Jedi Kasumi17


Jedi Kasumi


(A Ranma/Star Wars Crossover)


by
Jim Robert Bader


(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi
& George Lucas, with further inspiration
provided by Brandon Kelley & Bill Guiroff)


Episode Seventeen.
(Under Seventeen Not Admitted)


The Perils of Polling



Having narrowly
escaped a perilous
encounter with Akane
Tendo, the Sith Padawan
Ukyo Kuonji---uncertain of
her new role in these affairs,
has joined a makeshift posse of
her former adversaries, the Jedi, who
are rushing to the aid of Ranma and Nabiki,
guided by a prescient warning of immanent
danger by Kasumi Tendo, Ukyo's nominal rival...


Meanwhile Ranma
and Nabiki are observing
a battle being waged between
the Sith Lord, Darth Purge, and
Happosai, the founder of the Anything
Goes school of Indiscriminate Grappling.
Said encounter is taking on the proportions
of a major-league grudge match as Purge and
Happosai attempt to outdo one another in both
style and potency of their mutual attacks, which
are causing more collateral damage to their surroundings
than to one another...


And unknown to
all of these respective
parties, a new presence is
about to join in the field of
play, one destined to play a
larger role in the lives of the Jedi,
to say nothing of certain forgotten
parties left behind by Purge in his quest
to squash the annoying bug that is named
Happosai...






"<Well now, this is a fine mess,>" observed the tired 
traveler from her lofty advantage, "<Did he leave you like 
discarded goods along the wayside after all, as I had 
predicted?  How fitting in a way, and how sad.  Your 
mothers would be so disappointed...>"


Those words intruded upon the pleasant fantasies of a semi-
conscious Mu Tsu, who reluctantly opened his eyes and 
peered up at the face of an incredibly ancient-seeming 
woman, his normally bad eyesight being somewhat sharper 
when he was in his "cursed" angelic form.  He knew the 
speaker right away, even groaned a bit before saying, 
"<What do you want, Old Monkey?>"


Rather than be baited by the crude insult, Kho-Lon of the 
Joketsuzoku only sighed, "<Mu-Tsu, desist in this folly.  I 
foresee no good end for you if you keep up with your 
present training.  This Darth Purge has not made you a 
stronger fighter, he has merely added a weapon for you to 
play with and eventually hurt yourself, to say nothing of 
any prospects you might once have had of claiming my great-
granddaughter.>"


"<And what business is it of yours, Old Woman?>" Mu-Tsu 
snapped as he rolled onto his chest and used that angle to 
leverage himself back into an upright position (one of the 
disadvantage of having wings on ones back was that they 
tended to trap you there if your back was what you happened 
to land upon, feeling much like having a pair of flat-
boards strapped to your shoulders, "<You cast me out of our 
tribe, remember?  You said I was dead to you...>"


"<An unfortunate choice of words and actions on my part," 
Kho-Lon conceded, "I wanted to minimize the potential risk 
to our village that was attended upon your training, but 
when you followed the stranger willingly into exile it 
marked for us that you had changed into a stranger.  This 
dark obsession of yours with either punishing or conquering 
Tendo Kasumi...>"


"<Is my chosen path,>" Mu-Tsu haughtily glowered, "<And no 
one---not even you---can bar me from winning Xian-Pu's hand 
in marriage...>"


"<Even if you do so against the will of she whom you claim 
to love?>" Kho-Lon countered, "<Mu-Tsu, even you must 
concede that it is insanity to believe that Xian-Pu will 
come to love you if you hurt her friends and come between 
her and those whom she does care for.  In China you only 
succeeded in alienating yourself from her by preventing her 
from having any contact with the other men in our 
village...is it any great surprise that she then turned her 
affections to other women?>"


"<That---that has nothing to do with it!>" Mu-Tsu insisted, 
"<It was Tendo Kasumi who seduced my innocent, sweet Xian-
Pu...>"


"<You cannot honestly believe that Tender Kasumi was the 
first,>" Kho-Lon said more sternly, "<Or did you think that 
the time she spent with Lo-Xion and Pur-Fum was all about 
exchanging recipes for healing potions?  And did you think 
that Amber-Gris chose to up and go on that sabatacal 
because she found Xian-Pu's fighting style so formidable?  
Do you have any notion what the two of them did to make up 
after their fight?  I assure you, it involved a lot more 
than simple kissing...>"


"<Lies, slanders, I won't hear of it!>" Mu-Tsu declared, 
just checking his rash impulse to attack the old woman 
since doing so would be proof that he had taken leave of 
all of his good senses, <You are just trying to confuse 
me...!>"


"<Hey, would you keep it down over there?>" someone else 
said in Mandarin Chinese, "<Some of us are trying to catch 
up on their sleep...>"


Kho-Lon turned to regard the other semi-dazed boy just now 
reviving and mused to herself that this one had a natural 
resilience and recovery time far greater than even she had 
estimated during his brief visit to the lands of the 
Nyanchiczu.  Aloud what she said was, "<Oh, and are we 
disturbing your rest, Lord One?  A pity that..."


"Where am I?" Ryoga shifted back to his native Japanese, 
looking momentarily confused before saying, "Back at camp?  
But where is Sensei?"


"Off finding out first hand why some demons are better off 
left sleeping," Kho-Lon mused in a wry moment of brief 
humor, replaced with a sigh that was as mysterious as it 
was heartfelt, "You were left forgotten while he does 
battle with one who cannot easily be beaten.  I trust you 
had a good nap, Boy, because your services---such as they 
are---may be called upon shortly."


Comprehension filled the Lost Boy's eyes as Ryoga jumped to 
his feet and said, "YOU?  I mean...Old Lady?  But---what---
where...?"


