This absolutely sucks! I spent the whole of this weekend without the company of TSO. I had a field trip on Saturday which ended pretty late and TSO has a test coming up next week and she's mugging hard for it coz it's her weakest module so far.
Not seeing her during the weekends just suck. I feel like my week doesn't have a nice lovey dovey conclusion to it if I don't see her. Sighs... school really sapps the life out of my relationship. Worse part is that there isn't any 1 week break and the only thing I can look forward to is the end of semester break which is 2 months away. As much as I value my personal space in this relationship, there's such a thing as too much personal space. I need some lovin......
My friends and I were just talking today and the subject of relationships came up. We were saying that the worse thing that someone you love and have been with could say to you is "I want to break up". This reminded me of a show that I watched some time back. Can't really remember the title but the show narrated something like this
"... I thought that the worse thing my girlfriend could say to me was that she needed time apart or that we were better of as friends or even I'm seeing another guy. I was wrong. The worse thing that she could say was I AM PREGNANT. And this is exactly what she said to me..."
It really makes me wonder which is really worse. Being forced to commit into marriage when you're not ready, having to live with the guilt of abortion or just simply losing the one you love dearly. I really have no idea. Having been brought up the way that I have, I would definitely take responsibility should unwanted pregnancies occur *touch wood* and I would never ask the girl to have an abortion. [hey hey! I'm not implying ANYTHING here ok! LOL] But the thing is, as noble as any guy may seem wanting to accept responsibilty and all, there would definitely be a 'flight' response. It's like hitting a panic button immediately. They know that they WILL stay... but will they FEEL like leaving and running away from it all?
I think it's a scary notion for both the guy and girl. Maybe that's why so many shotgun marriages don't work out. Maybe they feel that they were put into the marriage without prior warning. But after the baby's born and a few years later, the feeling of being cheated of their youth might set in for either one of them. It's a dangerous line to thread on.......
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On a happier note, don't you just love this version of Besame Mucho. Whenever I listen to it, I'm transported back into the world of Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow (is that how u spell it?) in the show Great Expectations. I just lurrrvveeeeed that show. And the soundtrack rocks too!
I can't believe that corporal punishments for stupid offences are still happenning in school today. My brother was caned because he forgot to bring his PE attire. Is that the dumbest reason or what! To think that this was my brother's first offence. The teacher simply said, "As of last Friday, students will be caned for not bringing their PE attire". For goodness sake, treating 15 years old teenagers like a bloody 5 year old kid is absurd. I can understand and even advocate punishment for offences like truancy and smoking. But for such a stupid thing, I think it's over the top.
I strongly believe in transparency when dealing with politics of any kind. Leaving students in the dark about new shit like this is only asking for trouble. And trouble they're gonna get. My brother is very much different from me in that he is relatively timid and won't fight back. When I was in secondary school, I often got into trouble because of arguing with teachers. I'm pretty assertive when it comes to the things that I believe in. So I used to argue with my teachers when they reprimanded me for something that was not my fault. So I had several visits to the principal's office. There was one incident that I allowed a friend of mine to copy my work and the teacher suspected it although he had no proof. So he gave both of us zeroes even though I actually scored a 70% for it. Of course I was pissed off. So I went home and did the uncool thing. I complained to my parents. Hehez.
My mum and dad are really great in the sense that they will always support and trust their kids. You know those parents day things.... I always asked them not to come and they said OK even though they knew I was a trouble maker. They had faith that I was a good kid after all. Anyway, my dad made a trip to the principal's office to insist that my marks were reinstated. Damn, I felt like a big shot then. Haha..
So back to my brother incident. My dad's going down to his school tomorrow to complain to the principal regarding the caning incident and demand that the teacher in question write a formal letter of apology to our family. LOL! It's just so funny, him wearing his shirt and tie, looking all dignified but actually behaving like a mini gangster about these things. But I really think that the teacher deserves it. Hasn't he learnt that these things will come back to bite him in the ass. Just look at the RJC teacher who scolded the PRC student. Where would she hide her face now? Almost everyone has seen the clip.
