The Dark Wood
by Aurelio Zen
Set immediately following the BtVS Season 5 episode, "The Gift." Contains major spoilers for that episode.
Rated PG
Standard disclaimers apply.
*
O goddess-born of great Anchises' line,
The gates of hell are open night and day;
Smooth the descent, and easy is the way:
But to return, and view the cheerful skies,
In this the task and mighty labor lies.-- Virgil, The Aeneid, Book VI
***
His bones took a surprisingly long time to heal, despite the combined efforts of Willow, Tara and Giles. Through it all, he lay in the room that had been where Buffy trained, silent except to thank them for their care, and unmoving except to blink away the tears. I'll slip in. I'll have myself a real good day. You should have staked me in that alley.
When he could walk again, he went back to the crypt, refusing to stay with them for even a minute longer than necessary. With the exception of Dawn, whom he avoided altogether, they all tried to talk to him, but Spike responded only with cold politeness, declining Willow's cookies, Xander's invitations to play pool, and Giles' attempts to interest him in demonology. Mercifully, their unwelcome visits ended soon, and, alone and uninterrupted, he could dream that he had taken the knife from Doc, that he had stopped her before she jumped.
As the weeks wore on, he hunted and killed the monsters that had come through the portal, but violence did not dull the edge of his grief, and even the reliable whiskey bottle failed to give him the sweet oblivion that he craved. Every night, he stood outside the Watcher's house until Dawn's light went out, and every sunrise, he saw Buffy die again.
They had buried her near her mother, and sometimes when there was nothing left to kill, he stood by their graves, hoping that they didn't mind the smoke from his cigarettes. One clear night, he felt a tug on his arm, and look down into a pair of enormous blue eyes.
"What are you doing here? You should know better than to come to the cemetery after dark," he said, a little roughly.
"I was looking for you, Spike," she answered softly. "I need to talk to you."
"Yeah? Well, I'm not in a talking mood. Look, Dawn, you've got plenty of other people looking out for you. They all love you, there's no need to go seeking out vampires for company. Now, let's walk back to Giles' place, and tuck you back into bed where you belong."
"Maybe they do all love me, but I think " Dawn faltered for a moment. "I mean, they're all really nice to me, but I think they all hate me a little bit deep down inside, because Buffy died instead of me. I tried, Spike, I really tried to go into the portal. I knew it was what I had to do, but she wouldn't let me, and I have to live with that. But I can't stand it that you hate me too."
"Hate you? Why would you ever think I hate you?"
"What else am I supposed to think? You've been avoiding me since you never said anything to me, you never even came to her funeral. I thought you were my friend."
"Friend? Little bit, you do know I'm the reason that Buffy died? Doc knew about you because I brought you to him, and I couldn't stop him because I was too weak. If I had been stronger, she wouldn't have died. That's what kind of a friend I am, one that doesn't keep his promises, one that lets his friends get killed. If you've got a brain in your head, you'll stay as far away from me as you can."
Dawn stared at him, and then took his arm again more firmly. "That's just stupid, Spike. Buffy didn't die because of you, she died because it was her choice. She told me that the hardest thing was to live in the world, and I can't do that without my friends. But Willow and Tara and Xander and Anya have each other, and Mr. Giles scares me a little bit." She looked up at him. "I need you, Spike. Please?"
***
Dawn spent the rest of the summer studiously ignoring her school reading list, playing chess with Spike at the Magic Box, and hoping against hope that they could find some way to get Buffy back. She knew better than to try Doc's resurrection spell again. The last thing anyone wanted was some kind of zombie Buffy, and, in any case, Spike had made it abundantly clear that he refused to be involved in any such event again. She pleaded with Giles to get as much information as he could from the Watchers' Council about the purpose of the Key, and spent hours poring over arcane texts with Tara and Willow. She learned quite a lot about telekinesis and glamours, which she planned to use to great effect in school the next year, but rather less about the source of her own power.
One evening in late October, Willow looked up in amazement from a particularly shabby parchment, and announced that she thought there was a way to use the Key's energy to open only one portal to another dimension. "If we could figure out where Buffy went, maybe we can go there and get her back," she said. "Angel told me about the portal he went through in LA, and how they got into this whole other dimension but it was an accident. And I can't figure out how we find the place where the people are that, you know aren't alive any more?"