He frantically looked around as if expecting to see another 
party.


"Calm down, Fool," Kho-Lon chided, "I didn't bring her with 
me if that's what you're afraid about, not that I expect 
her to heed my wishes that she stay back at the village, in 
which case you will have just cause to be concerned.  I am 
not here to drag you back to her either, I have other 
business in Nerima, and I want to reassure you that there 
will be no cause for quarrel between us...unless you behave 
rashly and refuse to listen to my warnings."


"What are you here for, Old Lady?" Ryoga asked with a much 
more guarded expression.


"It is simple," Kho-Lon replied, "I am here to find Tendo 
Kasumi.  She and her Seifu were recent guests at our 
village and carry the status of Amazon Sisters by adoption.  
What I have to say to them is of great importance and 
concerns no other ears but their own.  I am also hoping to 
look up Xian-Pu's adopted brother in the hopes of learning 
if he has progressed much in the art since last I tutored 
him, and perhaps to persuade him to consider Xian-Pu as 
more than a sister.  It would be a great boon to our 
bloodlines if he were to add his own seed to our family's 
ancestry."


"You want to Stud him like a bull, using Xian-Pu as your 
brood mare?" Mu-Tsu declared in outrage, "I KNEW IT!  
NEVER!  I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS...!"


He never even saw the attack until the old woman's staff 
rendered him once more semi-conscious.  Even Ryoga was 
impressed with the speed and precision of her efforts, 
reckoning that the old Mummy was a far sight more spy than 
she let on in normal conversation.


"Let that be a lesson to you, Boy," Cologne addressed the 
hapless Mousse, "What you call the Force is called the Shan 
in our language, and it is identical to the Chi that we 
harness as the backbone to our training.  You may think 
yourself powerful and clever, but it would take a hundred 
years of training before you could even hope to match me."


Ryoga decided then and there that making this old lady 
upset with him was not a very good career option.  In more 
respectful tones than he might otherwise have employed, he 
said, "I don't know whatever your intentions are towards 
Ranma, Old Lady, but I've sworn an oath of vengeance 
against him for his many crimes against me..."


"And what crimes are those, pray tell?" Cologne asked him, 
"That he waited three days and not four to meet you in a 
challenge match?  That he attempted to befriend you after 
you had that quarrel over bread in the middle school that 
you attended?  That you followed him to Jusenkyo and got 
cursed through your own carelessness and inattention?"


"All that and...and what he did to me later," Ryoga flushed 
with embarrassment, "If it wasn't for him, I..."


"Wouldn't have tripped and fallen on top of Ambergris, thus 
provoking that fight you had," Cologne said in some 
amusement, "Which also had the perverse effect of getting 
you on the bad side of my other great-granddaughter, 
Perfume, who was hoping to score another conquest."


"Hey, I didn't know about any of that!" Ryoga protested, 
"Those laws of yours..."


"They are our way, Boy," Cologne sobered, "Handed down to 
us from the very beginning of our race.  Strong husbands 
for strong warriors, we say, and you definitely count as a 
strong warrior, whatever your shortcomings in...other 
areas.  You'd still make some Amazon a very find husband.  
To bad the one who fell for you happens to like 
crossdressers..."


Ryoga shuddered, visibly remembering and reliving what had 
to be one of his lease favorite memories.  Small wonder 
when the offer from Purge came along to teach him new 
methods of combat he had snatched it up like a drowning man 
would a life preserver.  It was not that he had anything in 
particular against the pink-haired Amazon in 
particular...it was just that she had a 
rather...domineering nature that fairly intimidated him and 
made Ryoga want to be anywhere else but China.


"But enough of all that," Cologne turned and surveyed the 
other sleeping occupant of the camp, "Do I take it that 
this is the infamous Taro Pantsaru?  Yes...not many victims 
of Jusenkyo who look like that, even unconscious."


Ryoga took notice of Taro's condition for the first time, 
which was pretty amazing considering how hard it was to 
miss a giant bull-headed winged monster, "What happened to 
him?"


"My guess is that he got his wish and found Happosai," 
Cologne replied with a mild stiff, "So, that makes three of 
you in all...so where is the forth student, that girl you 
were with who combines martial arts with cooking?"


"Ukyo?" Ryoga replied, looking equally puzzled until his 
expression darkened and he rubbed the back of his head, 
"That had to be her who clobbered me...nobody else could 
sneak up on me like that.  One of these days she'll go too 
far and..."


"And what will you do?" Cologne asked, "Do you know the 
answer to that one, Boy?"


"Huh?" Ryoga frowned, "What are you getting at?"


"I sense strong emotions rising up within you at the mere 
mention of her name," Cologne revealed, "Have you feelings 
for her that you have been unable to express to her face, 
and is that the reason why you seem so flustered all of a 
sudden?"


"I don't know what you're talking about," Ryoga looked 
away, "She means nothing to me but an obstacle.  She's the 
senior student, and I have to beat her before Sensei will 
acknowledge me as his apprentice."


"And that is your only reason?" Cologne asked shrewdly.


"Of course," Ryoga refused to meet the old woman's stare, 
"What other reason is there?"


"Then I suppose that it will not interest you what happens 
to her in the very near future?" Cologne asked with a 
hidden smile in her withered expression.


"What?" Ryoga turned about, "What happens to her?  What are 
you talking about?  Is something happening to Ukyo?"


"Not that you would care, of course," Cologne mused, "But 
if you will follow me you may be in time to see your Master 
fighting with his all against Happosai, and that will be 
where Ranma and my great granddaughter will doubtless be 
heading, along with Lady Trieste and Tendo Kasumi."


