Title: Lab Rat
Author: Rimau
Email address: rimaufic@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Angel/Xander
Sequel: Yes, to Cycles of Change
Date: May 2001
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue.
Summary: Xander gets really tired of being Giles' lab rat. Angel feels bad about Buffy. They decide to do something about the situation, but then an investigating Watcher complicates everything.
Author's webpage: http://www.rimau.aeglos.org/

Yes, it's still a A/X-story, but it's a wee bit different from the other one. From Xander's POV this time. Remember that my timeline differs from the series. I follow canon up to the point where Angel went to hell. That means almost none of the stuff after 'Becoming' happened. If you want more details, go here.

There's a little less violence in this one, but definitely more sex, and 'vampiric sex'. Take this warning seriously, boys and girls. If mixing lovemaking and blood in a consensual vampire slash story makes you gag, please leave. Lots of mushiness, angst and love-talk, too.

Hee... And some straight love... How sick of me... Nothing explicit! Some Willow/Oz smoochies and... Well, if you want to know about the other couple, scroll to the end of the story!

Oh, and because of all the weird things happening around Sunnydale, there's a two week period between the finals and the Graduation. Mostly due to the fact that on previous years some of the teachers have suddenly died before grading the papers... ;^D

A thousand thanks for the excellent beta, Wolfsbride! You too, Windzweaver!

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Lab Rat by: Rimau

---

I knew from experience, that the stone wall was uncomfortably cold at this time of night. Still, I didn't have any problem leaning against it. Well, since it was made of stone, it wasn't exactly comfortable, but that was it.

It was funny, my body could still feel cold, but my mind didn't register it. Or maybe it did, but dismissed the cold as insignificant if I didn't concentrate on feeling it. I wasn't sure which it was, and since Angel wasn't with me, I couldn't ask him. Making a mental note to myself to get back to it when I was with him, I turned to watch the house across the street.

There was nothing different about this house. It was just like all the other little houses on that street. Well, except for the fact that there weren't any gnomes or pink flamingoes in the garden. Just straight rows of red tulips.

All the windows were closed. That wasn't surprising, considering the fact that it was the coldest May anyone in Sunnydale could remember, but I knew that the weather had nothing to do with it. No, the windows in that small, but oddly intimidating house I'd once called home were always closed. My mom hated fresh air. She always used to say that civilized people didn't breathe air that was full of pollution and bacteria. No, they had air conditioners.

God, I hated those machines. Well, at least now I didn't have to worry about the air I breathe anymore. Actually, I didn't have to breathe at all. Except when I spoke. A person --or a vampire-- can't form words without air.

Didn't have a clue how that worked, so I I'd have to ask Angel that, too.

It was the first time for almost two months that I was completely alone. The first time since I'd lost my life, to be exact. I'd been feeling a bit restless for a few days, and then I just informed everyone that I wouldn't be available for a couple of hours.

Now that I had the solitude I'd craved, I wasn't all that sure what to do with it. Even though I knew that Angel wouldn't be at home, I didn't want to stay there. The whole point of this short 'vacation' was to get away from everything familiar, and so I left the big house a few hours after sunset.

I didn't go to see Giles and the others either. No way! I could handle being with Angel 24 hours a day, but I was not going near the nosy Watcher. After all, he was the main reason for my sudden need for some privacy.

The thought of his questions made me feel hemmed in --claustrophobic even under the open sky.

After we got rid of a megalomaniac old vampire, Thorwald, who had wanted to rule the world with a powerful crystal called 'the Tear of Odin', we finally had some peace and quiet. I guess we'd all been in a daze about all that had happened.

You know, me turning into a vampire, getting together with Angel, saving the world... Little things like that.

I didn't really care about anything else but being with Angel, though. That's how things go when you start a relationship with someone. At least that's what Willow told me. I bet she and Oz spent those peaceful days the same way as we did; in bed.

Too bad Giles didn't have anyone to relax with, too. Three days after the world had almost gone to hell, he called me and asked me to come to the school. Apparently, it was time to continue with my education. And of course he wanted to start studying me.

At first, I was really enthusiastic about discovering what it meant to be a vampire. We still didn't know why I had my soul, and since that was a mystery, there was the small chance that I might lose it. That was easily corrected though. Willow performed a little ceremony that was supposed to anchor my soul to me for all eternity. Even though I hadn't been all that worried about it, it was a relief to have that extra assurance.

I wish I'd known that the whole business of being naked in the ceremony was a joke, though. But that's bygones now. Oz almost died out of laughter, Buff made some really un-ladylike comments, and Will blushed and then apologized. I survived --figuratively speaking-- and now I can be sure I won't turn into a lunatic killer. One thing less to worry about.

Then there was the matter of my new vampiric strength. It wasn't all that easy to get used to the fact that I could lift over two hundred pounds with one hand without even tiring. I needed some help learning to control my actions. Considering the fact that Angel was even farther from being a mortal than I, the only person who could help was Giles. He'd spent so much time sparring with Buffy that he knew all about strength.

I agreed to be trained by him. After all, I didn't want to actually hurt anyone. It's amazing how fragile most of the people I know seem now.

Unfortunately, the G-man wanted to be more than my personal trainer. Okay, in a way I can understand that. He's a Watcher. That means he has to be nosy about all things vampiric. I just wish he'd also live up to being a Brit. You know, tact and stuff.

For some strange reason Giles wanted to record absolutely everything that had happened to me after I'd died. We went through my transformation, with more detail this time. Now that I didn't have to hide my feelings towards Angel, I could tell the Watcher more about that night when I'd literally dumped the mortal coil.

After repeating the whole story about five or six times, I got a bit annoyed about the whole thing. I shouldn't have. When I complained about it, Giles changed technique and started to ask about things that had happened in the days after I'd been transformed.

It wasn't all that easy to answer him and keep my privacy at the same time. I could handle being an example of a vampire with a soul for all the generations of Watchers yet to come, but I definitely didn't want to be remembered as 'the gay vampire with a soul'. Yeah. Try as I might, there was no way to avoid the issue when we talked about my first week of vampiric existence.

I could see it now. Yep. I'd look into Giles' eyes and say, 'I was confused, and scared, and wanted nothing more than to screw Angel through the nearest mattress. More tea?' Somehow I didn't think he really wanted to hear that kind of information.

Giles didn't linger on that topic for long, since he was determined to unravel all the mysteries of being a vampire. He poked and prodded. Asked questions and made notes.

And drove me crazy.

I was tired of the whole thing. Even the things that really intrigued me, like finding out whether it was possibly to chew gum while wearing my game face, or not, didn't make me curious enough to find out more about my abilities. Not after hours and hours of questioning.

For the first time in my life, I was grateful for finals. Studying was a good excuse to avoid Giles' endless questions. Unfortunately though, I still had to suffer his presence. After all, he was my tutor.

Don't get me wrong. I like him very much. He's treated me better than my own parents ever did. I just can't stand spending all my time under his scrutiny.

Only Will and Oz enjoyed the Prom this year. Well, at least until Mr. Cheong, our philosophy teacher, started to rant and rave while waving a chainsaw.

I was still preoccupied with being recently deceased, and after only about half an hour of suffering in a tux, I went back home to Angel and missed all the running and screaming. Buffy didn't seem to be interested in dances anymore, and she spent the evening patrolling with Giles. At least I could have some peace and quiet while those two did whatever Slayers and Watchers did together in gloomy cemeteries.

From what I heard, my witchy and wolfy friends took care of the situation perfectly. After all, Mr. Cheong is just your ordinary psycho, not a slimy demon or anything. You got rid of the likes of him by hitting him on the head and calling the cops. No slaying.

So finals came and went, but I was still stuck with the extremely nosy Watcher.

When I realized that one more question would make me snap, I told everyone I wanted a day off.

It had been great to be able to sleep late, and then just be for a few hours. Even though I hadn't said anything to Angel about wanting to be alone, he'd left the house right after sunset, so I could have all the privacy I needed. I felt grateful for that. I really did need some time to myself.

But after a few hours, I felt like I was suffocating inside, however stupid that sounded. Since I had nothing better to do, I went for a long walk.

Funny I should find myself in my old neighborhood.

I stood there, watching the house I'd once called home, trying to feel something. There was nothing. Not even resentment. I'd spent enough time wanting to get the hell outta there. Now that I lived with Angel, I didn't need to think about all the shit in my past. This was kinda like a farewell to that life.

No more pain and humiliation, the latter being absolutely the worst of those two. I'd never have to listen to those two act snobbish while sober, and then argue for hours when they were drunk again. Some parents they were.

One more look at the house --and the stupid garden-- and I turned around and walked away without even a backward glance.

For a small town, Sunnydale is a surprisingly big place. I sauntered aimlessly through the empty streets, my hands deep in my pockets. There weren't any other vampires around. Maybe it was because of the cold weather. That's life at the Hellmouth. Not just fire and brimstone. More like hell freezing over, I'd say.

Actually, come to think of it, there had been surprisingly few vampires around after the whole mess with Thorwald. I guess they learned a lesson there.

I wasn't going anywhere particular, just wandering around, lost in thought. That's why I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw the mansion right behind the treetops. Freezing where I stood, I looked around, and then when I didn't see or hear anyone, I slumped to the ground near the gravel road.

The mansion. God! I hadn't even been near the damn place after Angel had returned from... Well, after he'd returned. Damn it. The two times before that visit I'd been scared almost to death. First trying to be the cavalry armed with just a really heavy rock, and then armed to teeth with stakes and crossbows and such, when we went to look for Buffy. It had been hell, Oz and me following Giles who should have still been in the hospital. He'd been so frantic, desperate to find Buffy. We'd all been scared of what we might find there.

The fact that there was no one there hadn't made us feel any better.

Of course there was that creepy statue of Acatulpa or whatever the demon's name had been. An old sword, too. Giles had taken the sword with him, and said something about the Council taking care of the demon. I hadn't really wanted to know more about it, so I didn't ask.

Actually, Oz and I hadn't said anything while we were inside the big creepy house. I remembered the whole visit, though. The smell of decay, the broken tiles. And the sound of Giles crying.

It's the only time I've seen him cry. He never broke down even at Miss Calendar's funeral. Finding that small scrap of cloth from Buffy's shirt near the garden wall, had sent him down to his knees, and he had wept like a hurt child.

I felt like shit, remembering all those stupid things I'd said to him in the library. In a way, I guess I grew up that night.

Then again, maybe not.

I stared at the gloomy silhouette of the mansion, lost in thought. Then I shrugged, leaving the past behind, where it belonged. Deciding it was time to go, I got up and walked away. There was no reason for me to torture myself by remaining in a place where we'd all suffered so damn much. It was better to keep focus on the present. In the life I had with Angel in our little house.

It always made me smile. The Vampires of suburbia.

But for some strange reason, I didn't head towards home. Instead, I strolled past the cemetery where Angel and I had spent those long and uncomfortable hours weeks earlier, and then headed for the Bronze. Some of my friends were going inside, but I wasn't in the mood for socializing. I'd been to the Bronze a couple of times since dying. The first time had been a disaster. The loud music, and the scent of warm, living beings all around me, had almost caused me to panic. Good thing Angel had been with me then.

Okay, so me being alone wasn't the only reason I didn't go inside tonight. There were people I hadn't talked to in ages --Cordy came to mind-- and I really didn't want to spend my night off explaining why I wasn't around anymore.

Waving at one of the guys who had noticed me, I sneaked into the shadows and headed for the alley. Seemed to be a night for reminiscing, so I thought I should visit the place where it all started. Well, ended.

It was as if I had memorized the way to that dead end. Literally a dead end, at least to me. There. That was the spot where I'd thrown away my life insurance, and rushed to meet the vampires unarmed. My god! Weapons made too much noise? No wonder I got myself killed with that kind of reasoning.

Even with the broken street lamp, I could easily see where I was going. A vampire's night vision was even better than a cat's. Or so Giles told me. Can't say anything about that, because I've never been a cat.

Then I was there, and all the jokes disappeared from my head. There were still some pieces of wood lying on the ground. It looked like the remains of the damn box I'd stumbled into. One board resembled a stake, and I wondered if Angel had used that to kill the guy who'd sucked life out me. I didn't really know. I'd been too busy dying to notice it at the time.

I looked down, getting the wiggins from just the thought of the cold ground. It had been like freezing water, pulling me down into the depths. Funny, after feeling the vamp's fangs bite into my throat, there had been no pain. Just a feeling of loss.

Losing friends, losing all the opportunities that came with life and being young enough to expect at least fifty more years of it. And of course there was the thought of never seeing Angel again. Being Buff's little helper, I kinda expected to go to the Place Upstairs, and it wasn't probable my vampiric friend would ever get there.

It made me wonder what would happen after I got dusted. Would I find myself in that place Angel sometimes has nightmares about? And if I did, would he be there with me? Some hell, me and my lover together forever.

Well, religion never was one of my stronger points. I'd see it when it happened.

Could have happened that night. I could have... No, I did. I died in that alley. There had been that moment when I'd still felt my heart beating, slower than ever, the sound almost too loud in my ears and I'd known that this was it. Say bye bye to life, Xander. And I had. With Angel's face buried to my neck, I took my last breath and died. But I was still here. And you know what? My death was somehow better than my life had ever been.

Grinning at that completely tasteless and morbid joke, I kicked the small pieces of wood. I didn't feel all that bad anymore.

Actually I felt great. It was like I'd had a chance to finally put things in perspective. Funny, how talking with Giles hadn't given me this kinda peaceful feeling. Probably because I was so damn annoyed with him all the time.

I guess I could have gone to Willow and talked it over. She was still my best friend, after all. I could always tell her all my problems. Well, the key word being could. There were things I never wanted to tell anyone. But she had her own worries, her own life.

Besides, I didn't really feel like talking. Not yet, anyway. It was just good to know I'd have someone to talk to when I felt like it.

I'd have her. And I'd have Angel.

The alley seemed darker than a moment ago. Maybe because I suddenly realized that I missed Angel's company. Missed him terribly. Thinking about the life I'd had made me want a hug. A good, hard hug from Angel. That was it. No more thinking. The stroll down the memory lane had been rather illuminating, but I preferred strolling home.

Turning back towards the way I'd came, I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking again. This time I didn't saunter around aimlessly, I was hurrying home, to my life --death, existence, whatever.

I'd almost reached the end of the so called 'ambush district', when I smelled something familiar. After trying to listen for the sounds of a human heartbeat, I smiled. The lack of such sound combined with the scent of leather and that particular aftershave told me that I wouldn't have to walk all the way home to get that hug.

A familiar form was crouched next to a cluster of dumpsters. I approached him quietly, wondering what on earth was Angel doing in the alley. Then I heard several weird heartbeats coming from his direction. Nope, not human. Something smaller. Sniffing the air again, I blinked a few times as I realized they were rats. I was definitely smelling rats here. And cheese.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as silently as I could, so the tiny rodents wouldn't panic.

Angel turned to look at me, his hands still breaking a big chunk of cheese into smaller bits. "Feeding Miss Rat and her babies." There was laughter in his voice.

"Okay." Wondering if I'd once again missed something, I nodded. After all, I'd seen stranger things happen. Actually, a vampire feeding a bunch of scrawny rats is probably one of the sanest things happening around here.

I watched him drop tiny morsels of cheese to the rats, grinning a little at the funny way those creatures jumped at the food. Thinking about starving rats shouldn't have been funny, but somehow I didn't think those rodents were all that close to starvation. And they were really cute.

Apparently not only hungry vampires hunted in the back alleys of Sunnydale.

When Angel was finished, he stood up. "Do you still want to be alone, or can we go home now?" There was a slight note of apprehension in his voice.

"Nah. Let's go home." I brushed a crumb off his sleeve, trying to mask the caress. "Being alone isn't all that nice after all." It wasn't. Well... Being in the middle of a crowd wasn't all that great either. Everything, of course, depended on the company one had.

His gaze met mine, and then Angel stepped closer to me, his shoulder touching mine. "Yeah, I know."

He sounded happy for some reason. I guess it was because neither of us had to be alone anymore. You might think it was something we both brooded about all the time, but actually it's not. No more brooding.

I threw a grin at him, and then started towards home. He didn't say anything. Just followed me. Soon we were walking side by side through the eerily silent streets of Sunnydale.

Sure, it was nighttime. But night was usually the busiest time here. Demons, vampires, even one or two drug dealers were always running around. The last were the most disgusting of all the monsters that preyed during the night.

There were none of them out now. Not even young lovers walking hand in hand, enjoying the peaceful spring night. Well, except us, of course. And we weren't exactly walking hand in hand.

That was easily remedied, though. I didn't say a word when I reached out, only smiled a little as I felt Angel's strong hand grab mine. God it felt good walking there with my... Um...

I stumbled a little when about a dozen different words raced through my mind all at once. That kinda heavy thinking was definitely not good for any kind of a creature.

So I can be sarcastic even with myself. Swell.

"You okay?" Angel's hand tightened its grip on mine.

I nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

Instead of a laughing remark, he just nodded and we continued walking. I was still a bit stunned every time he didn't laugh at me. I'd gotten used to being the funny guy, and the fact that there was someone who didn't find it necessary to ridicule me all the time was a bit unsettling. But then again, Angel was my... I mean, he loved me.

Darkness was a good thing. I doubted even a vampire's vision could have read my expression, and I was glad of it. I couldn't help frowning as I kept wondering why on earth it was so difficult for me to use a word to describe Angel.

Here we were, walking towards our home, two guys --vampires-- in love with each other, and I wasn't even sure I should call him a lover. I mean, he could see it as an insult. As if I thought only about the sex-part.

I didn't.

Lover. Love? Mate? According to those Harlequin romances --which I only read because Willow said I'd find good tips in them, and didn't really like all that much no matter what she says-- I should probably have called him the other half of me. I wasn't all that sure I could say that out loud without laughing... But I needed a word for us. For him and me.

The only thing I knew was that I would never, ever call him sire.

He'd probably have a coronary --or the vampiric equivalent of it-- if I did.

I stopped when we reached a streetlamp, looking into Angel's eyes. There were two ways I could handle my little problem. I'd either think about it until my head hurt even more than it already did, or I'd ask him. Somehow I had realized that the latter was the best way to handle things. At least with my... whatever he'd like to be.

He seemed worried as he looked at me.

"Angel?" I wasn't really sure what to say. How did one ask another guy something like that, anyway? Sure, we lived together and slept together and all, but to really talk about it... At least I wasn't babbling uncontrollably. Then again, maybe that way it would be easier. Just open my mouth and let the words stumble out.

The dark eyes bore into mine. A soft smile appeared on his lips, and then he pulled me into a hug. "It's okay, Xander. Just say it. Can't be all that bad."

Somehow it was easier to ask when he was just holding me, not looking at me. "What are we?"

There was a moment of silence, and then Angel whispered, "Vampires."

"What?" I squirmed away from his embrace, getting a bit annoyed as I saw him smirking. "Very funny. Ha ha." God, he could be such a jerk sometimes!

"I thought so." He sounded amused. There was a questioning look on his face, though. "What do you mean?"

Sighing exasperatedly I waved my hand between us. "This. Us. Are we like boyfriends or what? Lovers? A couple? What?"

Angel's eyes darkened. "Damn. Xander, I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously." He looked stricken.

"No sweat. You're not the first one. It's not a big deal."

That obviously didn't make him feel any better. Quite the opposite, actually. Now there was genuine sadness in his eyes. "It is a big deal. You shouldn't have to take that crap from your boyfriend." He leaned closer to me and kissed my cheek. Then he brushed his lips against mine. "And your lover."

"The other half of me?" Oh, god! Did I really say that out loud? Corny much?

There was another kiss, even though it was a little trembly as Angel shook with laughter. Somehow it felt like he was laughing with me and not at me. "Only you would say that, Alexander!"

I felt tightness at my throat, just like I did every time he said my name like that. "It's okay, I know you love me anyway." The first time I ever said it that way.

"Yep. I do." Another kiss. "I really do."

Good. After all, that's all that mattered. I hugged him tight, and then giggled --in a very manly way-- as I thought about the most appropriate word I could use. "Then you won't mind if I call us deathmates?"

Angel had just drawn a deep breath, probably meaning to say something sweet, and started to cough at my words. He threw a dark look at me, his gaze telling me that I was in trouble. But in the kind of trouble I'd love. Yay me!

One more kiss under the streetlamp, and then we hurried home.

---

I definitely spent more time in the shower the next evening than it was absolutely necessary. Actually, I didn't even need a shower, not really, but standing in that tiled shower stall, letting warm water pound all over my body, was a good excuse not to leave the house.

The former night had been so damn peaceful, and the early morning full of fun and tenderness, I hated the mere idea of facing Giles and his stupid questions again.

It wasn't the first time I seriously thought of ending our little discussions. Finals were over, and I didn't need a tutor anymore. I could just tell him to shove his questions. But I knew I wouldn't, no matter how annoying he got. One of those responsibility -things again. My ramblings could help us and the future generation Slayers fight the vampires who were soulless. So I'd go and babble about things. Didn't mean I'd like it, though.

Sighing, I turned off the water and then dried myself, feeling more miserable every second. The fact that Angel had made breakfast made me feel a little better, and I even managed a smile when we sat by the kitchen table, sipping warm blood.

I brushed my teeth, once again lingering near the sink for a very long time. Not just so that I wouldn't have blood-breath. I'll admit to myself I was stalling.

A kiss from Angel, and then I was on my way to school.

That was definitely one of the downsides of our arrangement. I mean, I was the only one of our class --not counting the Slayer-- who still went to school every darn day. Or night, actually. Death was so unfair!

The front door to Sunnydale High squeaked as I pulled it open. I used that nerve wreaking sound to explain the shivers that ran down my spine. Hey! I was a vampire, a real creature of the night -kinda guy. I was not afraid of a British librarian!

Muttering to myself, I walked straight to the library, not stopping before the door slammed shut behind me.

"Hi, Giles." I strolled towards the table he was leaning against. There was no one else there, but I could smell the herbal thing Willow washed her hair with in the air, and... Yes, that was definitely Buffy's deodorant. I bet the girls had whined until they got a night off, and were now having fun at Bronze. Great! They got to have fun while I had to suffer here with Giles.

He looked like he was really enthusiastic about something. I had a bad feeling about it. As tiresome it was to repeat the same thing over and over again, new things could be even worse.

"Xander! Good, you're here!" Putting the book he'd been reading down, Giles motioned to the chair on the other side of the table.

I sat down. Once again I was reminded of all the years I'd spent at school, sitting on a hard plastic chair in a class, just knowing the teacher was going to ask me a question I had no answer to. "Something new come up?" I tried to sound interested.

Picking up a pen, the Watcher opened a very familiar journal. "Remember that book, 'Drawing Power from Magical Objects'?"

Did I remember? Would have been hard not to. After all, that book was the only object in our house I truly hated. Not because of the rather disgusting rituals it told about, but because of the material it was made of. The pages were all sprinkled with holy water. It didn't exactly kill you to touch it, but it certainly hurt. I knew, I'd had a first hand experience with it. "Yeah. Why?"

"I need to ask you something about it. About that night we discovered the book."

Okay. "Sure. Ask away."

"You saw me take the book from the shelf." He waited for me to make an agreeing sound and then scribbled something on the book. "And you didn't get any warning about it being dangerous for vampires?"

I had an urge to make a comment about vampires usually being psychotic, not a psychic. Instead, I said, "Nope. I just saw an ordinary book, and reached to grab it. The moment I touched it, I realized there was something wrong." Too bad I didn't get a prickly feeling from the book. It would have saved me from all that pain.

Giles nodded, making another note. "So, how did it feel?"

How did it feel to burn my hand on that damn book? What the hell kind of a question was that? "What do you think? It hurt."

"Mm hmm."

That sound of his pen scratching the paper made me want to grab him by the neck and shake him. For the next hour or so. 'How did it feel? What was it like?' How the hell was I supposed to tell him all that? They were just words. There was no way they could describe what it felt to be a vampire. It was so different from being a mortal, but all the differences were so small, almost insignificant, it was impossible for the Watcher to understand them.

Just like it had been hard for me to grasp all the nuances of a romantic relationship between two vampires, even though Angel was extremely patient when he explained all the customs to me. Enthusiastic, too, I might add.

"Can you compare it to anything?"

"No." It hadn't just burned my hand. It made my whole being burn. I'd never experienced such pain in my life. Or my death. That whole book had at some point been soaked in holy water, so it had recognized me as something... I guess the only word is unholy. Or something.

Giles finished a sentence, and then looked at me again. "All right. I'd like you to do something else next." He closed the book and got up.

I tensed. "If you're talking about handing me more holy stuff, you can just forget about it." His lab rat or not, I would definitely make a run for it if he wanted to do some experiments on pain. No way in hell I was gonna let myself be hurt for science!

"What?" Adjusting his glasses, the Watcher frowned. "Oh, no, it's nothing like that."

Following him to the counter, I kept my distance. So he didn't want me to do the 'look, that guy's steaming' -thing. That was good. Didn't really mean that whatever he wanted me to do would be all that better, though.

Giles pointed at something on the floor. "I'd like you to take that with you, and do some of your running exercises here in the library."

I crouched down to see what the thing was, and then groaned, "You gotta be kidding!"

Two hours later, I opened the front door of our house, feeling beat. Absolutely beat. My muscles were killing me, and every step I took made me want to groan. "Angel?" It was a whine, nothing more. I needed some pampering and if my deathmate was home, he'd get to give me a massage or something.