Life has settled into sort of a routine for me lately. I'm up to my ass in project work so day in day out, I've been trying to complete my part of the project. And there's still 1 more project coming up! Damn it, I shouldn't have taken so many project laden modules this semester.
The most interesting project based module I'm taking so far is this business module. The project works in such a way that we're supposed to create a short film (really short film, 8 mins long) which tries to discuss the cross cultural problems faced by organizations in an informal non-organizational manner. Which means that we have to take up funny roles and act it out. Maybe I don't mind working on it so much coz TSO is in it as well. But being in a group of 7 with only 2 guys in it, the guys are bound to be bullied. Some of our scenes are depicted in a Chinese Dynasty Era. GUESS WHO'S PLAYING THE EUNUCH! WTF! man.
These girls find it amusing to make us guys take up the stupidest roles. For some reason they feel that it would inject humour into the film if they had a eunuch figure in it. They thought that having a built guy acting a role of a eunuch shows a lot of contrast and will be funny. TSO was laughing her head off and she didn't even object! I just know she secretly wants to see me make a fool of myself. Grrrrr! I just hope that at the end of this project, all evidence of that video will be wiped out from the surface of the earth.
All my hard work has paid off! I was at the gym today and decided to test my body fat percentage. The last time I took it, my body fat was 15%. After my low carbo diet + 6 meal regime + creatine consumption, my body fat has dropped to an all time low of 8.2%! Yeah baby yeah! Hahaha. But then again, I didn't take the body fat test via the caliper method, but used this electronic thing. So dunno how accurate. Ignorance is bliss.... My BMI is 20.9 which is average I suppose but I'm pretty glad I managed to cut my body fat by so much and yet retain my muscle mass. Lost about an inch off my chest but it was well worth it. So what did I do to celebrate? I ate a BK burger which was laden with cheese and finished up whatever was left of my birthday brownie. By bye abs!!
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Been feeling ultra lazy lately. Can't even bring myself to study properly. I pick up my notes, read a little and doze off. I wake up, read a few more lines and doze off again. WTF! Mid terms are around the corner and I'm still so bloody unmotivated. Just skipped a lecture today. Tomorrow got another project meeting with the 5 girls. Oh man... it's gonna be absolutely torturous trying to catch up on my work. I need some motivation!
My sister cried her eyes out yesterday. Her fiance is going over to UK to pursue his engineering degree to upgrade his current M.E. diploma. My poor sister tried so hard to be strong and gave him a smile while waving him goodbye as he walked through the check-in gate. But when he was out of sight, she leaned her head against my mum's shoulder and started crying. And I couldn't do anything about it. It really tears my heart to see my sister hurting so much. I would too if I were her. TSO even warned me, "Don't you even try doing something like that to me..." The worse thing about it is that he will only be able to come back once a year instead of every semester break just to save money. UK living isn't cheap. So my sister has to go over to UK during the first semester holiday to visit him.
Even though I'm a sceptic with regards to long distance relationship, I still hope that everything will turn out fine and that my sister's emotional dependencies can be fulfilled by my family members. But that's gonna be difficult too. 3 years with short visits 2 times a year is still a long time. They're supposed to get married a year after he returns. The engagement was sort of like a "reservation ticket". But who cares about these "tickets" nowadays....
I have the conception that long distance relationships based on trust and solid committment should work out fine. But I wonder what my sister really thinks. I'm sure she has her doubts which she tries as much as possible to brush aside. I'm just worried that the doubt in itself will amount up to insecurity issues. "Will he find someone else there?" "Will he change when he comes back?" "Will he still love me as much?" The worse part is that both parties will have such insecurities and as much as trust is there, the constant worrying might wear a person down eventually. Stupid thoughts, I urge you to leave my brain!! I suppose short term disappearances to other countries can be good for a couple, absence makes the heart grow fonder after all. But such long term disappearances are worrying....
I've thought about going for this Student Exchange Program thing in school but discarded the idea coz I realized that I just can't afford to leave TSO here for 6 whole months. Not that I don't trust her, it's just that I can't bring myself to do that to her. I would probably miss her a lot but I know how to control these things and not go emotionally bust. But TSO would have an emotional break down and I care too much about her to do something like that. Maybe I'm missing some opportunities but if it's not absolutely necessary, I'd rather not take such risks of hurting the one that I love.