"You know where they are?" Ryoga asked with just a bit more 
urgency than usual in his voice.


"They should be easy enough to locate," Cologne assured 
him, "Just follow the explosions and the trail of debris, 
I'm sure we'll find everyone of importance gathered around 
to witness the real excitement."


"Then what are we waiting for?" Ryoga asked, only to find 
the old woman suddenly standing atop her staff directly in 
his path looking directly at him from eye level, which 
caused him to start, "What...?"


"As I thought, your eyes are dilated," Cologne mused aloud, 
"I've been wondering what was a bit off in your behavior.  
Well, never mind, we will discuss this later.  For now we 
have a battle to catch up with, and if you want to see the 
price of vengeance, then follow me now, and don't spare the 
leg power."


More than somewhat confused, and not sure exactly why he 
should follow her orders, Ryoga took off after the old 
woman, sensing as he did so that something was indeed 
causing a strong disturbance in the Force, one that rippled 
through every rock and tree with such intensity that he 
marveled that he had not noticed this until now, and 
without a single doubt or hesitation he hurried up his 
pace, knowing that he had to be there soon or else be left 
out from the momentous events that were about to happen...





Purge could not believe his eyes as he saw the little man 
hop up onto the fence as hale and hearty as ever, as if the 
smoldering crater that remained of the place where he had 
previously been standing did not indicate to the contrary 
that nothing human should have survived his last attack.


"Pretty good, for an amateur," the annoying bug noted, 
"I'll admit that was very impressive, but it still doesn't 
put you in the big leagues in my book?"


"Then what would earn your respect?" Purge growled through 
clenched teeth, his anger momentarily checked by genuine 
curiosity over his opponent's continued existence.


"Well now," the little man scratched behind one ear, "That 
all depends.  If you could do something really neat and 
original with all that energy besides blow things up, then 
we might talk.  So far you're just wasting your time and 
showing me that you don't really have a basic grasp of the 
possibilities of what you could do with your Ki besides act 
mindlessly destructive.  A real Master ought to show a 
little more finesse, not try and impress on everybody what 
a tough guy you are, let people underestimate you by 
thinking you're fairly harmless..."


"Harmless?" Purge scoffed, "Do you really think that 
someone such as me could be taken as harmless?"


"Er," Happosai eyed the almost seven-foot-tall lizard man 
then reluctantly conceded, "Probably not.  Still, it 
doesn't hurt to adopt a more casual air instead of always 
trying to make people know that you're a tough guy."


"This is pointless," Purge's nostrils flared and his eyes 
nictitated, "I would not lower myself to taking the advice 
of a human who is long past his natural life cycle."


"Hey now, don't be so hasty," Happosai smiled, "The fact 
that I'm still around means that I must know something 
about the art, right?"


Purge took a moment before conceding that with a nod.


"Then why don't we stop wasting our time and energy with 
trying to beat each other up?" Happosai asked, "We could 
learn a lot from each other if you wouldn't mind sharing."


"What?" Purge scoffed, "You think I would want to take one 
such as you on as an apprentice?"


"Actually I was thinking more the other way around," 
Happosai mused, "You can be my apprentice...you've 
certainly got a lot more on the ball than those two useless 
lagabouts that I used to coach before you."


Purge took a full second to react to this, and then his 
rage boiled over into the fore again as he bellowed, 
"FOOL!" and took a savage swipe in Happosai's direction 
with his lightsaber...


"Uh oh," Nabiki noted from where she and Ranma stood 
surveying the battle on the sidelines, "I think the old man 
just made Purge mad all over again..."


"Who the hell is he?" Ranma asked, "And how is he doing 
this?  That old fossil's got the big lizard guy chasing his 
own tail..."


"It's incredible all right," Nabiki remarked, "His speed 
and timing and flawless, and he's got moves even you've 
never displayed, Ranma-kun."


"Huh," Ranma snorted, but then he was forced to reply, 
"Okay, so the old Prune's pretty sharp...but what I can't 
figure out is how he knows the Anything Goes system.  Some 
of those moves remind me of the way Pop fights..."


"You think so?" Nabiki cocked an eyebrow at that, "I was 
going to say the same thing about my father.  Incredible as 
it seems, Ranma-kun, but that old guy must either know our 
fathers or be part of the same school.  Think he might be 
our great grandfather?"


"Huh?" Ranma blinked, "What makes you ask a thing like 
that?"


"Ah...I don't know, really," Nabiki blinked too, "It just 
popped into my head for some reason.  He sure looks old 
enough to be someone's great grandfather..."


All at once the breeze shifted direction, and Happosai 
suddenly backed away from a counter-attack to pause and 
sniff the breeze, at which point he made a hand-sign and 
cried, "Time out!  We got company here...and she smells 
like a real cutie!"


"What?" Purge paused in mid-strike and turned his own head 
to sniff the breeze, and then he declared, "You are 
right...there are humans present...a male and a female..."


"Who cares about the guy?" Happosai said dismissively, 
"Just let me at the cutie, Hubba-Hubba!"


"Huh?" Ranma straightened out and shielded h is eyes 
against the glare of the sun as he surveyed the battle-
zone, "Now that's weird...where did the old guy vanish to?"


"Strange," Nabiki said as she stood on tip-toes on the wall 
upon which they both were standing, "I could have sworn I 
saw him move for a second---AAAWWWPPP!!!"


She yelped and started tumbling backward as something 
latched itself to her chest and started rubbing its face 
against her cleavage.  Nabiki barely had the presence of 
mind to conjure up the Force in order to break her fall as 
she landed with a rude jolt on her back with the tiny 
figure clinging to her with a grip that utterly refused to 
be shaken.


