Title: Water-Marks
Author: Brenda A
Author Page: Brenda A 
Note: (First published in Door to Heaven)
Category: Angst; Hurt/Comfort
Spoilers: S1 Fire and Water
Season/Sequel info: Second Season
Rating: PG-13
Summary: An epilogue to Fire and Water
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

Part 1

I've lost men under my command before. You don't spend your entire adult life in the military doing the things I have done for my country without losing people. It goes with the territory and I had to accept that a long time ago. I've lost friends, too. Good friends whose weddings I'd attended, played street hockey with, knew their wives and kids. The worst was always a combination of the two, good friends who died under my command.

But no loss of a team member, no loss of a friend, has made me feel the way I feel now. Why can't I believe it? Why can't I accept that he's really gone?

Daniel was a strange and unique combination of comrade-in-arms, best friend, pain-in-the-ass, and my own personal geek. He was the awkward, shy, eager-to-please genius who opened up the Stargate, but more important, he was the civilian General West gave to me as my responsibility on that first trip to Abydos. And he remained my responsibility. Right up to the end.

Jack! Help me!

I still hear his screams. I think I will always hear his screams. Those screams, and that vision of him being consumed by fire, will be waiting for me every time I close my eyes. He called for me. For me. And I couldn't do a goddamned thing to save him.

It wasn't like we didn't know it couldn't happen. We learned early on that Stargate travel could be hazardous to your health, and we learned it the hard way. But Daniel was my responsibility, and it shouldn't have happened to him.

God help me, I still can't believe it did happen. It feels like there is no place in my life he hasn’t touched in some way; and no matter where I look now, there’s something missing.

Tomorrow we're going over to Daniel's apartment to pack up his personal belongings. Hammond was right, we're the closest thing to family he had on this planet, and I’m not going to let strangers go through his things. That responsibility belongs to his team. His family.

But that's tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going up to my roof and drink a toast under the stars to Daniel Jackson, probably the most unexpected friend I ever had. Certainly the finest. And if I get drunk enough, maybe, just maybe, I won't hear his screams, at least tonight.

Part 2

He looked pretty damned healthy for a man we'd had a memorial service for.

That was just one of the thoughts that drifted through my mind as we headed back to the Stargate. I could hear his boots making squishing noises as he trudged along, surrounded by the rest of us, his mouth going a mile a minute. He and Carter were involved in some kind of theory explosion; the captain was matching him word-for-word, but Daniel was winning the hand signals contest as his mouth tried to keep up with his brain, and failed. Teal'c walked silently on the other side of Carter with what I could swear was a smile on his face. I think I was smiling myself. Just hearing Daniel's voice and all those words tumbling out on top of one other somehow set my world back straight on its axis.

It wasn’t until we reached the Gate and I told Carter to dial home that I got my first really good look at Daniel. He’d fallen silent, which should have been my first clue that all wasn’t as well as we’d originally thought, and as he stood staring at the Stargate, he began to list to one side. Quickly slipping an arm around his shoulders to brace him, I asked, “Hey, you okay?”

He looked at me then and produced a small, strained smile. “I’m just tired, Jack. Really tired.”

I squeezed his shoulder. “Yeah, I’ll bet you are, buddy.” Now that I’d gotten a good look at him I saw he wasn’t looking quite as perky as when he first burst out of the water. It was as if that initial spurt of adrenaline had suddenly drained away and he was left without any resources. Except me. I tightened my hold on him and nodded for Sam and Teal’c to go through the Gate as it blossomed to life. This time I wasn’t taking any chances; this time I was keeping Daniel right beside me when we went home. He had been left behind once, and I swore that would never happen again.

I nudged him forward, but he stopped and stared at me, his eyes wide with a combination of relief, fatigue, and maybe a little delayed shock. “You came back.”

“Of course we came back,” I said, my voice a little rough.

“He said...  you thought I was dead..."

And then it hit me: he had thought he had no chance of going home, no chance of rescue. For an instant I actually considered turning around and going back to find Nem and impress a few memories of my own on him. But I had more important things to take care of right now. “We did,” I said, giving his damp hair a quick ruffle, “but we got over it. Come on, Danny.” And this time I got him moving. “Home.”

"Home," he agreed in a voice that was no more than a sigh.

Some trips through the wormhole can be rougher than others for some reason. This one wasn’t particularly bad, but if I hadn’t had a good hold on Daniel’s arm he would’ve fallen flat on his face when he stumbled onto the ramp at SGC.

There’s always a moment of disorientation after a trip, and it took me a few seconds to recognize the sound I was hearing. Then I looked around and grinned. The whole place was packed, the gate room, the debriefing room, the control room, and everyone was on their feet, clapping. The people who had stood here only days before in memorial of Daniel Jackson were now welcoming him back home, alive.

“Wh-Whoa.” Daniel looked like he wanted to bolt, his face flushing from embarrassment, but I still had a good grip on his arm and kept him right there, the center of attention. The only time Daniel doesn’t mind being in the limelight is when he’s holding forth on some theory or explaining some wonderful new discovery he’s made about the Meaning of Life; then he can talk all day and you can’t shut him up. But this kind of attention was definitely making him squirm.

General Hammond walked up the ramp and held out his hand, the look on his face one of supreme satisfaction. “Welcome home, Doctor Jackson.”

