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PSX REVIEW: HOOTERS: ROAD TRIP

I must be getting old. When somebody mentions Hooters all I can think of is chicken wings. I could care less about the scantily clad waitresses, the only time I will have my eye out for one is to ask when my wings when will be ready. Actually, even when I was younger I knew better than to ogle girls at their place of employment. Out of the thousands of guys that they see in and out of that place in a month do you really think they care about you? Sure they have to be polite to you, they are waitresses, but if you only knew what they really though of you, you would never go back.

It's with some surprise, and a suspiciously raised eyebrow, that I announce Hooters: Road Trip for the PSX. Just the fact that it's being released on the PSX makes me wonder if this game is avoiding production costs. The fact that the game will retail around the $10 mark doesn't exactly inspire confidence either. Is this a glorified commercial for Hooters? Slapping your name on a bad videogame will do more harm than good to any corporation's image but what do I know? I'm not the marketing genius for Hooters - but methinks there may be an opening available not long after this game is released.

Hooters: Road Trip is basically a racing game that puts you in various locations across the States culminating at stops along the way at the various Hooter establishments where you can grab a plate of wings and a beer - and that better be all that you grab. There are 16 cars that you can choose from with six more that you can unlock. Difficulty adjustments can be made to the game to accommodate players of all skill levels, particularly morons that have never played a videogame before but hang out at Hooters trying to get lucky and have read about this game on the paper place setting beneath their plate. Like that typical, local-celebrity-type, dumb jock that will no doubt be featured playing this game in person at your local Hooters to promote its release.

The game features music, from what the promo calls, "well-known artists." Just keep in mind that "well-known," does not necessarily translate to "good." As if that wasn't enough, you will be treated to video clips of bikini-clad Hooter girls congratulating you on being number one if you have what it takes. Remember they will only do this for you. No one else in world will ever see this because you're not only the best videogame player in the world, but you're also the best looking.

This game would insult my intelligence....if I had any...had any left after playing this game that is. It's pandering the lowest common denominator and unfortunately, that means me and you. Don't give 'em the satisfaction.

Hooters Road Trip Preview Posted By Shelby

"GAS-UP and BUCKLE-IN for some good ol' FULL-THROTTLE ACTION as you BUST-OUT on a WHITE-KNUCKLE RALLY RACE across HOOTERSŪ USA for the ULTIMATE PRIZE: a chance to KICK BACK with the FUN-LOVIN' HOOTERSŪ GIRLS of HOOTERSŪ USA!HootersŪ Girls: Take first place for your chance to hang out with georgoeus HootersŪ girls!" Umm....yeah okay. In case you weren't sure, that was the official blurb for Ubi Soft's Hooters Road Trip.

In case you were wondering, it's many days past April Fools, so this game has to be authentic. Before you guys have to reel your tongues back in your head, let me just say that much like the restaurant the game is based on, the girls are just window dressing. The girls are there to take your mind off the fact that the food sucks, and in Hooters Road Trip, the girls are there to take your mind off the fact that it's a racing game. But who cares right? If you play real good-like, you'll get a chance to hang out with the GIRLS OF HOOTERS!*

This is one of those games that isn't an insult to women by any stretch; it's an insult to guys. If you any of you are buying this for the odd chance you'll get to see a digitized pixelated FMV of a Hooters girl, then you really need to get outside more often. In fact, why not go outside and drive to your local Hooters restaurant for some chicken wings like my boyfriend always does. "Their chicken wings are great Shelby! I'm not going there for the women!" Men will eat anything encrusted with batter and think it's fantastic as long as women with big boobs keep bringing them to the table. They'd probably wolf down battered dog poop in the same scenario. I think I'll try that little experiment....

The premise of Road Trip is actually on the up and up. You'll race from Florida to California, stopping at all the Hooters along the way. "There are 16 Hot Rods to choose from", says the release, "Including 7 bonus cars to keep pace as the race heats up." You'll also be able to listen to "Total Control Radio: Blast some tunes from HootersŪ rockin' presets." Given that there aren't many releases for the PSone anymore, and it's a value priced game, perhaps this game will total more than the sum of it's parts. But seriously now, don't count on it.

(*Girls of Hooters will be represented digitally and will not make out with you)

System: PSX
Dev: Hoplight Research
Pub: Ubi Soft
Release: May 2002
Players: 1
Review by Cole
OVERALL
1.5
GRAPHICS
3
CONTROL
2.5
MUSIC/FX
1.5
VALUE
1.0