"Nabiki!" the old man happily cried, "I knew it had to be 
you...the scent is the same as before, only you're so much 
bigger than I remember..." his hands fondled her chest to 
confirm his hopeful suspicions, "Oh yeah...a lot bigger 
than Akane, though not quite in that Shampoo's 
class...still, it's better to be nice sized than too 
generous, I always say..."


"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Nabiki demanded as she 
tried to pry the lecher from her person, only to see him 
leap away voluntarily while clutching her silk lingerie bra 
in one hand like a triumphant trophy.


"Oooh yeah!" Happosai cried delightedly as he began to rub 
the silky thing against his face, "There's nothing quite 
like the scent of a woman in full bloom, and still a virgin 
no less, pretty rare in these days with young people 
throwing themselves at the first randy stud who comes their 
way..."


"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" a male voice eerily echoed 
Nabiki's, compelling Happosai to glance up at the young man 
still perched atop the wall with a towering rage evident in 
his expression.


"Well now, who's this?" Happosai wondered, frowning 
slightly, "You wouldn't happen to be Genma's little boy all 
grown up, would you?"


"Huh?" the question momentarily derailed Ranma's anger, 
"You know my Pop?"


"Hah, I knew it!" the little man smirked, "You're Ranma, 
the wild Pup I've been hearing so much about.  Think you're 
hot stuff with the ladies, do you?  Not that I can fault 
your taste, since she really is a cute one..."


The reminder of the flushed and embarrassed Nabiki caused 
Ranma to glance over at her, seeing the way she clutched at 
her own Gi as though afraid of showing something 
unintended.  The look in her eyes did something inside him 
that was strangely overwhelming, and all at once his anger 
returned, empowered by a righteous sense of wounded 
indignity for the girl he had befriended, to say nothing of 
the strangely territorial anger that was mixed with 
emotions still new to him and thus not easily recognized.


"You're gonna pay for doing that to Nabiki!" Ranma growled, 
jumping off the wall and aiming a kick at the old man, only 
to find himself turned around in mid-air as he went 
slamming face-first into the very wall upon which he had 
been standing.


"Sloppy attack, Boy," Happosai declared, "Your father 
should have taught you better."


"You know our fathers?" Nabiki asked, taking a deep breath 
to attempt to reassert her calm control over her own 
emotions.


"Sure do," Happosai replied, "Taught them everything they 
know...with maybe one or two exceptions.  Not everything I 
know, of course, so you might say that I'm your Grand 
Master, though you can call me Happy."


"I'll call you half a loaf," Nabiki said as she got to her 
feet and pulled out her favorite weapon, triggering the 
spring mechanism that caused it to extend into a full-sized 
Naginata.


"Well now," Happosai lifted an eyebrow without evidencing 
too much concern, even after Nabiki activated the curbed 
energy beam that formed the blade of her weapon, "Pretty 
interesting toy you have there.  Make it yourself?"


"It's one of my hobbies," Nabiki replied, swirling her 
weapon around like a staff as she sought to impress on the 
old man her displeasure with his conduct, "You grope me, 
hurt my boyfriend, and you have the nerve to call yourself 
a Grand Master?"


"Boyfriend now?" Happosai gave Ranma an amused look, "So 
that's the way it is, eh?  You don't waste time, a man 
after my own heart.  Maybe there's potential in you yet, 
Boy."


"Don't dismiss me because I'm a girl!" Nabiki snarled, 
slashing down with her Naginata and deliberately missing.


Her aim was not to attack the man directly, reasoning that 
it would be much less expected for her to aim her beam at 
the ground beside his feet, and once the hot magnetically 
curved blade hit the soil it caused the rocks and dirt to 
explode from rapid expansion.  The blast kicked up a cloud 
of dust in all directions even as Nabiki began whirling her 
beam around with senses extended.  A warning prickle caused 
her to stab backward with the blunt-end of the handle, but 
to her surprise the old man easily avoided the attack in 
spite of it being all but invisible to normal senses.


"Oh, I'm not dismissing you or anything, Nabiki-chan," 
Happosai said as he perched upon the metal shaft of her 
Naginata, "But the fact that you're a girl means I've got 
to go easy on you, so you won't mind if I do this?"


The Naginata was kicked out of her hands so sharp that 
Nabiki was left gasping, then all at once she felt hands 
groping her again, yet by the time she turned fully around 
she saw the little man through the haze and dust clutching 
something else that he had removed from her body.  She took 
a moment to fathom what that could be...then reached down 
with a hand and felt her crotch just to confirm a dark 
suspicion.


"Oboy," she winced, realizing now why it felt a little 
drafty.


"Mmmmm..." the demonic little pervert pressed his nose up 
to her panties, "That's a scent I'd know anywhere...I just 
knew one day that Soun's little girls would blossom out 
into three strapping, nice smelling women..."


"H-How...?" Nabiki was about to ask how it was possible for 
the little man to remove her undergarments without her 
first taking her clothes off, but instead she yelped as a 
warning bell flared, and instants later the wall next to 
her sported a lightsaber beam, one that cut through the 
masonry and stone as though they were paper.


She jumped back barely in time to see the wall section 
tumbling down on where she had been standing, and then 
Darth Purge was standing there in the gap he had created, 
peering down at her with a particularly reptilian 
expression.


"Did you forget about me, little human?" the Sith Lord 
smiled, "Be assured, I haven't forgotten about you..."


