By Maryangela Layman Román - Catholic Herald Staff

BROOKFIELD — As Ellen Heitman perused her 1968 Divine Savior High School yearbook a few years ago, she was amused to read that several of her classmates had written, “See you in the convent,” or “Have fun in the convent.”

While it’s been nearly 40 years since her peers penned those words, they are proving prophetic, as the Wheaton Franciscan convent is where they will find Heitman.

The 57-year-old mother of four, who for the last 14 years has worked in the Christian formation office at St. John Vianney Parish, is answering a nagging call to religious life.

She left her position as department chair and director of religious education for K4 to grade 5 earlier this month to enter the Wheaton Franciscan novitiate, a two-year program of prayer, reflection and study. On July 22 she will be received into the community and will assume the title “Sister.”

Decision surprised her four children

Few were more surprised by Heitman’s decision to become a religious than her four children: Jay, 29; Erin, 27; Ryan, 25, and Jeff, 23. In fact, Heitman, in an interview with your Catholic Herald, admitted her daughter took the initial news badly.

“At first my children were stunned, ‘You’re going to do what?’ It was pretty foreign to them,” she said. “My daughter in particular; being the only girl, I’m very, very close to her,” she said explaining that Erin initially felt as though she would lose her mother.

She reassured her children, telling them, “Nothing will ever stop me from being your mother, but for me it’s not an either or, it’s not being a sister or being a mother, it’s an and. The Wheaton Franciscans have been very open to the idea that maybe I have a dual vocation as a sister and a mother.”

Heitman’s 22-year marriage to the children’s father ended 10 years ago.

Referring to it as a difficult time in her life, Heitman said, “I took my marriage vows very seriously so the dissolution of my marriage was a very, very difficult process.” Eight years after the divorce she engaged in the annulment process.

An annulment was granted, said Heitman, explaining it paved the way for her to enter religious life.

“Some people don’t understand the whole process of annulment in the Catholic Church. I have had some people ask me how can you be a mom and a sister – they understand that – but being divorced and also a religious does pose a problem to some people,” she explained.

Since the church has ruled that her marriage was not valid, it does not pose a problem for the Wheaton Franciscans, she said. There is another woman in formation with the order who has a similar background.

Religious life always a thought

Like many girls growing up in the 1960s, Heitman said she considered a religious vocation. She recalls being a sister as she “played Mass” in her backyard. The thought stayed with her throughout high school, but she realized she wasn’t ready for that life when her mother died of cancer when Heitman was 15.

“I realized I wasn’t ready for religious life at that point. I had a lot of growing up to do,” she said, explaining that as the only daughter, she assumed much responsibility in her family.

Heitman worked as a nurse for 15 years at County Hospital, married and raised her family. For much of that time, she was a stay-at-home mom, until her parish, St. Mary, Menomonee Falls, asked her to teach religious education. As she became more involved in parish life and religious education, Heitman returned to school and earned a bachelor’s degree in theology from Mount Mary College in 1992. A year later, she began working at St. John Vianney, and last year, completed a master’s degree in theology from Sacred Heart School of Theology.

About five years ago, St. John pastor Fr. Len Van Vlaenderen asked Heitman if she had ever considered becoming a sister. Heitman laughed, and responded, “Actually, I have,” but she told him since her youngest child was still in high school, living at home with her, she didn’t think the timing was right.

“I was still raising children, especially the younger boys, so I didn’t think it was quite time for me yet, but it certainly wasn’t a foreign thought when he mentioned it,” she explained.

Shortly after that conversation, Fr. Van Vlaenderen gave her a packet of books on religious life and one in particular, “Unveiled,” stories of women religious, left an indelible mark.

Wheaton Franciscans become friends

Coincidently, two Wheaton Franciscans, Srs. Mary Beth Glueckstein and Melanie Paradis, moved into the parish about that time, and quickly became involved in parish life as eucharistic ministers and members of the vocations committee.

