The last person-or is that unperson?-that Willow expected to see at the mansion was Spike.

He hated this place almost as much as Buffy did. But there he was-pacing back and forth in front of the unlit fireplace, a bottle of bourbon in one hand and a burning cigarette in the other, muttering underneath his breath.

Willow waved at Tara to stop, straining her ears and nearly laughing out loud at his solitary conversation.

"Bloody pathetic, if you ask me...bleeding poof-give the old sire a run for the money and he has a fucking soul! 'I hate your hair!' What in the hell was going through your brain, idiot? You're a vampire-a fucking master vampire-and you're stuttering like a sixteen year old virgin whelp...you've fought her for years-trading blows-words-and you can't face her!" He suddenly growled, filling the room with a dangerous air, once again reminding Willow that yes, Spike was a vampire-a dangerous vampire-even if he couldn't kill...

Shaking her head, she glanced back at Tara and shrugged silently. Motioning in front of her face, Willow silently told the blonde witch to wipe the grin off her face and did the same for herself. After that, Willow took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and waved at Tara to step in front of her so she could shut the door.

The door closed with a loud clunk as Willow walked in front of Tara and entered the room.

"Spike!" She stopped, hoping that the surprised look on her face appeared to be sincere. "What are you doing here?"

The vampire stilled, cigarette dropping from his fingers as he turned his head towards Willow and Tara. His blue eyes-dark and troubled-met hers, and Willow finally understood.

Spike had lost it.

He had finally hit rock bottom.

"Kill me now, Red. Either that or fucking give me a bleeding soul cause I can't take this anymore..." He lifted the liquor bottle to his lips and took a healthy swig of the amber liquid before his knees buckled and fell down on his ass. "It's unnatural...a vampire not killing. This bleeding chip might as well be a soul for what it's done to me...can't kill...can't be a vampire...where are the minions? I used to have a lot of minions...Ah minions, now that's heaven. A group of idiots that I could order around...take my anger out on...tell what to do...every vampire worth his weight has minions. Even the ones I sired myself have turned against me.

"I'm nothing. Just a piece of animated flesh...taking up space...dreaming of the days gone by...obsessing over some git that I didn't think twice about trying to kill before." He stopped and took another swig. After swallowing, he grinned unrepently. "Maybe that's not totally true...used to listen to him...go on and on about how he felt when those legs wrapped around his waist...how achingly vulnerable she was staring up at him with those huge eyes...Bloody losing it, Red."

Willow's eyes widened in amazement as his words sunk into her mind-he was talking about Buffy.

He nodded knowingly as he watched her face. "See? You understand now? I can't turn her...can't do all those bloody gypsy tricks that Drac did...just a pathetic vampire that can't even bite."

Willow forced her legs to move as she walked over to where Spike was sitting and knelt down beside him. She had no idea what to say to him, but she had to say something. She didn't want to give him a soul...if she even could. And the idea of dusting Spike sent her heart in a tizzy. The world would be a lot less colorful without this vampire in it. Despite the common sense that constantly screamed at her for being stupid and soft-hearted, Willow actually liked Spike. For an undead, sucking fiend, he had class. He was different-a real person-instead of a mindless corpse filled with bloodlust or even the standard bad guy filled with thoughts of world domination.

No, Spike was a unique individual-be it vampire or human-and Willow didn't want him to go.

"You have to make a choice, Spike," she said softly as her fingers wrapped around the neck of the bourbon bottle. Tugging at it gently, he relinquished his hold, letting her take it from him. "For nearly a year, you've let this chip rule you-"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Embrace the bloody thing?"

She held out her hand, shushing him. "No, but after a year and no clear solution, what choice do you have now? You've done everything...from siding with Adam to provoking Harm into trying to kill Buffy-"

"Hey, that wasn't my fault. I was bloody making a joke and she took it seriously!"

"Okay...but what you did with the Initiative doctor-"

"He could've gotten the chip out!"

Willow shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe. But as long as you stay here, you're stuck. You realize that, don't you?" She asked, watching him nod yes with a look of desperation on his face that nearly broke her heart. "There's no way that Buffy is going to research for a way of getting that thing out...not now, when she doesn't trust you."

He frowned and suddenly let out a huge sigh-the alcohol tainted breath nearly causing Willow to sneeze. "Whatcha mean, Red? Not now?"

She pursed her lips and sat down next to him, crossing her legs in front of her after handing the liquor bottle to Tara. Her lover took it and walked over to the fireplace, placing it on top of the mantle before she returned to sit next to Willow.

"Willow told me you helped Buffy save the world," Tara said softly, unable to hide the awe on her face. "I couldn't believe it."

Spike snorted, a sardonic grin crossing his face as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "Yeah, look at what it got me...all those happy meals with legs and not a bite for Spike..."

Ignoring his comment, Willow went on. "And when you came back for the spell, you didn't really hurt us. 'Cept for Xander-and he's fine. And you fought with Angel and Buffy-side by side."

"And the shopkeeper," Spike added helpfully.

Willow frowned. "Don't remind me," she added sharply, thinking of Giles and his newly chosen vocation. "But still-compared to your normal self, that was pretty mild, wasn't it?"

He shrugged noncommittally. "I was plastered, Red. But yeah, you're right. I even enjoyed myself," he added, smiling. "Joyce makes a mean cup of hot chocolate."

"Yeah, so she does." Willow grinned back. "So, what changed? Why did you hate her so much when you came back last year?"