"Nabiki!" Ranma cried as he finally recovered his bearings, 
moving with as much effort as he could to close the space 
between himself and the short haired girl, his mind 
suddenly exploding with an image of Purge thrusting his 
saber straight forward into the girl's abdomen, the blade 
piercing her through her stomach and boiling her insides 
with scalding fire, an image that promised a lingering 
death of the most excruciating variety, and one that he was 
powerless to prevent.


NO!  His mind cried out in protest.  NO!  Not her!  Not 
this way!  Not---!


The blade started to move forward, everything slowing down 
to a crawl as if time itself were running out of energy, 
and Ranma saw Nabiki attempting to avoid the thrust, saw 
the realization that her death could not be easily avoided, 
and the certain knowledge that all her skills could not 
save her.  Purge was like a dark force of doom personified, 
and within one second he would turn her into a human 
shiskabob with no more thought than he might turn towards 
stepping on an anthill.  Ranma felt his own limbs moving as 
if through molasses, his best efforts meaningless to 
prevent the tragedy from occurring, at which point his mind 
rebelled, refusing to accept his helplessness in the face 
of certain disaster.


Then time started moving again as a blur of motion gripped 
Purge by the arm and forced his hand down so that the ruby 
lightsaber speared the earth instead of Nabiki.


"Hey now!" Happosai declared angrily, "That's going way too 
far, don't you think?"


"What are you doing, fool?" Purge growled, "She is one of 
them!"


"So she is," Happosai agreed, and all at once Purge found 
himself airborne, propelled backward as though he had just 
been slugged in the chest with a sledgehammer, "She also 
happens to be one of mine!  No way am I going to just stand 
here and let you hurt a pretty girl, especially my own 
flesh and blood!"


"W-What?" Nabiki blinked in surprise and dismay.


Ranma halted in the act of rushing forward, glancing up as 
he saw Purge arcing backwards over the wall and beyond, to 
land rather heavily on the other side of the street where 
he and Happosai had been fighting.


"Whoah, Gramps...what did you do to him?" Ranma found 
himself asking.


"Nothing he didn't have coming," Happosai hurrumphed with 
his arms folded over his tiny chest, "That nerve of that 
overgrown iguana, trying to take out one of Soun's little 
girls, and a real prize too boot.  I tell you, folks just 
don't have enough appreciation for beauty in this world, 
makes me mad just thinking about it..."


"You...you saved my life," Nabiki said in open wonder.


"Aw, don't mention it," the little man turned around and 
said, "Those were some pretty nice moves before, but I can 
see you've got a ways to go before you reach your full 
potential.  And you, you young idiot...what were you doing 
standing there gawking when a pretty girl who likes you's 
about to be turned into a human pot-roast?  You want to be 
her knight in shining armor, you're gonna have to learn to 
move a lot faster than that.  You were practically crawling 
your way here, your Dad should have taught you even 
better."


"I don't get it," Ranma said as he stood there with a 
hundred questions whirling around inside his head, his 
hands hanging uselessly at his side as his whole body went 
numb from delayed shock, "How can you be Pop's Sensei?  The 
old fool never said anything about you..."


"That's not too surprising," Happosai sniffed, "The Saotome 
Genma I knew was a fat, lazy, quivering coward who'd rather 
run from a fight rather than stand up and make a name for 
himself..."


"Whoah!" Ranma's eyes went wide, "You do know Pop!"


"Much to my disgust," Happosai snorted, turning to Nabiki 
as he added, "And your old man...is he still the whining 
little crybaby that I remember?"


"More or less," Nabiki responded as the delayed shock of 
her own near-brush with death started to sink in, then 
added, "What was that again about my being your flesh and 
blood?"


"Oh, well..." it was Happosai's turn to glance away, "You 
know...it's like a big extended family, me, you, your 
fathers, your mothers...everything.  Mind you, I've been 
locked away in a cave for the last ten years, but I do have 
ways of keeping in touch with events in the big outside 
world.  I've already paid my respects to your youngest 
sister...Akane's sure grown up a ways, but where is your 
other sister, Kasumi?  I'll bet she even puts the two of 
you to shame in the looks department..."


"Hah?" Nabiki blinked.


"That is a very nice thing to say, but I think you may be 
wrong about that," said a familiar voice that drew stares 
from all directions, "Akane and Nabiki are very attractive 
in their own right, and I would hardly categorize us like 
that..."


"Hah?" Nabiki and Ranma said together, the latter adding, 
"Whoah...when did you guys show up?"


"We have just arrived," said Trieste, "And from the looks 
of things a bit late for the action."


"Are you all right, Nabiki?" Kasumi gently wondered, but 
before her sister could form any reply the little man 
rocketed forward again, this time aiming himself directly 
for the oldest Tendo sister.


"HUBBA-HUB---AWK!" Happosai's forward momentum came to an 
abrupt halt as a hand intercepted his face and blocked him 
from his intended quarry.


"Do not think me ungrateful that you have rescued one of my 
charges," Trieste noted matter-of-factly, "But I can hardly 
allow you to indulge in such rude behavior.  My Padawan is 
a lady, and as such entitled to more dignity than a crude 
fondle."


"I see," Happosai dropped to his feet and glanced up at 
Trieste with a speculative expression, "So Soun's oldest 
girl is under your protection?  My, what a looker you 
are...and not to shabby..."


"Thank you," Trieste replied, "At my age such flattery is 
well appreciated, but I still must insist that you desist 
from your unseemly conduct..."


"Oh, a challenge, eh?" the little man grinned, "I'll bet 
you're quite a lot of fun, and definitely more than a 
handful..."


All at once he lunged forward again, but Trieste easily 
dodged him, moving to the side so fast that it almost 
seemed as if she teleported.


"Well now!" Happosai paused to study the woman before him 
more shrewdly, "I like a challenge every now and then.  
It's obvious to me that you're a lot better at a game of 
tag than any girl I've met so far since my awakening."