A strong friendship formed between Heitman and the women, and the way Sr. Melanie recalls, it was one evening after a dinner at Heitman’s apartment that she blurted out, “So tell me about this vow of obedience.”

It was the first time Heitman had asked the sisters about living religious life.

“Of all the vows, knowing myself as I do, obedience might be my greatest challenge,” Heitman explained with a chuckle.

That question, however, opened the doors to conversation about religious life. Heitman considered various religious orders, but once she visited the Wheaton Franciscan motherhouse in Illinois, she was sold. On the grounds of the motherhouse is Canticle Place, a home for women and children living with AIDS. There is also public housing on the property and adjacent to it is subsidized housing.

“My initial reaction was these are women who truly believe and have backed up their beliefs with action. These kinds of places are for people who are struggling with life issues. (They) can come and find a haven and be supported,” she said.

Heitman was also impressed with the relationship between vowed and covenant (or associate) members — something she had considered becoming.

“I knew it was an option for me, but through discernment I felt strongly pulled toward vowed life,” she said.

From apartment to community life

About two years ago, Heitman took the first step on this journey by moving out of her apartment and into community with Srs. Mary Beth and Melanie. The three share a home in Brookfield, living and praying together.

“If I had to describe (community life) in one word, it would be ‘presence,’” said Heitman. ‘There is a depth of spirituality of the faith sharing that is a spiritual presence.”

According to Sr. Mary Beth, Heitman has much to offer the community. “She brings a wealth of knowledge, she’s an educated woman and has a whole lot to offer, not just to our community, but to the church at large.”

Echoing similar thoughts, Sr. Melanie said, “I believe Ellen is really a gift to our community with all the experience she brings. Her wealth of experience, and her family itself is a gift to us. It’s kind of fun. We’ve gotten to know her family and we feel they are our extended family, too.”

The concept of “sister mom” is not new, noted Sr. Melanie, a Wheaton Franciscan for 24 years who has been involved in formation. “If you look back into history there are others, even St. Clare whose mother and sister both joined in community life.”

The actual move from her apartment to community was not as challenging as she expected, said Heitman.

“The treasures I had that were family heirlooms — obviously, my children received these. I managed to take 55 years of living and somehow got it down to a rather large plastic Tupperware container.”

She kept mementos from her first Communion, her confirmation beanie and a baptismal dress.

“Letting go of material things was a lot easier than I anticipated. In fact, I found it rather freeing,” she said.

Children are comfortable with choice

Her children have become comfortable with Heitman’s new lifestyle. Jeff, a construction worker and certified firefighter, is a weekly dinner guest at the sisters’ home. He also brings his laundry, laughed Heitman.

Erin, too, has gotten to know the Wheaton Franciscans and has accepted her mother’s choice.

Early on, she told her mother, “Mom, I have a hard enough time telling the guys I date what you do for a living, and now I have to tell them you’re a nun?” Since then, however, friends have been supportive when hearing of Erin’s mother’s plans.

In fact, high school classmates said to her, “That’s really cool because God becomes your stepfather!”

“I didn’t want to go into the theological explanation that God is already her Father,” laughed Heitman, “but they really saw this as a benefit.”

Heitman said she and the Wheaton Franciscans have discussed the question of which role comes first, mom or sister, and have come to the conclusion that neither takes precedence.

“I will try to work out a way to be present to both vocations. I know it will be a challenge, but with the grace of God, I will be able to be both a good mom and a good sister,” she said.

The Wheaton Franciscans share her importance of family. “Both of us, Melanie and I, are very family oriented people so we enjoy having (Ellen’s children) here. They are an important part of Ellen’s life and will always be an important part. The kids are important to us as well. We enjoy having them around because kids bring a different perspective,” said Sr. Mary Beth.

They share a mutual respect of each other, said Heitman.

“I bring a unique dimension. Certainly as a mom there’s a whole different perspective on being able to share the ups and downs of life, the joys as well as the sorrows that are natural to motherhood. The humorous stories I share with them remind them of their own growing up years,” she said, adding that she sees her vocation as a complement to what the sisters have given to the church.

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