She could almost see how his body tensed up at the question. His eyes flashed gold as his growl filled the room. Willow flinched despite herself, earning a knowing grin from him.

"Thanks love," he whispered, reveling in that little bit of fear that she and Tara emanated. "Dru-that's what changed. Bloody bitch didn't care what I did-I wasn't demon enough for her. Ran off with a Fungus demon-bad mouthed me to anyone who listened-rambling on and on at how soft I had gotten-"

"So, you ca-came back here to pr-prove yourself," Tara interjected.

He nodded solemnly.

"It didn't work, did it?" Willow asked. "Would you have killed her that day? Could you have?"

"The Slayer?"

Willow nodded.

Spike shrugged helplessly. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I didn't think that far. I said I was going to. I kept telling myself that that's what I wanted, but it wasn't. I just wanted her at my feet-broken-like I was broken. Make her pay for fucking the soul right out of the poof and bringing Angelus back into my bleeding life. And when I saw her mooning over that git, I lost it. How dare she cry over some piddly boy when she should've been crying over me!" His demon eyes glared at her defiantly. "I know where you're going with this, Red."

"You do, huh?"

Chuckling to himself, he fell back, staring at the dusty ceiling. "You think I was already a poof, before this fucking chip even happened!"

She could only shrug in agreement. After all, that's what she did believe. Spike was a prime case of denial if she ever saw one.

"Can you really deny it?" Willow asked.

"Yo-you helped save the world," Tara added.

"Allied yourself with your mortal enemy."

"Fought with Buffy and Angel against th-those vampires-"

"Face it, Spike, you've changed," Willow said, peering over at the vampire, watching him stare at the ceiling. "The chip just kinda forced the issue."

His mouth opened as if he were going to say something, then snapped shut with air of reluctant acceptance. "Bloody fucking hell," he whispered, suddenly rolling over and springing to his feet. He strolled over to the mantle, grabbed the bourbon bottle, and tipped it-letting nearly half of the liquor left pour between his lips. After swallowing noisily, he turned around, swaggering slightly as he fell back against the mantle, glaring at her and Tara. "You bloody know what this means, dontcha?"

Willow pulled herself up, walked over to the couch, and leaned against the back of it. "You're not the Big Bad anymore?"

His eyes flashed dangerously at her. "Don't push me, little girl."

Bristling, Willow straightened. "And don't threaten me, Spike."

Throwing his arms in the air, Spike ignored the splash of liquor as it soaked his duster. "It means I'm bloody stuck. What do I do now? Squirrel away in the shadows...following her like a lovesick fool? What now?"

Moaning, Willow could only shake her head. "I don't know. I don't have any words of wisdom for you about her. " Sighing audibly, she could only stare at the ground as she continued...silently wondering when the mansion had last been cleaned. If the two inches of dust was any indication, Angel had just left the place, like he had done with Sunnydale in general, without a glance backwards. "I do know things aren't that great with her and Riley right now. He wasn't as normal as she wanted to believe, and he's having problems being that normal guy. She wants to protect him and he wants to help her. You could be her slaying partner, Spike. You can take care of yourself. Earn her trust and see what happens."

"Doesn't sound like much of a solution to me, Red."

Willow rolled her eyes at Spike and just shrugged. What else could she say? That Buffy would fall down on her knees and declare her undying love for him? Not likely-especially the way things had been between them for the past couple of years. Maybe after Acathla, things could've been different. But Buffy ran away and Spike disappeared with Dru...the opportunity was lost like so many other things.

That decided, she pushed herself off the couch and held out her hand for Tara. "We need to look for that book now," she said as she began her trek across the room towards Angel's bedroom, where it was supposed to be. Before leaving the room, she turned back to the vampire, sighing softly. "Just take baby steps, and don't expect her to trust you automatically. Help her slay-earn her trust on the battlefield, and maybe with time she will begin to trust you with other things-like her feelings."

Spike nodded once, his eyes piercing hers and then turned on his heel and headed for the front door. Just before stepping out into the night, he looked back at the pair of witches and gave them a small smile. "Thanks pet...I'll give it a shot." His head dropped as he stared at his boot-clad feet-almost in embarrassment. "Could you do me a favor though?"

"What?" asked Willow.

"Can you two keep this between ourselves...a man's gotta have some dignity, ya know?"

Willow glanced over at Tara to see her girlfriend's smile-her eyes twinkling in a strange combination and of empathy and mirth-and turned back to Spike. "Sure thing, I think I can do that."

"Me too," Tara said, the corner of her mouth turning slightly. "Good luck, Spike."

Saying nothing, the vampire stumbled out the door, slamming it shut behind him. After nearly a minute, Willow shook herself and met Tara's knowing glance. "Weird."

Tara nodded and tipped her head to the side. "Yeah, but kinda cool too."

Willow chuckled in agreement. "And kinda romantic too."

"And sweet. Do you think it'll work? Him earning Buffy's trust?"

"Who knows-stranger things have happened. This is the Hellmouth, you know?" Willow said as she began the trek to Angel's old bedroom. "I mean, where else would two vampires fall in love with the same slayer?"

Tara snorted in agreement as she headed for the bookcase where the book was supposed to be. As Willow watched her newest love dig through the dusty tombs, she could only shake her head at Spike's predicament. A soulless vampire in love with a slayer...

Would wonders never cease?
 

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©2001 Lisa Y. Drexel