Did anyone catch the Asian Motorcross a few days ago? It was so cool. This 15 year old Thai boy trashed the rest of the riders by a big gap. It's ironic I suppose because this boy has a license to compete on the track but doesn't have a license to ride on the road. But damn is he good or what. His bike control is superb. Which brings me to my next point. I'm having a serious case of sour grapes.
Quite some time ago, I remember asking permission from my parents to get a 2b bike license a few months after I got my class 3. I thought it'd be so cool to ride a scrambler. This is how it went....
Me: Mum, can I go and take 2b license?
Mum: No!
Me: But a bike is so much cheaper than a car and it'd be so convenient
Mum: No!
Me: And I can even afford it on my own, no need to get from you all
Mum: No!
Me: But ....
Mum: No!
Ok refusing to take no for an answer, I tried my dad. This conversation lasted even shorter.
Me: Dad, can I take 2b license?
Dad: Haha, you know ah last time when I was courting your mum, I wanted to take a 2b license. She didn't allow me to take, so do you think I would dare to allow you to take?
Me: .......
I think this reflects the story of all men in general. They meet a girl who is all sweet and nice. They start dating. The girl changes him a bit to suit her, they get married, the girl changes the whole lifestyle of the guy. Of course the girls change for the guy too, but to a lesser extent I think.
I think it's got something to do with the Queen Bee theory, women must be in control of everything. Or that's what we men would like them to THINK anyway. I think my dad's a pro at these things. My mum will sometimes nag at him for not doing something. My dad just keeps quiet being the obedient husband he is. When my mum is not around, he will start bitching justifying himself to us. Haha, I think it's a common understanding. He understands that my women are just like that, and my mum stays happy.
There's this guy who was asked what kind of roles his wife and him play in the household. He said, "In the house, my wife is a major and I'm a general" Not bad I thought coz the rank of a major is lower than a general. Then he added, "My wife makes the major decisions while I make the general". We men can be absolutely disappointing. Haha
So I'm 22 years old today. I've never really made a big fuss about birthdays. I think after the age of 16, my birthday gifts kind of tapered down to 1 or 2 every year. My parents would of course ask me what I would like and as I tell them every year, I don't want anything. So they end up giving me money. My sisters would probably do the same.
Frankly speaking, I DO wish they would give me something, but I wish that they didn't have to ask me what I wanted. I think that gifts from the heart mean the most. I remember when I was 9 years old, my dad gave me an analog watch and told me that grown men use analog watches and not digital watches. He was implying that I was ready to be a man. Perhaps it's a bit cliche but it really did mean something to me. I still have that watch today.
But now that I'm all grown up, I suppose they feel that my needs are different. Can't exactly blame them, I would feel the same way if I had a son too. So maybe the next time, my parents ask me what I wanted for my birthday, I should tell them that I want them to give me a gift that I would remember and keep for years to come.
Ok enough of my sob stories. TSO understands that I don't really want anything material so she baked for me. Some yummy brownies and a birthday cake. Considering I'm a chocolate junkie, this is what she made for me. My photography skills need a bit of polishing, the yummy brownie turned up looking like just a chunk of chocolate. But it was delicious..... *drool*
The Cake
The Cake Disected
The Cake, ready to be eaten
A Brownie slice (cut rather badly by me)
The Brownie ready to eat....
The Wonderful GF who made it all....
I couldn't possibly put her full face on the blog can I. Where's the mystery in that??
Bumped into this picture while surfing. I thought it looked so cute. Haha.