There was no answer, so I decided that he wasn't there. Damn.

I thought about a hot shower, but the physical owwies were outnumbered by the mental ones. I walked straight to the bedroom, pausing by the stereo to change the CD, and then collapsed on the bed with the remote control in my hand.

It was almost a pleasure to lie there, the stereo blaring so loud, I couldn't hear my own thoughts. God, I loved it, wallowing in self-pity, just me and country music.

Now if I'd just had a big chunk of chocolate to gobble up, everything would have been perfect. Of course I didn't eat chocolate anymore. So much for that thought.

When the music ended, the CD player making a small clicking sound, I felt like I needed a little more time to work on my depression, and went to change the disc. Soon the room was once again filled with sad, sad music about someone burning down someone's house, shooting his dog and stealing his bible.

The second CD was about halfway through, when I heard the front door open. Since I didn't hear a heartbeat, I knew it could be only one person.

When Angel stepped into the bedroom, I expected him to turn off the music and then ask me what was wrong. I'd prepared an angry retort for that, almost looking forward to a fight. It was far easier to argue with my lover than go through stuff in my head. He didn't follow my plans, though. As soon as he reached the bed, he flung himself next to me and sighed. Then he just lay there, not saying anything, not glaring at me. Not even trying to reach for the remote control.

That was definitely not a good sign. I'd never seen him do something like that. When the song ended, I grabbed the remote control, and paused the CD. "Angel? Is something wrong?"

"Not really. I just talked with Buffy, and..." He sighed deeply. "I hate to see her alone. She deserves someone too."

It wasn't all that easy to reply to that. Angel was very vocal with his feelings towards me, and I believed that he really loved me, but still... I guess he might have felt the same if I'd spent a lot of time with Cordy. Not really jealous, but something pretty close to it.

"Yeah, she does."

Sighing, he continued. "I want her to be as happy as I am."

Well, now. That made me feel a lot better. Didn't even think about turning the CD back on.

We lay there in silence for a moment. Angel was the one to end it. "Another bad day?"

I rolled on my side and nodded at him. "Yeah. Worse than the others. Giles wanted me to tell him all about feeling pain, and then he made me carry a damn anvil up and down the stairs." Even though it had been easy to carry it, I'd had some trouble keeping myself from dropping the anvil on Giles' toes.

That certainly caught Angel's attention. I don't really think he even realized the growl he let out a second before asking, "Did you hurt yourself ?"

"Nah. I'm just beat." God, I loved it when he got like that. I mean, no one's been like that towards me before! I was sure if I'd said that Giles' actions had caused me real pain, my lover would have rushed to the Watcher and forced him to eat his tweed jacket.

Angel brushed my hair back, a slow soothing motion, "Beat, huh?" Kissing my cheek, he whispered, "Then I guess I'll have to wait till tomorrow morning before I do something nice to you."

That whisper made my whole body shiver, just as it was meant to do, obviously. But no matter how much stamina a vampire had, I really was exhausted, and knew that whatever my lover had in mind, it would have to wait till the next day.

His soft touch felt really good, though. Nice and soothing. I was beginning to think that maybe I didn't really need a shower all that much. This was so much better than any hot shower could ever be. The water could make my skin tingle with warmth for a few minutes, but Angel's touch made me warm inside.

"Xander?" The hand never stopped its movement. "Do you want to get something to eat?"

Did I? Well, maybe. Then again I wasn't all that hungry. "Nah." If possible, I wouldn't get up from the bed for at least ten hours.

Now there was laughter in my lover's voice. "Don't you think you should at least take off your clothes before falling asleep?"

"'s okay," I mumbled. "Not dirty."

A soft kiss was planted on my cheek. "No, you're not." The hand moved slower now. "Just go to sleep, love."

Muttering something incoherent, I squirmed closer to him, already feeling sleep rushing towards me like a truck.

---

I'd been through a lot since I met Buffy. Being the prey of a praying mantis, running in a pack with people --hyenas, whatever-- who ate little piglets and nice old principals, or getting really fishy. Not to mention all the crushes on weird people, Slayers and mummies. Compared to that, finding out that I really loved a guy, who happened to be a vampire wasn't that big a deal.

The fact that he became a homicidal maniac was a big deal, though. As well as the fact that I still lusted after him, even though he'd killed people I knew. It took a long time for me to come to terms with my feelings. Good thing I dealt with them before my life was changed.

Did I say 'changed'? I meant 'ended'. Let's not fool ourselves here. A vampire is as dead as yesterday's mackerel. Thank god we don't smell as bad.

Okay, so my excuses probably did stink to high heaven. Realizing that I loved Angel had been a shock. The guy-thing and all. Alternative lifestyles weren't exactly all that highly regarded in a small place like Sunnydale. Besides, I'd always chased girls. How was I supposed to know how to approach a guy about warm feelings? A vampire guy. Bring him flowers?

The fact that I hadn't had all that much luck with girls didn't help. Neither did the fact that he was in love with Buffy.

I sure knew how to pick them. When I couldn't have him, I played with fire by getting involved with Cordelia. That certainly wasn't the most intelligent thing I'd ever done, but I really did like her. I still do in a way. Not that way, though.

Angel's the only guy I'd ever really loved this way. Or a person, I should say, 'cause I've never felt like this with anyone before. I was kinda confused about it for a long, long time. Denial was my number one defense. It was much easier to think I was jealous of the way Buffster wanted him and not me, instead of thinking about the way it really was.

Crazy really how much easier it was to face hatred towards him than love.

It hit me when Kendra appeared for the first time. I drooled after her, but my heart wasn't really in it. Neither were the other parts of my anatomy. Cordy was there in reality, but it was Angel I held in my dreams. The morning I woke up after a vivid dream and remembered it, in color, I spent almost half an hour in the shower, feeling disgusted with myself.

My walls almost crumbled when Larry decided to confide in me. God, I thought. Was it really all that obvious? Me, the walking hormone factory all hot about a guy? No way. Not in a million years. No… No point denying it.

Living at the Hellmouth can really be a bitch at times. Would have been kinda nice to get my little revelation about really being into another guy before that said other guy became a soulless monster. And I hated him more than I'd ever hated anyone. I hated him, and I hated myself for caring about him enough to hate.

It was really just a hateful spring, I'd say.

Then he was gone. And Buffy was gone. Not to mention the way things went with Cordy. And everything was depressing, even though we didn't have to go to school. We just moped around, trying to manage the shop with way too many customers until our Slayer came back. I felt kinda empty until Angel came back, too.

All those months after he'd gotten back from hell, I battled with myself. First it was about my feelings. Was it really love I felt? It took me some time to even admit to myself that yes, I really did want to do all the smooching and groping -thing with him. Then came the most agonizing time, months spent wondering if I should tell him, hoping that he would feel the same, fearing that I would get his fangs in my throat after the big revelation.

In the end, I did get sharp teeth on my neck, but not after confessing my undying love. If that vampire who killed me hadn't been turned into a small pile of dust, I would probably have thanked him for what he did. If I'd remained a mortal, I would never have dared to talk to Angel about the romantic stuff. I was pretty sure that he wouldn't have either.

After all, our relationship would have been doomed from the start. I'd spent weeks going through all that 'I will age, he won't, I can handle sun, he can't, I'm seventeen, he's over two hundred' -stuff.

Let me tell you something. Angst is definitely not a way of life I'd recommend.

Him being nice and helpful didn't make things any easier. If he'd acted like a real jerk, I could have continued loathing him, and I wouldn't have had to spend months worrying about my feelings. But he turned from a mysterious stranger into a guy we could depend on in times of trouble. Someone we could trust.

I'd hated the stranger who'd taken over his body, the thing that had looked like him, smiled his smile while killing my friends. Even though Willow's spell had slain that monster forever, our Angel had survived, and he'd been the one who'd been returned to us. He'd also been the one Angelus had hurt the most. It couldn't have been easy for him to stay here in Sunnydale after everything that had happened when he didn't have his soul.

It still makes me blush to even think about it, but a huge part of my attitude towards him was jealousy. He was still here, still helping the Slayer, and I was burning with jealousy, because I was sure that he was doing it for Buffy. He wasn't. He was doing it for the world. For all of us.

I realized that when he risked his neck as we fought against that man eating ogre. The monster had threatened Willow and Giles, stalkied them and finally cornered them in that abandoned warehouse, and our hero had jumped in between the hellish creep and my friends. Not Buffy. Giles and Willow. Two days after we'd killed the ogre, Faith had headed north and I'd decided to make peace with Angel.

I'd thought that even if we never got together, we might as well be friends. When I finally had the courage to let him know that I was willing to put the past behind my behind, our relationship went from enemies to friends to partners and then finally lovers in just a few days.

No wonder I was feeling a little light headed. The fact that the Watcher forced me to analyze it all, when all I wanted was to explore the new relationship Angel and I had, didn't help. Nope. It just made my head hurt.

---

No matter how late, I still hated waking up.

I didn't get up immediately after waking. It was so nice to just lie there, Angel's arms around me, his hair tickling my ear as he fidgeted a little.

But eventually we both had to get up. Not just because of my dumb agenda with the Watcher, but because of more mundane matters. We were low on all the stuff we needed. Food, soap and shampoo, lube.

I could live without soap and shampoo for a couple of days, but the rest of the stuff was vital. Well, at least to me. A man's gotta eat, right? Not to mention all the fun stuff where the lube was needed.

Giles had probably understood my subtle hint the previous night, and hadn't gotten the anvil back after I threw it out of the window. He accepted grudgingly my need to go shopping, so we spent only about half an hour talking. I was pretty amazed about it all, until Buffy appeared in the library. Of course the Slaying-business went above vampire-business. Um... Heh, actually the two of them are the same thing, but when I was talking about vamps, I was talking about me. Mr. Soul.

Hurrying home, I was happy to see that Angel hadn't left yet, and I could accompany him on our little shopping expedition. We even had time for a special snack, so that the scents at the butcher's wouldn't make me all vampiric.

We had a deal with my lover. I'd get the food while he waited outside. He'd go and buy the lube, unless I was already going in that direction and he wasn't. He'd provide the money now, and I would learn the wonders of investing later.

Angel didn't want to talk all that much about money. I knew he had it, and no, I didn't ask where he'd gotten it. It wasn't all that hard to guess.

Yeah, I knew I couldn't live in denial forever, but damn it, we were still doing the 'new couple' -routine. There'd be plenty of time to angst about a certain vampire's former thieving ways later.

The butcher was used to seeing me shop there by now. He knew Angel already, and knew not to ask any questions. Too much curiosity was bad for business, and my lover and I were good customers. I picked up the plastic bag the man had ready for me, and handed him a few bills, trying to look like the bag was heavy for me, even though I could have carried it with one finger.

The joys of undeadness.

Angel grinned at me as I got out of the butcher's and we strolled to the next stop on our shopping expedition. My turn to wait this time, as the fearless older vampire ventured in to buy lube and shampoo.

Since I stayed outside, I had no way of knowing just exactly how cool he was with buying lubricant. I'd seen the receipts, so I knew he did buy it, and didn't just shove it into his pocket like I probably would have.

Okay, I was exaggerating. I'd gone to the supermarket a few times to buy lube, and I hadn't died out of embarrassment. Mainly because I was already dead. Yep. Having to see the clerk smirk at the bottle was really something I could exist without.

I didn't have to wait for long. Angel reappeared next to me with an enigmatic smile on his lips, and we headed back home. No need to stay out for longer. I wasn't exactly hungry, but he had promised to do something nice to me.

Home, sweet home. Blood went into the fridge, I tossed the bag with the shampoo and our new bottle of lube into the bathroom, and then scurried to the bedroom ahead of Angel, pulling my clothes off as I ran. I could hear my lover chuckle somewhere behind me.

Hello? I was a teenager, remember? I'd been promised an exciting time in bed, and I wasn't into hiding my enthusiasm from Angel. Besides, he was there right behind me, his shirt flying on top of mine on the floor as he unwrapped himself for me.

I moved my hands to push off my boxers, and then held still as I heard Angel whisper, "Leave them on."

Okay, I could do that. I guessed he wanted to treat me like a present and do some unwrapping. That was cool.

Angel and sex... Sounded really good, didn't it? Those two words went so well together. Whether it was hot and fast sex, or sweet lovemaking, it was always good. Better than good, really, but I wasn't in a position to think about adjectives to describe our sex life. I was living it, and needed no words. Nope. Not even one.

Couldn't really say anything with Angel's mouth on mine, kisses preventing me from making any coherent sounds. It was so sweet, his blunt teeth nipping my lips, his tongue teasing mine. I wrapped my hands around him, caressing his bare back as he moved the kisses to my throat.

I'd died from a bite there, but that didn't mean I found his touch terrifying. On the contrary, actually. Most people would probably think I was insane, but the thought of having his fangs on my throat was a turn on.

Between the kisses, there were soft words whispered. Mainly my name, but other things, too. Things that made me turn to jello.

We were moving now. My back hit the door, as Angel pushed me against it. The sound of the key turning in the lock made me grin. So, we wouldn't be getting up before dawn, and maybe not even then. That sounded perfect.

When the door was properly locked, I was guided to the bed. Those few yards took forever, for we stopped to kiss and caress each other after every step. It was a miracle we didn't end up a very happy pile in the middle of the floor.

I felt the edge of the bed on the back of my calves, and fell down, landing on my back. Angel stood by the bed for a moment, and then pushed down his underwear, grinning as my eyes went to the part of his anatomy he revealed.

"Nothing you haven't seen before."

He thought now was the time to make jokes? "Oh, shut up and get over here, you big dummy!" Not the most romantic thing to say, but since it worked, it didn't matter how it sounded.

Sitting next to me, he leaned close, and put his hand on my chest. It didn't stay there for long, and I squirmed as his touch started to move down my body. It never went below the waistband of my boxers, though, and I made a move to sit up and pull him down to me.

"Lie back." Dark eyes were full of laughter. Angel waited until I complied, and then added, "Now try to hold still."

Sure, I could hold still. It wasn't all that hard to just lie in bed. Except when he was now slowly pushing my boxers off. That made me fidget a little. Some parts of me twitching more than the others. I saw Angel smile as he tossed my underwear on the floor, and then he crawled back to lie next to me, his mouth finding mine.

It went a little hazy after that. Kisses everywhere. Then his hands. This time there was no silk stopping his explorations, and I lay there, panting, even though my mind should have remembered that I didn't need air. Mainly because my mind was really concentrating on one thing only at the moment.

Kinda like he was now. He was stroking my sides absentmindedly, but his lips were concentrating on my nipples. Did I ever mention that his mouth on my nipples was a major turn on, too? Damn, the combination of his lips, and those gently nipping teeth and any part of my body was a turn on. And he was certainly doing some biting now.

I made a few sounds that would have made me blush if I wasn't in the middle of something urgent.

Squirming even harder, I reached out with my hand. His touch was wonderful, but I wanted to touch him too. After a few minutes of fumbling, my hand finally met Angel's hardness, and I wrapped my fingers around it. I'd reached my goal --well, one of them, anyway-- but my move made him stop nibbling me.

"Angel! Don't stop!"

There was a short silence, and then he gasped, "Do you want a pierced nipple?"

My hand stilled as I looked up at his face. Oh. I'd completely forgotten. "Too much?"

"Yes. Now, shut up and let me do this the way I want."

It was frustrating as hell, but that was the deal. He called the shots.

At least he was doing exactly what I wanted him to. Nibbling nipples was fun, but there was a part of me that really wanted all of his attention right now.

Yep. Fingers tickling my belly button, and then I was grinning happily as his hand reached my cock. Bingo! We had a winner. And I didn't have to applaud with just one hand.

"Angel..." I moaned his name as he started to stroke me without any of his usual teasing. He'd said something about wanting to do something nice to me, and he was succeeding in that. Very nice. Very, very, very nice. I wasn't exactly in any condition to think of other words. Or to say even the few that were still in my mind. I did a lot of moaning, though.

His touch was just perfect. The speed and pressure of the movements bringing me closer to that wonderful moment when there was nothing in the world but pleasure. We were almost there. God, I'd always thought that sex would be great, but boy, I'd had no idea!

Clutching the sheets tighter, I began to moan Angel's name, wanting to urge him to do it faster, harder, but didn't have enough I.Q points to form any coherent words.

Almost there, just a few strokes more and I'd be there. Oh, man just... one... more...

My eyes flew open as his hand stilled, and the squeezed the base of my erection, making it impossible for me to come. "No!" I couldn't believe he'd stopped! "Angel! I have to..."

"Oh, you will. But not yet."

What the hell was he thinking? "Not yet?" Pitiful as it probably was, my squeal didn't make him move his hand. Cruel. Just plain cruel. And I'd thought he wouldn't tease.

He squirmed a little, and then his lips brushed against my ear. "No, not yet. We have all day to do this. Hours." His mouth was now on my throat.

"Hours? Are you insane?" I'd go out of my mind in minutes, and he talked about hours?

Small nibbles on my chest were interrupted by a whisper. "Yeah. Mad about you, anyway." Then that soft trail moved further down. I couldn't say anything to answer his remark, as those wonderful lips closed around me.

Oh... All thoughts seemed to rush out of my head again. Yeah, this was great. Once again Angel's mouth was making me wild. I moved my hips up, knowing from experience that he'd enjoy doing this much more if I showed him how much I appreciated his efforts. I did. I sure did.

I squirmed, trying to get the right angle, and when I felt I had the best leverage I could have, I started to move faster, burying myself inside his mouth. Angel's hand trailed up and down my thigh as he sucked harder, and I was sure I was seeing stars inside my eyelids. Yess....

This time, when he stopped, my hands tore the sheets. The ripping sound almost drowned my desperate groan. "Angel! What the hell are you doing? What more do you want from me?"

"Everything. I want you." His breath tickled my swollen flesh. "I want to make you so crazy with need that you'll just push me on my stomach and then take me."

Almost before he'd finished, I grabbed him, hard, and shoved him off me. There was a flash of triumph in his eyes, as I rolled him over and moved on top of him. Some small corner of my consciousness, that was still capable of coherent thought, informed me that I should have unpacked the plastic bags, when I squeezed the last of the lubricant to my hand. Then the empty tube went flying to the floor as I put that slick stuff all over me.

It would have to do. There was no way I'd go wandering around the house now. I seriously doubted I could even leave the bed.

I was so far gone, I didn't even think about delaying the sweet moment when I'd feel him surround me. Getting a firm grip of his hip with one hand, I used the other one to guide myself in. Even though I hadn't prepared him in any way, I slid in with one hard thrust, needing to be one with him.

"Xander!" Angel's voice was haggard, and for a second I felt horrified of what I was doing. His own words said that he wanted it like this, but this was really rough. Really hot, too. Hot and tight and... God! I had to stop right there and then or I couldn't stop at all...

Then all my doubts flew out of the window, as he groaned, "Harder!"

That was about the only thing --with the exception of 'stop', maybe-- I would obey.

Yep, so 'harder' it was. After pulling out, I slammed myself back in, and then did it again and again. Soon harder became faster, and then I couldn't really think and everything went hazy. All I knew was our bodies thrashing on the bed together. That was pretty much all I needed to know.

I collapsed on top of him. As soon as I was able to talk again, I whispered in his ear, "We're both insane."

Angel snorted. It was hard for me to stay on his back, when that marvelous body was shaking with laughter. "Yes, we are! God, that was great!"

"Thank you," I murmured, and then joined his laughter. He squirmed around, and then hugged me tight.

Sex with him... It just blew me away! No matter what we did, or where we did it, it was always great. From slow and tender to madness. I loved it all. And I loved the looks and moves before it, and the touches and kisses after it.

Either I'd been missing something really badly, or I was the luckiest guy in the world to find someone like Angel. Now that he was holding me, and stroking my hair slowly, I could even ask about that. Would have been kinda stupid to be afraid of talking about it after what we'd just done. "Is it always like this, or is this great just because we're both vampires?"

Angel's hand didn't stop the stroking motion, but I could sense that my question baffled him. "And by 'this' you mean..?"

"Sex." What did he think I meant?

"I have no idea. Sex between two men can..." This time his hand stilled. "Xander? You don't mean that, do you? You're talking about sex in general."

Well, duh! "Don't sound that surprised! I told you that I've never done this before the night we hopped into bed."

Squirming, Angel moved us so that he could look me in the face. "Yes, but I always thought that you meant that you hadn't done it with a man before. You really mean that I'm the first person you've ever made love with?"

Oh, god, how embarrassing! My cheeks were burning as I nodded.

The look on his face was full of wonder. "I'm honored." His hand squeezed me a little before resuming the slow caress.

Sometimes I forgot how different Angel really was. He usually just showed his modern side to everyone, wearing normal clothes, talking the way we all did. It was hard to remember that somewhere deep down inside him, was the guy who had born over two centuries ago in Ireland. We joked about it a lot, but the fact was that my lover really was the most romantic guy I knew.

That wasn't all that bad, you know. The world we lived in was truly a gloomy place, and if we wanted to stay sane, or relatively sane, actually, we needed some mush and romance in our lives.

"Yeah, well so am I." I nuzzled against him and then closed my eyes.

Another day was dawning. Shuteye time for all the members of the fang gang. No matter how romantic we were.

---

I didn't dream that day. No need after what happened around the time the sun came up.

Angel was already awake and in the shower when I dragged myself out of bed the next evening. I could hear him humming while he washed himself. That happy sound made me smirk.

Before padding into the bathroom, I stripped the sheets off the bed and carried them to the washroom. Hot and exciting sex was also very messy. Washing the sheets was a small price to pay for it, though. As I was shoving the sheets into the hamper, I noticed the tearing. Oh, crap! So maybe having hot sex would cost us new sheets. Still, I thought it wasn't a high price.

There was no one in the bathroom when I got there, and I sighed as I stepped under the warm spray of water. Fooling around in the shower would have been a perfect way to start the night.

It would have been a perfectly good reason to be a little late for Late Night with the Watcher Show.

Remembering I had a torture session ahead of me didn't quite destroy my good mood. But I wasn't all that cheery when I got dressed and then went to get some food.

Everything was ready for me. Angel had even placed a napkin next to my cup. I offered him a smile, and sat down to eat.

"Morning, Xander." I felt lips on my cheek. "Is everything okay?"

Seemed I couldn't fool my lover. Didn't really even try. "The same old thing. I'm meeting Giles again." I didn't sound enthusiastic.

"Oh."

I looked up from my cup, recognizing his tone of voice. "Yeah,"

Angel's expression was unreadable, but his eyes were burning dark fire. That was about as angry one ever saw him. If he went beyond that, his eyes would be golden yellow. "Did he tell you what you're going to talk about today?"

"The usual. Speed, strength, stuff like that." I could have lied and said Giles wanted to talk about 17^th century poetry, but I kinda thought I should be honest with the guy I loved and was going to spend the rest of eternity with. Besides, for some reason Angel could always tell when I was lying these days.

"I'm coming with you."

Squinting my eyes, I tried to read all the emotions behind that statement. "I don't need you to baby-sit me, Angel. I'm a big boy now, and I can deal with one nosy Watcher guy."

A smile appeared on his lips. "Would you mind if I tag along today? It's not like I have anything better to do." He purred the last words.

Reality check. I might be able to win an argument with my lover, but only if he played fair. Whenever he purred, or looked sultry, or groped while arguing, I lost. Damn cheat! "Okay." And I'm weak.

We both knew that.

It was nice to walk to school with Angel. We talked about lots of stuff, none of it really important, but it kept me from thinking about the upcoming inquisition. To be honest, I was happy he was there with me. Maybe Giles would lay off a little.

How was I to know that it would be the weirdest 'interview' with the Watcher ever?

We were a bit late, so this time even the cleaning lady had gone home. I liked the sound of our footsteps on the floor. Seemed like the echo wasn't all that strange when I wasn't walking alone. So what? It did sound a bit creepy to walk there alone!

Giles was standing by his counter when we stepped into the library. He had a smile on his face as he lifted his gaze from yet another book he'd been reading. "Evening, Xander." He blinked as he noticed Angel. "Oh. And Angel. Come on in."

He didn't sound all that confident. I did my best to hide the smile as I walked closer to him, feeling my lover right behind me.

"I hope you don't mind my presence?" Angel did form it as a question, but it sure didn't sound like that.

"Not at all." Giles shook his head.

Then we all stood there in silence. I guess no one knew exactly what to say next.

Placing the book on the counter, the Watcher cleared his throat. "Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you two."

We both raised an eyebrow at that.

"Buffy would really benefit from training with you. I can teach her only how to fight against someone of my strength. No matter how I try, it's just not enough. To keep her safe... Um, I mean in shape, I need you to help me."

I thought Giles' comment was a bit odd, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. Sometimes I just didn't get what he was saying. Had to be the fact that he was British. It's a whole different language. Lots of fancy words and some really funny differences in pronunciation.

Angel seemed to understand exactly what the librarian was saying, though. Smiling a little, he cocked his head. "I'd say that's rather... poetic."

Giles' eyes widened, and he blushed. What could have shocked him so much? "I... I don't know..."

"So, what did you mean about using us to train Buffy?" My lover sounded like he hadn't even heard the Watcher's spluttering. There was an amused timbre in his voice, though.