"Well," Anya said, "I read something about blood calling to blood. Didn't Buffy say that she and Dawn are the same? Maybe Dawn's blood would just know automatically which portal to open?"
"Or maybe we get to cause the end of the world again," Xander said.
"Hell, I think it'd be worth it! Let's try," said Spike.
They were all pleasantly surprised when Giles suggested that the back room of the Magic Box might be a good place to open a portal into the next world.
***
When they met the next evening, Dawn could tell from Tara's face that something was wrong. "What? What is it?" she asked.
"There's something we didn't count on. Willow and I did a little more reading last night, and the thing is well, if someone who's alive goes into the dimension with the dead it's really bad I mean they don't they can't come back again."
They looked around at each other, and then Dawn said, "OK, then I should be the one to go."
After a simultaneous and loud "No," from everyone in the room, Giles said gently, "Dawn, Buffy died so that you wouldn't. If you throw away your life to look for her, it will negate what she did. You can't go." He looked at Anya and Xander and then at Tara and Willow. "Neither can any of you. You're all too young, you have lives ahead of you. I was her Watcher, and I failed her. It's my duty to find her. I'll go."
"Bollocks! You can't leave Dawn, and you know it. It was bloody hard work getting your precious Council to fix it so you could be her guardian. What do you think would happen if you didn't come back?" Spike glared at Giles, and then at the others. "Anyway, are you all idiots? I'm already dead, for God's sake. What could possibly happen to me down there?"
***
This time the ritual was a great deal less complicated, and, to everyone's immense relief, there were no towers or brick-throwing minions involved. Tara took a tiny vial of blood from Dawn's finger, and sprinkled it into the air in a circle, as Willow started to chant in a language that no-one but Giles understood. In a few minutes, the circle shimmered, and then a great iron gate appeared, and swung open to reveal a straight road that ran to the horizon under a full moon.
"The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is the way," Spike quoted half under his breath. "Well then, here goes. Harris, the DeSoto's yours if you know how to drive a manual." Dawn caught him in a tight hug, and he kissed her forehead before he pulled away and stepped through the gate.
***
The road went on and on, and Spike was beginning to be quite bored and more than a little cross that he had forgotten his cigarettes, when a cold wind rustled the leaves of the great trees around him. He heard a whispering voice that asked, "Who comes unbidden to the realm of the dead?"
"Who's there?" Spike looked all around, but he saw no-one among the great trees that lined the road.
"I am the guardian of this place. What is your business in my realm?"
"Sorry to bother you and all, but I've just come to pick up a friend of mine, and then I'll be off back to California. You wouldn't happen to have seen her, would you? Little slip of a thing, blonde hair, hazel eyes, big attitude?"
"I think you misunderstand where you are. There is no return from this place to the land of the living."
"Well, can you just tell me where I'm supposed to be going then?" Spike called out, but there was no answer. When he turned to look back at the way he had come, he saw that the road and the gate had disappeared. Now he was standing by the edge of a great river.
"I think I know this place," he said to himself, and then started as a black-shrouded barge appeared out of nowhere, occupied by a being so ancient that it seemed incredible that he should be able to steer the boat. "Well, now," said Spike, "I'm guessing you must be Charon. How about a lift then, old chap?"
"You may not enter this vessel until you pay the price."
"Oh, right, there's always a price, isn't there? Let's see what we've got." A thorough search of his pockets revealed one empty packet of cigarettes, a cheap plastic lighter, a leaky ballpoint pen, the black queen he had liberated from Giles' second-best chess set, and fifty-five American cents. Charon, if indeed it was he, seemed highly unimpressed with this assortment, and Spike was finally forced to part with his duster as the price of his passage.
***
He disembarked with a last, lingering look at his beloved coat and found himself once again on a dusty road, this time with no trees and moonlight. Instead, there were jagged rocks, and a very strong smell of sulfur. "Buffy, love, where the hell are you?" Spike muttered. "This sodding place is giving me the creeps."
