Do You Trust Authority?
by Victor Stone
notes...
Rob was depressed. He tried to put the best face on it, but
he could tell his wife was disappointed when he cancelled
their dinner plans. He hung his head while almost mumbling
into the receiver.
"It's the development team, sweetheart. They don't get out
much, and they certainly haven't been seen during daylight
hours for months."
Rob always had a hard time perpetuating the myths -- even if
they were true.
"E-mail? They stopped answering e-mail from marketing years
ago. Listen, there's a very important press conference
tomorrow, and I have to make physically sure that the demos
are working." He paused, wanting to be the good guy.
"You know, every now and then my boss has to force this kind
of thing to remind everybody which one of us is boss."
Earlier in the day, Rob's tri-weekly staff meeting was
interrupted by an urgent phone call from his manager.
"Rob, the demos for the press conference are busted. I
thought you said this stuff was good to go. But we can't
connect to the host for the Rollo's Rent-A-Car data so we can
feed it to the Shark Insurance front end! The whole script
revolves around the hit-and-run scenario."
"What kind of problem do you seem to be having, sir?"
"Very funny; don't call me 'sir.' And I don't seem to be
having a problem. I get an error when I click on the
ambulance that is supposed to bring up the insurance form.
Some hex-numbered error saying I'm the wrong persona."
"I wouldn't want someone questioning your persona, sir."
"Do your best, private."
"But there's one thing: The dev team that worked up the demo
doesn't come in until after 10 o'clock tonight. It may be
hard to reach them. And my wife, well, she's been planning
this dinner tonight for a really long time."
"You're just going to have to come in. Which team are you
working with to get this demo running?"
"It's the Cuspidor project."
"Oo, nasty crew. Quite a bitter bunch of guys. You need a
snorkel to swim through the attitude up there. And naive.
Weird mix of bitter and naive; never could figure that one
out. Kind of like a stray dog, wouldn't you say? I think one
of them writes that college-level pulp-fiction column for our
Web site. Hey, isn't that the one who stuck you with
something?"
"A pen."
"Yeah! You're right! Stabbed you with a pen, in the...
the..."
"...the leg. The project lead stabbed me with a pen in the
leg. Listen, I would rather you didn't send me up there
tonight."
"Up there" was the fifth floor corridor that ran along the
northeast side of Building 39. Commonly known as the "Alley,"
it housed the development team with the code name Cuspidor.
Entering the building required a special employee-only
encoded badge. Being accepted into the Alley required a whole
other level of fortitude.
"Well, sure, I can see why you wouldn't want to go -- but we
don't have a choice, Rob. That demo has got to work tomorrow,
or the whole script for the press conference is sunk."
At 10:45 that night, Rob sat in his car in the underground
parking garage. He adjusted the shin pads under his khakis
one last time before taking the elevator ride to the fifth
floor. As the doors opened, Rob encountered a baby-faced
peroxide-haired tough pouring gasoline out of a gallon
container into a generator in the middle of the hall. The kid
looked up.
"Are you the fire marshal?"
Rob was immediately distracted by the kid's tongue stud. Then
he realized it was his turn to talk: "Uh, no! No, not the
fire marshal. I'm looking for Tripper. Is he around?"
"Do I look like the receptionist?"
"No, of course not. I'll just check myself."
The kid was capping the gas canister as Rob walked down the
hall past the TV and Nintendo rig, past the office dedicated
to the espresso stand with the barista just warming up the
machines and boiling the milk, past the foosball and pool
tables. He then passed the office where an upright acoustic
piano was being played by a thickly bespectacled mop-top
whose head lurched just above the keys as he performed a
somber piece that Rob recognized from a James Bond movie, but
in fact was Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 21.
"Behind you," said a voice very matter-of-factly behind Rob's
right ear. Rob did a quarter turn just fast enough to dodge
the towering unicyclist gliding by.
He found Tripper leaning against a wall covered with a velvet
black-light poster of Jimi Hendrix. The dev was tapping the
flat side of a well-worn cricket bat against his forehead in
a steady rhythm while reciting: "Fox, baker, niner, eight,
fox, baker, niner, eight." On the other side of his office
were four flat screens, each with a browser open displaying
the same message: "The server has encountered error
0x8000FB98: the user name ‘Prince Machiavelli' is not a
valid persona." In addition, the last screen had a debugger
open to the hex dump with the value "98 FB" highlighted in
reverse and blinking.