"I..." The Brit looked really confused. When he realized that Angel had no intention of continuing with whatever he'd meant by his remark, he cleared his throat again. "She needs to practice with someone who's stronger than I am. I thought that it would be good if she could practice with real vampires."

"A very good idea. We wouldn't want to see her get hurt, would we? She's too important to lose."

There was nothing out of the ordinary in Angel's words, but the way Giles flinched made me really interested in what was going on.

Looking resigned, the Watcher held his head up high, not breaking his eye contact with Angel. "Yes, she is." It was almost like he was getting ready for a fight he couldn't win.

Angel accepted that with a smile. "I'm glad you think so, too. So, about this new training program..."

I wandered to the bookshelves, not really interested in what they were planning. I knew they'd tell me what to do when they were ready. And drawing their attention might just make Giles ask those stupid questions again. What I was interested in though, were the cryptic remarks those two had been making.

Hell, yes I was jealous.

I was jealous every damn time Angel got mushy while talking about Buffster. Nope, didn't do it on purpose, and actually thought I was being silly, but my stomach still clenched every time he mentioned her that way. I knew he loved me, he'd said that a hundred times, but what those two had had went way beyond a normal romance. They were like Romeo and Juliet without the suicide -thing. Jack and Rose without the drowning. I think the word I'm looking for here is 'epic'.

Whoa! Insecure much? Yeah, well you try to be me, living here, with people like the old Cordy around, and let's see how confident you are!

Grabbing the first book that my hand hit, I stormed to the table, and tried to spend some time reading, while Angel was still talking with Giles. I honestly don't know what the book was all about. All I could think of was my lover and his ex. The girl who just happened to be one of my best friends.

It was low of me, but in the end, I realized that no matter how he must have once loved her, Angel had chosen me. He was living with me, loving me. And no matter how stupid that was, it helped me to shrug off the jealousy.

A nice little half hour identity crisis. Geez, if only everything was that simple.

I was smiling to myself when Angel appeared in front of me, a smug little grin on his face. "We're ready to go."

"Good." Pushing the chair back, I got to my feet and stretched. "I need some exercise." Just a comment, not foreplay. I was really stiff, and a good jog, or hand to hand combat training would do wonders. Foreplay would come after that. Or maybe during that. Who knows?

Angel smirked. Yep, it was an honest smirk. "Don't we all. Some nice, long sweaty exercise."

His words were obviously meant for Giles. At least the Watcher went rigid, looking like he was going to explode.

Letting the smirk vanish, my lover shook his head. "That was uncalled for. I apologize." When he saw both me and the Brit stare he shrugged. "I think our business here's done for the night,"

Back to the old 'mysterious guy' -routine. That was fine by me. At least for the moment. I'd grill him as soon as we were alone. "Sure. How about tomorrow?" We hadn't made any plans yet. At least not anything I'd actually heard about. But then again, I hadn't really paid any attention.

"Yes, well, I was hoping you could come here again." Seeing me grimace, Giles added, "Not just to talk. To do some research with the others. We must be ready for anything now. Can't let this peaceful interlude lull us into a false sense of security."

Big words. He must be really upset about something.

"See you tomorrow, then." Sighing, I nodded at the Watcher. After he muttered his reply, I headed towards the door, Angel just a few steps behind me.

Giles followed us with his gaze. The look he threw at Angel was definitely an odd one. A mix of fear and relief. Like he'd just told my lover a big secret, and was now happy he hadn't been hit or bitten. My vampiric companion didn't seem to pay any attention to him, but I noticed the small smile playing on his lips again as we walked out of the library and down the hall.

I couldn't wait for one more second. As soon as we were out of the building, I asked, "What was that all about?"

"Giles is in love with Buffy."

That was about the last thing I would have expected to hear. "What?" I didn't care if it was a horrified yelp. There was no one in the streets at that time of night anyway.

"Sounds incredible, doesn't it? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." Angel sounded more than just a little amused. "I'd noticed that there was something strange going on with Giles, but I had no idea it could be this."

Giles and Buffy? That stiff bookworm in love with Buffy? Buffy?

"Are you okay?"

I just nodded absentmindedly, trying to figure out something intelligent to say. When I couldn't think of anything, I shook my head.

"Was that a yes or a no?" This time there was no doubt about the laughter in Angel's voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said that even as I was shaking my head. "No I'm not. Buffy?"

He stepped closer to me and took my hand into his. "What's the problem, Xander? Are you jealous?"

"How can you even ask me that?" Squeezing his hand tight, I glowered at him, realizing that he was trying to make a point. I didn't even bother to say that I was not the one who used to be involved with Buffster. "It's just that he's so... Giles!"

Angel sighed. "And what is that?"

"He's too... Too..." I stuttered, not knowing where to begin. There was no way in hell I'd just blurt out that he's too Giles.

"Too what? Librarian? Watcher? British? What?"

"Old." There. That was a perfectly good reason to be shocked about all of this. "He's old enough to be her father."

"Yes. And I'm old enough to be your great grandfather nine generations back." My lover said with a calm voice.

I knew that. I just hadn't thought about it that way before. "That's different."

"How is that different? Xander, I've been around for a long time. I may look like I'm forever young, and in a way I am, but that doesn't change the fact that this country didn't even exist when I was born. Does that make me a cradle robber now that I'm with you? Am I a sick old man who's taking an advantage of a young boy?" Soft, quiet words, filled with pain.

"No!" Pulling Angel into a fierce hug and then an even fiercer kiss, I snarled around my fangs, "Don't ever say that again! You love me and I love you!" Simple, but true.

He kissed me back, and then gently chided me, "And Giles loves Buffy."

Giles and Buffy. It sounded so weird, like C-3PO falling in love with Princess Leia. "I... I just don't get it!"

After a searching look, Angel nodded. "I know. But you know what? Maybe you don't have to." With that he continued walking.

I stood there, spluttering, and then ran after him.

The rest of our walk was quiet. Not a tension filled silence. Just your everyday silence. I usually loved those moments with Angel, considering that he was the only person --not counting Wills here-- I could be quiet with for long periods. With others I always felt like I should say something, and usually ended up babbling something stupid.

Now I was quiet, because my head was too full of thoughts for me to get any babble out. Mainly my mind was playing the same tune over and over again, shocked exclamations about a certain Slayer and her Watcher.

That went on until we reached home.

When we stepped inside, and Angel turned on the lights in the living room, I saw a glimpse of his expression. It made all the stunned thoughts disappear. In their place there was now fear. "Angel?"

"What?" He looked at me, the frown melting off. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I guess. Well, not really. But that's not the issue here. Are you okay?"

Angel thought for a moment, and then nodded. "I'm fine. It's funny really, but I'm okay." He sounded bemused.

Good. "So no brooding?" No brooding meant no more pining after Slayer. And that meant that I wouldn't have to worry. Well, this whole thing made me worry. Now I was acting like a certifiable bitca.

He didn't answer. At least with words. I felt his hands rising to my back, and then there was a loud sound of clothes being ripped into shreds. Since it really was the most efficient way to get us both naked, I copied his actions, and soon we were lying on top of a pile of torn clothes, moving against each other.

No words were said when we eventually managed to drag ourselves to the bedroom. Only when the lights were out, and I was lying in Angel's arms, he kissed me on the side of my head and whispered, "Love you, Alexander Harris."

And that was that.

---

The next evening was definitely weird. Angel wasn't in a mood for idle chattering, and all I could think of was Giles. Buffy and Giles. Well, actually it was more like Buffy and Giles???

Not exactly the best line of thought, considering I'd have to go to the library again, to spend hours with the Watcher. Thank god this time the others would be there, too. The sudden lack of hellish activity at the Mouth of Hell was starting to raise suspicion among our little group, and we were going to do some research.

Too bad I'd have to study first. Just me and the Watcher in the library for an hour or so before the others arrived. How on earth could I keep my mouth shut about... Buffy and Giles???

Surprisingly well, as it turned out.

Giles didn't look any more willing to start chattering than Angel had, and instead of a few questions about vampirism, he handed me a few ordinary schoolbooks and told me to write an essay about some ship that'd been sunk in some old war. I didn't really pay all that much attention to his instructions, really. I was busy keeping a certain shocked exclamation inside.

I even wrote the damn essay before realizing that since finals were over, I didn't need to study anymore. Throwing angry looks at the Watcher, I muttered something to myself. Didn't say anything out loud to him, though.

Angel arrived before the others. He nodded at the Watcher, looking as unruffled as usual. I smiled at him, and then went back to muttering. Blowing off some steam was good for my nerves.

Now that there were just the three of us in the library, I could feel tension rising. I was still shocked about everything that I'd heard last night. Angel was acting pensive. And Giles... Well, he looked like he was stuck in some sort of a personal hell.

"Okay, here's the essay." I finally decided to break the silence, and shoved the paper at Giles.

He took it, nodding slightly. "Thank you, Xander. Amazing how fast you were able to write that one."

Oh, so that was the point of it. I was a bit annoyed. What was his theory today? 'Does being a vampire make you smarter?' I was about to point out that I was just trying to focus on something other than a certain information I'd heard yesterday, when the phone rang.

As Giles went to grab the receiver, I was glad I hadn't had the chance to do the old 'exit thought, open mouth and insert foot' -routine.

"Giles." He sounded tense as he answered the phone. But not as tense as he did a second later. "Buffy? Are you all right?"

I got up as he continued listening to her. Both Angel and I were drawn to the counter, needing to hear what was going on.

It wasn't the first time I'd focused my hearing on a sound that a normal human couldn't hear. I was glad I'd practiced when I could hear Buffster's annoyed voice. It didn't take long to gather what was wrong.

"Right. I'll be there right away." Giles lowered the receiver and turned to us. "Their car broke down. I must go and get them."

I thought for a second. Then I whispered from under my breath, so that the only guy with a heartbeat in the room wouldn't hear me, "You should go with him."

Angel looked me straight in the eyes and then nodded. Following Giles to the door he made a few comments about it being safer if he went along. A bad one, lover. Safer? There hadn't been a vampire or even a green slimy demon around here for weeks.

Didn't really care how he talked Giles into letting him go with him, as long as I had some privacy to have a little nervous breakdown.

When I heard the front door slam closed, I spent a few minutes letting all those hysterical 'Buffy and Giles???' out. That was actually quite fun. When I got tired of imitating Jim Carrey, I snooped around the small office behind the counter, trying to find Giles' personal diary, or some sort of evidence of his feelings. Was really disappointed to find only the journal he kept was about me. I amused myself browsing through it, laughing at the serious way he'd scribbled all the things down.

It actually made me resent him less. Studying me was important to the man. I'd been a real ass towards him less than a year ago, and knowing that I could somehow make it up to him now was good. Not so good that I'd volunteer to do more study sessions, but good anyway.

I read for a while, and then sneaked down the hallway to the vending machine. I might not be able to eat chocolate without it ending up really ewwie, but I could still smell it. It was something I did only when I was either alone, or with Angel. Didn't think the others would be a good audience when I sniffed chocolate.

But god it smelled good!

After I'd had my chocolate fix, I paced for a moment. When my feet carried me past the table again, I stopped and glared the books there. Big, heavy books with lots of stuff to read. Some contained real prophesies, but there were those that were just jokes, or the ravings of a madman. The trick was to find out which were which.

Even though I tried to protest every time someone said anything about it, I really did like the old books. Research boy, you know?

One of the books looked familiar. I picked it up, remembering that Angel had bought it somewhere and that Giles had been really impressed with it. That had to mean that it was a genuine article.

I heard a door open, and concentrated for a moment to find out who it was. A heartbeat. So it was a human. Cataloguing smells, I realized it was Giles. The others had to be still out, maybe loading stuff from his car or something.

He'd probably tell me all about it when he got here. That was just okay now that I'd had the chance to do some major ranting.

"Excuse me, but could you tell me where to find Rupert Giles?"

The soft feminine voice made me yelp and drop the book I'd been browsing through. At least the volume didn't land on my foot.

The woman smiled when she saw my stunned expression. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

"No, it's okay. I thought you were Giles." Surveying her looks, I immediately realized why my senses had lied to me. She was wearing a light brown tweed jacket and a shade darker skirt. There was a leather briefcase tucked under her arm, and I could smell musty old books in there. My mouth began to work even before my mind had finished coming to the right conclusion. "I didn't know there were female Watchers, too."

She looked shocked, but recovered quickly. The smile was a little forced this time. "I gather it that you are one of the youngsters who help the Slayer with her work."

I nodded. "Yeah." That's me. Eager to defeat the Forces of Darkness. Ready to serve and protect. Willing to risk being dusted to save the world and all that.

"Good. I would have been very disappointed if Rupert had told ordinary mortals about our organization."

The phrase 'ordinary mortals' made me smile a little. I had no idea if he'd told his colleagues about me yet, and since I didn't want another Watcher to ask me questions, I didn't correct her. "Don't worry, we're really discreet." When she didn't look very convinced, I decided to change the subject. "Giles and the others will be here in a few minutes. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee maybe?"

"Thank you. I'd like some tea, if possible."

Of course. I scurried to Giles' little office and put some water to boil. Then I returned to the library. The other Watcher was standing by the table, browsing through the book I'd been studying.

"The Arasham Accords? Where did Rupert get this? I thought that the last copy was destroyed in the London fire." Her voice was full of wonder. "This is one of the most important prophecies about the Slayer we know of."

"Yeah, that's what Giles said when Angel brought it to him."

She was quiet for a moment. Then, laying the book back to the table, she turned to face me. "You mean that the book was in the possession of a vampire? That he's had the opportunity to read it?"

Her tone was so outraged, I had no idea what to say. Finally I decided to go with the truth and nodded. "Yes. But you can't really compare Angel to the other vampires."

Snorting, she obviously decided to drop the subject. "Well, I think it would be proper for me to introduce myself. As you've already guessed, I'm a Watcher. Gemma Masterson."

I stared at the offered hand for a moment, wondering how she'd react when she felt the coldness of mine. Then the footsteps approaching the library made us both turn to the door. I sighed with relief as I smelled another tweed jacket. Maybe Giles could solve the situation a little better that me.

Buffy was the first to barge in to the library, closely followed by the others. Willow was just saying something to Oz when she realized that we weren't actually alone, and she stared at the other Watcher with her mouth open.

"Gemma?" Giles seemed stunned to see her. "Is that really you?"

She nodded. "Hello, Rupert."

I could see Buffy mouth 'Rupert?' to Willow. Using his first name had to be a sign that those two knew each other. I mean, beyond the usual 'Mr. Giles' way of knowing.

Giles walked to her and shook her hand. "I was sorry to hear about Henry, Gemma. He was a good man." Seeing the curt nod, he added, "How is Christine?"

"Fine." Masterson sounded like she didn't want to talk about her, whoever she was. "And how are you?"

Ouch! That sounded really cold. Like a platitude one was forced to ask. Kinda reminded me of the British English lesson our teacher once gave, making us all walk around the class, repeating 'how do you do?' to each other.

Blinking, Giles nodded, "I'm fine, too." He seemed to read her attitude the same I did.

Now that the necessary courtesies were dealt with, Masterson let her gaze flicker around the room, focusing on my friends. "I... I assume these are..."

I interrupted her question. "Yep, they are." That made her smile thinly. Well, it was better than a scowl anyway.

Giles looked from her to me. Then he coughed a little. "I assume this is official business?" When Masterson nodded, he continued, "Is it private, or..."

"Actually, I'd like to have a word with all of you." The other Watcher cut his sentence short.

More blinking. Then our favorite Brit gestured towards the big round table. "Please, have a seat." Well, he did manage to say that without stuttering.

I'd already seen how Angel hovered near the door. Since I was standing right there by the table, I couldn't really go to him and ask why he had that expression. I just smiled at him, feeling a bit better when he walked to us.

We all sat around the table. I noticed the way Masterson kept glaring at everyone. It was quite obvious that she wasn't here on a holiday and I was getting a bit worried about what she was up to. She sat between me and Giles.

"All right." Giles nodded at his fellow Watcher. "Let's begin. We already know each other. This is Buffy, the Slayer."

Masterson's eyes widened a little. "It's an honor to meet you."

"You too." Buffy grinned. "After all, without you guys, I wouldn't have all the books to help me. Not to mention all the times Giles has saved my life."

The Watcher raised her eyebrow, but didn't say anything. I got the impression that she wasn't all that fond of Giles. That was odd. I thought all those scholarly Brits adored each other and sat around together drinking tea, muttering stuff like 'splendid' all day long.

"And this is Willow."

"Yes, we have heard of you. You're the one who allegedly gave Angelus his soul back."

The Watcher's words made us all jump. It was a silent agreement that no one would mention Angelus, unless Angel brought the subject up, and now this complete stranger was talking about him like he was just a character in a book or a TV series. Maybe it was how she saw him.

Angel was looking perfectly calm, but there was a hint of a sarcastic smile on his lips. A clear sign that he was upset. I wished he was sitting next to me so I could hold his hand or do something to show him that I understood.

Willow nodded slightly. "Pleased to meet you." The doubt in her voice made it clear that she was just being polite.

"Good." Giles hurried to continue before anyone else could make any comments about the matter. "Next to her is Oz."

Masterson squinted her eyes, but before she could actually say it, Oz said dryly, "The werewolf."

Willow beamed at him.

I wasn't sure how the Watcher would react, and was glad to see that she smiled slightly at him. Then her gaze moved to the silent figure next to Oz.

All the mortals held their breaths. The tension in the room was palpable, and I could smell fear. I glanced at Giles and saw that he was squeezing his hands together. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe the other Watchers had sent Masterson to evaluate him as a Watcher, and I felt sorry for him. Even though he was a bit uptight --not to mention nosy and irritating-- sometimes, he was also one of my best friends and he did a helluva job with helping Buffy slay all the vampires. He didn't deserve to be questioned.

"And you are..." She had obviously no idea of whom she was looking at.

The bright brown eyes met Masterson's gaze calmly. "The vampire formerly known as Angelus. You can call me Angel."

I couldn't help laughing at the Watcher's expression. Her mouth was open and she stared at Angel like he'd just grown a second head.

My love's gaze flickered to meet mine, and I could plainly see amusement there. Somehow the absurdity of the moment made it possible for him to joke about his nightmare like I'd never heard him do before. He held out his hand to the shocked woman and said, "Pleased to meet you."

Her hand moved reflexively, and then she pulled back before it could touch Angel's. "If this is a joke, it's not a good one."

"Not a joke. Surely it has been reported that I help the Slayer with her work."

Masterson squinted her eyes. "That's what Rupert claims. However, vampires have been known to trick young Slayers before." She turned to gaze Giles. "But never before has one of us been so gullible as to believe a blood sucking fiend."

Her comments stung us all. Buffy looked ready to explode. Giles had lowered his gaze to the wooden surface of the table when his colleague had begun her angry retort. I was stunned. The thought that the other Watchers didn't believe that Angel had a soul had never even crossed my mind.

That reminded me of the first time I'd actually confronted him. I hadn't really believed that he had a soul either. But when he'd been willing to attack other vampires, going against the Master just like the rest of us, I'd known that he wasn't all that bad after all. Everything that had happened since, had only confirmed that belief. Maybe he wasn't a good vampire, considering the fact that vampires didn't usually help the Slayer and didn't have a soul, but my Angel was a good man.

I realized that I was nearly bristling with anger, and almost started to laugh. So, Angel's possessiveness and protectiveness had rubbed off on me, too.

Looking still a little uncomfortable, Giles shook his head. "I can assure you that he really is working for us." There was a hint of annoyance in his voice. "There's a detailed report of our every mission. Surely we would have been able to detect any sign of treachery in his actions."

There was that 'we' again.

Masterson didn't seem impressed. "Well, we haven't been able to read anything between the lines, Rupert. Your reports are so carefully written one could think you spend days polishing them. That's why the Council sent me here, to have a look at what's really going on."

So I'd been right. She was like a pop quiz. Sneaking up from behind and hitting you in the head with dozens of questions you didn't have the answer to. Devious.

"The Council has the right to do that, of course." Giles nodded.

"Of course." The other Watcher agreed, her voice just a few degrees above freezing.

"Shall we continue, then?"

"Just a moment." Pulling a beautiful silver cross from under her shirt, so that it was now resting on top of her blouse, Masterson glanced at Angel. "One can never be too sure while dealing with vampires."

I'd had enough. "Hey, lady. You've already spent some time alone with a vampire tonight. If either Angel or I were interested in human blood, you'd already be dead."

Another shocked silence.

My gaze was locked onto the other Watcher's. Her pupils were dilated, as she stared right into my eyes. I could clearly hear her elevated heartbeat. It was pounding in my ears. Fearing that she'd have a stroke, I didn't move or say anything. It would have been very bad, if she'd died there.

After an agonizingly long silence, she sighed, "Then you must be Xander Harris."

"Yeah." So I was famous. "But like I said, you have nothing to fear from me."

She nodded absentmindedly. I wasn't sure she had even heard me, so I repeated, "I won't harm you."

"I know." Her smile was patronizing. "You're quite obviously harmless. Deluded, but harmless."

Deluded? Me? What was she talking about?

Masterson had turned to glare at Giles. "Rupert, I'm really disappointed in you. Confusing this poor boy's hematodiphsia for vampirism is the most amateurish mistake I've ever heard of. It's quite clear that he's not a real vampire."

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears. She thought I was some nutcase who just believed himself to be a vampire? "I am so a vampire!"

"Of course." I'd thought her tone couldn't get any more patronizing. I'd been wrong. "Why don't you show us your fangs, Xander?"

Her words made all the hair in the back of my neck stand up. I ran a hand over my face, groaning, "Yeah, just wait until I get them outta my pocket."

My whisper, that had been too quiet for a mortal ear, made Angel snort with laughter. Everyone turned to stare at him, and he just shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. I noticed that Oz was looking at me a bit amused.

"Fine. You want to see my fangs? You got it." I took a deep breath, anticipating the familiar shift on my face. There was a slight twitch of muscles, but not the right ones. The corners of my mouth were tugging upwards. When I tried to wipe the smile off my face, it just got worse.

Noticing that everyone's eyes were on me, I groaned, "I can't do this while you're all staring at me."

"Of course." Masterson sat back on her chair. "I think this..."

"Relax." Angel's voice cut through hers. "Concentrate on it. Let it just happen, don't force it."

It sounded good, but I still wasn't comfortable on doing it. "Okay, as long as no one does anything stupid once I prove I'm a vampire!" I was certain that Masterson had all the necessary equipment to slay a vampire in her bag. I didn't want to end up as a little pile of dust on the table.

Giles nodded, glancing at his colleague. "Don't worry, Xander."

"If you want to, we'll do it together."

I smiled at Angel's soft words, noticing that I was the only one who'd heard. Nodding, I whispered back, "One, two..."

It wasn't all that hard after all. I kept my eyes on my lover for the first nano seconds of our transformation, but then I couldn't resist the temptation of seeing Gemma Masterson's expression, and shifted my gaze into her face. Her shocked expression was very gratifying.

Raising my eyebrow, I deepened my smile, so she could have a better view of my fangs. "Real enough for you, or do you need more proof?"

"Holy Mary, mother of God..." She whispered, clutching to the cross she was wearing. Her chair clattered as it fell on its back when she jumped to her feet. Turning to move away from me, she faced Angel. The sight of another vampire made her whimper.

Buffy had also gotten up, and now she was walking between the Watcher and Angel. She put her hand on his shoulder. "You have no reason to be afraid, Ms. Masterson. I trust both these guys with my life." She moved a bit closer to him, baring her neck for him to see.

I was feeling a bit jealous, but the sound of an elevated heartbeat told me that I wasn't the only one. Poor Giles. The thought made me blink, and I almost bit my lip. What the hell was I thinking of? Poor Giles? When had 'eww' turned into that?

Angel's gaze lingered on Buffy's neck for about a second, before turning to meet mine. The slight wink made me feel definitely better. Then he glanced at Masterson. "I've already eaten, thank you very much."

She didn't find his comment amusing. "If you're threatening the Slayer..."

It was hard to say whose groan sounded most annoyed. We all rolled our eyes, but Buffy was the only one who spoke up. "That's just the point, Ms. Masterson. These two guys are my friends. I trust them with my life. Both of them."

Her words made the Watcher raise her eyebrows. "Indeed? From what I've read, your trust is misplaced, though. Need I remind you of all the deaths your friend here caused a year ago?" She pointed at Angel, who flinched a little.

"None of us needs a reminder of that, Gemma." Giles' voice was quiet but firm. There was a distant look in his eyes. Nope. He definitely didn't need to be reminded about Angelus. "We all know what happened. We also know what he's now, and I believe I can speak for all of us when I say that we do indeed trust him."

I saw Angel's calm expression slip for a moment, and there was a mixture of regret and gratitude on his face. Then there was the calm mask plastered on his face, more firmly than usual. I swallowed, knowing that no matter how many times he'd told himself that he was different from Angelus, he'd never forgiven himself for the things he'd done. Giles' words had really shaken him.

It didn't matter that our Watcher had been a pain in the butt recently. Not after those words that seemed to mean the world to Angel.

Willow was nodding, Oz imitating her gesture.

"You're biased, Rupert." Masterson quipped, sounding idiotic, considering just exactly whom she was talking to. I still remember the way I'd dragged Giles out of the mansion after Angelus had tormented him, and if he could forgive Angel his demonic side's activities, that was a miracle.

The others seemed to share my opinion.

After an uncomfortable silence, Giles cleared his throat. "So, why are you here?" He didn't sound all that enthusiastic about getting an answer.