Still a little stunned by the show of welcome, Daniel extended his own hand, and I could see it was shaking. In fact I could feel his whole body trembling, making me think of a rubber band that had been stretched too tight and was close to snapping. I looked around quickly for medical support and didn’t have to look far. Janet Frasier was striding purposefully toward Daniel and behind her two orderlies were bringing a stretcher.

Daniel took one look at that and protested quickly, “I can walk!” He shot me a pleading look that I’d discovered some time ago I wasn’t completely impervious to, and I raised an eyebrow at Frasier, waiting for her decision. I was reasonably certain between Teal’c and myself, and Carter lending support, we could get Daniel to the infirmary without incident, but it was her call.

For a moment she looked like she was going to insist he do what any reasonable man who has just returned from the dead should do and lie down. But instead she peered into his eyes, frowning a little. "Any dizziness or lightheadedness, Doctor Jackson?"

“No.”

The way he’d been swaying as I tried to hold him upright I knew that was a lie, but I had to sympathize. The last thing the poor guy wanted at this point was to be carried out of that room in front of everyone. I saw the skepticism on Janet’s face, but to my surprise -- and her credit -- she merely said, “Straight to the infirmary,” in that crisp no-nonsense voice of hers that said she meant business. Then she gave me a look that told me she expected him to get there with no delays or side trips.

So I shifted my grip, nodding approval when Teal’c materialized by his other side to add his not inconsiderable support. Together, with Carter following closely behind, we made our way to the infirmary.

***

Carter had managed to secure Daniel a hot meal, or what passed for it, from the cafeteria and Teal'c had retrieved one of the many spare pair of glasses SGC had learned to keep on hand for our accident-prone linguist. Since Frasier hadn't stopped us, we joined Daniel in the infirmary for his initial exam, which I was glad to see seemed pretty routine. But when she was ready to begin the less-routine tests, she banished us to the hallway, muttering something about being tired of falling over us every time she turned around.

The time spent in the corridor gave us a little down time to try to convince ourselves that Daniel really was alive and well and back with us. How ever the hell Nem had done it, those 'memories' and images he planted in our minds had been all too real, as had our grief, and I wondered how long it was going to take us to undo the damage.

We had been kicking our heels outside the infirmary for a good hour when Frasier finally opened the door and stepped outside. There was a look of concern in her eyes that brought us all to our feet.

"How is he?"

"Physically, he seems fine," she answered cautiously. "He's a little dehydrated and complaining of a headache, and he apparently hasn't gotten much in the way of sleep over the last few days, but other than that, everything seems to check out."

"But?" It wasn't just me; Carter heard the unspoken 'but' too.

"But, Daniel was apparently subjected to some kind of alien device that probed his mind," Frasier continued, still in that cautious tone, as if she were choosing her words carefully. "Possibly the same thing that gave you your false memories of his death."

"What?" Going back to that planet with a supply of C4 was sounding better and better.

Carter was frowning at the doctor. "Probed his mind?" Her eyes widened suddenly in alarm. "Janet, did it hurt him in some way? Was his brain --"

Frasier hastened to reassure all of us. "There doesn't seem to be any damage to his brain. Daniel did admit it was quite painful --"

"Daniel Jackson was tortured?" From the sound of Teal'c's voice, and the sudden tension radiating off him, he was also contemplating a little trip back to P3X866. And I didn't think he was going to need any C4.

Janet opened her mouth to say something, then shook her head. "No, not tortured. Look, I think you should hear this from Daniel. The general called -- he wants to hold a debriefing as soon as possible."

"Is Daniel up to it?" I asked with a frown. I wanted to know what happened too, but I trusted Janet to veto the general if Daniel wasn't up to a debriefing just yet.

She nodded. "He's tired, and we haven't been able to give him any relief from that headache yet, but he can handle a short debriefing. In fact, I think it would be a good idea for him to talk about what happened to him. I've told the general he can hold it here in fifteen minutes, and then I'm admitting Daniel at least overnight for observation."

A good idea for Daniel to talk about what happened to him? "Doctor, I'd like to talk to him before the debriefing." From my tone Frasier knew that wasn’t a request, but she didn’t look either surprised or annoyed.

She nodded. "Just remember he's supposed to be resting, Colonel."

I stepped around her and pushed the door open to his room. For a man who was supposed to be resting, Daniel was doing an awfully good impression of a man getting dressed in a hurry. His back was to me and he was so engrossed in trying to get his pants on while keeping his balance he didn't hear me come in. Quietly I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. "Daniel?"

He turned around so quickly he fell over against the bed and would have ended up a tangle on the floor if my reflexes hadn't been so good. I got him up and seated on the bed before I asked amiably, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

He wouldn't look at me. First he pushed his glasses back up to where they belonged, then he finished tugging on his pants. "I'm not staying here, Jack."

He sounded determined, but there was an underlying waver in his voice that made me reach out and give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's just a precaution, Daniel."

"I said, I'm not staying here." Getting clumsily to his feet, he snatched his shirt from the bed and pulled it on over his tee shirt with jerky movements. As he turned away, I gripped his arm and firmly turned him back around. Pushing him gently back onto the bed, I stood in front of him, waiting until he made eye contact.

"What's the problem, Danny?" I asked quietly.