"She is here. Look for her," the voice of the guardian told him.
"Look, this whole Cheshire Cat act is getting a bit annoying. Why don't you just show yourself and tell me what's going on?"
"She is here. Look for her," was the inexorable reply.
As his eyes adjusted to the gloom, he saw strange creatures running among the rocks around him, fleeing from a huntress. She was dressed in white, her hair gleamed golden in the flickering light, and it seemed to Spike that her face was masked by mud, or perhaps paint. She stalked the demons with infinite grace, and Spike watched, fascinated, as she cornered one that fell to its knees and appeared to beg for mercy. The huntress cocked her head to one side, as if considering the creature's plea, and then she gripped the enormous knife in her hand and sawed its head off. Spike looked on in horror as she thrust her hand into its chest and pulled out its heart. As she bent her head to taste the dripping organ, her hazel eyes met Spike's, and she smiled, her teeth gleaming amid the blood and paint on her face.
"No," Spike screamed. "That's not her. What have you done with Buffy, you bastards? She's not a killer, she's good! What you have you done to her?"
***
When he woke up, he was lying on a polished stone floor in the middle of a great hall, dimly illuminated by torchlight. I'm getting a little tired of this mood lighting, Spike thought. Why does everything have to be so bleeding dark around here?
He picked himself up slowly, and approached the dais at the end of the room. "Congratulations," said the man who sat on the throne, "you have passed the first test of our realm." His face was smooth and unlined, but somehow, Spike knew he was immeasurably ancient.
"That's nice," Spike said, "but really, I'm here to collect Buffy. Are you this guardian chap that I keep running into?"
"I am Minos, the Judger of Souls, and you are trespassing in my realm. What is it that you seek?"
"Look, I've already been over this. I'm here to get Buffy. You know, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the girl who saved the world?" With a bravado he decidedly did not feel, Spike went on, "We've decided that we can't do without her, and I've come to fetch her back to our world. If you'll just direct me to where I can find the real Buffy, we'll be on our way, and I won't be troubling you any more."
"As you yourself said, there is always a price. What price would you pay for her soul?"
"Let's see, I already gave away my coat Right then, I'll stay here, and you'll send Buffy back in my place. That work for you?"
"A creature of darkness in exchange for a child of light? Does that truly seem a fair exchange to you? We have no use for your impure flesh, and the part of your mortal self that we treasure is already here."
With that, Minos waved his hand, and suddenly, Spike was looking at a young man with curly brown hair and wire-rimmed glasses sitting on a bench in a familiar London park. The young man was busily scribbling on a sheet of paper, and Spike felt a little pang of amusement. Lord, he's still writing poetry in hell. As he watched, William seemed to fade periodically and then regain his solidity.
"Why's he flickering?" Spike asked. "They all do that?"
"No, there is something strange about that one. But that is of no importance. Your price is unacceptable to me, and now your visit to our realm must end. You must go back."
"No," Spike said firmly. "I'm not going back without Buffy. Name the price. I'll pay it, whatever it is."
The sound of Minos' rusty laughter startled his impassive attendants. "I must admit that I admire your audacity. I think that perhaps I will permit you to be tested a second time. Understand, though, that I have never done this before, and if you fail, you will not have another chance."
***
Before they took him to the circle of fire, they made him remove the rest of his clothes, pointing out that clothing would only be a hindrance where he was going. Spike tried to joke that they just wanted a look at the goods, but the words died on his lips. He entered the city of the damned as naked as the day he came into the world.
At first, he tried to measure the length of his captivity, but each day was so similar that it was impossible to distinguish between one period of torment and the next. Each morning, they built walls of flaming bricks that collapsed again each night. They were sent into a burning pit to dig with their hands in the bowels of the earth for boulders that they carried up the great stone steps. When they reached the top, the guards would fling them down again, and the cycle began all over. Anyone who faltered felt the pikes and whips and pincers of the guards, but those moments of agony were almost welcome as a distraction from the fearsome monotony of their lives.