Masteron lifted his bag up and opened it. I tensed, wondering if there'd be a stake appearing in her hand next. There wasn't. Instead, she pulled out an official -looking paper and handed it to Giles.

The Watcher adjusted his glasses and then read the document. When he was about half way through, his face went beet red. A second later he could have imitated a vampire with his white pallor. "I cannot believe this!"

"What is it?" Buffy sounded worried as she stepped closer to him. "Giles? What's wrong?"

It took a moment for him to find his voice. "It seems she's been sent here to observe my working methods. If there are any irregularities in them, she will report them to the Council, which will then..." His hands tensed as if he wanted to shred the whole paper. "Which will then decide whether I'm still suited to continue as your Watcher or if I should return to the headquarters to continue as an archivist."

Everyone stared at Giles. I for one couldn't believe what I was hearing. Firing Giles? Why? Just because he'd been using common sense in his work, and had allowed Buffy to befriend us? Or was it because of Angel and me?

Masterson nodded, ignoring everyone's horrified expressions. "That is correct." Still holding her bag in her lap, she looked down there, but obviously decided against taking out whatever she'd looked at. "There are also other things we need to discuss in private, so..." The look she threw at us was pretty clear.

None of us moved. No way!

Giles sighed, rubbing his forehead. "It's all right. You should all go home. We can do research tomorrow."

He sounded so stunned, I thought better not to argue with the poor guy. The others seemed to share my opinion, and we all got up, Willow and Oz already moving slowly towards the door.

Buffy was still standing next to the table, his expression full of suspicion. She stared at Masterson, who looked at her papers, clearly not wanting to argue with the prophecy girl there. Our own Watcher seemed worried. It wouldn't look all that good if the Slayer did something nasty --like some Slayage-- to his colleague.

In the end she didn't even say anything. Instead, she walked to Giles, giving him a tight little smile and squeezed his shoulder before joining us on our way home.

Outside in the corridor none of us said a word. Willow was holding Oz's hand, worrying her lower lip. Angel had his hands in his pockets, looking definitely broody. And Buffy... She looked like she wanted to punch a fist right through the wall.

"You okay?" Will was the only one with the courage actually say something to our resident Slayer.

"No. This is the most not okay I've been for a long, long time." Buffy's voice was freezing. "And I think I'll take a detour through a few cemeteries on my way home." With that she turned around and marched away from us.

Since there was no demonic activity around, she'd probably be completely safe. I glanced at Angel, but he kept his gaze on the ground. Okay, so now he was sulking so hard he didn't even pay attention to her. Bad sign. Very bad.

Willow sighed, throwing a sad look at me. Then she stepped closer to Oz and whispered at him. The wolfboy nodded, and then they turned to head towards Oz's van.

Leaving me and Angel standing there.

Okay, so living at the Hellmouth wasn't all that great most of the time, but this wasn't just not great. It felt like I was watching things slide to hell slowly, but inevitably.

"We should go home." I almost couldn't recognize my own voice. My throat hurt, and I knew exactly how badly Buffy had wanted to punch something. I felt the same.

Angel said nothing. He just started walking.

I spent the whole way home wondering why had Masterson's words been so shocking. After all, being a member of a vampire Slaying team --sounded better than 'Buffy's little helpers'-- meant that uncertainties were a certainty. I mean, look at me! Not exactly the most alive guy around here.

This was different. Giles was... He was Giles! The only adult who knew exactly what we were doing. And okay, he really did piss me off most of the time, at least lately, but he was still... You know.

I wondered what Angel was thinking. Couldn't have been easy for him, Masterson tearing open old wounds and merrily pouring salt into them. Stupid bitch!

If I didn't watch it, I'd soon be walking with my face frightening all those who might be still out.

We'd been through so much after the whole thing with Angelus. Lots of bruises and concussions and broken ribs, yes, but also all those things that made life worth living for. Or in our case existing for. I bet Angel wasn't thinking about those moments, though. Not by judging the haunted look on his face.

Damn it. Sure, I had the same images inside my head. Death and chaos. And so much more. Giles standing by Miss Calendar's grave with a lost look on his face. Willow lying all too still under the fallen bookshelf. Buffy fighting the demon while I could barely stop myself from throwing up as I saw all the cuts on Giles. And all that blood.

We'd been so lucky to stay alive then, and we hadn't lost anyone after that, either. Not counting myself here, and I wasn't exactly lost. But now we had the chance of losing Giles, forever. Not to death, but to a bunch of tweed wearing scholar -people. We'd continue the good fight and he'd be...

I flinched a little guiltily as the thought of him at least being safe flashed through my head as I opened the door, sneaking inside before Angel.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of us. God I hated those. Especially now when the silence was so full of all sorts of emotions, good and bad.

"I think I need something to eat." Angel didn't move towards the kitchen, though. It was like he'd just had to say something to end the silence. That was good.

Touching his arm, I sighed, "Okay, so what is it? Talk to me, please." That could be taken in any way he wanted to.

"We can't let the Watchers fire Giles. We can't. They'll force him to go back to England, and that's unacceptable!" Apparently he wanted to let it all out. His face twitched a little, as he continued, "It'll break him. And destroy Buffy."

There were things I didn't want to talk about. Things I didn't even want to think about. But right that moment I had to ask him one thing, even though I already knew the answer. And I knew it would hurt us both. "Why is it so important for you to see those two together? Wouldn't it be easier to let him return to England?"

"Maybe." Angel walked a few steps away from me, keeping his eyes at the window. "But easier for whom? He would be away from the person he loves, knowing that she might die and he wouldn't be there to help her. That would make him die inside. And she would be left alone."

"It's not your business to…"

He turned to me, his face twisted in agony. "You think so? That it's not my responsibility? Tell me, Xander, if it's not mine, then whose is it? I made damn sure he couldn't have the woman he loved second most in the world by chasing after her and then snapping her neck like a twig! You tell me it's not my fault!"

I couldn't. "You're right. You were a monster. But you're not that monster anymore!"

"Don't…" The grimace didn't turn into his game face. Instead he turned his back on me again, his shoulders shaking a little.

"You're a good man, Angel." I whispered, and then winced as I saw him shake his head. "You are."

He leaned his head against the window, shaking even harder now. "You have no idea of what you're talking about. You have no idea…"

Didn't I? I'd hated him for a long time before realizing just exactly it was I felt for him. He'd been the center of my being for so long time, I couldn't even remember the time I didn't love him. I'd heard of his past, seen him laugh as he tried to destroy us all. I'd hated him, and I'd loved him. But it had always been about Angel. He was the one I'd been in love with.

I'd told Angelus that I'd watch him die, and even though I hadn't been there, he had died. The demon was gone. Buried so deep inside him, it could never get out anymore. I had to believe that, otherwise I couldn't be with him. Or exist myself. You know, somewhere inside me there was one of those bloodthirsty fiends, too.

"I know who and what you are, Angel. Without your soul, you weren't you. You were it. The demon, whatever. But you're you again."

My admittedly confusing words made him sniffle, and then his trembling ended gradually. When he turned back to me, I went to his embrace, glad that something I'd said had made him feel a little better.

No comfort sex that morning. We just held each other, muttering endearments. I loved every second of it, wishing we could spend days doing it. Maybe when Masterson left and the school officially ended, we could have a little holiday together. Just Angel and me.

One of my better ideas, I was sure.

---

It was the first time I hurried to school without feeling annoyed. Well, at least after my death. But then again, I'd been either annoyed or disgusted with school ever since I was six, so can't say anything for sure.

Anyway, I didn't even whine the next morning when I got up, dressed, had some breakfast and then smoochies with Angel at the front door. No whining, no stalling, no sulking. I was pretty proud of myself, actually. This time going to be analyzed by Mr. Know It All Watcher had a higher purpose, keeping us all happy.

I walked through the streets, trying to get to school as quickly as possible. The others had probably already talked about last night, and I really wanted to know everything that had happened since we left the library.

The whole place was quiet. I saw a familiar cleaning lady mop the corridor near the cafeteria and nodded at her as I passed. She nodded right back. I bet she was used to my presence by now.

Sniffing the air, I couldn't really smell anything for a few seconds. Well, only the chlorine she used for her cleaning. Then I smelled Giles. Only him.

And he didn't smell right.

Whoa! That was a pretty disturbing thought! But there was a way people smelled, and Giles wasn't smelling the way he usually did. Sure, there were all those outer scents he carried with him, but basically, the guy smelled like... Fear.

I sneaked closer to the library doors, wondering if there was some undead nonsmelly creature there with him.

Nope. After peeking inside, I pushed the door open and walked to the Watcher. He was sitting alone by the table, staring at the wooden furniture. The fact that he wasn't even hiding his moody staring with a book made me nervous.

"G-man!" My cheery greeting didn't even make him scowl at me. "How's it hanging?"

Intentional annoying never worked with this guy. "Evening, Xander." He sounded tired. "Nice to see you."

Nice to see me? Okay. I was pretty sure there was something really strange going on here. Giles didn't say it was nice to see me. He just started interrogating. Or then he'd look annoyed. Or amused.

"Um... So, is everything alright?" I'd aimed for flippant, but the tone of my voice was far from that.

"Of course not!" Removing his glasses, he rubbed his forehead. "I... I apologize."

Yes, my mouth fell open. No, I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say to that.

"You must be wondering what happened today." And the Watcher was a mind reader, too. "Long story short. Gemma will stay here and observe me. Us. Then she will report on the Council, and that's that."

Huh? I'd never heard him so... defeated before. Not even when Buffster ran away a year ago. This was bad. Really bad. Giles didn't give up. He was supposed to be the annoying Watcher-guy here. Fight to the end and stuff like that.

Except that he didn't look like he had the strength to do any fighting. Or even writing. His little notebook was on the table, but he didn't make a move to open it.

"Hey, I thought you wanted to ask more questions."

"I'm afraid that would serve no purpose now." He sighed a little. "After her report, I'll probably be removed from the Watchers, and all my work will be archived to the 'rubbish' -section."

That was so unfair! He'd spent all his life in a damned library, studying old, moldy books so he could help the Slayer, and now his whole life's work would be lost just because Angel and I dared to have our souls. I grabbed the notebook and browsed through it until I found an empty page. Then I shoved the book in front of him. "Write!"

Shaking his head, he still didn't move his hand towards the pencil. "What's the use?"

"Documenting this is the only way to prove to the other Watchers that you're right! Do you really want to leave all this behind without a fight? Let someone else guide Buffy? Someone we don't really know and trust?"

It seemed I'd hit the nerve. He blushed slightly, and then his hand crept slowly towards the notebook. Keeping his eyes on the blank page, he cleared his throat. "Hmmm. So, blood. Does it taste different now that you're a vampire?" His question started out a little forced, but in the end he even sounded like he cared about my answer.

Okay. This could work.

So where were we? Blood?

Well, considering the fact that I'd never actually eaten a vast quantity of it while I was still a mortal, it wasn't all that simple question. I tried to answer it without the usual sarcasm, though. "You know, how blood has this metallic taste?" That was a fairly neutral way to start the explanation. Every person in the world has tasted that, even if only after a vigorous run.

Giles nodded.

"It's nothing like that. The taste is almost impossible to describe. It's sweet, but it's kind of bitter too." I thought about that rather confusing statement, and then sighed. "That didn't come out right. In a way, blood has no taste, but it still tastes like everything. There's something in me that craves it, and once I get it, it's happy."

"You mean the demon?"

I shook my head, frowning a little. "Not exactly. Or maybe... No. I'm quite sure that it's something else. It's not conscious. It just... is." The blank look on his face told me that he had no idea of what I was talking about, and I sighed. How could he understand it, when I didn't have a clue of what I meant either?

Giles scribbled down something, and then raised his eyes to mine again. "And you can smell blood from a distance?"

His words made me squirm. This wasn't exactly something I wanted to talk about. "Yes."

Of course he noticed my discomfort. "Xander? If you really want this to make a difference, you can't hold anything back. What is it?"

"You don't really wanna know. Trust me on this one, Giles."

"I do want to know. This isn't just about me. It's about Buffy, too, and..."

I raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! Geez, Giles. I can smell it every time someone bleeds close to me. Do you have any idea of how embarrassing that is?"

The eyes behind the glasses blinked twice. Then Giles removed the glasses and absentmindedly began to clean them with a handkerchief. "I'm not completely certain I understand what you're saying." The blush on his face indicated that he'd gotten it right, though.

"Yeah, you do. It's a nightmare. I have no idea how Angel's gotten used to it. It's a detail I don't really wanna know about my friends. Willow and Buffy and... Brr... Not that the smell is really all that tempting, considering... Well, you know." I shivered, somehow managing to suppress a full body shudder. "This ain't really a guy thing, Giles. Let's just drop the whole subject, okay?"

The Watcher nodded. "I think that's a good idea. We shouldn't probably mention about this to the girls." He didn't make a move to grab his pen again, so I guessed that this little detail wouldn't end up in the journals, either.

"It's a deal. So, any other questions?"

"There's one thing I've always wondered. Would..."

I turned to look at the door a fraction of a second before it banged open.

"Working late again?"

Giles smiled at Buffy, and stammered, "Y...yes. We're trying to finish my report, so that the Council can review it. Maybe they'll let me continue my work with you if they have all the facts of the recent events." The words were light, but his expression wasn't all that convincing.

It was interesting to see how Buffy stepped closer to her Watcher and put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Giles. No Council of stiff bookworms is going to take away my Watcher."

"Bookworms?" Even I could hear that he wasn't all that upset about that statement. "Buffy..."

She grinned at him. "Gotcha." Patting his arm, she continued, "I'm not here to cause a scene. Why bother when she's not here to appreciate it, which is really inconsiderate of her by the way. I just wanted to see if you're okay."

There was something in Buffy's voice that made me smile. I wasn't all that sure what it was, but I decided that it was time for me to continue thinking about it at home. "Hey, guys? If you don't need me anymore, I should get home. I promised Angel I wouldn't spend the whole night out." It was cruel of me, but I had to mention him. I wanted to know how Buffy would react.

"Well, I'm off to do some patrolling." She didn't even flinch. Nothing I could smell or hear in her heartbeat indicated that she was upset about what I'd just said. "Wanna join me?"

Since she was obviously not talking to me, I turned to watch what Giles would say.

"On a patrol?" He sounded like she was handing him heaven on a plate. Poor guy.

Buffy nodded vigorously. "It'll be like Watcher/Slayer bonding night. You know, to show Masterson that I still need your 'guidance'."

I bit my lip so hard I almost made it bleed. Since I didn't want to start laughing right in front of the two, I wished them a good time --this time managing to bite through the lip-- and then hurried out. It was good that there was no one outside the school. I could sit on the ground and giggle without an audience.

Unbelievable! After all those hours my shocked mind had repeated 'Buffy and Giles???' I was now thinking that those two were so cute together.

Well, you know. As long as it had been 'Giles has a crush on Buffy', it had been in the icky category. But now it kinda looked like it wasn't completely one sided. I had no idea why I thought so. It had just seemed so when I'd watched those two. Grinning and smiling and touching. Yep.

My mind was conjuring yet another scene. Buffy and Giles happily together would mean that Angel could stop worrying that he'd somehow ruined both their lives. And that would make me happy.

Call me Mr. Shallow. Go ahead, I know you want to. But I really wanted to make Angel happy.

I hummed a soft tune while I got up and headed home.

The house was empty when I got there. Angel had left a note on the fridge door, saying he was running an errand and would be back before sunrise. I smiled at that. Small things like these made it feel like a home, and us a family. A real family where people cared about each other.

Well, since there was nothing good on TV, and I had no one to talk to --didn't want to call Willow, mainly 'cause I wasn't sure if she knew about Giles' feelings and didn't want to shock her-- I did some cleaning and put clothes in the washer.

I noticed I was humming again. If I hadn't been so happy, that would have annoyed me.

When I heard the key turn in the lock, I practically flew to meet Angel. He stumbled a little as I jumped on him.

"Xander! Xander, wait. There's fragile stuff in the bag!" He placed the bag on the ground, and only then hugged me back.

Hugging was nice. Kissing was better. I felt like celebrating, for some reason. "Angel! Welcome home!"

"You're in a good mood!" There was definitely a grin on Angel's face. I could hear it in his voice. "Is there a reason for all of this or are you just happy to see me?"

I snuggled closer to him. "Buffy came to the library tonight when I was talking with Giles."

"What happened?"

"Nothing special. She said she just wanted to see if he was okay." There was laughter in my voice, too, even though I tried to keep calm. "You should have seen the way she looked at him. It's definitely something. She might not know it yet, but she's got it bad!"

He sighed. "I think that's the problem. They are afraid of even admitting to themselves that it's love. At this rate, they will never be together."

Oh, poop! I hadn't thought about that. But hey, things weren't all bad yet. "Maybe we should help them see it."

"And just how do you propose we do that, my little Cupid?" Angel teased.

I didn't let his tone of voice get to me. "We could invite them here for the weekend. Just like when we were waiting for the Equinox, remember. We put them in the guest bedroom, and let them work it out from there. It worked with us. It was pure torture to sleep next to you."

"Really?" Now the teasing tone was gone, replaced by something definitely more throaty. "You mean that you lusted after my body so you could hardly sleep?"

"Why do you think I kept showering all the time? I didn't exactly use all your warm water, you know." I let that sink in, not offering any other explanation. Apparently none was needed. A few minutes later I wasn't thinking about Buffy and Giles anymore. Actually I wasn't thinking about anything, really.

That day, when Angel was lying behind me, his arm across my chest and his face buried into my hair, I lay awake for some time, thinking about the situation with the Watchers. It was quite clear that Buffy needed Giles. The Slayer needed her Watcher, too, but that was different. The more and more I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that something had to be done to make those two get together. I'd just have to figure out what.

---

A crisis rarely comes alone.

That was a truism here in Sunnydale. Usually the world was ending, being filled with demons or sucked into hell while we were worrying about important stuff like who was seeing whom.

At least this time the world was doing just fine. Kept turning around as it had for billions of years. Our personal lives however...

Masterson spent her days at the library, reading through all the journals Giles had filled these last three years. I for one was not surprised of the volume of his work. Over a dozen diaries filled with that tidy little writing. Whatever else Giles was, he sure was thorough.

Her presence made everyone tense. Willow was worrying, and that of course made Oz worry, too. Buffy was showing some signs of an early schizophrenia. One moment she was seething with anger, the next she was almost clinging to Giles. And the Watcher himself... He'd gotten really quiet. I saw that desperate look on his face sometimes when he thought nobody was watching. That look that told everyone that he was trying to memorize everything about this happy moment because it could very well be the last one.

I was still trying to think about getting my friends together, but it seemed like my mind was somewhere else those days. The atmosphere was gloomy, and I was right there, in the complete kingdom of gloominess. Hell, I was the king himself.

Did I mention that Angel and I weren't talking to each other?

Well, we weren't. And it was all his fault!

After I'd gotten used to the idea of Giles loving Buffy, I'd spent a few nights patrolling with her. Even with the nonexistent creep activity, she still had to do her rounds every night, if only to soothe her Slayer instincts. So I went with her. Both because Giles was stuck in the library, and because I wanted to show Masterson I was no threat. Buffy agreed with me.

She wasn't all that happy when Angel wanted to join us, but she did allow him to come, too. It was okay with me. We were a really good team, my lover and I.

Until we dropped by at Bronze to check out if the place was safe.

I was looking around downstairs near the dancefloor while Buffy went upstairs. The loud music and the smells weren't bothering me much, and Angel had slipped out for a second to see if the back alley was unoccupied by demons. Funny how it only took one second to change everything.

"Hi, Xander."

Knowing what I'd see when I turned around, I swallowed. "Hi, Cordelia."

We stared at each other for a while. At least I didn't know what to say to her. Not after months of not seeing her. Or telling her about the change in my life. Correction, the end of my life.

Still wondering if I should tell her something about what had happened, I was shocked when she gave me a once over and then shrugged. "At least being a vampire suits you."

Well, being a vampire sure as hell didn't stop me from dropping my jaw somewhere around my knees. How the hell did she know that? "A... A what?"

"Please, Xander. Don't insult my intelligence." Brown eyes glittered with laughter. Funny how I'd missed that expression. After we'd broken up, she'd usually looked me with disgust. "You don't hang out during the day, and the only explanation people have for that is Xenoderma Pigmentosum? Which just happens to be a genetic decease. One that should have made you sick when you were a baby. Hello?"

I should have remembered how quickly she could put things together. Added with her formidable knowledge of trendy and less than trendy diseases, she was bound to get it right. "Sorry. Didn't mean to act like a..."

"... like a guy? It's okay." She flashed out a smile.

She surely hadn't changed. And yet she had. I didn't have any claw marks on my face yet.

Looking around her, Cordelia sighed. "It's not going to be all that easy to leave this behind after all." She shrugged. "I know it'll be great in LA. Still..." She sighed again. "I think I'll miss Sunnydale. A little."

She was leaving? Of course she'd talked about leaving sometimes, but I'd always thought it was just talk. "I'll miss you." Well that certainly was a surprise. Even more so, when I realized I really meant it.

"I know." Cordy grinned at me.

At least she hadn't changed all that much.

It was weird to stand there with her. Kinda bittersweet. After all, I did care for her on some level, and we'd had some fun. She'd been bitchy after we broke up, but I couldn't really blame her for that. We'd gotten over that. It had taken some time, but we'd reached a state of non-hostility.

And now she was moving out of the town, and I was staying here. She was just going on with her life, and I was standing still with my undead existence. Ironic.

I bet she thought so, too.

We exchanged a few more words, and then I wished her a safe trip to LA. She smiled at me again, and then did something that probably surprised her as much as it surprised me. She hugged me. And I hugged her right back.

Her eyes were glistening as she let go. Apparently she didn't feel like talking, and just nodded towards the door. I turned to see Angel standing there.

"Bye, Cordy," I manage to choke that out, and then walked away.

No matter how soul owning vampire gay I was, I didn't want to start bawling in the middle of Bronze.

Angel held the door open, so I could slip out. Buffy was already out and we continued the patrol.

I was lost in thoughts. Everything was changing. Cordy was leaving, Willow and Buffy would go to College. I would continue learning about being a vampire. It was stupid, but a part of me wished we could have stayed teenagers forever in the non-undead way, enjoying High School. Changes could be scary, you know.

I could sulk with the best of them!

After a while, I tried to brush off my gloomy thoughts, though. Even though it was unlikely that there'd be any monsters hiding in the shadows, it was unfair to my lover that I was brooding.

It just happened that he seemed to be enjoying a private brood himself, too. Hands in his pockets, Angel walked straight ahead, all the while throwing worried looks at me.

Okay. So I'd missed something. What else's new?

Well, the fact that when I asked Angel about what was bothering him, all I got was a grunt. A goddamned grunt! I thought he wanted to sort it out by himself, and let him continue his brooding in peace.

Wrong decision. But how should I have known that? He did get lost in thoughts every now and then. Wasn't a big deal. Except that apparently this time it was.

Buffy didn't seem to pay any attention to Angel's behavior. I guess she had things on her mind, too. It wasn't exactly fun to tag along those two when they were in the silent mode, but I managed. Barely.

We dropped Buffster off at the library and then continued on our way. On our very silent and depressing way.

Angel didn't say anything when we got home. Didn't say anything when we ate. Not a sound when he went to take a shower.

When I'd taken my turn in the shower, he was already in bed, wrapped in his blanket like it was a shield against something.

"Angel?" I asked with a small voice, planting my hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

He actually flinched! "I'm just tired, Xander. We can talk in the morning." He seemed to inch away from me, and then fell silent. Not wishing good night, not saying he loved me.

I was confused. What the hell had happened? Did I say something wrong? Or did I do something he didn't like? Or was I just being an idiot and it had nothing to do with me? I had no idea.

Hoping it would be cleared in the morning, I lay down, casting worried looks at Angel's back, and tried to get some sleep.

It was worse the next evening.

He was still brooding. I was offended by his silence and didn't say anything to him. The fact that he didn't seem to notice I was giving him the cold shoulder certainly didn't improve the matter.

So when he finally snapped out of his blue funk, I wasn't talking to him. I had the right to remain silent and do some brooding of my own. Angel gave me space to do that, although all I really wanted was for him to ask me what was wrong.

After two days of silence, I didn't know how to stop it. And it looked like he didn't really care whether we talked or not. Or touched.

Our first really big crisis, and we weren't handling it at all.

The worst of it was that I couldn't talk with anyone about it. Willow was always there for me, but somehow I couldn't go to her. Maybe because I knew she'd worry, and make things tense when we were in the library together. That would make Masterson suspicious.

I couldn't do that. Showing her that our little team of vampires who slayed vampires was having a major break down --but hopefully not a break up-- would have really made her day.

So when we were with others, I tried to act just the way I usually did. Making stupid jokes that didn't even amuse me. Spending a lot of time with my nose buried in a book. Getting stuff from the vending machine. And when we went home, I didn't say a thing to Angel. There was so much that needed to be said, but I had no idea of how to say them. And he wasn't helping. There was a gloomy expression plastered on his face.

It had gotten to the point where going to the library was beginning to sound like the best part of the day.

I was getting a little worried a few days later, when Masterson reached the final journal. Giles tried to have a studying session with me, but was too nervous to really accomplish anything. I didn't really mind. Wasn't in a mood to do any soul searching myself.

