Black and White
by
Jackjunkie
Click for details and warnings
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters
are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double
Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment
purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is
intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the
authors. This story may not be posted anywhere without the consent of the
authors.
Black and White
"Hey." Jack stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets, and greeted the sandy head bent over an open book.
Daniel looked up, eyes blinking an acknowledgment as they adjusted their focus. "Hey."
Taking that as an invitation to enter, Jack closed the office door behind him. "There's been a little delay in clearing SG-1 for our next mission."
Daniel fumbled for a post-it to mark his place as he closed the book and laid it on his desk. "What's the hold-up?"
"Me."
"You?"
"I won't take a team into the field knowing we don't trust each other one hundred percent." Jack leaned against the wall, his casual pose belying his inner nervousness. He'd tried to sign the paperwork that came across his desk for approval, but he just couldn't do it. Not while he knew a problem still existed - one that could endanger his team. Their safety was paramount.
He'd thought it over and couldn't see any way around it but to confront Daniel. So here he was talking. God, he hated this touchy-feely stuff.
A puzzled frown creased the area between Daniel's eyebrows. "I thought we settled all this. We talked it out, you apologized, it's okay. We're okay. Aren't we?"
"You tell me."
The glasses came off and fingers rubbed at the crease. "Jack, what are you talking about?" Daniel settled his glasses carefully back in place.
Damn, this sucked. "I'm talking about you not trusting me."
"I told you I understand why you lied. I may not agree with it, or accept it in the same way Sam and Teal'c have, but I do understand."
"I'm not talking about the lying. I apologized and you forgave me... after some payback." Jack made a face remembering how hard Daniel had made him work to get back into his good graces. That was okay; the kid had it coming after what he'd put him through. "I understand your reservations and I can deal with that. We both know I was protecting my team."
"Then what else…?"
Jack ran his hand through his hair. He'd rather be facing a squadron of death gliders than talking about this stuff. But there was no way around it, so he might as well spit it out. "I've had lots of friends, Daniel. Buddies to play sports with, watch games, party with. Comrades in arms fighting side by side and raising hell with." He scowled. "But none of them ever said friendship was work. Am I that tough to be friends with that you have to work at it for years? And why the hell would you want to? Friendship is supposed to be what you do to relax from work."
"Jack - yes, I have to say it is difficult for me at times to be friends with you. We're so different. I'd think it'd go the other way for you, too." Daniel sighed. "But I never said it wasn't worth the effort. I wouldn't bother if I didn't think that."
That was something. A tiny knot loosened in Jack's stomach, but there were still lots more to go. "Why would you want to be friends with someone you thought so little of?"
"What gave you that idea?" Daniel sounded genuinely surprised.
"Daniel, you bought the act."
"Act?"
Jack saw he'd have to spell it out. "You thought I turned. You believed every lie I spun for Maybourne. You thought I was the kind of guy who'd betray his oath to his service and his country, sell out his team, steal from his allies."
"You gave a very convincing performance."
"Like I said, you're a bright guy. I thought you'd sense it was just that, a performance."
"What?"
"I told you I said those things for your protection, and that was true. But there was part of me that thought somehow you'd see through it. While I was forcing myself to say the most hurtful things I could think of, part of me hoped my friend would recognize something was wrong, would know how much it'd eat me up to be saying those things and meaning them, and would trust me enough to play along." Jack tried to keep the bitterness from his tone, but knew he wasn't succeeding. It'd been far too easy to push Daniel out of his life. That had hurt. He'd expected Daniel to at least put up more of a fight. "Was I ever wrong."
Daniel's mouth was gaping open and he looked like he was trying to form words. Finally they came out. "That's not fair. I trust you with my life, Jack."
Not good enough. He already knew that. That's not what this was about. "What's not fair is trusting me with your life but not with your respect. You've accused me of not respecting you at times, but how much respect do you have for me if you could believe all those lies so easily? What it comes down to, Daniel, is you don't trust me enough to believe in me despite appearances. That's what I thought friends did."
"Of c-course I r-respect you…" Daniel stood up as he began to argue, but then stopped and looked down at his desk. After a moment, he looked back up at Jack. "No, you're right. I should've believed in you, like you did for me even when you didn't believe my story about the Harsesis child. I'm sorry, Jack."
Jack knew Daniel was sincere. He could hear it in his voice, see it in those guileless blue eyes that knew so little of deception. That didn't solve the whole problem, though. "Okay, but why, Daniel? Am I so untrustworthy? Am I really the kind of guy it's hard to believe in, that you can so easily think so badly of?" Jack kept his voice light, but hurt underlay the words.
"God, Jack, no, of course not. It's got nothing to do with you." Daniel's voice was horrified.
"We're talking about me, Daniel. How can it have nothing to do with me?"
Daniel took a step to the side and stood facing his bookshelves, examining them as if he found them fascinating. His arms crept across his chest as he hugged himself. After what appeared to be an internal struggle, he said in a low voice, "It's me."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Give me a break. 'It's not you, it's me' is the oldest line in the book."
"Maybe, but it's true." Daniel shot a swift look at Jack and then looked away again. "You're not the one I don't trust. I am. I mean, my history. In a way I've been waiting for something like that to happen all along. People I get close to never stay around for long."
He didn't elaborate, but images flashed into Jack's mind - Daniel's parents, Sha're.
Daniel continued, "I couldn't expect you to last either. Something had to happen. Something always happens. When it finally did, I guess I accepted it as what I'd been waiting for." Daniel gulped and finally met Jack's eyes. "I didn't intend to do you a disservice. I am sorry."
The clenching in Jack's gut eased. "Daniel, I accept your apology, but you've got to get past this. You've had some bad luck, but that doesn't mean all your relationships are jinxed. I'm not going anywhere."
A half-smile trembled across Daniel's lips. "I wish I could believe that."
"You'd better. Because you have to trust everyone on SG-1, and there are four people on that team. You have to trust every one of them."
"What if I can't?"
"No options if you stay on the team. This is a black or white situation. Yes or no. It's that simple and that clear. It has to be."
Blue eyes widened in alarm. "I have to stay on the team."
Jack simply looked at him.
Straightening his shoulders in determination, Daniel nodded. "Then I will."
"Okay then. I'll go put through the paperwork for our next mission."
"Just like that? How can you be sure I…?"
Jack reached out and clasped Daniel's shoulder. "I trust you."
***
"I don't know how that man was killed. We are not Optrican spies."
The words echoed over and over in Daniel's mind. They're what he'd clung to through the whole ordeal. He hadn't known what else to do. He couldn't give away Teal'c. But he couldn't let them keep hurting Jack and Sam either. How could he make a choice between his teammates, his friends?
"You did the right thing, Daniel."
How did Jack know what he was thinking? And… "How do you know I did?"
"Because you trusted your training. You trusted your team. You trusted me." Brown eyes shone with comfort. "And most of all, you trusted yourself."
"I had to. I didn't know what else to do. I had to trust…"
"And that trust saved us, saved Teal'c, saved all our lives."
Daniel shook his head. "It's a pretty insubstantial thing to pin a mission on."
"Out there it's the most solid thing we've got to hold on to. Course an MP-5 never hurts either. But I've learned to count on people more than anything."
Daniel smiled. "I must be learning to count on people, too. To trust them to be there, and to trust myself to let them."
"It's the way the best teams operate." Jack's smile joined his. "And it's a good start at working on the friendship thing."