I've always wanted to distinguish myself and steer far far away from the conformist view. I'm always trying to go against the stereotype. I wanted to be unique and have a sense of identiity that I can call my own and be as paradoxical as possible. When I was in primary school, I was the basketball team vice captain. To go against the nature of all sports boys, I also joined the gardening club. When I was in secondary school, I didn't join NCC like my other friends nor did I continue playing basketball. Instead, I joined the military band coz I thought that I should be more in touch with my "Art-sy" side and attain some class by learning how to play an instrument. While my friends listened to heavy metal, I listened to jazz. In JC, I abandoned the band idea and joined the volleyball team despite the fact that I had no background whatsoever in the sport. I beat the odds and managed to get into the main team [of course I was benched]. In the army, I was put on a list of people to be out of course due to my knee injury. I refused and got a gold for my IPPT even with my bum knee. Now in NUS, in a course which is stereotyped to be full of bespectacled geniuses and squares, there's me with the perfect vision and moronic brain. I carry an orange bag and I wear lime green shoes. Unlike people who naturally have a flair for standing out, I do these things knowingly.
Why do I always have this need to distinguish myself to be different? I sometimes wonder whether I do this conciously or subconciously. I ask myself whether I'm craving for attention and dying to be noticed. If I have to try to be unique, then perhaps I'm not that unique. If you've watched Gattaca, you would know what I mean. Ethan Hawke was trying to impersonate this perfect human being even though he was far from it. But in the end, he proved that he could surpass this supposedly perfect human being by working hard at the things that he does. I know I'm not unique but I wish that I were. For this reason alone, I love being with TSO coz she makes me feel that way. Like as if I'm the only man in the universe worthy of her time. With her, I don't feel insignificant and I can shed all my sheep's clothing and be ME.
So today is September 11. Pretty quiet don't you think. I'm glad that nothing catastrophic has happened but it's such an anti-climax. Ok ignore the cynic.
Just had an argument with The Significant Other (TSO). One thing I can't stand about arguing with her is her slamming the phone down on me and hanging it up. It's just not fair. I mean, come on man, have a fair fight and let both us speak our thoughts. But NOOOOOO.... it's "You're such a jerk" *hang up*. I'm left so helpless. Here I am with my countless retorts and all the things to justify myself, but there she is with a hung up phone and me not being able to do a single thing about it. The most unfair part about it is that when she finally decides to put the phone back on the hook, my flow of thoughts already disrupted and I end up forgetting all my clever retorts. And suddenly I'm the bad guy. No wonder she does it all the time when she's pissed. She knows it works.
I've been with TSO for quite some time now and I've been called a million things. Let's see, "JERK" is the most common. "BASTARD" when I really tick her off with something. "MORON" is more for affectionate use when I do something endearing. *meek grin*. When the "F**K" words come in, I definitely know I did something really bad. One particular incident I remember vivdly happened at Bugis Street, I ticked her off pretty badly but I can't seem to remember what. She took off on me and I didn't go after her as I usually would. (Hehz, it's coz I was too near Sim Lim Square and the lure of the electronics was just too strong) So later on she told me that she was so pissed with me that she wanted to floor me and step all over my face. What the.... I was more amused than anything else.
TSO sometimes says that I don't take her seriously but let me defend my stand here. I know I can sometimes be complacent in the relationship and slide a bit. But I'm confident about the relationship surviving these things so I usually brush them off by trying to make light of it. You see, TSO has a weakness. Everytime I screw up, I try to make up for it and make her laugh or at least smile. Which is why I sometimes take our arguments lightly and make light of it. I'm trying to make her laugh. That's when she starts accusing me of taking everything to be a joke. Hmmm, when I'm too serious she says that I'm too uptight about things. Come on man. Help us guys out. We already fear the wrath of our gf's and yet it's so difficult to appease them. Sometimes I know that TSO isn't angry anymore, but she enjoys watching me beg for forgiveness to test my sincerity. Don't leave me much choice there does she.... No wonder my buddies call me henpecked. *Cluck*
I need help! There's this business module project of mine that requires the members to brainstorm cross cultural issues in the workplace and how managers can eradicate this problem and zapp these people and motivate them regardless of all these issues. What's worse is that we have to make a cross cultural video based on it. My team members and I have decided on a Law firm as our setting. But I don't really know what kind of scenario to put in. Anyone can give me ideas. I know a certain person with a regional occupation wil have plenty of ideas. *Hint hint*
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If you've ever been to the gym, you would probably have heard grunts and moans groans from the lifters. I admit it, I sometimes make those sounds too especially when I'm lifting really heavy stuff. My gf commented that you can tell what sounds a guy makes during the intimate moments of their time just by going to the gym with him. I asked why, and she gave me a wicked smile. What the heck! I must stop making noises in the gym, I don't wanna be THAT transparent. I wonder where we guys can go to listen to girls making their love sounds. Hmmmmm............