Especially, since the said soul was full of doubts and fear.

The atmosphere in the library was tense. Yeah, nothing new. Willow was arranging books on the shelves, probably wishing she'd gone to Bronze to listen to the Dingoes' gig. Masterson was sitting at the table, browsing through Giles' most recent journal. Angel was standing by the counter with a sad expression on his face. Nothing new there either.

The only one who seemed to be alert to everything that was going on was Buffy. She was sitting on the floor next to the cage, an impressive amount of weaponry in front of her. She was polishing and cleaning and sharpening them, her gaze locked on Masterson most of the time.

It was really creepy to watch her stare at the Watcher while sharpening a big sword. Threatening. I guess that was why she was doing it.

When Giles abandoned the attempt to get some work done, I paced around for a while, and then hid at the back of the room. Pretending to help Willow with the books. Even if we didn't talk all that much, her presence comforted me.

I wasn't brooding. Nope. Not a bit. And I was definitely not sulking. Or worrying. So, maybe I was trying to think about the thing with Angel and me, all the time trying not to think about it. But that was far from brooding. I refuse to call it that.

"Xander?"

I blinked, turning to look at Wills. She was standing there with a book in her hand. "What is it?"

"Nothing big." She flashed out a grin. "Just talking. You do remember talking, don't you? Friends chatting together about stuff."

Her words made me smile, but I couldn't help feeling a little guilty. Death had been a bit hectic lately, and I hadn't had the chance to talk with Willow. Before that, she'd spent her days studying for finals. I'd been spending every waking moment with either Giles or Angel.

"I seem to remember something like that." At least now we could talk. Geez, there was something good in the silence between me and my lover. Not all that comforting.

Willow grinned. "So, how's it been lately?"

Even though I couldn't really lie to Angel convincingly, I was pretty good with doing so to others, and she didn't seem to notice anything wrong with my rambling. Yeah. Everything was cool.

She didn't need to worry about my miserable existence. After finishing telling her about my wonderful unlife, I asked her about her life.

"The Dingoes are going on tour for the summer. Oz asked me to go with them." She blushed a little. "I said yes."

Way to go! "That's the best way to keep the groupies away." I ignored her glare. It would really do Wills some good to spend some time away from the slayage. Not to mention the fact that she deserved some quality time alone with the wolfboy. "You'll be coming back when the summer's over, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Way before the school starts again." The prospect of continuing studying made her glow. She's the only person I know who truly loves school.

"It's really strange to think you'll be a College freshman next year." It was, even though I'd always known she'd never even think of getting a job after High School. "But we'll see each other at Giles' right?"

"You're not planning on going to College then? You know, arrange something." Willow sounded a little disappointed.

I shook my head. "Nope. I think I can learn all the necessary stuff on my own. Or Angel can help me." I was really proud of the way my voice remained calm on the last sentence. I was so freaking tired of hiding my hurt from everyone, but I couldn't let it surface now. No more fuel for the Watchers' suspicion.

"I..." She was showing me those puppy dog eyes again. "I just always thought we'd go on staying friends even when we went to College."

At that point I didn't really care what people would think. I hugged her against my chest, and ruffled her hair. "Come on, Will. Even if I stay home and become a housewife, we'll still be friends." Feeling her chuckle I added, "And you'll go to College, and then to the U and get your diploma. I have all the faith in American educational system. Even though I didn't survive High School."

That last part made her laugh out loud, and I knew we'd get through this 'getting independent and mature' phase.

Still smiling, she looked up at me. "It's so good to see you being yourself. I mean, you've been acting funny lately. Is everything okay?"

I couldn't tell her. I didn't even know myself. So I tried the thing I knew best. "Of course. I'm just in a grave mood tonight. Don't know why since I don't really have a grave..."

"Why do you always have to talk like that?" Willow sounded really sad.

That was the one thing I didn't want her to feel. And definitely not because of me. "Like what?"

"Listen to yourself, Xander! Dead right? Me and my undead life-thingy? We already know you're not really alive anymore. Why do you have to make such a joke about it?"

Oh, no! The wobbly lower lip! I could never resist it. "It's not a big thing, Willow." Nope, that didn't work. Still wobbling. "You know me, always making jokes and stuff."

She nodded, but it wasn't really like she was agreeing with me. "Yeah, but it's not funny. You're hurting yourself with those things. Admit it or not."

Well... Not. Definitely not. "You've got it all wrong. I'm not making myself feel bad! Honestly."

"Xander. You've been..." I could see her struggle with the word. In the end she went with the easier one. "You've been a vampire for two months. You can't say that the fact that you're..." After a swallow she actually managed to say it out loud. "... dead doesn't bother you at all.

I looked down at my feet, and shook my head. "Yes I can. It really doesn't bother me." That was even true.

"Why?" Willow's question was almost like a wail.

"It's just that I always thought that..." I closed my mouth. Now that I was going to say it out loud, it suddenly felt really stupid. I had to look up at Willow at that point to see her expression.

She didn't say anything. Just nodded at me, looking encouraging.

Sighing, I continued. "Ever since I started helping Buffy and found out that all the monsters are really real, I've had this feeling that I wouldn't live to see my big 2-0. Somehow I got used to the idea, and now I suddenly have the chance to live forever. It's just easier to think that I'm dead, than to plan on all the centuries I have left."

Willow looked stunned, not knowing what to say.

She didn't have to say anything, for there was someone else talking now. "I know the feeling."

I looked around to see Angel standing in the shadows. He was leaning against a bookshelf, looking a little unsure of himself.

It had been days since I'd seen him look so open. So honest. I could see sorrow in his eyes, just like it had been there in his voice a second earlier. Yeah. He had to know it.

He also had to know how much the world could change in a hundred years. I hadn't been all that attentive --or awake-- in most of my history classes, but even I knew how much the world had changed this century. It boggled the mind. I hadn't lied to Willow. I'd always thought I'd end up having a nice funeral right after someone with pointy teeth or slimy scaled hands finally managed to bite or squeeze all life out of me. Yet, I was still here, no matter how dead.

I stared at my lover, my brain finally working. Overtime, it seemed, since I didn't even have a second's hesitation as I nodded.

"But running away from it won't help." Angel continued quietly. "This is a part of you now."

That was so true. But there was just one thing he hadn't gotten yet. Before I could think, I was walking to him. "Yeah. I just don't see the point in brooding about what I'm gonna do in a hundred years. I already know the most important thing, anyway."

"Which is?"

I touched his cheek. "That I'm gonna be with you."

Angel's eyes dilated slightly. "Xander?"

"You've been such an ass these past days!" I growled. This was it. No more silence, damn it! "And so have I. But I don't think anything's really changed. I still love you and... You love me!"

"Until the day I'm dusted." His voice trembled a little.

I swallowed. Yeah. "Angel. We need to talk." I didn't know what had gone wrong, but after his words, I didn't think it would be all that bad.

"Yeah. Let's go home." Holding out his hand, Angel waited until I grabbed it, and then started to walk out of the library.

Willow winked at me when I shot a glance at her. Apparently she had noticed that there was something wrong, and was now relieved. The others looked a bit stunned as we stormed out, but no one came after us to ask questions. Good. I wasn't in the mood for that anyway.

I'd thought Angel would wait until we got home, but he started talking the second we got out. "I started the silence, and I'm sorry for that. I truly am."

"We're talking now. That's all that matters."

Sad brown gaze met mine. "You might not think..." He shook his head. "I didn't mean that either."

Uh oh. The silence was back.

"Angel? Could we just agree that we'll talk the minute we get home? I don't really think I can do this just now. I mean, it's gonna be serious, and all I feel like is babbling. Okay?" If he insisted on us doing this now, I'd be lost under a tidal wave of really meaningless words.

Thank god the only answer I got was a curt nod.

This time there was a soothing undercurrent in the silence. Almost like it used to be between the two of us. Peaceful silence. Friendly.

I enjoyed it, but I knew it wouldn't last. And that it really shouldn't last. Yeah, I knew now that I should have yelled at Angel in the first place instead of shutting my mouth.

In the end, I didn't have to yell, though.

We continued the silence until we were sitting comfortably on the living room couch. Both curled into opposite corners. I could plainly see that my lover had no idea of how to start it, so I just asked, "Okay, so what went wrong?"

Straightforward and simple. But it worked. Angel sighed, "I... I've been thinking about what you told me. About not being with anyone before me."

"Huh?" Definitely something I hadn't thought of. Why would he start brooding about my former nonexistent sex life? "You're not making any sense here."

"I realized it when I saw you with Cordelia the other day. She was your first real girlfriend, right?" After my nod, he sighed. "That's what I thought. And that's why..."

Tapping the armrest with my fingers I waited for him to go on. When he didn't say a word, I shook my head. "That's why you what?"

Angel smiled sadly. "That's why I realized that this can't possibly last." He gestured between us.

No. No way! For fuck's sake, this was not happening! "You said it's forever!" I jumped to my feet, snarling. "You said you love me! You swore that!" It was too much. I was full of rage and fear, and there were tears trying to spill out, but I couldn't allow them to fall.

"Xander... I do love you. That's not the issue here." He looked stunned. It was like my little display of emotions had finally yanked him from his private world of doubts into reality.

"Then what is it?" My face was back to normal, but I could feel the rage bubbling right below the surface.

Looking like he wasn't really all that sure how to explain it, Angel kept his eyes downcast as he muttered, "You cared for her, didn't you? And when you were together, you wanted her."

"Who? Cordy?" I laughed out loud. All this because of some stupid jealousy? "Yeah, I cared for her, and hell yes, I wanted her. I wanted most of the good looking people I saw. I'm a teenager, remember?"

The gaze was still firmly focused on the floor. "I do. That's the point. You dated a girl, and sooner or later you'll miss that."

Excuse me? I was sure I'd heard wrong. Miss that? Why would I do that? It... Oh. Did he mean I'd miss having sex with a woman? That was just dumb.

"But I've never been with a woman. How could I miss something I've never experienced?"

That didn't help. "That's just the point. You shouldn't be tied to an old guy like me, not before you've seen enough of life."

He'd brought up the difference in our ages just once before, and I'd thought we'd already dealt with the subject. I hated it that he mentioned it now. "Don't you dare to use my youth against me! I could as well say that you can't possibly be faithful to me 'cause you'll want eventually to be with a woman, again." I'd never thought about it that way, but now that the words had spilled out of me, I was suddenly shivering. What the hell had I been thinking of? How could he ever be satisfied with someone like me?

"That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you, Xander. Didn't that thing with the Tear of Odin make anything clear? I love you. The fact that you just happen to be the best bedpartner, man or woman, I've ever had, is just a bonus."

Huh? "You mean that?" I had to make it sure he wasn't just saying it to make me feel better, even though lying wasn't really Angel's style. And he'd used the S-word with me. He never did that unless he was really serious.

He muttered something from under his breath as he got up, before pulling me into a fierce embrace. "Yes, I mean that. The only reason I brought up this whole subject is that I..."

I waited a few seconds, but when he didn't finish his sentence, I asked, "What?" When he still didn't say anything, I squirmed away from him. "Angel? What is it?"

"I wanted you to know that no matter what, I still want to be with you." His voice was really quiet. "Even if you decide some day that you want to experiment. That won't change the way I feel about you."

It took me a moment to decide whether to laugh or cry. I did neither. After a deep breath I shook my head, and spoke very slowly, so that there would be no misunderstandings. "You really think I could fool around while you're home waiting for me? A free relationship? In case you haven't noticed, I don't want a free relationship. I want a disgustingly happy relationship with you. You know, happily ever after and so on. I kinda thought that's what you wanted, too."

Angel just stared at me with a stunned expression on his face. Then he opened and closed his mouth a few times. It made me grin, but I didn't comment on his goldfish imitation. Finally he cleared his throat. "I've never wanted anything else as much as I want that."

"Good." My voice was hoarse. "'Cause that's what you'll get!"

It had been days since we'd held each other, and suddenly we couldn't get naked soon enough. Leaving bits and pieces of clothes behind, we hurried, stumbled, and finally crawled to the bedroom. It was a miracle that we eventually landed on the bed.

I wanted to kiss him and touch him all over, but it was too late for that. Wrapping my fingers around my lover's cock, I sprawled half on top of him and started to stroke him.

"God, I've missed this! Xander..." His voice died out.

My hand was moving faster now. Angel was moaning, thrashing on the bed. I loved the way he looked when I'd reduced him into a writhing pile of goo. And I loved watching my hand move up and down his shaft. Strange, how I'd shied from doing that on those first nights of our relationship. Like I'd thought it would break or something if I grabbed it. Or stared at it too long.

There were no such hesitations now. Well, actually there was one thing I still hadn't done to him. We'd done everything else --well, on this side of kinky, that is-- but I just couldn't put my mouth on him. Somehow it felt much more... I dunno, weird, than having him inside me.

I knew it couldn't be all that bad, considering how Angel seemed to love licking me, and nibbling me. And it sure felt good to be licked and nibbled. Still, I couldn't do it.

But that didn't matter right now. Because no matter what we did together, it always felt good. Sticky and hard and messy, but so damn good. I decided that saying that aloud would be a good idea, and muttered it softly.

Angel's face twitched, and then he was wearing his game face. Growling, he flung me on my back. "I want you!"

"Yes!" I whimpered, needing whatever he wanted to give me. First his hands all over me, and then his touch inside. I arched against him, wrapping my legs around his back as he entered me.

There was no pain. After that first time, there had sometimes been a little burning feeling --which never lasted for long-- but never pain.

Nope. I was not feeling any pain.

This was the part that always amazed me the most. It was a bit funny to think that he was actually inside of me. It wasn't funny ha-ha. I was definitely not laughing. Panting, moaning, gasping his name over and over again, yes.

"Yes! Come on, Angel! Harder!"

There was definitely a cruel streak in my lover. Instead of just slamming into me, like I begged him to, he kept moving steadily in and out. Making me insane. Maybe he wanted me to beg more. That I could do!

"Please, Angel! Please!"

He didn't alter his pace, but his right hand left my hip to grab my erection into a firm, but gentle grip. That was good, too.

I melted into a puddle slowly this time, but it was just a different kinda orgasm. Angel came quietly, too. Just shuddering, and then holding me so tight my ribs would have cracked if I'd been mortal.

"Alexander?" Just a whisper against my ear.

What did I do? Yeah, I did. Spun around as fast as I could, buried my face on his chest and tried not to cry too loudly. Angel probably couldn't have heard even if I'd bawled my lungs out. I wasn't the only one shaking here.

Maybe later I could laugh about how dumb we'd both been. About our silly insecurities. Or wonder how two people could love each other, and have such fear inside them. Right then, I didn't laugh, though. I squeezed my lover as tight as I could, feeling him hold me just as tight.

Our first major crisis was finally over, and I prayed there wouldn't be a next one soon. Preferably never.

---

For me getting close, closer, into a closet, had never been an option. Smooching in secret was okay. Being seriously in love meant pubilicty. If I wanted to continue slaying with the others, I couldn't keep my relationship with Angel a secret from my friends. It would have been hard to do that anyway. The old boy and I weren't exactly discreet. Or quiet.

But then again, why should we be? I'd seen dozens of couples cuddling and kissing out in the park when I still could go out during the daytime. Angel and I didn't go that far --well, not counting holding hands on nightly walks anyway--, but if living, straight people had the right to flaunt their love to others, why shouldn't we?

Okay, so I must admit that the idea of running around Sunnydale hand in hand every night, wearing some kinda pride -badge didn't really appeal to me. But hiding would have been even worse.

Even the thought of it reminded me of Cordy. Well, not the Cordy I know now. The one I'd had a crush on. She had wanted our dating to be a secret. Because of me. Because she'd been ashamed of being with me. It wasn't exactly something I liked to remember, because it hurt so damn much. To be forced to do all the smooching in the shadows --even though I'd rather liked that smooching-part-- wasn't just annoying. It was also humiliating. I wasn't someone she wanted to be seen with.

Angel had never been ashamed of me. Never. Even though he'd known the truth would hurt Buffy, he hadn't lied to her when she'd first asked about the two of us. He'd asked me to stay with him, and then he'd asked me to really stay with him. Like forever. For a guy like me, that means more than anything.

---

So I wasn't ashamed the next morning, when the first thing I said to Angel were those three little words. No, not 'good morning, dear', or any nonsense like that. I told him I loved him.

Did it again when we had breakfast. Thought about writing it on the wall with blood, but then thought that would be way too macabre. Decided just to say it a few times more.

Angel smiled every time, and told me the words back.

I was humming again when we got dressed.

"Straight to the library again?" Angel muttered as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Yeah." Maybe this time we'll get some work done. "I think Masterson's almost done with Giles' books."

My lover nodded. "I think so, too. And I must confess I don't have a good feeling about this." He looked grim as he said that.

I felt a shiver go down my back. He was probably right with his feelings. Masterson had looked cold as ice every time I'd seen her, and it was probably useless to hope she'd warmed up to Giles.

"We'll find out about her decision in a few days." I tried to sound cheery, failing miserably, and then gave him a lopsided grin.

Angel gave one right back. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" Both our smiles widened.

The route to the school was so familiar, I could have walked there with my eyes closed. I much rather kept my eyes on Angel, though. We chatted about small things all the way to the library. About needing to buy more sheets. And clothes, too, since we had adopted the really annoying habit of simply ripping them off.

My suggestion of going shopping for curtains made Angel laugh out loud for the first time in ages. I was really proud of that.

We were both smiling when we stepped inside the library.

A second later we were looking as grim as the others, who were seated around the table. I could see fear lurking in Giles' gaze as we walked closer, but there was desperate hope, too, so I guessed Masterson hadn't said anything yet.

They'd been waiting for us to hear the verdict.

After both Angel and I got seated, there was a brief silence. Then Masterson cleared her throat. "You all know why we're here."

Giles nodded. "I assume you have made your decision."

"I have." She closed the book she'd been apparently reading while they'd waited. "You have used dubious methods over the years, Rupert, but they seem to have worked quite well." Glancing at Buffy, she shrugged. "It's not easy to deal with an... With someone who has such a different cultural heritage."

Hey! Did she just insult my country? I decided not to say anything offending about tea, tweed or Prince Charles' ears. Not that I didn't want to. I just kinda thought it would have been a bad thing now that Giles' future depended on this... woman.

"Her methods may not be traditional," Giles agreed. "But it's her call. She's the Slayer."

"That is true. It's also the reason why the Council agreed with my report. She should be given a new Watcher."

Huh? She'd been so positive just a second ago. Where did this come from?

Buffy flew to her feet, banging her fist on the table. "Just wait a minute! If he's doing such a wonderful job, why the hell do I need another Watcher?"

"Because he's lost his perspective." Masterson shrugged. "It's not all that uncommon, Watchers become mentors to the Slayers. Some even become friends." Her icy tone told what she thought about that. "But Rupert's made critical errors based on emotional judgement instead of rational."

"What errors are those?" Giles asked.

She turned to look at me and Angel.

For fuck's sake! I mimicked Buffy, almost cracking the table with the force of my blow. "You can't judge us just because we're vampires! You're destroying Giles' career over nothing."

Masterson was quiet for a moment. Then she sighed. "That may be so. Unfortunately, though, that's the only course of action there is. We can't trust you, Mr. Harris."

"You don't have trust my words, trust my actions."

"Then you agree to be tested?" She sounded just like my fifth grade teacher.

Whoa! Wait a minute! When did we say anything about any tests?

It seemed that I wasn't the only one confused here. Willow and Oz looked puzzled. Angel kept his gaze on Masterson. Buffy and Giles on the other hand were exchanging strange looks between them.

Finally Giles cleared his throat. "What kinds of tests are we talking here?"

"The Council is not unreasonable, Rupert. I've been informed that if you can prove that these two vampires," she shivered with disgust at the word, "are not a threat, you may continue in your position as a Watcher."

Prove? Like that whole mess with Thorwald wasn't enough? Or those three years --well, two and a half if we don't count all that losing soul, killing people -thing-- Angel's been helping us? "What the hell you think we can do to prove that to you?" I was kinda thinking that the fact that no one was throwing Masterson out of the library was a hell of a proof of our patience.

"The Council has decided on three tests that I will give you all if you insist that Rupert should be heard. If you pass them, all of them, he will stay here. If not, his successor will arrive here in just..."

"We'll take the tests." Buffy's voice was low. "You can tell the successor that he shouldn't quit his day job. He's not needed. Not with this Slayer."

Giles stared at her, obviously wanting to say something. In the end he just nodded.

"Very well." Masterson wiped the book off the table, catching it into her bag as he got up. Must have taken years of practice to perfect that little trick. "I will go to prepare the tests. I want you all here in the library every night, starting tomorrow. You will begin each test when I tell you."

Buffy muttered something that could be interpreted as yes. With my hearing, it was also a really offending insult.

"Right. Good night, then."

As soon as the Watcher was out of the room, Giles turned to Buffy again. "Are you sure about this? Really sure?" He sounded agitated.

"Yeah. It's the only way." She smiled sheepishly as she glanced at Willow. "Um... I mean, I think it is."

My oldest friend nodded. "I think you're right. We're here with you." Next to her, Oz nodded, too.

"I agree." Angel added. "The Council could prove to be a problem if we don't play nice, and by their rules. I've heard some rumors about them and..."

"They're all probably true." Giles finished his sentence. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "This will be dangerous."

Buffy touched her Watcher's arm, leaving it there after a pat. "It'll be worth it. I don't want you to leave."

It was a grave situation, but I couldn't help smiling a little.

Not trusting his voice, Giles nodded, and then patted the hand resting on his arm. His ears turned red, though.

There was a short silence, and then Buffy slowly removed his hand. She looked like she didn't really want to, but didn't feel like she could really leave it there either. "Right. If we're gonna stay here from now on, I think I should go on a patrol."

Willow tugged Oz's hand. "We should come with you."

Before the Slayer could say anything, those two were on their way out.

We all exchanged various smiles, ranging from my goofy one to the slight curl of mouth Giles managed.

Shrugging, Buffy gathered her bag and followed the others.

I had no idea what kinds of tests the Watcher would give us. One thing was sure though. I wouldn't have to study for them. I knew that if I really wanted to talk with Buffy, I'd have to do it now.

"Stay here." I muttered to Angel, and then rushed to the corridor. "Hey, Buff, wait up! I need to talk to you!"

She was in the middle of the hallway already. I noticed that she looked a little tired, but she nodded anyway. "What is it?"

There was no good way to say it, so I just said it. Just like I always did. "Me and Angel. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I hurt you somehow." I should have said this a long time ago, but there had never been a good moment for it.

"Xander…" Buffy shook her head. "Maybe I should tell you about it."

"Tell me about what? Is something wrong?" Her voice wasn't promising.

After a deep breath she smiled a little. "Not anymore. But I had some really creepy nightmares a few months ago. Just before we met Thorwald. The same thing over and over again."

I just stared at her. Nightmares? That was definitely not a good thing! I'd witnessed some of her prophetic dreams come true, and it was always something bad. Like the end of the world. "Okay, so is there a reason you didn't tell us about it? You did tell Giles, didn't you?"

"No." Buffy's said softly. If I didn't have a vampire's good hearing, I don't think I would have even heard her. "They weren't that kinda nightmares. Nothing to do with the Slayer-business. It was about Angel."

"What about him?" Feeling even colder than usually, I waited for her to continue, though I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear this.

After a moment, she did. "I saw him standing next to a pile of rubble. It looked like a very big building had blown up or something. People were running around, there was smoke everywhere, even though I don't think there was a fire..." There was a small pause. "We were all there, you, me, Giles, Oz, Will. We were looking at Angel. He was walking away from us. I was watching him go, and just when he stepped out of sight, he glanced at me. I've never seen anyone so... alone before. Then he was gone."

"Then what?"

She grimaced. "Then nothing. He left, and never came back. "

I had a major case of heebie-jeebies. "And you didn't mention that?" Damn. I had the urge to go find Angel, and chain him to me, or something. Anything to keep him with me.

"The nightmares went away the day you became a vampire. I guess he found a reason to stay and I..." Her voice cracked and she couldn't say anything more.

Remembering how she'd acted when we'd told her about our relationship, I decided to drop the matter. It was obvious that she didn't want to think about Angel in that way anymore.

Buffy, however, wasn't through yet. She wiped her eyes, and then focused her gaze on me. "I knew that I had no real future with Angel. Even if he still loved me the way he used to, there would be too many things between us. A dream showed me the worst case scenario. Instead, he's here, with you, and maybe the happiest that he's ever been. How could I resent that?"

I did something I'd once thought would be the fulfillment of my life. Moving slowly so that she'd have every chance of slipping away, I hugged her tight. She hugged me right back. "Thanks, Buffy."

"No, Xander. Thank you. He doesn't have to be alone anymore."

She probably had no idea of how sad she sounded. I made a promise right there and then that I'd make sure she would never have to be alone either. She'd suffered enough, felt guilt enough.

I gave her a weak smile as I let her go. She took a deep breath, and marched out to join Oz and Willow outside.

Feeling that I really needed to get Angel somewhere private right now, I hurried back to the library. I watched from the door as he exchanged a few quiet words with Giles. I admit I tuned into them, and sighed as I heard Angel promise him that we would do everything we could to pass those tests. After that vow, he wished the Brit good night.

The Watcher nodded back, and turned to his books. My lover turned and walked to me.