He looked around the sterile room and there was an uneasiness to him that I'd never seen before. This was a guy who could make himself at home just about anywhere in the galaxy, and he was usually as much at ease in a lab as he was in the field. He had never liked being in the infirmary, but he'd always accepted it with resignation. "I just... I can't stay here tonight, Jack. I just want to go home, okay?"

I winced. Not only at his softly pleading tone, but at the recollection of how we'd left his apartment. We hadn't cleaned it out, but we had spent a considerable amount of time packing things up and I didn't want him to walk in on that. "It's just for one night --"

I broke off as he pushed off the bed, throwing me a look of hurt betrayal. "I'm not staying," he said flatly and brushed past me none too gently, heading for the door. That action was so uncharacteristic of him it stunned me long enough for him to cross the room without me making a move to stop him.

By the time he had his hand on the doorknob I’d made my decision. I could have ordered him to stay, but Daniel wasn’t much for following orders on his best day, so I didn’t have much hope of that succeeding. As a last resort, Frasier could sedate him to ensure he stayed put, but the thought of drugging him into submission made my stomach turn. I knew this was more than just petulance or an example of Daniel Jackson trying to buck the military system. Something was wrong. And, knowing that, there was no way I could walk away and leave him here alone tonight. Besides, there was still a part of me that remembered a night spent under the stars grieving for a lost friend. If what Daniel really needed right now was some reassurance he was back home and safe, well, that made four of us, because I was reasonably certain I could speak for Carter and Teal’c, too.

“Daniel.” I said his name quietly, having learned that approach usually worked far better with him than yelling. It had taken me some time to learn that trick, but once learned I used it with good results.

He stopped, but didn’t turn. Instead he dropped his head with a soft thud against the door and I heard a broken whisper, “Don’t make me stay here. Please don't make me stay here. I want to go home... my friends... my wife..."

"What..." I was by his side in an instant, but hesitated before placing a careful hand on his shoulder. "Daniel?"

He started, then looked at me and blinked, bewilderment momentarily clouding his eyes. "Jack?"

I could feel the faint tremors racing through him and rubbed his back absently. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He frowned as if he wasn't sure why I was asking. "Jack, I really don't need to stay here tonight. I told Janet, I'm fine." He was getting agitated again and his voice was getting louder with each word. "She's run all her tests, she said I'm okay, it's just a headache --"

"Okay, okay. Stop yellin'; you're giving me a headache." He looked away quickly, biting his lip and I sighed, clapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Give me a few minutes to talk to Frasier, okay?”

He turned back then, surprised, “You'll -- " Then he relaxed, his shoulders sagging in relief. "Thank you.”

He was squinting a little, like he sometimes did after he’d pulled an all-nighter in front of his computer and ended up with a crashing headache. I frowned at that indication of pain. “But I think we’d better re-schedule the debriefing --“

He waved that aside. “No, I’ll be fine. I'd like to just get it over with. But we can do it upstairs, can’t we?”

He really wanted to get out of this infirmary. “Sure -- as soon as I get Frasier to cut you loose.” I opened the door and, as I expected, Sam and Teal’c were right where I left them. The only surprise was that they hadn't charged in here when they heard Daniel's raised voice. I had no doubt they had heard it; while Teal'c face was his usual impassive mask, his eyes were locked on Daniel's face and Carter was giving me a very sharp look that plainly asked what the hell had happened. I had no answer to that as I wasn't sure myself.

At a motion of my head, they were inside. “You two stay with Daniel while I make some arrangements -- and, he’s supposed to be resting.” With that, I left, secure in the knowledge Daniel would end up ‘resting’ if Teal’c had to pick him up and put him on the bed himself.

***

Doctor Frasier proved to be a tough nut to crack, not that I honestly blamed her. After seeing Daniel's little 'lapse' in the infirmary, I was having a few second thoughts myself about removing him from base. But then I remembered the sound of his voice when he asked to go home, and the look in his eyes on Nem's planet when he realized he'd been rescued, and pushed those thoughts aside. It had been a bad few days for all of us, and I was convinced what Daniel really needed was the comfort of friends and familiar surroundings; since my place had become something of a second home to him -- and actually had been a temporary home when we'd brought him back from Abydos -- that would do just fine. And I'm not ashamed to admit I was also hoping that having Daniel stay at my place might just banish the lingering memory of the wake I'd held there, and maybe even those dreams that had wrecked my sleep since we'd returned from P3X866 without him.

In the end, Frasier consented, with the provision I bring him back immediately should new symptoms show themselves or if his headache got too bad for him to rest. That settled, we collected my team and reported for the debriefing.

Usually in debriefings, after Daniel has made contact with a new life form, you can't get him to shut up about the discoveries he's made and the theories he's formulated. This time we had a whole different problem: we could barely get him to talk. To be fair, I think his headache was getting worse because he kept taking his glasses off and rubbing his temples. Frasier was frowning in concern and actually halted the proceedings at one point to ask him if he was okay. To everyone's amazement, he snapped at her in a most un-Daniel-like manner, then immediately went red when he realized what he'd done.

Frasier accepted his stumbling apology like the professional she was and immediately produced a tablet she'd brought with her and dropped it into his palm. "This won't knock you out, Doctor Jackson, but it will make you a little drowsy and should give you some relief." When he opened his mouth to object, she merely raised an eyebrow. Without another word, he took the pill.

I had to find out how she did that.

