By Maryangela Layman Román, Catholic Herald Staff

MILWAUKEE — Birthdays are special in the Tomski household, but there are four days that are even greater cause for celebration. Called “gotcha days,” the Tomski family celebrates the days when each of their four boys – all adopted from the Philippines – became part of their family.

The most recent cause for celebration was nearly three months ago when 13-year-old Jomer became part of the Tomski clan.

When Joel and Sharon Tomski married nearly 19 years ago in a chapel at the Orlando Naval Training Center in Florida, they couldn’t have imagined the international flavor their family would eventually have.

Joel, a graduate of St. Francis High School, St. Francis and the University of Wisconsin – Whitewater, met Sharon, a native of Pennsylvania, while both were stationed in Orlando in the Navy.

During an interview with your Catholic Herald at the family’s southside home, Joel recalled that while dating, he and Sharon had discussed children and had said they’d consider adoption, possibly after having children of their own.

But when infertility issues prevented them from having biological children, the couple starting thinking about other ways to build their family.

“We had fertility issues, so adoption became more of the option for us,” said Joel. They relocated to Wisconsin after completing their active duty commitment with the Navy, eventually retiring from the reserves after 20 years.

While living in Kenosha and attending St. Mark Parish, they saw a notice in the parish bulletin about the need for foster parents. Intrigued, they responded to the ad, but, because they were not parents, they were instead directed to a group involved in Filipino adoptions. As they learned more about the need for adoptive parents for the many Filipino children in orphanages, the couple became intrigued with the idea and about two years later in June 1997, welcomed Andy, then 21 months, into their family.

“Isn’t life perfect with one child?” Sharon recalled thinking after Andy became part of their family. Yet, she and Joel looked to a friend who was an only child and whose parents died young and wondered “if it was not fair for Andy not to have a brother.”

So on July 1, 2000, Aaron, 2, joined the family which, at this point, had moved to Milwaukee, about three blocks from the home in which Joel grew up.

They once again looked to the Philippines and to Lutheran Social Services, the agency that helped coordinate Andy’s adoption.

“We were so happy with the process and the relationship we had built with the social worker (Carol Hakala),” said Sharon, explaining why for the second adoption, they chose a similar route.

Three years later, when Andy was 8 and Aaron, 5, the Tomskis added to their family, this time with a slightly older child, Augie, 6.

Living an active American life, the boys are all students at St. Thomas Aquinas Academy, Milwaukee – Andy in fifth grade, Augie and Aaron in third grade – and play soccer, basketball, softball and are in scouting. Joel works in the accounting department at Northwestern Mutual and Sharon teaches at Thomas More High. Sharon and Joel are lectors at St. Paul Parish and Joel also serves as an extraordinary minister of holy Communion. Life seemed full for the Tomskis.

But then in spring 2005, a newsletter from Lutheran Social Services arrived in the mail. The faces of two siblings from the Philippines hoping for permanent adoptive homes caught Sharon’s attention. Unable to shake the feeling that perhaps their home had room for more children, the Tomskis inquired about the siblings and were to meet with Hakala to discuss the children.

“We prayed a lot and looked to God for guidance and a sign while we made our decision,” said Joel.

As they mulled over their decision, Joel said the couple based their decision-making process on a line from scriptures, “To those to whom much is given, much is expected.”

“We are blessed with a lot of love in this family, and we decided to go for a fourth child because we have a lot of love and there is room for one more,” he said.

While they eventually decided the special needs of one of the children were too much for them to take on, the day before the meeting with Hakala was to take place, another newsletter arrived, this one with a picture of Jomer.

After reading that the youngster liked to study, was respectful and hoped to one day be an engineer, Sharon – an engineering teacher – was hooked.

Jomer seemed to be the perfect fit for their family, in fact, Sharon said, “He seemed too good to be true.”

After finding out more about Jomer and his background, Hakala called the Tomskis and said, “I think he’s a keeper.”

In late October, Joel and Andy — who had accompanied his father to the Philippines to get his other brothers, too – went to Manila to bring Jomer home. Jomer had lived in an orphanage since he was 4 and initially Joel said he seemed a little reserved. He also spoke very little English, and in an e-mail to friends and family, Joel wrote, “Jomer’s English proficiency is even less than I expected, so we aren’t really communicating much.”

But Andy proved to be a great ice-breaker when he presented Jomer with an MP3 player onto which he had downloaded his favorite songs.

Joel also suggested a game of UNO, which led to hours of laughing, joking and fun, he said.

When the trio arrived at the airport at about 5 p.m., Sharon and the other boys were on hand to greet them. Just before she left, she received a call from the soccer coach telling her soccer practice was at 6 p.m. When she and Joel asked Jomer if he wanted to go, he agreed immediately and an hour after arriving in Milwaukee was racing up and down the soccer field with his new teammates.

In the two months since he’s arrived, Jomer has assimilated well into the Tomski family. He’s a fifth grader at St. Thomas Aquinas Academy and, according to his parents, school staff and volunteers have been a great source of help as he learns English.

At times, Sharon said Jomer seems a bit reserved, perhaps remembering his friends at the orphanage. In fact, once he asked to call them. But, she said, he’s quickly fit in with his brothers and seems to be forming strong bonds with them.

Hakala, coordinator of the adoption program for Lutheran Social Services, who has worked with the Tomskis through all four adoptions, called Jomer a good fit for the family.

“The Tomskis are experienced parents. They have realistic expectations of their children, they have sound values that will help all of their kids become great adults. Their faith is what motivates them, and this was important for Jomer.

“It was also a great fit because Jomer needs to have siblings. I am sure that he does miss the kids at the orphanage, but three brothers help with his adjustment and support,” she said.

In addition to playing soccer and basketball through St. Thomas Aquinas, Jomer has also begun RCIC (Rite of Christian Initiation of Children) classes through St. Paul Parish. He will be baptized, confirmed and receive his first Communion this spring.

“The reason anybody has a child is out of love,” noted Joel, “and we certainly had love for these children.”

When considering international adoption, Hakala encouraged prospective parents to remember, “many children don’t have a family – and everyone deserves one. This is especially apparent in international adoption; the need for families is great and very apparent.”

Describing the Tomskis as a “full package” family, Hakala said she admires them.

“They have strong family ties, a faith that they put into action everyday, and they love and enjoy their kids,” she noted.

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