I pushed the door open, and then froze as Giles' voice rang out. "And Angel... Thank you."

"You're welcome." He muttered back, looking a little embarrassed, and then stepped out with me.

---

If there was anything I hated more than a pop quiz, it was an exam I knew I was gonna take, but had no idea when or what about.

The first night after Masterson's words about testing us I kept flinching at loud sounds, and spent most of my time staring at the shadows. Must have looked idiotic. A vampire acting like a baby bunny? I was so happy Angel didn't make a comment about it.

It was a bit different the second night. I wasn't jumpy, I was just plain old angry. Not exactly what I'd call quality time, waiting for the stupid test. We all kinda moped around in the library, me and Angel helping Buffy with some moves with the double ended stakes and the others doing some research on everything there was on Watchers giving each other tests.

Basically, we just waited.

Finally, a little after midnight we decided to get out of there before we all went nuts. Just for half an hour or so. A breath of fresh air, or just strolling around the block. Whatever worked. Oz and Willow hopped into the van, and drove away, heading towards our favorite supermarket. Angel and I were just about to go on our way as a car pulled into the students' parking lot.

Buffy cocked her head. Grabbing a stake, she took a few steps, so that she was standing in front of us. Doing her job, protecting her Watcher and two nice vampires from bad vampires and demons.

And bad Watchers, it seemed.

Relaxing just a little as she saw Masterson climb out of the car, Buffy put the stake back in her bag. "What is it?"

The Watcher didn't seem surprised by her uncivil tone. "It's time for the first test." She looked around her, frowning. "Were are the witch and the werewolf?"

Oh, they're helping the three little pigs and the gingerbreadman to build a house. "They do have names, you know." What were we? Vampire a and vampire b?

"Oz and Willow left just a moment ago." Giles explained calmly.

Masterson's frown deepened, but she just nodded. "We'll have to do without them, then. Please follow me."

None of us said a word as we walked to Giles' car and entered it. We did a lot of glaring, though. I guess none of us dared to say anything, because it would have been hard to be civil to her after allowing the words we probably all thought of come out.

The drive took us to the outskirts of the town. I shivered as I saw the old factory, hoping it wasn't our destination. It wasn't. It was the building behind it.

Why does it always have to be an old abandoned building which has lots of rooms and creepy corridors? This was just like all those others, with dust everywhere and shadows that could hide anything.

So, what would it be? Vampires? A demon? Principal Snyder naked?

Eww!

"You'll find the instructions to your task in a room marked with this symbol." Masterson showed us a picture with a strange symbol that was either portraying a crown or a rabbit. "You must find it together, solve the riddle and then stay alive. I will wait for you at the library."

At least the instructions were simple.

"Stay alive?" Giles raised an eyebrow.

Masterson nodded. As an afterthought she held out her hand. "Miss Summers? Please give me the bag you're carrying." When Buffy reluctantly handed it over to her, she added, "And the rest of your weapons, including your necklace. All of you."

The amount of hidden stakes, knives, crosses, tiny crossbows, bottles of holy water and even two very nasty looking axes we all carried made the Watcher blink. She didn't say anything, though. She just shoved all the stuff into Buffy's bag, checked each of us once again and then left us.

Now what?

Buffy looked around her. "Nice decor. Early apocalyptica, I'd say."

"I think we should be going." Sneezing at all the dust, Giles glanced at me and Angel. "Can you feel anything strange here?"

"I can feel fear through the force, oh, Obi-Wan." Mostly my own, to be honest to myself. I wasn't to the others, though. Nothing hid fear better than a joke. Especially one that only one other in our little group understood. I'd definitely have to focus on educating Angel about pop culture.

Nodding, Buffy chose a corridor, and then entered the very dark and very damp building.

An hour later we'd found seventeen rats, a nest of something furry and smelly, two broken staircases, one can of beans --I didn't even want to know--, but nothing even remotely looking like an ornamental crown. Or a rabbit.

We'd searched all the three storeys. There was nothing left. Was this some kind of a joke?

It was Giles who saw the basement door. Since it was the only one we hadn't tried yet, Angel pulled it open, the rusty hinges screaming, and we marched down the stairs into the underground section of the warehouse.

"Look." Buffy motioned at the floor. "No dust. Either we're close to what we're looking for, or the rats have started the spring cleaning really late."

Coughing, Giles pushed the door in front of us open. It hadn't even been locked. Behind it, there was a long creepy corridor, and at the end of it another door.

We marched to the door together. Okay, so vampire or not, I wasn't feeling all that comfortable, so I stayed really close to Angel.

Whatever we were looking for had to be behind the door. I could hear Buffy take a deep breath, and then we all entered the room.

It was dark, and even I had to squint my eyes as I tried to find a trace of that symbol.

Angel's eyes spotted it first. "Here it is. On the wall."

We all stepped closer to it, Giles stumbling on his feet. Or maybe on Buffy's feet. It was hard to tell, because it was so damn dark there.

And then there was light, plenty of light as the door banged closed behind us and the fluorescent light illuminated the room.

Showing a crown --or maybe it really was a rabbit-- painted on the wall and nothing more.

Acting purely on instincts, my lover hurried to the door, trying to open it. When it didn't budge, he pushed it as hard as he could.

"Move over," I joined him, and we pushed the door together. Nothing happened.

Then Buffy was there, pushing the door with us, three vampires and a Slayer using every ounce of our strengths to open it. Failing miserably.

I banged at the door, muttering curses at the same time. Damn the Watchers. Damn their tests! Damn them all to hell.

Finally, when my hands started to hurt, I stopped the pounding and walked to where Angel was standing. He smiled at me slightly, but didn't say anything. I was glad he didn't. Any words would have just started a fight. It wasn't him I wanted to fight against.

"I assume it's safe to say that we're now being tested." Buffy's voice was full of sarcasm.

Giles replied her, as if her question had been real. "It would seem that way, yes." Then again his tone suggested that he was being sarcastic, too.

Have I ever mentioned how annoying that kinda bantering is? Well, when I'm not a part of it anyway.

She pushed against the door once more, and then sighed. "The door's definitely designed to keep a Slayer inside." Glancing at me, she added. "And a few vampires."

"At least she is efficient." Removing his glasses, Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We are trapped here."

"Yep." She nodded.

"And now what? We wait here until you run out of air?" I glared at her.

"No." Buffy smiled and pulled her cellular from her pocket. "Now we'll call the cavalry. Wonders of modern technology, Xander. Even more handy than a few stakes."

She dialed the number and then smiled as the phone was answered immediately. I focused my hearing, and then smiled as I realized she was talking to Willow.

I sighed. Now all we had to do was wait.

And wait.

And then wait some more.

After what had to be more than hour, we had to admit the fact that maybe there wouldn't be a cavalry coming to our rescue.

It took me a moment to think of what we needed rescuing from. Then I realized why Masterson had taken all our weapons. Yeah. If Angel or I were to get in the mood of a snack, Buffy and Giles would be history. Or meal, actually.

Sneaky. And stupid, really. Neither of us would ever think about eating a friend. Besides, how would we decide which one to eat... Hey!

The idea that flashed through my head was so bright I was half sure the others could see me jolt. Okay, so we were in the middle of a serious situation, but no time like the present, huh? I'd been wondering about a way to get those two crazy kids together, and now this was handed to us on a plate. Two vampires, two mortals. What better way to have a little self-sacrificing drama?

It wasn't like I had anything better to do.

Buffy had been pacing back and forth for about a quarter of an hour. Before that it had been Angel doing that. None of us was really interested in talking, so I didn't have to wait for a lull in the conversation.

Actually I didn't have to say anything. I just slipped into my game face, making sure all could see it. Then I was back to myself, shivering.

"Xander?" Giles' voice was concerned. "Are you all right?"

I had to hide my smile. "I... I don't feel all that well..."

That made him frown. "Is there something in the air? No, you don't need to breathe, right. How about..."

"I'm hungry!" Exclaiming that, I went all fangy before I'd start to laugh. I sniffed the air and focused my gaze on the Watcher and the Slayer. Even though I couldn't see myself in the mirrors anymore, I knew that the golden stare of a vampire was really unnerving.

"Hungry?" Buffy sounded like she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "What do you mean, hungry?"

Like I could smell the roast beef sandwich in her pocket. What did she think I meant? To make it perfectly clear, I growled a little and muttered, "I can smell it! All that blood, pulsing through both of you. Warm, thick, sweet blood." Hey, I'd seen my share of vampire movies. Even though the thought of biting my friends disgusted me, I could still act.

Angel stared at me like I'd lost my mind. Grabbing my arm, he whispered, "What do you think you're doing? Two cups of blood, and now you're suddenly starving?"

He obviously didn't have my sense of drama.

At least he'd kept his voice so quiet only I'd heard it. I whispered back, "I'm trying to make those two see that they care for each other! Now shut up and play along!" Continuing to shake, I added louder, "I... I can't help it. I'm starving here!"

For a second I was sure that Angel wouldn't help me. Then he rolled his eyes and took a hold on my other arm as well. "Fight it. You can do it!"

I almost laughed at his tone of voice. Not all that convincing. I masked it as a hungry moan. "Angel! I'm hungry!"

Fortunately he didn't have to say anything to that. Giles was backing away from us, his back soon hitting the wall. Buffy was right beside him. "Did you give Masterson all your weapons?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Tried to hide that knife you gave me a week ago, but she spotted it."

I made a step towards them, jerking as Angel grabbed my arm. "Giles? I can't..." Then around the fangs again. "You smell so good!"

Angel almost lost his grip at that.

"Xander? How bad is it?" Buffy sounded worried, moving a little closer to us.

I focused my gaze on her, sniffing the air again and growling. Basically acting like a young vampire who was hungry.

"This is serious." Angel pulled me closer. "And just what the Council must have thought when they planned this."

Those bastards! I almost said that out loud, but then clamped my mouth shut.

Buffy looked like she wanted to kick someone's ass. "Can you hold him?"

A second's hesitation. Then my lover shook his head. "Not for much longer. He'll start fighting against everything that keeps him from you. At that point no one can restrain him."

"We have to think of a plan." Giles stated calmly. I guess he knew that panic wouldn't help. "If you indeed lose it, you will attack any living being. The hunger overrides all your consciousness thoughts. Indeed, you will be like Oz, overwhelmed by the need to taste blood."

Thank you, professor Giles. "I know that." Realizing that annoyed remark was quite different from my role as a starving vampire, I groaned, and decided to let Angel do the talking.

He kept his eyes on the Watcher, waiting for him to go on.

After a moment Giles sighed. "I think there is only one thing we can do."

"What?" Buffy sounded so anxious, that I almost felt bad for doing this. Almost. But then again, I was doing this for her sake.

"Since there's no way anyone can stop Xander..." The Watcher threw an apologizing glance at me before gesturing at the empty cell, "... we must give him something to eat."

"What?" Frowning, the Slayer repeated herself. "You think he'd be able to just drink a little and then wait till we're free to continue eating?"

I hadn't thought about that. Moaning, I struggled against Angel's grip, trying to act like I was almost mad with hunger. At least I had enough restraint that I didn't start gurgling 'blood, need blood'. From the slight shaking, I knew that Angel found my performance amusing anyway.

Giles stared at me. Then he shook his head. "I'm afraid that won't help. If we get him close enough to bite, he'll kill." Moving his hands to his jacket, he slipped the tweed garment off and sighed, "I think it's best if you go to the other end of the room, Buffy. Just to be safe."

"Why?" Her voice was full of suspicion. "You... You can't be serious!" Now there was outrage as well. "There's no way you're gonna let him eat you!"

I had to turn my face for a moment to hide the smile.

"Now, let's be reasonable." Giles gestured with his hand. "I have this whole thing figured out."

"Yeah. The only weak thing in your plan is that it'll get you killed!" Buffy took a deep breath. She looked at Angel imploringly. "Is there anything you can do?"

He was quiet for a moment. Then he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

It couldn't have been easy for him to lie when she had that look in her eyes. I squeezed his hand, making a silent promise that I'd do something to pay for any pain I was causing.

"Well, being sorry doesn't help!"

Giles cleared his throat, looking from me to Buffy. "You know this is the only way. You are all on my responsibility. My decision. I can't let any one of you die. Besides, I'm the only logical choice. I'm disposable, and you're not..."

Buffy's face was livid. "How can you say something like that? You're not disposable! I couldn't work without you."

"Yes, you do need a Watcher. But I'm not the only Watcher in the world."

"And I'm not the only Slayer. Faith can handle the shop even if I kick the bucket!" She touched Giles' arm softly. "You've studied for decades to be a Watcher. It's more important than a few years of the slaying I have ahead of me. You know the life expectance of a Slayer and I've already survived more than most of the others. Some day I'll make a small mistake during a fight and I'll..."

"Stop that! You're not going to die!" Giles snarled, yanking his arm from Buffy's grasp.

The Slayer smiled a little. "I already have, once."

After a long silence, the Watcher sighed. "Yes, you have. And I'll be damned if I let you die now for me."

"Giles..."

"Would you please stop arguing with me! You know I'm right." His voice was hoarse. "Buffy, just move aside. It'll be far easier for me to be Xander's meal than watch you die."

I smiled at Angel. That was about the closest thing the librarian had ever come to express his love for her. A small movement made me turn back to the mortals, and I just barely stopped myself from laughing out loud as I saw the Brit's hands raise to hold her. Yes!

Buffy lowered her head. When Giles moved closer to hug her, she sprung into action and hit him in the jaw with her fist. The Watcher collapsed on the floor out cold. She turned to face me with a grim expression on her face. "Okay, get on with it."

So, it wasn't working out after all. I groaned and shook my head. "You're impossible! Why couldn't you two just talk about it?" Turning my back at them, I walked to the far side of the room, muttering to myself. The fact that Angel was grinning at me certainly didn't help.

"What?" Buffy's voice was furious. "You're not hungry after all? It was just some stupid prank?"

How the hell was I supposed to explain it to her? Tell her that I just wanted her and Giles to talk about the obvious love they had for each other? Somehow I didn't think that would work.

Thank god Angel was there with me. "Not a prank. It was something we wanted to make clear. You need Giles. Not just as a Watcher, but as a friend. If the other Watchers force him to resign his place as your Watcher and return to London, you'll lose more than just someone who helps you with your work. We weren't sure if you knew that."

"I know it. I don't see him just as a Watcher."

I smiled, recognizing the soft tone of her voice. She wasn't just talking about ordinary friendship.

"Then show that to him. And let Masterson and the others know that you won't tolerate any other Watcher." My friend gestured at the unconscious man with his hand. "What you two have, goes far beyond the normal Watcher-Slayer relationship. He's not just standing in his ivory tower, watching you fight the monsters and making notes. He's fighting too, right by your side."

Buffy nodded. "I couldn't live without him." Realizing what she'd just said, she blushed a little. "Without his help, I would have been --and stayed-- dead years ago."

Angel and I exchanged an amused look. Her words didn't probably convince even herself.

Even though it wasn't all that easy to keep my mouth shut, we both stayed quiet after that. Buffy sat down next to Giles, lifting his head on her lap. I leaned against Angel, enjoying the feel of his fingers brush through my hair.

His voice was just a whisper. "They have to figure it out by themselves."

"All right." I had to admit that he was probably right. But then again, the way Buffy was holding Giles' head in her lap indicated that they'd figure it out sooner than later.

It was enough. For now.

Buffster tried to call Willow a little later only to find that her cell phone had ran out of charge. Her temperance was amazing. I would have thrown the cell phone at the wall if I'd been her instead of just muttering a few swear words. At least Giles was still out of it, so he didn't scowl at her and comment on her language.

I didn't say anything, either. Didn't want to annoy her any more than I already had.

Minutes ticked by. I did some pacing for a while, and then returned to Angel's arms. The sound of my own steps just made me nervous.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate waiting? Well, I do.

Angel held me tight, so at least there was one good thing happening. Buffy didn't seem to pay any attention to us. She was staring at Giles, obviously thinking very hard about something. I was wishing it was one of those happily ever after somethings.

Like with me and my undead lover.

Who wasn't brushing his hand against my back anymore. Actually, Angel was sitting unnaturally still, almost like there was no one there, and he'd left just an empty husk behind.

I looked at him, noticing the strained look for the first time. "Angel? What's wrong?"

"In case you didn't notice, you were the only one who had a proper meal tonight." His voice was strangled, and I could see his facial muscles shift a little as a hint of what would happen soon.

But... I remembered our breakfast, Angel sipping barely a cup of blood while reading the newspaper. Oh, shit! This was bad. Worse than bad! It was a disaster!

"Can you hold on? How bad is it?" I shook my head as I saw his game face. "Forget I even asked. What do we do now?"

Angel was squeezing his hands together and managed to push the vampiric expression off his face. He closed his eyes, leaning against me. "I can't make it home, even if Willow and Oz came back right now. If I don't get any food in a few minutes, I will attack someone." He gave me a sarcastic smile before his face twisted again. "Seems to me that your little 'scheme' works better than you thought. Too bad it'll get at least one of our friends killed."

The soft touch on my cheek took off the sting from his words. Nevertheless, I lowered my gaze to my feet and apologized. "I'm sorry. This whole mess is my fault!"

"Don't be an idiot. You didn't know this would happen."

"No, but... " I shook my head. "Damn. Isn't there anything we can do?"

The sadness in Angel's eyes made me wince. "No. The smell of their blood, the steady beating of their hearts, pumping the blood through their veins, is making me crazy."

Buffy's voice rang clearly in the room. "What's wrong?"

Looking up, I saw her staring at us. She was still holding Giles' head on her lap, but now she was fully concentrating on us. When she noticed the change on Angel's face, her heartrate doubled.

"Angel?"

"Don't... " My lover rasped. It wasn't all that easy to talk while wearing one's game face. The first few times I did that, I almost bit my tongue off.

I tightened my grip on his hand. "It seems that our friend here forgot the importance of a good breakfast."

She understood immediately. Her eyes darted around the little room, searching for something we all knew she wouldn't find. Lowering her gaze to Giles' head, she kept from saying anything.

"If I lose it, you have to kill me!" Angel's words shocked me. "You're strong enough. You can tear my head off with your bare hands if necessary."

"No!" It was unthinkable.

"Xander! Listen to me. I can't feed from a human. That's not who I am. I couldn't live with myself if I killed someone, and I'm too hungry to just take a sip now! If I get my hands on a human, I'll rip their throat open. I mustn't be allowed to do that."

I wanted to argue with him, but I knew he was right. The guy I loved wasn't a killer. "I know." Even if he survived the long wait in this room, he wouldn't survive the daylight he'd seek the moment he was free.

"We can't escape this place. There are no weapons here. You're the only one who can stop me from becoming a monster again." Angel's whole body shook a little. "Please!"

Wondering if he'd felt like this when I asked him to make me a vampire, I leaned closer to him. The kiss was more desperate than passionate, like a condemned man's last meal before the execution. His teeth grated my lip, but I didn't care. "You want me to kill you. I can't live with myself if I do that."

"Please, Xander! Please!"

"Angel..." I pulled his head closer and kissed him again. Feeling his hands slide to my neck, I deepened the kiss. We held each other for a long time, a mere mortal would have suffocated. But we were not mortals. We were vampires, who needed to eat blood in order to survive. Eat or die. Angel's choice was to die. "I love you."

He laid his head on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my skin as he gasped, "I love you too."

I blinked. His touch gave me an idea. "Angel? What about me?"

"I want you to continue..." There was a small pause and then a sound that was obviously intended to be a chuckle. It sounded more like a strangled sob to me. "...living after I'm gone. Don't do anything rash..."

"No, I mean, what about me? My blood. Couldn't you just eat from me?"

My lover was quiet for a moment. Then he raised his head to meet my gaze. "You have no idea of what you're offering."

"Tell me." I was a bit baffled. We'd shared each other's blood before. Why was this situation any different?

"I'm so hungry, I'll drain you. You'll get crazy with hunger."

That would be bad. "Okay. So what if I eat from you then. It's not like the blood disappears somewhere. We'll eat from each other."

Angel stared at me with his mouth slightly open. I was half afraid I'd crossed the line somehow. Maybe it was once again some vampire custom I'd overlooked.

"Xander? It's not that simple."

"Explain."

"It's the most intimate thing we can do."

That certainly got my attention. "You mean it'll be like having sex?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. Sex is just a simple act of pleasure compared to feeding from another vampire." That soft voice became an even softer whisper. "You know how it feels to taste me while we make love. Feeding from me is a thousand times more intense. More intimate. All your feelings, all that you think will course through me, and vice versa."

Feeling the heat on my face, I nodded. It was hard to imagine what it would be like. Sharing everything with the other. "Doesn't sound all that horrible."

"It'll weaken us both. If Masterson decides to come in here and slay us, we won't be able to defend ourselves."

"But this way we both have a chance to survive. It's a risk I'm willing to take."

Angel looked at me straight in the eyes. Then he turned to Buffy. "As soon as you can get out of here, go to my place and grab a few bags of blood. Let no one here in any circumstances. When you get back, toss the bags inside and then wait until we knock on the door."

"What are you going to do?" She hadn't obviously heard a word we'd said. No wonder, since most of our conversation had been whispered in between kisses.

"We'll try something new here. It should work, so you're in no danger."

Buffy nodded and lowered her gaze to Giles. Then her head snapped up again. There was ice in her eyes as she surveyed the both of us. "If you fail, you'd better eat me. Because if you touch him, I'll personally drive a stake through your heart."

"Nothing will happen to him. I swear it by the man I love." Angel's words made her flinch a little. She opened her mouth to say something, but my lover silenced her with a stern look. "Just remember what I said about the door. And be careful when you come back here."

She nodded, her eyes wide. Obviously Angel had given her something to think about.

"Xander. You still sure you want to do this?"

I answered him by pulling his head to my throat. Feeling him kiss the spot where a pulse would have beaten on a mortal, I closed my eyes and waited for him to bite me.

"No, not like this. Give me your hand." Angel raised his head from my throat and grabbed the offered hand. Then he kissed the soft skin of my wrist.

The touch of his fangs made me almost jump, but I forced myself to stay still. Then they pierced my skin, and everything became fuzzy.

There's something unbelievably erotic in being fed from. Well, not when someone's sucking your life away, I was most definitely not turned on by the vampire who killed me. But this, being held by someone I love, his mouth closed over a bleeding wound in my wrist, knowing that my blood was now running through his veins, giving him life. This was different.

Somewhere in the distance someone was making small pleased sounds, and it took a moment for me to recognize my own voice.

Angel seemed to hear that too, and soon he lifted his head, giving me a smile before rising his wrist to my lips. I licked the skin and then sank my fangs to him, almost choking as a moan clawed its way up my throat as his warm blood floated into my mouth. It tasted quite different from the blood I'd originally eaten earlier that night. Somehow it was now my blood. His blood.

We shifted turns again, and I stretched my legs a little, not even knowing exactly when I'd dropped to the floor. Angel was lying right next to me, his other hand resting on my chest, even as the other one was clutching mine to his lips. It was an odd feeling, to be drained almost to the brink of madness, and then finally getting the sanity back. Like he'd said, it was very intimate, surrendering to the other one, and then taking the control.

I was feeding from him again, but this time I didn't let go of his wrist when I sensed that he was almost drained. Instead I gave him access to my wrist, begging him to take me even as I was taking him. There was a moment of hesitation, and then Angel groaned and once again bit me.

Nothing could have prepared me to the shock of feeling our blood pulsing through our joined bodies. Our hands and mouths formed a loop, making the blood circle freely from me to him and then back to me. I'd never felt so intense pleasure. Something that was even more than just pleasure, actually. I was still me, but I was also him, or at least it felt like that. Everything he felt, I felt too. And not just the physical thing. I could feel his emotions, mainly awe and happiness.

And above all, love. Fierce, burning emotion I answered with all my heart.

It was awesome to really feel it. Yeah, I knew already that he loved me, but this was something different. On the emotional level, there were no secrets between the two of us. I could finally be assured that he really loved me, just as much as I loved him, and that when he spoke of forever, he really meant it. In return he could share my feelings about us.

More emotions were swirling in my mind now. My own fears and pain from all the years I'd been called the geek of the century. Angel's remorse over all the things Angelus had once done, and even a deeply buried guilt over that night he had held me dying in his arms. The friendship I felt towards Willow, the sorrow I still felt about Jesse. Disgust towards Darla, the blonde bitch vampire, and strange mixture of the same disgust and wry affection towards Dru and Spike.

Soon it was hard to know whose thoughts, whose feelings I was sensing. Mine, his, ours. And it felt so damn good, so damn right.

I still have no idea of how long we were joined like that. Could be minutes, could be hours. The only thing I do know, is that when he wrenched his hand off my mouth, I felt like someone was tearing my guts out. I lay on the floor, convulsing, and it took me a moment to register everything that was going on in the little room.

"Here, eat."

Angel's hands raised my head so I didn't choke on the cool blood he poured into my mouth from a very familiar bag. Still, I wanted to spit the liquid out and grab him again. The thought was scary, and as soon as I could, I scrambled away from him. "Goddamnit, Angel! What the hell happened?"

He looked as stunned as I felt. "I have no idea. All I know is that we shouldn't probably do that again."

"Yeah." He was right. "I liked it too much, you know. It was like I was losing myself." If he hadn't pushed me away, I would have stayed joined with him forever.

"That's just why I think we shouldn't do that again." Angel raised the almost empty bag to his lips and ate the rest of the blood. His hands were trembling a little.