General Hammond waited until this exchange was finished, then gave Frasier an inquiring look. Daniel, of course, saw it. "I'm sorry," he apologized to the room in general. "I'm fine. I'd like to continue."

Hammond nodded. "All right, Doctor Jackson, but let's wrap this up so you can get some rest." He recapped what we had learned so far about Nem, then asked the question the rest of us had been waiting for. "How is it you were able to furnish the alien with the information he wanted regarding his wife and Babylon?"

Daniel was staring into a styrofoam cup Carter had filled with orange juice (Frasier having banned coffee for the time being) as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. "Um, he told me he implanted memories in the rest of the team's minds that I was... dead. Since he had the technology to implant memories, I speculated he also had the technology to take memories. And since he was so certain I had the memory somewhere in my mind concerning his mate, I told him to, um, take it --"

"You what?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You mean it was your idea to let him suck your brain?"

Daniel winced, whether at my terminology or his headache, I didn't know, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "I... I didn't see where I had any choice."

I opened my mouth to say something about that, too, but Carter jumped in before me. "Daniel, what was it like? Do you remember the process?"

He was starting to tear off little bits of styrofoam around the top of the cup and they were falling onto the table like snowflakes. "I was in a... chair, lying back. There were... straps. Straps around my head, under my chin..." He was frowning deeply, more white bits falling to the table as his long fingers picked nervously at the cup. "Bubbles. I remember bubbles. I was cold, very cold. He told me to remember Omarrokah. So I concentrated on that name and... At first it was like a burst of electric shock in my head... and then... I started to remember... flashes of text I'd read years ago came back... and then the shocks got worse, lasted longer... and the memories got clearer... and then...the pain..." Suddenly the cup collapsed as he compressed his hand in what looked like some kind of spasm.

The orange juice spilled over his hand and onto the table while Daniel stared blankly at it and Frasier and Carter jumped to their feet to contain the spreading mess. I felt my own hands clenching in my lap as I watched the two female officers deal with both the orange juice and an archeologist who had yet to move.

Frasier lifted Daniel's hand and I could see her surreptitiously taking his pulse under the guise of wiping his juice-covered hand. That action seemed to bring him to life and he gently but insistently pulled his wrist out of her grip.

"I'm -- I'm sorry. I don't know what happened --"

"It may have been a muscle spasm," Frasier said smoothly. She glanced at the general, who nodded.

Getting to his feet, Hammond walked over behind Daniel and briefly laid a hand on his shoulder. "I think that's all we need for now. Why don't you go get cleaned up, son, and if we need any more we can do this at a later time."

Daniel looked like he wanted to say something, then changed his mind and nodded his head. "All right," he agreed, his voice telegraphing his weariness. I wondered if that pill the Doc had given him had kicked in already. Without looking at me or anyone else, he got to his feet and, plucking his wet sleeve away from his arm, left the room. At my nod Carter and Teal'c hurried after him. After giving both Frasier and myself a long look, the general made his own exit.

 "Okay, what was that?" I asked, waving toward the remnants of the styrofoam cup.

"Could have been a muscle spasm, like I said," Frasier replied slowly.

"Or?"

"Or perhaps an unconscious reaction from Daniel when the memories became too painful for him. I honestly don't know, Colonel, without further tests." She looked at me pointedly from across the table. "Do you still think it's a good idea to take him off base tonight?"

"I just know it would be a bad idea to leave him in the infirmary," I said decisively. When she opened her mouth to argue, I cut her off. "Come on, Doc, you heard his description of that place. It was like some kind of lab, and you saw his reaction right now when he was just remembering what Nem did to him." I sighed, waving a hand in frustration. "You didn't see him in the infirmary after you got done with him. He's tired, he's probably suffering from delayed shock... I think his mind is making some kind of weird connection between Nem's little chamber of horrors and your infirmary." Her eyes widened in surprise and I wondered if the surprise was because she hadn't thought of it or that I had. "I'd like to take him out of here tonight to someplace he considers... safe. But I won't do that unless you tell me he's okay."

We asked an awful lot of Janet Frasier here at SGC. The stuff we brought back through the Stargate for the most part had never been seen on Earth before and we relied on her to deal with it all and keep us healthy and alive. I trusted her with the well-being of my team, and as much as I thought I was right about Daniel's needs, I'd trust her if she told me it might be dangerous for him to leave her care tonight.

"Colonel, bearing in mind we really don't know what happened to Daniel, I can only say I don't believe he was harmed physically, other than the pain he experienced during the process. All the tests I ran confirm that." Her eyes glanced at the crushed foam cup. "But we don't know what after-effects he may suffer as a result of what was done to him." Looking back at me, she admitted, "It's possible if he does suffer any emotional backlash he may get through it easier if he's with you in a -- as you say -- safe place, rather than in the infirmary, which seems to upset him right now."

So Frasier's unspoken question was, if Daniel did suffer some 'emotional backlash' could I handle it? And was I willing to? In response, I got to my feet and prepared to go find my wandering, returned-from-the-dead geek. "I'll look after him, Doc," I promised. That was, after all, my job and had been ever since that first trip through the Stargate; I saw no reason to rewrite my job description now.

***

The drive to my place was conducted mostly in silence. Daniel fell asleep almost as soon as he got his seatbelt fastened, helped along by Frasier's magic pill, and my thoughts were such a mixture of anger and relief I couldn't have carried on a conversation even if he'd been awake.