Spike could not tell if it had been ten days, or a hundred, or a thousand, but eventually the smell of his own scorched flesh no longer made him sick, and the tormenting thirst abated a little. Sometimes he dreamt of a girl with hazel eyes and golden hair, and sometimes of another girl's shining dark hair and blue eyes, but he no longer really remembered who they were, or why he knew them.
***
They all sat watching the portal until midnight, and then Giles suggested that they take turns guarding the gate while the rest slept. The others acquiesced, but Dawn stayed awake, her eyes fixed on the wooded road.
***
Spike lay on the floor of the pit, unmindful of the flames beneath him and the blows raining down from above. If he kept his eyes closed, it was strangely peaceful, and he was grateful for that in the moments before he died. There was something he was supposed to do, but he could not summon the energy to think what it was.
When he awoke, he was lying on the floor of Minos' hall, its cool polish delightful against his bruised and burnt body, and a torrent of memories was flooding into his brain. "Congratulations again," said the Judge of Souls. "You have passed the second test. You endured a thousand years in the city of the damned, and now you may claim your reward."
"A thousand years," Spike whispered. "Then it's no good. They're all dead."
"No, child of darkness," Minos said, not unkindly. "Time here does not pass the same way that it does in your world. A thousand years here may be merely a few hours there. None of your friends has come down to these halls in the time that you toiled in the pit."
Spike considered this for a minute, and then realized what he had been told. "I've passed your test, so now Buffy can go back, right? Oh, and by the way, my name is Spike, so you can leave off this child of darkness stuff."
"It is not precisely correct that she can go back because you have passed our test," replied Minos. "We hold none but the damned here against their will. You have earned the right to speak to her, that is all. If you can persuade her, we will accept your price - your life for hers."
"Well, that's all settled then. One more thing, though. D'you suppose I could have a pair of trousers before my big talk with the lady?"
Minos' hall was already fading away as he spoke, and he found himself naked in a sunlit meadow. "Oh, bugger!" said Spike.
***
Buffy was idly plucking the petals of a daisy as she leaned against her mother's shoulder. "He loves me, he loves me not," she chanted, and then laughed at the absurdity. A short distance away, she saw a strange creature limping toward them. Although she knew that nothing could harm her or her mother in this place, her instinct still made her rise to stand in front of Joyce.
As the creature drew nearer, Buffy saw that it seemed to be a human skeleton covered with blackened skin that oozed blood from cuts in several places. Its hair had been singed down to its skull, and it carried the smell of burnt flesh about it. She caught her breath in horror and revulsion, and then in pity for a creature so badly used. How can it still be alive? What does it want from me?
"Buffy," the creature whispered from cracked and broken lips. "I found you."
"Do I know you?" Buffy inquired politely. "I really don't think we've met. I'm sure I would have remembered you."
"Slayer, it's me," said the creature more loudly, and then Buffy recognized the blue eyes staring out at her from that hideous mask. She willed herself to hold Spike's gaze and not let her eyes stray to the ruin of his flesh.
"Spike? My god, what's happened to you? What are you doing here? And why aren't you wearing any pants?"
"One question at a time, and before I answer anything, be a love and get me one of those napkins from your picnic basket. I don't like having your mum see me bare-arsed in the wind."
"Hello, Joyce," Spike resumed after decency had been partially restored with the aid of several napkins and a dishtowel. "Nice to see you again."
"Spike, I'm waiting for an explanation. Why are you here? Is Dawn is everyone OK? Are you looking after her? What's happened to you?"
"The thing is, Buffy, Dawn is OK, but not having you there She's a brave kid, but it's breaking her heart." And mine too. But, love, you look so beautiful, so serene, so happy in this place. How can I can ask you to leave this? And how can we go on if you won't? "And when Will figured out a way for us to come and get you, well, we all decided it was worth a shot. And the rest of your questions, well, it's a very long story. I'll explain later when there's more time."
Then she turned back to Joyce. "Why would I want to go back? I'm so happy here, Spike. My mom is here, and I never have to kill anything. No-one dies and no-one suffers."
"Any idiot could see that you're happy here, Buffy, but we need you. We're all trying, you know, but it's not the same without you. And the people in Sunnydale need you too. I'm not as strong as you are, I can't keep everything as safe as you did. Please come back."