I knew I shouldn't have done it. I just KNEW I shouldn't have done it. Damn Well here's the story. I've been needing a hair cut for the past few days but just couldn't find the time to do so. Actually I can't seem to find the time to do anything nowadays. Anyway, I have a regular salon that I usually go to for my haircut. But I was on my way home from COMEX and saw one of those $10 haircut in 10 mins kind of shop and thought what the heck right, just go and cut my hair and get it done. The practical side of me ruled the vain side of me. So I got seated on the chair and as usual, my hair decides to look its best when I'm sitting on a hairdresser's chair. So this woman attended to me and started cutting my hair. Bitch! She totally ruined my hair. I keep forgetting how difficult it is for me to get the hair cut I like and this woman is obviously not very skillful. One of my sideburns are longer than the other. And left on its own, my hair looks like a cockatoo right now. And all my gf said was... "Haha you look so cute". Now, we all know what THAT means. Translated it means... "You look funny!"
Got to see The Significant Other today. Was quite upset that I couldn't see her yesterday all because of this project shit going on in my life. Had to meet those project mates for my database module. Well at least it was productive. But then again, I had to be home early today coz I need to finish up some software engineering nonsense. Sighs, but it was good to see her today. She just gives me the Fever. Hehz, explains the song huh? "... what a lovely way to burn ..." It always sucks during the school term. We see so little of each other. As much as I like my own free space to fool around with my computer or to hang out with my buddies or do a beach-boy episode, not seeing her much really sucks. After all, she's my best friend in the whole wide world.
Argh!! Stress is catching up on me. Damn it... I miss my holidays already. This week has been madness for me and I know next week will be worse. Project meetings, deadlines and all the rest of the school work is accumulating to become one big pile of horse shit. Need to finish a 30 slide powerpoint by tomorrow with animation some more. Damn Damn Damn! I've only been to the gym once this week and I feel myself deflating..... I want my 1 week break!! Too bad these NUS students are not those demonstrating kinds. I'll definitely join the crowd if they decide to burn some dustbins or something.
I sometimes wonder what will happen if I quit school and take a fitness instructor certification. Haha. Ok this is the himbo infusion talking. During the holidays I would become a himbotic beach boy. Yes yes I admit it, I'm one of those people who occasionally swim 2 to 3 laps, spray tons of banana boat tanning lotion and then plop down on a tanning chair. Once in a while only lah!!!!Narcissism can sometimes be a good thing you know. Nothing better than a good tan after a gym workout followed by a jacuzzi dip.
Sighs..... But the SSC instructor certification is useless nowdays I think. A lot of personal trainers get hired coz they get noticed for their workouts and their body.... NOTICE ME LEH SOMEONE!! Haha. Not that I'm like this humongous kind of guy with buldging muscles and pectorals. I'm not tall enough to build massively. When I tried once, my family members commented that I look like popeye. That was enough to make me decide to go on a lean kind of training regime.
Was actually thinking of a business idea but don't know if it will work. Setting up protein and other supplement bars around fitness centres. You know the kind that people can order a protein shake of their choice or a creatine drink right after their workouts. I think there's one such place at Tangs but it's pretty pathetic. Was actually thinking how well it would sell. But then again, I doubt I have the guts to do this kind of ventures. You know the saying... ok I dunno how to spell it but it sounds something like zhui gong lampa song! Hehz.
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You know the saying "a hungry man is an angry man". I think that the statement is sooo true. I reached home today and realized that there's no food at home. Got all moody and grumpy. Can't work when I'm too hungry. Good thing I'm full now. *Burp* But lately I've been eating a little too much carbo and too little protein. Gosh I'm a lazy bum, can't be bothered to watch my diet nowadays.