The reason for the relief was simple enough: Daniel was alive, safe and here beside me. The reason for my anger was a little more complicated: I could have cheerfully murdered that alien for what he'd done to Daniel and to the rest of us. Even with Daniel beside me, alive, I discovered there was a part of me still trying to deal with grief. My thoughts drifted back to that first mission to Abydos and how I'd felt when Daniel had gotten himself killed. Then it was mostly guilt for failing in my duty to keep the civilian safe; but there had also been a tearing pain for the loss of the life of someone who had been so... alive, so passionate, so naive, and too damned caring. We'd come a long way since that first mission, and the pain I'd felt on Abydos was nothing to compared to the what I felt after returning from P3X866 without him. I glanced over at the subject of my thoughts, who was snoring softly, his head resting against the window, and wondered how long it was going to take me to get past that.

But Nem wasn't the only one I could cheerfully throttle. The snoring archeologist was also high on that select list. To think he actually insisted on the brain drain... okay, I won't go there. As much as I'd like to rant and rave and yell at him, I can't. He thought it was the only choice he had, the only way to get back home, and it took a hell of a lot of guts (something I've discovered he has more than his share of) to even consider it. I just wish we'd been able to break our conditioning sooner so we could have saved him from that. From what I had seen so far, I had an idea he might be dealing with the after-effects of that experience even longer than we were going to be dealing with the impact of our implanted memories.

Thinking of the other two members of my team, I glanced into my rearview mirror, knowing Carter and Teal'c were somewhere back there, following. We had all felt an unspoken need to gather together and no one had objected to Sam's suggestion that she pick up Chinese and we all return to my place. This time it would be a welcome back party instead of a wake.

While I was still musing over these thoughts we arrived home and I pulled into the driveway, easing to a stop. I carefully shook Daniel's shoulder, not wanting to startle him. "Daniel, wake up, we're here."

He blinked drowsily and repositioned his glasses on his nose. "Here? Here where?"

"Here, home." I paused in the process of getting out and looked at him closely. "Hey, are you awake?"

"Yeah, 'm awake."

"Yeah, you sound it," I grinned. I clapped him on the shoulder. "Come on, up and at 'em. Let's get you inside." I grabbed the bag out of the back that held his change of clothes and went around to the passenger side as he clumsily climbed out, ready to lend a hand if he needed it. But he looked steady enough on his feet, even if he was standing in the driveway staring at my house with a puzzled look on his face. "What's wrong?"

He frowned a little, but shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. Your place?"

I got him moving toward the house. "Remember, I told you we, ah, kind of packed up some of your stuff over at your apartment." Grinning apologetically, I explained, "We started in the bedroom."

His mouth formed a silent 'oh' as Carter and Teal'c pulled in behind us. We waited for them, then all went into the house together, the other two carrying bags of food and the beer I'd asked them to pick up. Daniel wouldn't be able to indulge, of course (although his idea of 'indulging' was two) but I had plans to make this a real celebration and clear all those implanted memories from my mind.

Once inside, I handed Daniel his overnight bag and waved everyone else toward the kitchen. "Why don't you go stow this in the spare room; you know where everything is. We'll get the food ready." I was halfway to the kitchen when he said my name. I turned to find him looking at me with a somewhat confused look on his face. "Yeah?"

He licked his lips in that nervous habit he has when he's not quite sure what is going on around him, then said, "Actually I don't know where everything is. Where is the spare room?"

I heard Carter make a sharp sound behind me, but the words were out of my mouth before I gave a thought to what I was saying. "What do you mean you don't know where the spare room is? You lived here for two months, for cryin' out loud..."

I think we all realized the import of what I'd said at the same time. Daniel's face drained. There was no other way to describe it; it went white so fast I thought he was going to pass out. Before I could even move Teal'c was by his side; grabbing his arm, he steered him to the sofa and quickly pushed him down onto the cushions. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carter rush into the kitchen.

Daniel was staring around him with wide, shocked eyes, shaking his head and muttering, "I've been here, I know I've been here. But I don't remember it. Why can't I remember it?"

I sat down on the coffee table in front of him and gently tapped him on one knee to get his attention. "What do you mean you don't remember it?" I asked, with a lot more calmness than I felt. "You mean you don't remember where the rooms are or --"

"I don't remember this house," he ground out. "I don't remember being here before." He looked at me and I saw the kind of wild panic on his face I'd last seen when Sha're had been snatched from him on Abydos. "I can't remember, Jack! Somehow I know I lived here, but I can't remember --"

"Okay, just take it easy, Daniel," I said, trying not to let anyone see my own growing concern. If he couldn't remember living here, what else couldn't he remember? What other memories might Nem have removed with his little mind vacuum job? "Just calm down and --"

"Calm down?" Daniel's voice had more than a touch of hysteria. "How can you expect me to --"

"Daniel, you have to calm down." Carter sat down beside him and pressed a glass of water into his hand. When she told him to calm down it actually sounded a lot more palatable than when I'd said it and he seemed to respond somewhat, either to her words or tone of voice. "Take a drink of water and then take some slow, deep breaths; you're going to hyperventilate."

To my surprise, he did as she said, but the panic was smoldering in the back of his eyes just waiting to erupt again.