"If you consider me so, then I will take it as a 
compliment," Trieste replied, "But I still cannot permit 
you to act this way around my charges."


"Heh, you'd have to be a lot better than you are if you 
think you can make me change my ways" Happosai leered, 
"Better than you have tried..."


"...And better still have decided to ignore you," yet 
another surprising voice remarked as two more figures 
arrived---an old woman and Ryoga---followed closely by the 
trio of Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo, the latter of whom blinked 
and looked from Ryoga to the signs of recent battle.


"Elder Cologne?" Kasumi spoke up, "Oh my..."


"Cologne?" Akane turned to look at the old woman.


"Great-Grandmother," Shampoo said brightly, "You have 
arrived?  This one greets you happily, but...what happened 
to battle?"


"Yeah, that's what I want to know," Ukyo frowned, "Did 
something happen to the Master---?"


"RANMA, NOW YOU DIE!" Ryoga declared as he rushed forward, 
only to trip and fall on his face, eating dirt since the 
staff employed by Cologne had prevented his righteous 
forward attack.


"Not now, Fool," the old woman scolded, "Honestly, that's 
the problem with young people these days...no patience at 
all..."


"Hey, Old Woman," Ranma nodded, "Long time no see, 
but...what are you doing here in Japan?"


"Tribal business, young Master," Cologne replied, "And a 
bit of personal business to go on the sides.  Well met 
indeed, Elder Trieste..."


"And you, Matriarch," Trieste nodded, "It is good to set 
eyes on you again, but I sense that there is some urgency 
in your sudden arrival?"


"You would be correct in construing this," Cologne assured 
them, "Even from afar I have had a sense of the looming 
dangers menacing your house and family, which is why I sent 
Shampoo on ahead to act as my emissary.  Tell me, Little 
One...how have you been managing your affairs, or should I 
guess that you've been making friends away from China?"


"This one has had many adventures, Great-Grandmother," 
Shampoo smiled broadly, "But none so enjoyable as the ones 
that she has known here in Japan."


"I see," Cologne's ancient eyes briefly rested upon Akane, 
then she gave Ukyo an even more intense study, "Well met 
indeed.  Now...as for you, Happy..."


"Hah?" Happosai blinked, "Do I know you?"


"You knew me, past tense," the old woman replied without 
smiling, "It was a very long time ago and I 
looked...somewhat different back then, but surely you 
recall a certain village where you plundered priceless 
artifacts and treasures belonging to the Amazons, including 
a certain mirror..."


"Mirror?" Happosai blinked, then gasped, "You 
mean...but...that was three hundred years ago!"


"Three hundred?" Akane repeated with rounded eyes.


"No way can you be Cologne, my long lost love!" Happosai 
wailed, "Oh, the tragedy of it all!  Such beauty wasted!  
To think that such a young and vibrant thing as you were 
would become a dried up old monkey---!"


The rap of the old woman's staff over his head temporarily 
put the old man out of action.


"And just who are you calling a dried up old monkey?" 
Cologne inquired in a tone barely discernable from a low 
snarl.


"Now that he had coming," Trieste remarked with a certain 
hint of amusement.


"Wow," Ranma remarked, "You sure nailed him a good one."


"I have been waiting over three hundred years to do that," 
Cologne sniffed, "I ought to have landed a good one, I've 
had practice."


"Oh my," Kasumi looked down at the fallen old man and said, 
"Was that necessary, Elder?"


"Believe me, Sis," Akane replied, "If you've been groped by 
the guy, then you wouldn't ask that."


All at once the wall exploded outward at the astonished 
Jedi, and through the gap Darth Purge strode forth, large 
as life and twice as intimidating.  The chunks of stone and 
gravel that showered them were easily deflected as Trieste 
and her wards threw up a protective shield that filtered 
out all but the larger bits, which in turn were deflected 
off of Cologne's staff so that no one was injured, though 
many stood shaken by the unexpected violence of his 
appearance.


"Forget about me already?" Purge remarked, "I am insulted."


"Not to mention can't take a hint," Ranma growled, balling 
his fists as his anger was rekindled at the memory of how 
close he had come to losing Nabiki.


"At ease, Student," Trieste gently reprimanded, "What do 
you want, Purge?  Hasn't there been enough violence?"


"Define enough," Purge responded, turning a narrow gaze at 
Ukyo and the semi-stunned Ryoga.


"Master," Ukyo gulped, "Ah...I can explain..."


"Explain what?" Purge asked in a tone deceptively 
reasonable, hissing like a serpent, which spoiled the 
effect completely.


"Ah...what I'm doing...that is..." Ukyo glanced at Akane 
then Shampoo, then back at Akane.


"Consorting with the enemy," Purge replied, "How 
disappointing.  Haven't I taught you better than that?  Is 
this how you repay me for my teachings?"


"Ah...Master..." Ukyo wilted.


"Don't listen to him, Ukyo," Akane said, "He may have 
taught you a few things, but he's nobody's Master."


"Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, "Very bad...man...he full of 
cunning and treachery, no can be trusted."


"He's bad news all right," Nabiki concurred, "You can feel 
the darkness in his aura, the hatred for all life.  Someone 
like that is definitely more inclined to spit at you as 
look at you."


"Yeah, and he almost hurt Nabiki," Ranma raised his fists 
and looked ready to go into action.


"I see," Purge mused after a long moment of careful study, 
"So you would prefer to remain with them for a time.  Very 
well...I will not compel you to return.  You are obviously 
in need of retraining, but the time it would take to 
reeducate you is too prohibitive.  I will not take you back 
until you are ready to learn from me, and that must come 
when you decide that you are worthy of my teaching."