I looked around the empty room. "So Buffy and Giles made it?"

"They must have. All I know that suddenly there was the scent of blood in the room, and I had to move away from you right then, or I would never let you go."

Even thought it was all still pretty spooky, I couldn't help laughing. "You know, this really goes beyond romantic. I want to be with you, you know I do, but I don't want a Siamese twin. No offense meant."

"None taken." Angel smiled. "I must admit that it's not actually the way I want to spend forever with you."

I was about to stick my tongue at him, but the pounding on the door interrupted me. All the blood made it impossible for me to smell who it was, but it was pretty obvious who was behind the door.

Angel was closer to the door, and he raised his voice slightly, "We're all right now."

Still, Buffy was holding a crucifix ready as Giles opened the door. I shivered a little when I saw that quite big cross of pain, but didn't get all teethy. That seemed to convince the Slayer, and she put the crucifix under her jacket.

"You all right?"

Didn't my lover just say that? No matter, he repeated that and then guided me out of the little cell. I was really happy to get out of there. The corridors made me really claustrophobic, and I hurried towards the exit as quickly as I could.

As I stepped out of the door, I was hit by a squealing female, who wrapped her hands around me, and squeezed tight. I patted Willow's back, and had to swallow a few times.

Time had lost all meaning, and even though it was dark outside, I had no idea if it was the same night we'd entered the abandoned building or not. "How long did we stay there?"

"Took us hours to get here." Will was sniffling a little. Behind her, Oz was giving me the thumbs up sign. "We had a flat tire, and then we went to the factory, and got really lost and before we could get here, we'd already wasted so much time I didn't know if you were alive or not and then you were lying there like you were gone and..."

I shook her a little. "Okay. Breathe."

Nodding, she took a deep breath. Then she gave me a wobbly smile. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"So am I."

A brisk voice from behind me said, "We all are. But we can talk about that later. Hurry up and get into the cars." Giles walked past us, heading to his car.

"But..." I felt my best friend tighten her grip around me.

"We need to get going, now!" The Watcher rarely used that tone of voice, but when he did, we all obeyed. One more squeeze, and then I let my witchy friend go.

Oz had already started the engines. Willow waved at me as she climbed inside the van. I grinned back at her.

"Hop in," Giles called from the driver's seat of his car. Buffy was already sitting next to him, so Angel and I went into the back seat. We sat as far apart as possible, not really trusting ourselves to handle a touch without having the almost overpowering urge to get all sucky with each other again.

The drive through the nightly Sunnydale was peaceful. I glanced at the clock on the headboard and noticed that it was over five a.m. There wasn't much time before sunrise.

None of us was in a really talkative mood on the way back to school. The four of us had just spent hours in a cell, two of us in a real danger some of that time. That made people think about all those serious things.

At least I was still thinking about one of those. "Angel?" Just a whisper. When he looked at me, I asked, "You really feel bad for making me a vampire?" Well, it had been quite obvious from all those, 'damn I feel bad for making Xander a vampire' -vibes he'd sent to me earlier, but I kinda wanted him to say that to me.

"I do." Angel smiled cynically. "Can't really help it. I know it was the only way to act, but some part of me regrets it. And I guess it always will. Not the fact that you're here with me. Never think that. But the truth is, I was the one who sucked the last spark of life out of you."

Oh. That kinda answered my unsaid question, too. "So that's the reason you haven't been perfectly happy?" I saw him open his mouth to object --feeling warm fuzzies--, and hurried to say the rest before he could angst more. "I mean, the reason why you..." Uh, oh. No way I was gonna say his name again. "... um... Haven't gone all 'grr' on us."

He stared at my imitation of a deranged vampire, a smile tugging at his lips. Then he cocked his head. "I... I think you could be right there. Earlier, I thought it was because we're essentially both demonic in a way. But that could be it, too."

Hey, whatever worked. If a secret brooding made sure his soul was safe, I could deal with it. That just meant more comfort sex.

I noticed Giles glance at our direction through the rear view mirror, but the Watcher didn't say a word. His expression was grave, though. I wondered if it was because of our discussion or because of the fact that he and Buffy had almost been on that night's menu.

Proved to be neither. As he pulled in to the parking lot, a gust of wind brought the weird scent of very early morning to us. I glanced at Angel, and then shoved the door open, both of us running inside the school just seconds before the first rays of the raising sun appeared in the horizon.

Willow and Oz were already there waiting for us, and Wills hugged me as the door banged closed behind us. "I thought you wouldn't make it!"

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I muttered, and then let her go.

Oz smiled a little, showing no signs of jealousy, which was good and healthy. And I do mean the latter literally.

We moved farther away from the door so that we wouldn't turn into crispy critters when Buffy and Giles entered, and then started our slow journey to the library. We had to dodge all windows somehow, and all the mortals scurried around, trying to pull the shades closed tight enough so that we survived.

Masterson raised her gaze from a journal as we barged into the library. She looked slightly disappointed to see us all alive.

I felt my face twitch a little. Damn, I wanted to show her what a pissed vampire looked like. And I meant like a moment before he snaps and shakes her. But that would have just proven her point about us being public enemy number one.

So I let Buffy do all the glaring and snarling instead. After all, she was so good at it. Besides, I had to wait for Giles to roll down the shades till it was safe to walk farther into the library.

"Yeah, we're still alive." She walked towards the Watcher. "No thanks to you, though. What the hell is it with you guys? Me Slayer, remember? Locking me in basement with two vampires isn't exactly all that productive for the Slaying -business!"

That's right, Buffster! You tell her! And if talking isn't enough, you can just go and kick her tweedy ass. At the moment I would have even paid her to do that.

Once the Slayer got into something, she could go on and on for hours. After making sarcastic comments about Masterson's plan, she went on and ranted about the Watchers in general. She didn't repeat herself. Not even once. It made me wonder if she'd accidentally swallowed a thesaurus.

The rest of us just stood there and allowed her to let out some steam. I peeked at the others, and saw Angel look pensive as usually. Willow on the other hand looked different from her usual peaceful self. I'd hardly ever seen her so angry. Oz was holding his hand on her shoulder, clearly trying to calm her without words. Didn't exactly work all that well as far as I could tell.

I couldn't really see what our own Watcher was looking like. He'd turned his back on us, focusing his attention on the bookshelves after finishing fussing with the shades. It wasn't all that hard to read the tension in his back, though.

Eyes gleaming, Buffy took a deep breath, and then she laid her hands on the table, staring at the British woman. "We passed the test. You can leave now."

Gemma Masterson didn't look all that sure of herself anymore. "You did pass the first test, but the second one will be much harder. You..."

"No." Giles' quiet voice interrupted her. "No more tests."

"The Council isn't convinced about this yet, Rupert. If you're to continue your work here, you have to give us proof that your way is the right way."

The librarian shook his head, turning to face us. "Your test could have killed her. I refuse to put her into a danger."

Hey! We'd been in danger, too! I didn't say it out loud, though.

Masterson sighed, "I know that this goes against everything you were taught, but this is the only way to test your bond. I can't test you and the vampires alone, I need to test all of you together."

"Then I give up."

A shocked silence followed Giles' words. We all stared at him, and I noticed how unnaturally pale he was. Almost vampiric.

"Giles..."

The Watcher raised his hand. "Buffy, don't. It's not worth the fight. The price is too high. If you die, I'll have no reason to be a Watcher anymore. It's better this way." Turning to his colleague, he added, "I'll return to England with you. The Council can assign Buffy to whomever they choose."

Masterson nodded, "You're making the right decision, Rupert."

"The hell he is!"

It was just like watching tennis. We all turned back to see Buffy getting to her feet from the chair she'd sat on less than a minute ago. She looked mad as hell. Believe me, an angry Slayer was really not something a vampire --even one with his soul intact-- wanted to face.

"If I lose my Watcher, you'll lose a Slayer. I refuse to work with anyone else but Giles."

I could feel the Watchers' heartbeat rise. A quick glance to the right revealed that Giles wasn't all that pale anymore. He was blushing. "Buffy..."

"Shut up, Giles. I have rights, you know. I'm not just some project you can assign to anyone! If you don't want to work with me, that's fine, but if you care about..." She swallowed hard. "All that we've worked for, you'll stay here and fight."

It was perfect! I turned to look at Angel, and saw that he was grinning like an idiot. Just like I was.

"You don't understand. The Council will find a way to separate us if we don't pass the tests. I can't let anything bad happen to you because of me."

Buffy took two steps towards him, and grabbed her Watcher's hands. "I don't care. I can't do the slaying without you. Either you stay with me, or the Council will have to focus their whole energy on Faith."

Giles kept his gaze on Buffy's. He didn't say a word, but just stood there, staring at her.

"Come on, Giles!" His silence was obviously unnerving her. "You said it yourself right after we destroyed the Tear. 'Alone we're incomplete. Together we can do anything.' Please. Stay with me."

I heard a faint sniff and turned my gaze to Willow. She was holding Oz's hand tight, and tears were running down her cheeks. I felt like that, too. We'd been together for three years, going through hell. I didn't want Giles to go, and I wasn't even in love with him. I could only try to imagine how Buffy felt.

Slowly, very slowly, Giles raised Buffy's hand to his chest. Held it there above his heart for a moment. Then he broke eye contact with her so that he could turn to see Masterson. "I take it back. As long as I live, my place is by my Slayer."

The woman nodded gravely, even as Buffy squealed with joy and hugged her Watcher. "I will make preparations for the next test." She collected her stuff, and walked out of the library without another word.

Since it was already morning, we couldn't go home. I wasn't all that happy when Giles said that the only really safe place for us to sleep was in the small closet in his office, but it was better than frying.

So there I was, in a closet with my male lover. I snickered about that for some time, and then curled against him.

---

I awoke with a start, really dizzy and feeling a cramp in my left foot.

For a few seconds I didn't know where I was, and I fidgeted, wondering why I was so obviously sleeping on the floor when we had a perfectly good bed. Then I remembered that I wasn't home.

Yeah, I was sleeping in a closet.

My vampiric inner clock wasn't all that accurate usually, but I did sense that it was still sunny outside. So why the hell was I awake?

I took a deep breath out of habit, and then realized that somehow I'd smelled people enter Giles' office. Not just any people. Our Brit was there, but he wasn't alone. No. I could clearly smell --and now also hear-- Gemma Masterson.

The two Watchers were talking about some book, Giles sounding tired but polite. Masterson on the other hand was as cold as always.

I wasn't really all that interested about what they were talking, and so I snuggled even closer to Angel, who was still sleeping. Closing my eyes, I tried to fall into slumber again.

A few minutes later I was still wide awake. Annoying! More so, because my leg was still cramping, and there was not enough room for me to move in the tiny closet.

"I thought Henry wanted her to study in England." Giles' voice was suddenly very close, and very strange.

Masterson sighed, for the first time sounding like a human being and not some kind of super Watcher. "Christine had real problems adjusting to her father's death, Rupert. She started socializing with some very shady people."

"I see." I could picture his serious expression in my mind.

"When she seemed to get worse, I decided I should take her somewhere far away from those friends of hers and brought her here with me."

She thought that bringing her daughter to the States was a good solution? That somehow California was more peaceful than England? Maybe insanity was required in order to become a Watcher.

"Gemma... You know this is all wrong." Giles spoke softly.

I knew his words were a mistake even before Masterson cleared her throat. Then she was back to the Watcher mode, asking something about a book they were obviously browsing.

Losing a husband and worrying about her child might have made Masterson seem more human, but I really couldn't help being annoyed by her. She was causing us all a lot of grief. If she'd only use her head and look at our little group without those black and white goggles she seemed to wear, everything would probably be over. With Giles staying here. But no. She was a Perfect Watcher, and I'd had enough of people who thought they were perfect.

Pushing all compassionate stuff out of my head, I shifted my position, so that my leg might stop cramping and fell asleep again.

---

I woke up right after sunset, once again feeling cramps. This time not only in my leg, but also in my back.

Angel tried to ease the pain with a massage. It actually worked, but I did feel stiff when we finally got out of the closet.

That thought still made me snicker.

Since we were supposed to stay in the library, we couldn't really go home. Giles had a little storage of blood in his tiny fridge, and after Angel had sniffed it suspiciously, we had a very cold meal.

Sleeping fully clothed on the floor was pretty disgusting, even if we didn't really sweat, and the next thing we did was to march to the locker room and take a shower. A little time off together. Buffy promised to get us if we were needed.

It was really eerie! I'd showered there dozens of times, but that had been different. We goofed around with Angel, both of us dropping the soap and then bending to pick it up, and then slapping each other with towels. I couldn't remember when I'd laughed that much!

So we were acting like two kids. I liked it! All that brooding and worrying and gloom was making me go insane. This was in a way just as good as spending a few hours frolicking in bed with Angel.

God, I loved to hear the sound of his laughter! He didn't let himself relax like that often.

One thing had been bothering me ever since Giles mentioned it last night. After we'd stopped playing and I was pulling my pants back on, I asked Angel, "Do you know what Buffy meant when she said that she knew the life expectancy for a Slayer?"

The way his whole body tensed told me that he knew it all right. I didn't say anything more. I'd gotten used to his way of dealing with things, and now I just had to wait.

Finally he sighed. "I don't even know how many Slayers there has been. Hundreds, I guess. No one knows for sure, except the Watchers. I've read a lot about them, though, and I've only read about two Slayers who ever lived to see their 25^th birthday. One of them died on her birthday. The other one a week after it."

"What?" I was stunned. Of course I'd known that the Slaying business wasn't exactly as simple as being a cosmetologist, but this was shocking. "But that's impossible! It's…"

"Xander. It's all right." Angel was right next to me in a second, giving me a big hug.

It was actually amazing how hard it hit me. I'd just always thought that with care, Buffy would still be Slaying when she was a grandmother.

I finished dressing in silence. When I'd tied up my shoelaces, I couldn't help asking one more thing. "Can we stay here and see to it that she'll have a long time to nag at Giles and make his life less stuffy?"

Angel laughed. "Of course. Not every Slayer's had two vampire bodyguards."

His words were teasing, but there was something serious in his voice. Yeah. We'd stay in Sunnydale and try to keep our friends alive for as long as their natural mortal lives would last. Ouch. Not all that a good thought after all.

Pushing every thought of mortality out of my head, I waited for Angel to get ready, and then we hurried back to the library.

Masterson hadn't given us any time she needed us to be somewhere for the second test, so we just stayed in Giles' realm for the night.

It was the night before the full moon, so Oz wasn't there with us. Ever since he'd gotten loose in the library and then tried to go running around Sunnydale High, he'd spent his wolfish nights in Giles' basement. Well, except for that night at Angel's... Our place.

All the others were there, though, Will working on the 'puter as usual, Buffy checking out her weapons.

I glanced at Giles. "Do you want to do some more interviewing with this vampire?"

He removed his glasses to rub his nose, but didn't make any comments at my joke. "Sure, Xander. My report is almost finished, but there are a few things I'd like to confirm." Gesturing at the side door to his tiny office, the Watcher waited for me to get there first, and then followed me.

Resting my butt on his table, I smiled, "So what do you want to know? More about the ways us vampires do stuff?"

"No. Um… Actually I wanted to talk about… Um… Angel."

That made me tense. "What about him?"

Giles held his pen over the blank piece of paper, looking a bit hesitant. Then he sighed. "I know this isn't easy for you, Xander, but I really need to put something to the report about you and your relationship with him. And about how do you see your future with him."

"Why is it so important for you to…" I hopped off the table. "The Council. Did they ask you to write about us?"

He looked stunned, and then shook his head vigorously. "No, for heaven's sake, no! It's not to control you or to hunt you down. I just think I should be thorough with this report, since it may quite well be my last one."

"All right. You can ask, but I don't promise you I'll answer everything." Not that I thought he'd ask for any of the embarrassing details. He wasn't like that. I hoped.

After giving me a relieved smile, Giles scribbled the date to the top of that paper, and then began. "About you and Angel. We know quite a lot of his past, but…"

"Nope." I shook my head, wanting to raise my hands to my ears, so that I wouldn't hear anything he had to say about that particular subject. "I don't want to know anything about his past. Nothing, nada, zip."

"But…" the Watcher looked perplexed.

"No buts. You say one word about him before he came to Sunnydale, and this discussion ends right here and now. I don't want to hear about it!"

I wasn't being paranoid here, I was just trying to protect us. It was quite obvious that in his century and half of terrorizing the world, Angel --or Angelus-- had been a mean bastard. I didn't want to know about it. Having heard bits and pieces about it when he had lost his soul again, was quite enough for me.

All right, so I was also jealous. He'd had lovers before me. Of course he had. But hearing about them wasn't the same as having a vague thought of them. The fact that his relationship with Drusilla hadn't been just platonic hadn't escaped me. If my lover had been involved with some other vampires, like ones with bleached hair and an attitude problem, I didn't want that information.

In some cases, ignorance really is bliss.

Giles adjusted his glasses, throwing a knowing look at me. Then he nodded. "All right. We won't go there." Grabbing the pen again, he asked, "Would you tell me more about food?"

It was probably just logical. After all, we'd talked about blood earlier, but it hadn't gotten really specific. I kinda wondered if Giles thought I had a problem talking about it.

I didn't. It didn't really matter that my meal from cows came in liquid form instead of me eating chunks of flesh. Sure, I'd been pretty disgusted with the whole idea at first, but I'd come to realize that to my kind, blood was food. It was life. And in the end, it really wasn't all that different from a burger.

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to know?"

We started out with the easy part, getting blood. Being a bit paranoid, I didn't give him all the details. I just told him vaguely about a butchers' that was open late. Giles found the fact that we didn't rob blood banks intriguing. I hadn't really thought about it before, but his raised eyebrows made me wonder if it had something to do with Angel's guilt about the killings last year. Didn't really care. Cow's blood was fine by me. The thought of eating human blood made me shiver.

At that point the Watcher assured me that his little stock came from a cow. I'd kinda thought so, after all the sniffing Angel had done before touching it.

Next came the taste of blood, which we had already talked about. Heating, storing, eating. I'd picked the term 'eating' from my lover. He seemed to resent the term 'drinking', and so I didn't use it unless I really needed to annoy him.

That surprised Giles. He scribbled it down frantically, as if it was some kind of a revelation. Maybe it was. Despite of all the centuries the Watchers have studied vampires, they apparently have a very Gothic and horror movie -ish view on the whole existence of us.

I bet that's what Masterson had expected. A black-haired guy in a cape, talking with a Bela Lugosi -accent, glowering madly and ogling at peoples' necks, making poorly veiled threats.

After eating was dealt with, we chatted about the difficulties of every night life. Ordinary mortals wouldn't believe how hard it really is to live --or not-- only at night. There are a few shops open past sunset even here, but they don't really sell quality stuff.

Fortunately we don't need all that much stuff. Mainly clothes and stuff to wash them with. I couldn't help smiling when we talked about clothes. It was an ongoing argument between Angel and me. He wanted me to wear black, preferably silk. I was comfortable with my old style.

Okay, I did wear his kinda clothes on occasion, but usually when I was trying to... Well, that was none of Giles' business, so I didn't go there.

"What about other necessities? Soap and shampoo for instance. Or... Um... Other necessities."

Since Giles didn't usually repeat himself that way, I guessed he was trying to ask something intimate. Grinning, I wondered if I should act like I didn't have a clue of what he meant, but the blush on his face was enough to keep me amused. "They sell all we need in that little supermarket near Bronze." That was good, except for the fact that one of my friends from school worked there occasionally. Buying lube from a complete stranger was so much easier than it was from him.

That seemed to satisfy the Watcher.

Buffy came to drag Giles to have a cup of tea a bit later. We were both stunned to see that we'd been talking for almost three hours in a row.

I stretched, trying to work out some kinks from my back. Then I walked slowly out of the office, wondering what the others were doing.

I couldn't see anyone but Angel. He was sitting at the table, browsing through a big book. I sneaked behind him, and read over his shoulder. "'The chosen one will need assistance, and so one of us must be there to guide her all the time.' What is that?"

Turning to glare at me, Angel replied, "It's a part of an old Watcher Oath. We're trying to find out if there's anything in the chronicles to help us in case Masterson's tests go wrong." He planted a kiss on my cheek and then went back to reading.

More studying. Great. But at least this information would be useful, unlike most of the stuff we learned in school. I looked around, trying to figure out what to do next. I could either join in the studying, or wait for Giles and then continue talking. The second option didn't really sound all that inviting. My throat was already raw. So studying it was.

Couldn't help ruffling Angel's hair before rushing to the safety of the bookshelves.

Most of the important books were behind the counter, but I knew that there were some volumes about vampires among the normal books. I strolled between the shelves for a moment, trying to locate some of the lighter books. All the ones Giles hid in his office were awfully heavy and profound. Just the kinds that always made me dizzy.

I gave up after a few minutes, realizing that I'd have to go and search the shelf of the really massive and dusty books. I was so lost in thoughts I almost bumped into Willow who was grouching by the shelf, scanning the names of the books.

"Oops. Sorry." Grinning, I moved my attention to the books.

"It's okay." The words came out softly, not the usual light tones. More like she was trying to speak when having that annoyingly tight feeling in her throat that came when you were about to start to cry.

Deciding it would be really rude to order her to swallow, I tried something more sensitive. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Xander." She sounded amused as she crawled a little to the left, running her fingers across the backs of the books. "Now stop bothering me."

At least she didn't tell me to be quiet. I really hate that. Deciding to leave her alone, I went to look for a relatively small book to read. Preferably one with lots of pictures and not all that much text.

After finding one, I turned around to leave the small area behind the counter, and once again bumped into Willow, this time stepping on her foot as well.

She growled at me.

I glanced at Willow's eyes, and shuddered as the usually gentle gaze was now turned into something wild. "Um, Will? I don't mean to scare you, or anything, but since when have you started to wear yellow contact lenses?"

"Tomorrow's the full moon." Her voice was low.

And that made it all okay? "So what? Are those contacts?"

Hissing impatiently she shook her head, straightening her back so that we were now face to face. "I don't need glasses, Xander. I already told you, it's because of the full moon." Seeing my expression, she added, "And no, I haven't been bitten by anyone."

Well, that was a relief. For a second I'd thought there'd be another werewolf running around Sunnydale. What next? Wolf cubs?

There was a loud exclamation, and then quick steps echoed in the library. A second later the chair Angel had been sprawled on thumped on the ground as he hurried towards us.

"Xander, did you know that… Whoa!" Angel stopped in the middle of the sentence. It looked like he was sniffing something.

I took a deep breath, and then winced. Willow smelled just like a dog. Or maybe a wolf. "Geez, Will. You might want to spend less time with Oz at full moon. That smell is kinda obvious, you know?"

"Only to a vampire." She smiled strangely, her yellowish gaze moving from me to Angel. "Or a werewolf."

He grinned at her. "I guess congratulations are in order."

This time I was determined not to be left out of it. "Congratulations about what?"

Willow seemed to think about it for a moment, a really naughty grin appearing on her face. I wasn't really sure I even wanted to know when she said, "It's something that happens when your boyfriend's a werewolf. When it's the real thing and not just being smoochie-buddies with someone."

"Oh, another one of those true love -things." Nice. Something I knew about. Intimately.

We all grinned to each other. Even Angel. I took that as a good sign. Now he was able to relax with the whole gang instead of still being the strong silent type who mysteriously disappeared into the shadows after handing out some advice.

It meant that life --yeah, yeah-- would be definitely easier here. Even though it didn't exactly make waiting any easier. But at least the light conversation we kept up made the night seem shorter than it was.

Did Masterson contact us? Nope. We did as she asked and stayed in the library for nothing. Stupid games!

To make it clear that we were playing by the rules, Angel and I waited for the last possible minute, and then hurried home before the sun would rise and turn us into two piles of dust.

"Hungry?" Angel smiled a little as he asked me that. I realized that he'd probably tease me about it for at least a few centuries. That was definitely one of those thoughts that made me feel warm and shiver at the same time.

I nodded, following him to the kitchen. A quick glance from the doorway told me that the shades were firmly in place, and then I headed to the fridge.

Warm blood. For a vampire it tasted like ice-cream and pizza and popcorn all put into one neat liquid package. Hmph. Why didn't I think of that when Giles asked? Well, I guessed it was best if he didn't know.

Angel was still eating when I finished. He was watching me with a really strange expression on his face. Blinking a few times, I smiled at him, and then smirked. "I think I'll go and test that new soap. You know, the one I haven't tested yet. The one that should smell really nice on me. You know, me all naked."

I decided to leave it to that before I went from sexual innuendo to describing things explicitly, and hurried to the bathroom.

It hadn't been just a very bad attempt to do a perfect seduction-scene. It was time for a hot shower. After spending the night in the library, waiting for Masterson to show up, I was feeling really tense, and needed that kinda relaxation. Of course the fact that I rarely had to shower alone was also an inspiration.

Playing at school had been fun, but now I was thinking about getting a different kind of happy.

After rummaging through the closet, I grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of Angel's silk boxers, and headed towards the bathroom. I took out the new bottle of shower gel from the little cabinet, and then stripped. It was good to get clean again.

I'd only stood under the warm spray for a few minutes, when the door opened. As Angel tiptoed in, I felt shivers run down my spine. Not because I thought about the Bates-motel, though. Oh, I might scream in the shower later on, but not out of fear.