She glanced at me, then in that same calm voice continued, "It's possible whatever Nem used on you to extract those memories about Babylon had some side-effects --"

"You mean he took other memories? H-He took other things out of m-my mind, he stole --" Then the panic did erupt. I saw it in his eyes and Teal'c must have read it in his body language. As he went to spring to his feet two massive hands clamped on his shoulders from behind and kept him seated. When Daniel would have struggled I laid both hands on his knees and squeezed to get his attention.

"Daniel, take it easy," I said firmly. "Just sit here for a minute, okay? Let's work through this." It wasn't easy to project calmness when faced with the kind of wild fear that was on Daniel's face and with my own anger so close to the surface, but it was my job to do just that.

I could feel tremors racing through Daniel's body and his voice had taken on a high pitch. "What else did he take from me, Jack? What else is gone?" Before I could open my mouth to say anything to that, he blurted, "Take me back to my place!"

I thought of that stripped-bare bedroom and the packing boxes in the living room, and hesitated, "Daniel, I don't think that's such a good --"

"I remember my apartment." He leaned forward suddenly and clamped a hand on my wrist, his face desperate. "Please, Jack. I remember that. I need to go there. That's where all --"

He broke off suddenly and looked down, biting his lip. That's where all my memories are. I sighed. I'd taken him away from the infirmary because those surroundings were upsetting him; now my place was just a big hole in his memory. Well, apparently Frasier's magic pill had worn off, and it was obvious he wasn't going to get any rest here as agitated as he was. And I hated to admit it, but I was almost as scared as he was. "Okay," I agreed quietly. "We'll go back to your place."

Again, we piled into our respective vehicles and headed for Daniel's apartment. Before we left, I'd instructed Carter (outside Daniel's hearing) to call Frasier to let her know about this latest wrinkle and to warn her we might be coming back tonight. This time during the drive Daniel was awake, but he was silent, fairly vibrating with tension. I tried to divert his attention with some conversation, but the most I got out of him, when he answered at all, were monosyllables, so I stopped trying.

My anger was enough to occupy me as we made the drive. Only now it was on a different level, as was the fear. It was bad enough that Daniel didn't even remember the time he lived with me -- we'd had some pretty good times then, and some pretty bad ones too, but it was during that period that we really began to know one another, and I'd told him things I'd never been able to tell anyone else. I considered that pretty special and it hurt more than I thought it would to think he'd lost that. But there was another concern, too. Daniel was one of our most valuable resources, not only in our war against the Goa'uld, but in our exploration through the Stargate. The amount of cultural, mythological and linguistic knowledge contained in this one man (enough to make my head explode) would make him invaluable even without all the experience he'd picked up on our missions so far. If he'd lost any of that...

That would be bad for SGC and Earth, but he could relearn it in time. If we had that much time. But what about the personal memories he'd lost? Could he regain those? I glanced over at him, but his profile was a shadow and he remained silent.

Sam, Teal'c and I stood with Daniel outside his apartment door and watched him fumble with his keys, then drop them because his hands were shaking so badly. Before he could bend over I scooped them up and gently nudged him aside. Fitting key to lock, I opened the door.

He was inside like a flash, not even bothering to turn on the lights. I took care of that as I followed him in, and soon the four of us were standing in the middle of his living room. We hadn't gotten much accomplished in this room, thank goodness, and the only evidence we had been here at all were few partially-filled boxes.

Daniel was standing like some statue and none of us wanted to say anything to break the silence. I moved closer to him with the intention of steering him to a chair, but he suddenly broke away and began frantically moving around the room, snatching up articles at random. First he'd pick up a small statue and stare at it, his face scrunched up in concentration. Then he would quickly set that back down and cross the room to grab a book from his bookshelf. He'd leaf wildly through the pages, his lips moving as he read some passage, then shove it back into its slot and turn to something else.

We watched in growing concern as he moved erratically through the apartment, seizing and discarding items at random. Sometimes his body would sag with relief, other times it would stiffen suddenly as pain flickered across his features and his knuckles would whiten as he grasped the object even tighter, apparently in an attempt to remember what it was or where he had gotten it.

Carter appeared at my elbow. "Colonel, this can't be good," she whispered, as she worriedly tracked Daniel's unpredictable movements.

"I agree," Teal'c said. "Daniel Jackson appears to be even more agitated than before."

That hadn't escaped my notice.

"I have an idea," Sam said hesitantly, then added with a meaningful look, "if you can get him to sit down long enough."

I nodded; I had probably let this go on too long anyhow. Coming here was supposed to reassure and calm him down a bit; instead it seemed to making him even more upset. Walking over to where he was staring at a framed photograph of a younger version of himself and a much older man standing in front of some ruins, I laid a hand on his shoulder. "Daniel."

His head shot up, eyes wide with fright. "Jack, I don't know who this is! I can't remember --"

Firmly, I pulled the photograph out of his fingers and laid it aside. "Why don't you come sit down for a while," I suggested quietly, guiding him around toward the sofa.

He planted his feet, waving his arm at the artifacts that seemed to cover every available surface in the room. "But --"

"Daniel. Please." I could feel him sagging a bit, probably from a combination of exhaustion and despair, and I braced him with an arm across his shoulders. "We're all here to help you, Danny. Give us a chance to do that, okay?"

He was obviously scared, but the trust in his eyes when he looked at us was almost heartbreaking. He was looking to us for the promised help; but could we deliver? Yes. We would help and we would get through this. I knew none of us would accept anything less. I didn't say it out loud, but I think he saw the promise in my eyes, because he got his feet moving and allowed me to steer him over to the sofa.