"Huh?" Ranma blinked, "What are you talking about?"


"You're just letting her go?" Akane asked.


"Doesn't sound too likely," Nabiki frowned in obvious 
suspicion.


"Is trick he play," Shampoo insisted, "His word no can be 
trusted."


"What are you planning here?" Trieste asked, "I find it 
impossible to believe that even a Sith would abandon his 
chief apprentice."


"I care not what you suspect of my intentions," Purge 
responded, "Though the Sith are governed by different rules 
than you Jedi, we both know full well that you cannot train 
a student who lacks the motivation of a true apprentice.  
Charity and mercy are foreign to us, we only forgive the 
dead and we never forget a slight or a failure.  A Sith 
must prove that he is worthy of the teaching, he must 
convince his Master that he is a worthy heir.  As Kuonji is 
now she is useless to me, confused in her loyalties.  I 
will not have her back until she is ready."


"And so you will let her go...just like that," Cologne 
remarked with a neutral expression.


"Just like that," Purge assured them, "Until life and its 
disappointments teaches her the price of trusting others, 
or putting her faith in other people.  When she learns the 
true meaning of the Dark side, then she will be a worthy 
apprentice."


"But...I don't understand," Ukyo asked as her expression 
went from fearful to bewildered.


"Of course you don't," Purge replied, "Your teaching has 
centered on the anger and hate generated by memories of 
this boy...it should hardly surprise anyone that your 
feelings would change when you meet the real boy and not 
just the phantom of your memory.  Your loyalties to the 
Dark side of your own nature has been shallow and 
superficial at best, and this is why your training could 
never go beyond your current level.  You don't really 
understand the Dark side and what it means to be a Sith, 
and so you cannot hope to transcend what you are now until 
you have tasted the darkness that is within you...and only 
when you have done that will you be prepared to resume your 
training."


"But..." Ukyo began to say when Purge turned away from her 
and flicked his tail in a dismissive manner.


"Do not beg," Purge declared, "I will not hear the words of 
a weakling.  Show me you are strong and then I will listen.  
Until that time you are on your own, when the darkness 
within you has been tasted in full measure.  But...one 
other thing...Ryoga will remain with you."


"Sensei?" Ryoga looked up with surprise plain in his 
expression.


"You heard me, Fool," Purge replied, "Stay with Ukyo and 
show her the darkness that is within you.  I think you will 
serve me best as an instrument for her learning, while I 
must make do with the fools who remain as my lesser pupils.  
Consider that my burden to bear while you struggle to 
master your new lessons."


With that the lizard man raised his hood to cover his scaly 
head, then turned and left them altogether like the 
presence of doom whose shadow had just passed them over.


"What the heck was that creep talking about?" Ranma turned 
to Trieste and said, "Are we just gonna let him walk away 
like that, Sensei?"


"There would be no point in trying to prevent it," Trieste 
replied, "Purge is dangerous under any terms, and none of 
you are ready to go up against him."


"But what did he mean by the darkness within you?" Akane 
asked Ukyo, "No way are you as dark as he is."


"Is true," Shampoo replied with a shudder, "Dark within 
lizard man like black spot on sun when eclipse happen.  
Ukyo no like that."


"No," Ukyo's chin fell as she glanced down, "I'm not as 
dark as he is...I'm not as strong either.  
I'm...nothing..."


"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Trieste remarked with a smile, 
"He's right about there being a strong streak of darkness 
within you, but it has not yet swallowed the light of your 
soul.  There is hope for you yet, Kuonji-san, so have faith 
in your own potential."


"And what about me?" Ryoga glowered sourly, "Why do I have 
to stay behind and play her nursemaid?"


"Would you rather the task was delegated to someone else, 
Boy?" Cologne asked him frankly, "Such as either Mousse or 
Taro?"


"Well...no..." Ryoga reluctantly conceded.


"Hey, what do you mean nursemaid me?" Ukyo scowled, "I 
don't need you to hold my hand, Ryoga..."


"Yeah," Akane agreed, "Besides, I'd rather do that for 
you."


"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!" Ukyo rounded on her, only to see 
the perky smile in the other girl's expression, which made 
her suddenly quite nervous.


"Sensei," Kasumi spoke up, "What are we to do with these 
two?  We can't just turn them out on the street..."


"Yeah, and it's getting awfully crowded in our dojo," 
Nabiki further noted.


"Then it won't be any trouble for you," Cologne replied, 
"Then will come to lodge with me.  I am setting up an 
establishment in the Furinkan Financial district and could 
use the day labor, and this way I will be able to keep 
watch over them to see that they do not stray further into 
the Dark so that it swallows them up the way it has done 
for their master."


"Say what?" Ukyo asked, "What kind of establishment?"


"Why, a restaurant, of course," Cologne replied, "What 
other kind would make effective use of your skills as a 
chef, Kuonji-san?"


Ukyo's frown intensified, "And how the heck do you know so 
much about me?  Who the hell are you, Old Woman?"


"She is Kho-Lon the Elder," Shampoo replied, "Matriarch of 
the Joketsuzoku and this one's great grandmother..."


"Yes," Kasumi agreed, "Elder Cologne is the most powerful 
of the Elders of the Chinese Amazons.  She was kind enough 
to give us food and lodgings when my Sensei and I paid our 
respects to her village."


"Chinese Amazons?" Ukyo blinked then looked at Shampoo 
before saying, "There's a whole village full of people like 
you?"


"Sensei," Kasumi turned to her Mentor again, "I believe 
that the Sith have called what amounts to a truce for now, 
but how long will this continue?"