"Fox, baker, niner, eight", tap, tap, tap, tap.
"Uh, hey Tripper. Sorry to interrupt..."
Tripper stopped reciting and tapping, letting the bat rest on
his forehead. He closed his eyes and said, "If this isn't
news about tunneling admins through the firewall, I don't
think you want me to acknowledge you right now."
Pushing ahead, Rob, continued: "Yeah, again -- sorry to
interrupt, but we're having some problems with the demos you
prepared for us last week, and we have to show them tomorrow.
It seems we can't get at the data in the rent-a-car
database."
"Oh, is this that stupid hit-and-run scenario? Don't you
think that whole thing is a little morbid?"
Rob couldn't help glancing around the office -- aluminum foil
taped on the windows, and lit with three black lights and
four LCD screens.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Tripper held the bat out in front of
Rob's face. "Aren't you that marketing weasel with the leg?"
he asked, pointing his bat in the general direction of Rob's
knee. "Listen, I'm really sorry about that whole thing. It's
okay now, right?"
"Look! It's okay! The leg is fine! What about getting access
to the data?" Rob's torso and neck stiffened as he pushed the
words out.
At that moment the generator down the hall roared like a hurt
lion and the floor began to rumble as in a stampede of
elephants. Rob shut his eyes to stop the room from spinning
when an even higher, whiny motor started screaming away, all
sounds fighting for aural superiority. Rob stepped inside the
office slammed the door behind him, shaken, on edge, stiff as
the door he was holding up.
Tripper had to raise the volume to talk over the still
pervasive reverberating noise "Oh, that's Satoya. New kid. He
agreed to buff all our snowboards but the last time he tried
it he blew away all the circuits in the building. All the
code servers went down -- it was a real mess. Anyway, what
error messages are you getting from the demo's data store?"
"Huh? Oh, error message, " Rob was almost shouting. "Yes,
something about invalid persona."
"What? You're kidding? You're getting that too? That must
mean it's coming from the data center!" Tripper started
frantically pounding on the wall to the office next to him.
"Hey Boz!" he screamed, "try changing roles on Machiavelli
and see if it's those reactionary net-ops at the data center
again! Holy shhhh..."
They stood around for what seemed like an eternity when the
door started opening, pushing Rob against the wall. Boz,
whose head was wrapped with ski goggles and FAA regulation
ear-protecting headphones, stuck his face just far enough in
the door to give Tripper a smiling thumbs-up and then duck
back out of the office.
Tripper then lunged for his phone, speed dialed the data
center, and spent the next few minutes yelling into the
receiver. Rob managed to catch a few phrases while he
gathered his composure, doing his best to track the
conversation over the buffing cacophony.
"What do you mean you changed the access rights? You can't
just up the certs to level three through the gateway without
telling everybody! That's a big deal! You broke a lot of
things! When did you do this?... You're kidding! No wonder
none of my code works if all my admin privileges are being
revoked from you guys! What kind of wanna-be-fascist... Hey,
don't lecture me on security! As far as you're concerned I am
your trust authority!"
On like this it went until Tripper had said his piece (four
times) and seemingly vented his wrath.
Rob hung around just long enough for Tripper to log into the
data center with his new privileges, access the demo's data.
Rob felt confident when he saw that one accident form was
indeed confirmed to arrive at the fictitious insurance
company, police headquarters' fax, rental car agency,
ambulance dispatcher, lawyer's beeper, chiropractor's
appointment calendar, neck brace supplier's inventory and
physical therapist's e-mail.
With his problems solved and work unblocked, Tripper was
downright cheerful, even playful -- but none of that put Rob
at ease as he was trying to brave the hallway to get out of
the Alley once and for all. Tripper reached under his
workbench and from the darkness pulled out a pair of
ear-protectors and threw them at Rob who quickly put them on,
mouthing an honestly grateful "Thank you."
Rob left Tripper dancing in his office with his bat as he
made it quickly down the Alley and chose to trot down the
stairs instead of waiting for the elevator -- just as the
fire sprinklers dropped from the ceiling and started
sputtering water on their way to full out spray.
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