Carter sat down on one side of him, me on the other. Teal'c... stood guard. That's the best description I have for it.

Before she said anything, Sam laid a hand over Daniel's clenched fist and squeezed gently. "Daniel, I'd like to try something," she said softly. "Let's go about this logically, okay, just like we would if we were trying to find an answer to any other puzzle." She smiled encouragement. "We're pretty good at that, you and I."

He nodded jerkily, but I could see he was relaxing somewhat, focusing on Sam's calm voice and probably forcing his mind into 'scientist mode'. Carter was right about them being a damn good team when it came to working through puzzles; they each brought their own methods into the laboratory and their own form of logic, Sam's strictly scientific, Daniel's intuitive. Put them together in a lab, give them a problem to solve, then stand back, because I hadn't seen anything yet that could stop them.

With her hand still covering his, she continued, "We're going to go through your memories methodically and try to find out what's still intact and what's missing. I'd like you to close your eyes, Daniel, and try to relax."

At the phrase 'close your eyes' I felt him immediately tense and I touched his arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, there's nobody here but us," I reminded him.

"No harm will come to you here, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c announced, and his tone left no doubt he would give his life before he allowed that to happen.

Daniel looked at us all with wide eyes, then gave a little choke of strangled laughter as he raised his free hand and ran it recklessly through his hair. "You all must think I'm --"

"Traumatized," Sam broke in firmly. "And you've been subjected to some sort of alien technology that we don't understand."

"I don't think... I don't think he meant to hurt me," he mumbled, rubbing his temple.

I wished he'd stop reminding me of Nem; it only served to drive my level of fury up another notch. "But he did hurt you," I said in hard voice.

He nodded, chewing on his lower lip. "Yeah. Yeah, he did."

I shot a look at Carter that told her to get on with this and she nodded her understanding.

"All right, Daniel," she said gently, "are you ready? Just close your eyes and listen to my voice. Okay?"

With a hesitant nod, he slowly closed his eyes.

"Good. Now, try to relax. It's just us here, we're in your apartment. It's safe here." I saw the grips of their hands change slightly as he turned his hand to grasp hers as if to anchor himself. "All right, let's start with your earliest memories..."

The first few leading questions produced the desired results as Daniel responded immediately, and I could see him gather confidence with each answer. When she asked about his parents, he stiffened, a flicker of anguish crossing his face, and I saw Sam silently wince as her hand was squeezed. But again he responded. It was obvious he remembered not only his parents but the tragedy that took them from him at such a young age. He had never talked about them or the circumstances of their death, but it was all in his file, and I had read it before I even met him.

Carter hesitated at that point, but I gave my head a warning shake. There were bound to be bad memories along with the good; they were all a part of Daniel and the man he was, and we couldn't pick and choose among them.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. She led him briefly through his younger years to high school and college. Daniel had never talked much about his past, so she simply asked where he went to school (turns out there were a lot of schools in a lot of different places) and where he went to college (turns out there were a lot of those, too). That was where we hit our first snag. Carter and Daniel must have been comparing educational experiences during those long nights in the lab, because she began asking some leading questions about specific places. He remembered time spent in a university in Oslo doing some sort of mythology study. But when she mentioned Oxford, his face went blank.

"Oxford?"

Carter shot me a look before continuing. "Do you remember living in England for a time, attending Oxford University?"

His jaw tightening, Daniel gave his head a sharp shake. I suddenly realized someone should be taking notes; it might be important later in helping him come to terms with this to know where the gaps in his memory were. Teal'c must have seen me looking around for something to write on -- or else he read my mind -- because a pad of paper, the first page filled with scrawled notes made by Daniel, was handed to me. I nodded my thanks and quickly jotted down 'Oxford'.

Sam coaxed him on, and I tried -- and failed -- to distance myself from the raw emotions crossing my friend's face as he took a trip down memory lane and found many of the sign posts missing. I had about a dozen items on my list by the time Carter steered Daniel to his lecture in Los Angeles where Catherine Langford recruited him for the Stargate Project.

His tense features softened and he whispered, "Catherine."

Carter smiled. "You remember Catherine?"

He nodded, also smiling. "And I remember being laughed off the stage, broke, and locked out of my apartment," he said dryly. "And Catherine." He relaxed somewhat as he said her name, as if savoring the memory.

"And you remember --"

"The Stargate, and Dr. Meyers and Kawalsky and General West and... " Daniel grinned suddenly; it was a real grin and would have sparkled in his eyes had they been open. "And Colonel Jack O'Neill."

I gave a soft snort, but was pretty pleased, too.

Daniel was talking faster now, the way he normally did when he was hot on the trail of something. "And Abydos and Ra and..." His voice caught and he swallowed hard. "And Sha're." He said her name again, in a whisper, and squeezed his eyes even more tightly shut. "Thank you," he breathed, although who, or what, he was thanking, I didn't know. "And Skaara, and Kasuf and Aphophis and Teal'c and..." He gave Sam's hand a little squeeze. "Captain-Doctor."

