eve. I knew who she was, but I knew I couldn’t tell him. After an argument about what Xe would think of him training another woman to be the way she was, I left. I don’t think he’s going to be very happy to see me. Time to face him though. Oh well, here goes nothing. Hey Ar, wuz up cuz?
Ares: Huh? Lissia! What the hell do you want? You left us all, now you’re here, what for?
Lissia: Ar, hun, I’m here to interview you and your friends. I’ve talked to Horace, Gabby, and Xe. All that’s left is you. Now, it’s only a few questions. Everyone else answered them, please cooperate.
Ares: Well, I can’t exactly disappear or lightening bolt ya, now can I?
Lissia: Hey, I’m supposed to be the one asking the questions, not you. Now, will you answer them? Everything you say will in no way be told to the others.
Ares: Oh fine. Go ahead, amuse me.
Lissia: Yeah! Thanks cuz. I owe ya one. Now, for questions number one, what are your feelings towards Horace?
Ares: Hey, now, he is my dog. At least he stands up for me. Sure he might not be a ferocious attack dog, but he worships me, that’s all that counts. He cares about my well being. Good enough for me. At least it’s something.
Lissia: Okay, that’s so like you. Anyway, what about Gabrielle? What are your feelings towards her?
Ares: Ah, yes, the side kick, the irritating blond. I only saved her as an after thought, kinda glad I did though. I don’t know Xe would do without her. She’s still just an annoying blond to me.
Lissia: Okay, uh, stop insulten us blondes here! I get it now, ya don’t like her very much. What are your feelings towards Xe? I mean, I want details here, nice and gushy details.
Ares: Yeah, that figures. Okay, look Liss, I love her. All I want is to be with her. I don’t care about anything else, as long as she is safe in my arms. All I want is to be with her. Even if it meant my death, I would be happy if only I got to be with her for a little while. It’s not about having a warrior queen or an heir, it’s about love, passion, lust. I want her, I need her. I never treated her right when I did have her, it was all about power. Now, I just want to make her whole.
Lissia: Thank you. One more question, do you want your god hood back? Or would you prefer to stay mortal?
Ares: As much as Xe hates me as a god, I do want it back. I miss being a god, I miss the protection, the power. But, most of all, I miss being able to pop up and talk to Xe whenever I want to.
Lissia: That’s what I wanted to hear! Ares, dear cousin, I have a gift. The food of the gods, for a god.
Ares: Liss you are the best ever! You rock! Girl! Oh yeah, girl! I love ya! Thank you!
Lissia: No problem, least I could do. Now look, I want ya to do something.
Ares: Anything, name it.
Lissia: Go ask Xe to marry you.

Lissia: Well, to put a close to this interview, I would like to tell you what’s happened in these past few months. Ares did propose to Xena, although shocked, she did say yes. Gabrielle hated it and probably still does. Horace was jealous, but he got over it. Eve through a royal fit when she heard the news, but the way of love helped her to see the light. And soon Ares and Xena will have a baby to love over.

~End



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