"However long it takes for them to build back their 
strength, I suppose," Trieste replied, "Our task is made 
more complicated by the presence of these other two, but we 
cannot shirk our duty to see to it that they learn better 
ways than what the Sith philosophy has taught them."


"Good luck with Ryoga," Ranma said, "But I hope Ucchan will 
be all right.  I...kinda feel responsible for her...if you 
know what I mean..."


"I'm sure that I don't," Nabiki said, "From what I hear the 
fault lies with your old man and one of his stupid antics."


"But everything in life has its connection, Imotochan," 
Kasumi reminded her middle sister, "And Ranma knows this 
full well as it was his friendship with Kuonji that led her 
on to expect that something more might develop."


"Hah...you think you can count me out of the picture that 
easily?" Ukyo glared at the two sisters, looking from them 
to Ranma without noticing in turn how she was being quietly 
studied in turn by Ryoga.


"There's something I don't get here," Akane said to 
Cologne, "How can you be starting up a restaurant?  Didn't 
you just get here from China?"


"I have been making preparations for this move for some 
time now," Cologne replied, "Which is why I sent Shampoo on 
ahead of me to scout things out ahead of time and warn me 
of what was to be expected."


"So how did you get all the way here from China?" Nabiki 
asked, "Fly on a boat pulled by four swans or something?"


"Something like that," Cologne said in amusement.


"You would be surprised at Elder Cologne's resources, 
Nabiki," Kasumi assured her sister, "In fact---Oh my!" she 
glanced down in surprise as she felt something pressing 
against her chest under her robes.


Trieste frowned as she sensed the sudden shift about her 
apprentice and said, "Are you awake already?  I told you to 
leave my Padawan alone."


"What?" Ranma and Nabiki said together in chorus.


"Happy...get out of there!" Cologne commanded sharply.


To the surprise of everyone the little man's head popped 
out from beneath Kasumi's robes and shot back with a nasty, 
"Hah, like I'd listen to anything you have to say, you old 
bag of bones you!  Besides, I got what I wanted---YOWSA!" 
and with a chuckle he leaped clear of the girl whom he had 
just molested clutching a bra in one hand and chortling 
like madman as the ancient Amazon chased after him waving 
her staff in his direction.


"Aiyaa," Shampoo said in tacit dismay.


"That old Freak is at it again," Ukyo sounded no less 
appalled.


"The nerve of that old guy!" Akane declared, "Bad enough he 
tried that with us, but to do it with Kasumi?"


"Huh?" Ryoga looked bewildered, "What did he do to her?  
Did he...I'll kill him!"


"Get in line, Pig-boy," Ranma snarled as he watched the old 
woman continue to chase the fleet-footed old hentai.


"Oh my," Kasumi felt herself beneath her robes and seemed 
to turn an appropriate color of pink around her cheeks, 
"Does he do that sort of thing often?"


"Frequently," Nabiki's tone dripped sarcasm.


"Man, doesn't that pervert ever give up?  Oh crap...!" 
Ranma started to say when the first few drops of moisture 
fell upon his head, heralding the return of Nerima's 
infamous foul weather.


"Great, as if we don't have enough problems," Ukyo 
grimaced, feeling the tell-tale tingle of her curse 
transforming her back into her Cat-girl form, but much to 
her surprise the rain abruptly halted, and as she turned to 
look she was shocked to see an unchanged Ryoga standing 
beside her holding up his ever-present umbrella.


Ranma was not so fortunate and found himself---or rather 
herself---transformed back into a short, buxom redhead.  In 
disgust she voiced the words that no resident of Nerima 
would ordinarily dare to utter, "Just great...what else 
could go wrong now---AWK!"


"YOWZA!" cried Happosai as he hugged himself close to the 
sex-changing martial artist's bosom, "You never told me you 
could do this, my Boy!  Guess maybe that Genma isn't a 
complete idiot after all..."


"That is a matter of some debate," Trieste averred as she 
watched Ranma-chan take off at a run.


"GET HIM OFF OF ME!  GETIMOFFAMEEEE!" the little redhead 
cried wildly.


"Aiyaa," Shampoo averred.


"You said it," Akane agreed with a sympathetic look at the 
plight of the normally aggravating redhead, "Maybe we 
should go over there and help out?"


"Is least we can do," Shampoo agreed, and both girls smiled 
as though reading each other's minds, then both took off at 
a run after Ranma.


"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "I suppose we should make plans 
to accommodate grandfather Happosai..."


"It makes a kind of sense," Trieste agreed, "An old saying 
of my people holds that one should keep your friends close 
by and your enemies even closer.  Actually I don't know if 
the Sith came up with that one or if they stole it from 
us."


"Either way, Sensei," Nabiki mused, "It's sure gotten to be 
a lot more interesting to live in Nerima."


"There are times when it is like that all over, Sister," 
Kasumi explained, then frowned as she asked, "Does anyone 
else feel a draft besides me?"


There were no replies to this save for the gentle rain 
falling upon down everyone and everything in equal 
measure...and the collective facefault of both friends and 
loved ones...




Continued.


Comments/Criticisms/Saturday Serial Adventures: 
shadowmane@ridgenet.net


The Sith have retreated for now, but does this mean that 
all is peace and quiet for the Tendos and their allies?  
(Are you kidding?  This is NERIMA, for Kami's sake!)  Watch 
as Ranma begins his training anew in earnest while Kasumi 
and Nabiki come to terms with their role as his assistant 
trainers, and Ukyo finds that ignoring Akane is not as easy 
as it sounds in: "My Youth is an Arcadia," or, "The Rain in 
Plain falls Mainly on the Insane!"  Be there!





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