His energy levels had been dropping steadily during his recollections, and he suddenly dropped his head back against the cushions and opened his eyes. Gently disentangling his fingers from Carter's, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I may not remember all the missions," he said steadily, "but I've got my journals. I can read them and try to fill in the blanks..." His voice trailed off, then he sat up straighter and put his glasses on, taking a moment to look at us all. "Thank you," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I may have lost some memories, but it looks like I still have the most important ones."

Since we were included in those 'most important' memories there were silly, pleased grins on all our faces -- even Teal'c's. I unobtrusively laid aside the pad of paper where I'd been recording the missing pieces of his past; we might need it later, but we might not. With any luck, the memory loss would be temporary; but if not, and if it was important to Daniel, we'd find a way to fill in those gaps for him. Like he said, he still had his most important memories.

He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, rubbing his temples again, so I asked, "Headache?"

He nodded, "Yeah, but not as bad. Just kind of annoying now."

"Janet said if you still had the headache it was okay to take some aspirin," Sam piped up.

Daniel slid her a look, probably wondering when she'd talked to Frasier, but nodded. "Okay." He started to push himself to his feet, but she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Um, your bathroom's been packed up, too," she admitted sheepishly. "But I've got some in my purse."

As she left to retrieve them I said, "Hey." He turned to me. "You hungry?"

He looked surprised. "Actually, I am."

"That we can fix." I got to my feet and headed for his kitchen, which thankfully, we hadn't packed up yet.

"Um, Jack?"

I turned back and saw a mixture of puzzlement and curiosity on his face. "What were you going to do with my things?"

I thought about the day Carter, Teal'c and I had been here and the painful time we spent packing up the remnants of his life. I gave him a half-hearted smile. "Start a museum," I told him, and went into the kitchen so I didn't have to think about it any more.

***

It was the smell of brewing coffee that woke me. I sat up on the sofa where I'd crashed last night, noting that Teal'c was still meditating across the room and Carter was sound asleep on the floor in Daniel's sleeping bag. We'd had something of a celebration last night, welcoming back one of our own, and no one had wanted to end it. When Daniel, finally out on his feet, asked if we'd like to stay the night, we immediately made the appropriate arrangements without further discussion. Teal'c and Sam got the bedroom ready for Daniel and I dug out the sleeping bag for Carter; being the C.O. does have some perks, and I got the sofa. After spending a night on Daniel's sofa, however, I would have gladly traded Carter for the floor. Still, I wouldn't have missed last night for anything. There was something healing about the team sitting around Daniel's living room eating Chinese food and keeping an eye on our drowsy, and very much alive, archaeologist. It was a real memory to replace those false ones.

It was something of a healing experience for Daniel too, I think. We could see him slowly relaxing as the evening progressed and it began to sink into his over-tired brain that he really was home. The tremors stopped, his headache faded, and he put away almost as much food as Teal'c. It was nice of him to ask us to stay the night, but he would have had to throw us out to get rid of us; none of us had any intention of leaving him alone.

Checking my watch I saw it was barely oh-four-thirty, but the smells and the sounds from the kitchen told me Daniel was already up. He kept even screwier hours than I did, only he blamed it on his system not yet fully adapting to Earth's twenty-four hour days. With a grunt, I got to my feet and made my way through the darkened living room toward the soft light in the kitchen.

Daniel was sitting at the small table, cup of coffee between his hands, his thoughts obviously far away.

"Hey," I called softly.

His head shot up and he waved me in with a small smile. "Coffee's ready."

I picked up one of the cups already waiting by the machine and filled it before joining him at the table. "Sleep okay?" I'd kept an ear open for any sound of nightmares, but it had been quiet all night.

He nodded. "Yeah. My bed never felt so good. Didn't think I'd ever --" He broke off and frowned into his coffee.

"Give it time, Danny," I advised quietly. "No one expects you to be able to just put this behind you with one night's sleep." I took a sip of coffee, easily slipping back into a scenario I was afraid I'd lost forever. Daniel and I had spent many mornings just like this when he was staying with me, learning to know and trust one another; it still hurt a bit to know he'd lost those memories. "It's going to take us time, too, you know," I pointed out, to distract him from his brooding.

He looked up at me then and his compassion, such an integral part of him, rose quickly to the surface. "Jack, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting -- the memorial service, the packing. It must have been --"

"It was." But having successfully diverted him, I really wanted to change the subject. "The point is, Daniel, we'll get through it together. You're not alone in this."

He nodded slowly, but there was a somber, faraway look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was remembering all the times in his life -- including the time he spent on Nem's planet -- when he had been alone. Then, unexpectedly, a smile touched his lips. "It feels good," he said softly. When I raised an inquiring eyebrow he explained, "To be 'not alone'."

Get used to it, I thought. You're a part of the SG-1 family now, and we take care of our own.

We drank our coffee in comfortable, familiar silence. I could tell something was still bothering him -- by now I recognized the signs -- but I let him choose his own time. When he was ready, he would tell me. Just to prove I know my Doctor Jackson, after he'd refilled both our cups he turned from the counter and looked at me. "I'm sorry I've forgotten those two months at your place, Jack. I have a feeling they were... pretty important."

"They were," I agreed. "And those memories may yet come back," I told him, hoping they did. "But if they don't..." I raised my cup to him and made a promise, "We start making new ones, right now."

A slow smile creased his features and banished the last of the shadows from his eyes. Even if those missing memories never came back, I knew he'd be okay. We'd make sure of that. SG-1 takes care of their own.

**fin**