As Buffy considered his words, Joyce put her arms around Buffy. "You know that I love you more than anything, and I love having your company here, but you're too young. It's too early. If you have been given another chance, I think you should take it."
"Spike, will you let me talk to my mom for a couple of minutes?" Buffy asked, and Spike bowed his head and moved out of earshot. As he waited for her decision, a fog seemed to clear from his eyes, and he looked down at his body for the first time since he had gone into the pit. It was pity that softened her eyes then, he thought sadly. And I thought she was glad to see me.
He watched as Buffy hugged Joyce, and then walked toward him, her hand held out. "You win. She talked me into it."
***
It was about two in the morning when Dawn woke Giles. "The portal," she said. "There's something wrong with it."
Giles saw that the edge of the portal looked blurry, and that the gate and road that they had watched for hours seemed to have faded. "I think the magic that keeps it open is weakening. It will probably disappear in a few hours. There was always a possiblity that he wouldn't come back, Dawn. It was a wild gamble really."
"He'll be back. I know it! And he'll have Buffy with him."
***
"She agreed?" Minos said, surprised. "Then I will keep my word and accept your price."
"Price? What price? What are you talking about?" Buffy asked, but they ignored her.
"Maybe eternity won't be so bad," Spike said. "It was nice sitting in the sun again. A fellow could get used to that! And I'll have Joyce for company. You don't happen to have tellies in this place, do you?"
"I fear you have misunderstood me," Minos said, sorrowfully. "There is no place for a demon in the fields of the blessed. If you stay in my realm, it can only be with the other damned souls. I am sorry but those are the laws of my realm."
"Hello? Excuse me, but I want to know what's going on. What are you talking about? What's all this eternity stuff?" Buffy was quite impatient by now.
"He did not tell you of our bargain? He offered his life for yours, and those are the terms of the exchange."
"That's it," Buffy said. "There is no deal. I'm not letting him stay here without me."
Spike turned to her, pleading. "But Buffy, Dawn needs you. You have to go back. It's the only way."
"Are you crazy, Spike? Do you think I would go back if it means leaving you here to suffer for eternity? Do you think I could do that to any of my friends?" Buffy squeezed his hand. "Anyway, Spike, this isn't about Dawn. This is about me. I need you with me," and with that she took his hideous face between her hands and kissed him gently on his ruined mouth.
As the kiss went on, Buffy felt Spike's lips change beneath hers. They were no longer rough and scabbed, but smooth and firm, and, when she opened her eyes, Spike was no longer the monstrous creature that had come to her in the meadow. He was also mostly naked, and Buffy turned away to hide her blush.
Minos looked down on them, and then smiled. "That was the final test, and you have passed. You may both return to your world."
"Huh, seems like you're a decent bloke after all. But I'm gonna have to insist on getting my trousers back before we leave. I'm not showing up in front of that lot in nothing but a tea-towel."
***
The oppressive silence of Minos' hall made Buffy fidgety, and she was relieved when Spike returned, fully dressed, a few minutes later. They turned to go, and then Spike stopped, and approached Minos' throne again.
"There is one other thing," he said. "If you could, you know, pull the wall down again, I'd like to show Buffy something before we leave."
"It is impossible. That soul has found a new vessel. Have you felt no changes within you?"
"You cursed me with soul? Like Angel? So I'm gonna be all broody and mopy now? You tricky bastard!" Spike shook his head, half in anger, and half in admiration of Minos' duplicity.
"Is that why he could love me so much?" Buffy asked. "Because his soul came back to him?"
"No, child. He loved you and endured much for that love long before his wayward soul returned in these past few minutes." Minos turned to Spike and smiled again. "You are nothing like Angel. His soul was at war with the demon within him. Your demon and your soul are intertwined, inseparable now. Your true nature is a mixture of both. And I did not engineer this. I am only a spectator. There is some other magic at work here. "
***
As the first, grey light before morning came through the small windows, Dawn looked around and realized that everyone else was asleep. That was why she was the only one to see the iron gates slam shut behind Buffy and Spike, hand-in-hand, as they stepped back through the portal on the morning of All Hallows' Day.
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