By the way, anyone went to COMEX yet? Anything good to buy?
I hate being inferior. Right now I'm in this group with 2 other guys. Both of whom are on the dean's list. I have this bitter aftertaste in my mouth right now. I've identified it as insecurity and inferiority. I have no problems with smart guys but it's just that when I'm in the same group as them, I suddenly feel inferior. Like I should go somewhere far far away and bury my head in the ground. Who am I to belong to such a group? Don't get me wrong, these guys are not arrogant and are pretty nice but just being around them and knowing that they are like really smart makes me feel like I'm in the presence of royalty while dressed in rags.
I suppose it's got something to do with my birth sign. My mother always tells me that my competitive, hot tempered and perfectionist nature stems from the fact that I am a Virgo and moreover born around the same time as Lee Kuan Yew (several times removed of course). I always hate being second best. She says that all those born around that time all have those traits. Hmmm.... I'm not sure about Virgos but I can testify about what they say about Scorpios *winks*. The Significant Other is a Scorpio... they're just plain h***y! Ok sorry for stereotyping here. But it's TRUE!
Anyway, having worked with them for a while, I now know how these "dean's list types" work. They start the project really early, meet the tutors every week to confirm their progress and to check if they're on track. Hokay.. that's obviously so NOT me. I'm not the sort who does these things. Makes me wonder if I'm willing to compromise that part of myself just for better grades. Even then, not confirmed tha I'll do better. Maybe they just have the brains for it while I don't. Even though they don't boast or anything, I just feel plain STUPID and I hate feeling stupid. I've been trying to run away from that stigma that has been attached to me since my eldest sis who was from RJC proceeded to graduate with a second upper hons in law and is now working for a top law firm earning big bucks. I'm just a plain neighbourhood JC kind of guy, now in lousy old School of Computing which probably has no prospects in the near future. I've got something to prove. But I'm finding it increasingly difficult to do so.
Sometimes it may all seem about passion, but lately passion has abandoned me for a smarter person. I am thankful for whatever I have, but till this bitter taste in my mouth subsides, it's gonna be hard.
I think I can be quite a push over sometimes. I often find myself accomodating to my groupmates with regards to what time to meet and where. Even though it's obviously super inconvenient for me, I just gave in. Today, while having a discussion on where and what time to meet for a project, my group members decided on Tuesday 7pm in school. WTF! I live in the east for goodness sake and they are only intending to do a discussion for like half an hour. I'll probably borrow my dad's car and drive down to school. I just cannot bring myself to travel a total of 2 hours to and from home using public transport. What a waste of my bloody time. But I think the large reason for me being such a push over this time around is because of this. In a group of 7... 5 of them are girls. I can't help myself. I just can't bring myself to assert my rights as a group member over a bunch of "helpless" girls. Seems to me, there has been a reversal of roles. I seem to be the one who is helpless nowadays. But to make up for it, I changed my timing for another group meeting just to prove to myself that I'm no push over man! Childish? Maybe. Stupid? Probably. Self gratification? YES!!!!!
A friend of mine once told me a joke in a lecture room which made it really difficult for me to contain my laughter. It just came to mind. I hope you people don't mind such crudeness on my part. Here it goes.
A boy just learnt about sexual education and decided to ask his dad some questions. He asked, "Daddy, when a couple have sex, who feels more pleasure? The guy or the girl?"
The father replied: "The girl of course"
Son: "But how come?"
The father being a good daddy tried really hard to think up of an analogy on the spot and this is what he came up with...
"It's the same when you're digging your nose. When you dig your nose, which feels better? Your finger or your nose?"
Son: "Oh yeah... my nose feels better. Daddy you're so smart! But daddy, then how come women don't like to be raped or molested?"
The father was really stumped this time. But he quickly came up with an answer...
"Imagine if you are walking down a street, then someone comes along and digs your nose for you... I'm sure you won't like it right!"
*is that the sound of you groaning i hear?* hahaha. Gimme a break. School is taking its toll on my sense of humour.