When I reached out my hand, he handed me the wash cloth, and then squeezed a large drollop of the shower gel on it. I smiled and started to wash myself. It was kinda fun to watch his reaction to that ordinary thing.

"Wouldn't you rather have me wash you?" He moved closer to me under the pounding water.

"Nah. I can do this myself." I couldn't resist the opportunity to tease him a little. "I have some other things in mind for you."

Angel smiled. "Let me guess. You want me to wash your back? Or do you want to wash me?"

That was tempting, but it wasn't the thing I was thinking. "Wrong on both accounts. I want you to wash my hair. Would you?" I smirked at his breathless look.

He didn't say anything. He just grabbed the bottle of shampoo, and then poured that scented stuff on his hands.

The first touch of his fingers made me groan. Yep. One of my better ideas.

"You really enjoy teasing me, don't you?" Angel sounded amused.

Teasing? Me? "Mmh." Oops. No matter how I tried to make that sound neutral, it came out as a smug little moan.

"I though so."

"But you love me anyway." At least it didn't sound like a question. I didn't really care that my smugness was even more apparent in the statement.

"Yes, I do." Angel brushed some of the lather off my forehead. "Nothing could change the way I feel about you."

I smiled at him, enjoying the way he massaged my scalp, spreading the shampoo through my hair. "You mean you'd still love me if I shaved my head?"

His hands stilled instantly. I grinned as he took a moment to clear his thoughts. "You're cruel, Xander. Just plain old cruel." He continued to wash my hair, the slow, circular motions of his fingers making me groan with pleasure again. "Just promise me one thing."

"What?" His request jolted me out of the haze. He really knew how to make me feel good.

"If you do shave off your hair, I'll get to wax your scalp."

I burst into laughter.

After another massage with the conditioner, and then rinsing me, Angel insisted on drying me. I didn't mind at all, even though it took longer for him to dry me than it usually took me to take a shower, dress and finish my breakfast. He seemed to enjoy it, too. The soft, circular moves of the towel on my skin did dry me, but left me shivering in excitement.

There's definitely a cruel streak in my lover. He didn't toss the towel to the floor and touch me with his hands like I begged him to do. He just finished drying me, and then shooed me out of the bathroom with a smirk on his lips.

Muttering angrily, I stormed into the bedroom, yanking clean clothes from the closet. So he just wanted to tease me? Fine!

As the door behind me opened, I stilled, and no amount of annoyance could keep me from turning to watch Angel enter, wearing only a towel.

Sighing, I was glad I hadn't said anything. Apparently this was far from being over yet.

I watched Angel dry himself, the corner of the towel brushing his left nipple. It was a good thing I didn't need air, 'cause I would have probably choked at the sight. His little display was affecting me just the way he wanted. Yeah. I wasn't fooled for a second. Drying himself? Please. I know a seduction scene when I see one.

His actions were making him react too, and my eyes fell to his erection. I kept staring him for a long time, and then raised my gaze to his face.

"Xander..." He was blushing slightly.

I couldn't help grinning. "Angel..."

Swallowing convulsively, he spread his arms. "See anything you like?"

Yes. I could say that to myself now. I really did like to watch him like that, even touch him. And I loved it when he touched me. But that one little thing was still bothering me.

So it wasn't a little thing, really. Oh, ha ha. I mean, doing it wasn't all that easy. Allegedly some girls wouldn't even consider doing it. But Angel did more than just consider it. It even seemed he loved doing that to me, holding me in his hands, and then tasting me, making me crazy with just the thought of him actually sucking me off.

Why couldn't I do it to him? Why was it so damn hard? Difficult! Still, just the thought of kneeling in front of him and doing that to him made me... Hot. Turned on.

God. I wanted him so much my ears hurt.

Angel tilted his head, probably wondering why my eyes just swallowed half my face. He opened his mouth to say something, but only managed to whisper my name before I shook my head, needing him to be quiet. I didn't want any words to break the moment.

"There's nothing to worry about. Shh." I bit my lip, not knowing how to approach the subject exactly. "I love you."

His happy expression was probably the best encouragement I could have. Yeah. I loved him, and he loved me, and it was okay to do this.

But not while he was still staring at me. "Close your eyes."

A shiver went through his entire body, and there was a flicker of pain in his gaze. It was clear that something wasn't exactly right. It was easy to notice. The interest went down a little. Angel took a deep breath, and then slowly closed his eyes.

What did I say? Damn it, that guy had more sore spots than anyone I've ever known. Still, I didn't think it was a time for a talk, and I did what I'd planned to. Stepping closer to him, I slowly sank to my knees.

"God!" Angel gasped, as I steadied his cock with my hand and ran my tongue over it. His hands grasped my shoulders, and I could feel his gaze on my head. It didn't matter. Touching him this way wasn't all that difficult I'd thought, and the whole thought of him watching me do it was making me hard.

I licked him like he was a lollipop, finding it definitely easier to concentrate on what I was doing once the stupid grin was off my face. Strong hands landed on my shoulders, and grabbed a firm grip as Angel swayed a little.

Hot damn! Who would have thought it would be so much fun? I mean I had the guy trembling at my mouth. Well, my tongue. Curiosity won over the part that still went 'eww' at the thought of taking him inside, and I opened my mouth and sucked his erection in.

"Xander!" The hands on my shoulders tightened, and I could feel Angel start to tremble. Yeah, this was fun all right.

Something weird filled my senses, and I had to hold still for a moment when I realized that I was tasting him. Then, without even making the decision, I started to move my head again, needing to taste more of him. Okay, I have no idea of what other guys taste like, and I'm not going to find out, but Angel tasted just like his blood did. Something that was so perfectly him.

Soft, keening sounds were filling the room, and I couldn't help grinning. Okay, so maybe I didn't have the experience, but he really seemed to appreciate my efforts.

The sounds turned into a yelp. "Watch the teeth!"

I let go of him, blushing. "Sorry. Didn't mean to bite you." How embarrassing! I wasn't even wearing my game face. "I think I need to practice on this."

"Whatever you want, Xander." Angel smiled down at me. "It'll be my pleasure."

Mine, too. I felt his fingers brush my cheek, and then returned to my first lesson.

---

We didn't sleep all that much that day. I guess I got a bit obsessed with this new way of expressing my love. It's not that Angel had anything to complain about, though.

I was feeling happy as a clam the next evening, drumming the table with my fingers as the microwave hummed, warming our breakfast. Damn, I'd never felt like that, like I was home, somewhere I belonged, with someone to love. Not before moving in with Angel. My lover smiled openly at me as I sneaked over to kiss him on the cheek while our food was getting warm.

One peck on the cheek turned into a real smooch fest, and I almost burned our dinner. I'd done it once, when Angel had surprised me with the idea of having some steamy sex on the kitchen table.

Too bad I didn't know that turning the microwave dials to twenty minutes and letting the cup of blood stay in the oven for more than a few minutes made the thick liquid explode. Let me tell you something. Cleaning a microwave after an accident like that is really disgusting.

Keeping that in mind, I took the cups out before things could get out of hand.

No hot sex that morning. Just a nice breakfast. The two of us sitting there, chatting about shopping and maybe buying a car in the near future. Doing the things a real family did.

I loved it. Angel and I, a family. Not really the Brady bunch, but we were a happy little vampire family. It suited me perfectly.

Unfortunately our peaceful evening of happiness didn't last for long.

After I'd finished with washing the dishes, Angel went out to check the mail. I walked around the house aimlessly, wondering if I should clean a little. Strange how I'd never really paid attention to dust before. Back home... well, where I'd lived with mom and dad, I hadn't cared about the surroundings. Actually I'd spent as little time there as possible. Now I felt like a real homemaker.

Undoubtedly our friends would tease me if they knew about my thoughts. I didn't really care.

I was heading towards the cleaning closet as the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Angel hollered, and then I could hear him pick up the receiver. Since I was focused on reaching the mop, I didn't tune into the conversation. The loud 'what?' came as a complete surprise.

Slamming the door closed, I hurried to the living room. Angel had already ended the call, and was staring at the phone with a horrified expression on his face. "We're in trouble!"

Dozens of terrifying images flashed through my mind. "What happened?" I didn't even have to ask if it had something to do with the Watchers.

"That was Giles. He's at the library and..." Muttering a few curses, Angel banged his hand on the table "Masterson's been at his house. She called him from there and told him that the second test has started."

I tried to figure out what that meant. Frowning, I realized that my mind was completely blank. "What good does it do to... Oh my god!" Of course. The unusual brightness shining from the night sky should have told me the answer. "Oz!"

It was the night of the full moon.

"Yeah. Oz." Angel growled, and then headed towards the door. I followed him without a word.

We'd talked about getting a car, but so far it had been just a matter of talk. I bet my lover regretted that as much as I did as we ran towards Giles' apartment. At least we had enough stamina to run all the way there.

If my heart had still been beating, it would have beaten twice the rate it usually did. Not just because of the running. For fear. Damn it! I knew it would be a bad idea to have Oz's secret out in the open. You couldn't really trust the Watchers. Well, except for Giles. He's the one who renovated his basement to hold the werewolf in the first place.

I just hoped it wouldn't now kill him.

"This is unbelievable!" Angel groaned as we reached our destination. "We're late again!"

The whole place was a mess. The front door was swinging on one hinge, looking like something had ran right through it. Two windows were broken, and the few bushes outside the house had been torn from the ground.

Over everything lingered a faint scent of blood. Human blood.

I didn't stop for a second. Yelling Giles' name, I rushed inside the house. An overwhelming smell of a wild animal almost floored me, and a swayed against the wall, telling myself to stop breathing. It was still something I had to consciously remind myself to do, especially when I was upset.

"Xander? Oh, Angel! Thank god you're here!" It was Buffy's voice. I looked at the kitchen doorway, and smiled as I saw her, Willow and Giles all heading towards us. The smile disappeared as I saw Masterson following them, looking a little shaken.

"Are you all right?" Angel's eyes focused on the bandage on Giles' arm. The scent of blood came from there.

The Watcher nodded. "I'm all right. It's just a scratch."

"What happened here?"

With one last worried look at Giles, Buffy turned to Angel. "We just came here. Apparently something went wrong and Oz managed to get away." She frowned. "I'm not sure I get that, though. He's never been able to even dent the bars before. Not to mention open the lock on the door."

"That is not important." Gemma Masterson raised her voice from behind the others. "Your task now is to..."

"Don't you dare to tell us what to do!" We all jumped at the tone of Giles' voice. He'd lowered himself on a chair, probably feeling a little woozy, but now he turned to glower at the other Watcher. "You called to get me here, because you knew what was about to happen. You let him get away from the cellar, didn't you?"

She didn't even try to deny it. "Yes." Taking a few steps towards the door, she drew in a deep breath, as if she was going to say something. She didn't get the chance to make any comments, though.

Buffy spun the Watcher around. "Do you have any idea of what you've done? You let a werewolf loose on the streets! We're supposed to make the place safe for the people! You took an oath to fight against the darkness!"

"I never thought he'd escape from here!" Masterson stammered, her face gone white. The Slayer's words had hit her hard. "He was supposed to be secure in the house! The Wolfsbane spell should have ensured that. I followed the Council's instructions to the letter."

I saw Angel's face twitch, feeling the same kind of a movement on mine. How could such an educated woman be so stupid?

Apparently he had the same thoughts, for he growled, "Don't they teach you Watchers how to think? Of course Oz would escape if he had the chance! A spell? Spells don't work with werewolves. That's why we have to lock him up every full moon. The instincts are just too strong."

"I'm not an expert with lycantrophia! I specialize in vampires."

The look on Buffy's face was full of hatred. "Then you should have stuck with your field of expertise. If something happens to Oz, I won't step in Willow's way. And believe me, you don't want to see her angry." She helped Giles to his feet and then headed to the door. "Let's go and get the tranquilizer gun from the library. We might be able to catch Oz before something happens."

Oddly enough, Willow had been quiet the whole time. She didn't even look all that worried. When we all hurried out of the house, she lifted her head like she'd just heard something. I concentrated on my hearing, and then shivered. It seemed that we wouldn't have the time to go anywhere.

"Guys! It's too late. He's here." The howling was getting closer. When I turned to look at the direction of the sound, I saw a dark figure on the road about three hundred feet from us. "Angel? Can we grab him so that no one gets hurt?"

He shook his head, a strange look on his face. "I don't think so."

The others had seen Oz too. I could smell the fear from the mortals. Giles straightened himself and ordered, "All right. Everybody back inside the house. Right now." He eyed at the door and the broken windows, probably wondering how we could keep Oz out.

"We have to do something!" Buffy glanced at Willow, her eyes full of sadness. "If he stumbles into anyone, he will kill. Can you… Willow?"

Smiling slightly, my oldest friend pushed by Buffy and walked the few steps down from the porch. She didn't seem to hear our yells, or maybe she didn't care.

There was another sound in the night now besides our voices. Oz raised his head and howled, the sound making shivers run down my spine. Creature of the night or not, the desperation in that wail really got to me. Even more so, as he lowered his muzzle a moment after the sound died in his throat, and then the young werewolf started towards Willow.

Angel's hand grabbed my arm, as I tried to run to her. I struggled against his grip for a moment, even though I knew he wouldn't let go. "Damn you, Angel! She'll die! We must do something!"

"There's nothing we can do." The answer came from Giles. "It's too late."

So it was. Oz was now only a few yards from Willow. My gaze was blurred by hot tears. Damn it. Damn Masterson and all the Council to hell. If my friend died, I'd make sure they'd all suffer.

"Wills..." She was my oldest and best friend. I didn't even remember the time I hadn't known her. All those years spent living in an ice cube laughingly called home, I'd had just one warm thing in my life. Other guys had made fun of me when we'd been just kids, but I hadn't listened to that ridicule. They didn't understand anything anyway. Those idiots had no idea what true friendship meant.

And now I'd see my friend die right in front of us.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, and then gasped as Willow knelt down. I could clearly hear her voice call for Oz. Partly with words, but also with soft yelps. It sounded almost like she was talking in some animal language. Her hand was outstretched to Oz, and when the werewolf finally closed into her, he nuzzled against the hand instead of biting it. Willow didn't stop talking for a moment, but her voice became softer, like a caress. Her hand moved softly over Oz's furry head, and then she got to her feet.

Her hand was rested lightly on the wolfboy's neck as she raised her voice slightly, "It's all right now. We'll go out for a little walk, and come back when the sun rises. I'll keep him out of trouble." With that, she turned the piercing yellow gaze back to Oz, and then the two of them walked away from the house.

I realized I was trembling, and turned blindly to hug Angel. "Yes!"

He held me against his chest, his hand brushing the back of my head. "Yeah. They're both safe now." For some strange reason, he didn't sound all that surprised.

After one more squeeze I let him go, and turned to look at the others. Buffy was standing right next to Giles, her face white as chalk, but looking happy. Behind her, Masterson was staring at the road with her mouth hanging open.

Giles looked stunned. "My God! I never thought the legends were real!"

"What legends?" My voice cracked a little. I was so happy to see that everything was all right, I wanted to scream! Or maybe tackle Angel and maul him right there in front of everyone.

"It's said, that if a werewolf finds a true mate, a part of him transfers to the human when they have…" The Watcher blushed. "Um... When they form a physical bond. Looks like it's true. Willow has the power over Oz's instincts."

Cool. A witch and a Wolf Lady? That's my Willow. Well, Oz's Willow anyway. "Way to go, Will!"

Suddenly we were all laughing. The relief washed over me, as I realized that my friends wouldn't have to worry all that much anymore. Willow would probably be able to stop Oz from hurting anyone again.

Time to relax.

When the laughter ended, we were still grinning at each other. Right until I remembered that there was one among us who didn't belong there, and focused my gaze on her. The others followed my gaze, and I could see the smiles die out.

Buffy took a deep breath, and then let it out. "Ms. Masterson. The tests end now."

"But the Council…"

"Screw the Council!" The Slayer growled. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself before continuing, "You failed. I won't let a bunch of idiots to guide me. If the Watchers insist that I prove myself to them by letting one of my friends die, I don't want anything to do with them."

Masterson glanced at Giles. "Rupert. You can't let her…"

The Watcher shook his head. "I don't tell her what to do. She's the Slayer. I just help her to do her job. If she says she doesn't want to be tested, she means that. Let it be."

"But if she denounces the Watchers, she'll denounce you too!" The woman was getting desperate. "Is that what you want?"

"No!" Buffy and Giles said in unison. Then they turned to stare at each other.

Giles shook his head. "Even if she wants nothing to do with the Watchers, she won't lose me. I'll rather leave the Watchers than her. My place is at Buffy's side."

Averting her eyes from him, Buffy turned back to Masterson. "I suggest you leave now, and let the Council hear what I just said. But remember this. No more tests. No more threats. If you really want me to handle all the dark forces here in the Hellmouth, you'll let me do it in peace." Her voice dropped a notch. "With Giles."

The female Watcher nodded slightly and then walked to her car. I don't think any of us felt bad as she drove away. She'd asked for it.

As the car pulled off, Giles let out a deep sigh. I glanced at him, and then at Angel, who was shaking his head slightly. I took that as a sign to keep my mouth shut. I could do that, especially when I saw Buffy look at her Watcher, looking worried.

"Are you all right?" The usually so chirpy voice was subdued.

Giles nodded absentmindedly. When there was a silence after that, he sighed again, and then replied, "I am. It was my decision, and I'll stand behind it. I prefer her leaving than risking any of your lives again."

"You might lose your job for this." Buffy sounded worried.

Her Watcher shrugged. "I don't really care. There's always a job for someone with my background. This is not the end of the world."

Did that make her feel good? Of course not. "But you spent so many years studying to become a Watcher. This really sucks! If they fire you..."

"It changes nothing!" Giles said firmly. "Yes, I did spend years studying, but not to be able to call myself a Watcher, but to help you be a Slayer. That won't change. I'll still be here with you. Nothing can stop that."

A few more lines like that, he could become a pretty good Harlequin writer. Not to say that I'd think that's literature or anything. But he sounded pretty good with that. Smooth. No babbling.

"Thank you, Giles." Buffy looked into his eyes, and then lowered her gaze to the ground. I noticed that he did the same.

Clearing his throat, Giles took a step closer to his broken door. "You're welcome. Now I think I'll have to think of a way to fix this for the night..." He muttered something to himself, clearly stating that it was time to end the conversation.

So we'd all go home now, and then face new bad guys tomorrow. Not likely! "Come on, guys! What's the problem here?"

The Watcher stilled in a very awkward looking position. He craned his neck, to aim a frown at me. "What do you mean?"

"Are you really gonna act like you don't care? That you're just here to help the Slayer do her work? You two are even more obvious than Angel and me!" Muttering a few dirty words, I glared at Buffy. "You love him. He loves you. Now you can either go home and mope about it like you've done for weeks now, or you can go back inside with him and do the same thing we're gonna do as soon as we find a vacant bed."

Angel's soft snort of laughter was the first thing to break the shocked silence. "Xander, I love you, but you really have no discretion in you!"

That didn't matter. "Come on, you said it yourself that you're tired of watching those two act like fools."

"What?" Buffy whispered. Her eyes were enormous as she looked at Angel. "How? Why?"

He smiled at her. "I have eyes. You two look at each other the way lovers do."

"But… But we're not. I'm her Watcher! It would be wrong of me to engage a romantic relationship with her! She's barely eighteen and I'm…" Giles' rambling was cut by a slender hand raised to his lips.

"I know all that. What I don't know is, do you love me? Really love me?"

The Watcher nodded. "More than life itself."

I held my breath --well, would have, if I still needed to breathe-- as Buffy lowered her hand and then wrapped her arms around the Brit. When he bent down and kissed her upturned face, I had to bite my lip to prevent from screaming, 'Finally!'

When the mortals parted for air, I turned to see Angel smile at the two of them. "You okay?"

"More than just okay." His voice was gentle. "I'm happy for them. And I know they can make each other happy."

I grinned. It was so good to see that he wasn't a least bit jealous. "Yeah. And to think that they would have kept pining over each other without my help."

"That's quite enough, Xander." Giles probably aimed for a stern voice, but the smile was audible in it. "I appreciate your help, but I think we can manage from here on."

Buffy smirked wickedly. "Yep. We'll manage. Good night, boys. Sleep well."

"I'd say the same, except I know it would be useless." I enjoyed seeing them both blush.

It didn't last for long, though. Or maybe it did. I couldn't really see their faces all that well, when they were pressed against each other. When it became apparent that our presence was really not welcome anymore, Angel grabbed my hand and pulled me to the yard. Buffy and Giles disappeared inside the house, but I could still hear her whisper him that she loved him.

Love. Yeah, the best thing there is. 'Cause all the other stuff, like smoochies and the hot sex --and I was so not thinking about Buffy and Giles having it-- kinda came with it. One big package.

Still feeling a bit smug, I grinned at Angel. "That seems to be the end of that particular problem. What now?"

"Now we go home." Holding out a hand, he grabbed mine, and then started to steer me away from Giles' house. "Once we get there, we'll take the phone off the hook, and spend at least two days in bed."

I think that's the best proposal I'd had for ages. "Okay."

We walked through the now quiet streets of Sunnydale, the full moon glowing above our heads. It was peaceful. Things had definitely taken a turn for the better. No matter what the Watchers would do, we knew that things wouldn't really change all that much, especially now that I'd succeeded on getting the Slayer and the Watcher together. I didn't think you could pry those two apart even with a tire iron.

Everyone was happy. Buffy had Giles. I had Angel. And even though for a moment it had seemed like Willow would lose her lover, it had ended...

Wait a minute!

"You knew!" Stopping right there in the middle of the street, I turned to face Angel. All I could think of was that he wouldn't have been so damn calm if he had believed that Oz was a danger to us all.

He stumbled a little. "What?"

"About Oz. And Willow!" I glowered at him. "You knew all along that she wasn't in danger? And you didn't tell me?"

"I thought you knew." He searched my expression, and then sighed. "I met Oz a few weeks after he'd first changed. It was full moon, so he wasn't exactly human. We stared at each other over a..." He shook his head. "Well, anyway, we both walked away without a scratch. I knew I could stop him tonight if Willow couldn't."

Oh. Grabbing his hand, I continued to walk in silence. After Oz had been bitten? That meant it hadn't been my Angel who'd met with the wolfboy. "Okay." Feeling him squeeze my hand, I was glad I'd decided not to ask any more questions. I did give him a hug, though.

"Those two are happy together. They'll probably get married some day, have a few puppies, and buy themselves a big house somewhere. American dream, isn't it? A white picket fence, two point four kids, a house full of laughter. Wolf hair all over the place and padding of tiny paws."

That might be the perfect life for Wills, but for me, a quiet place for me and my fellow vampire was a dream come true. It would be enough to be Uncle Xander to the kids my friends would produce some day. And that would be in the distant future.

Peace and quiet. I could finally just be with my lover, without having to worry about Watchers or vampires or anything. "At least now everything's okay." I couldn't help feeling smug about it.

Angel nodded, a content little smile on his lips.

As I snuggled closer to him, I heard a faint howling coming from the direction of the cemetery. Oz. Even his wolfish song sounded happy. Yeppers. Everything was more than okay.

Hellmouth? Nah. This place was more like the Loveboat. Well, on dry land, that is.

I could live with that. Feeling too content to even form a mental joke about being death with it, I followed Angel home.

---

Two nights after the full moon, Buffy dusted a vampire on the cemetery.

They were back. Well, it would have been foolish to wish that Hellmouth was removed from the demonic tourist guide.

Back to patrolling.

I was once again walking through the streets, looking for guys with fangs, a few stakes in my pockets. Without the sound of a heartbeat, I might even manage to sneak up behind a vamp and dust them before they saw me coming. Or heard me coming, actually.

It was never fun to patrol alone. We didn't usually do that, but this was a special occasion. Buffy and Giles were finishing the report to the other Watchers about Angel and me. My partner in crime was at Bronze, trying to find out if the place was safe for all the youngsters who went there after dark.

Great, now I was beginning to sound like Angel. 'Youngsters'?

Anyway, I was keeping an eye on the graveyard, waiting for him to join me. It wasn't all that interesting, and I spent a lot of the time trying to amuse myself by something. Actually, my activities might sound a little macabre, but counting the headstones and listening for rats were the only things I could think about. After all, even a vampire might be bored to death, if he had to spend a whole night alone on a cemetery. At least this vampire would.

I focused on the padding of tiny feet somewhere near the mausoleum. A few rats were scurrying across the graveyard. I wondered if they were the same creatures Angel had fed that night I'd spent brooding. Could be. But then again, there were lots of rats in Sunnydale. What were the odds of them being our rats?

Then there was a sound that was definitely not coming from a rat.

"Yikes! A real vampire!" A woman's voice yelled from behind a few bushes.

I ran towards the sound, squeezing the stake in my hand hard.

The vampire looked like he'd just risen from the grave. He probably had. Looking like a zombie, he was stalking a young girl, his arms outstretched, his eyes gleaming mad. Damn, it looked stupid. "Hey, bozo!"

He turned to me, looking startled. I recognized him as one of the players in the school's basketball team. Yep. He was new all right.

"You're a vampire, not a zombie!" I couldn't keep the laughter completely out of my voice. "You don't have to act that way. You can just grab her and eat."

"Thanks, man." He grinned, his fangs flashing in the faint glow from the streetlamps.

"Don't mention it." Could you believe that? What a jerk. I took a better hold on the stake. "Then again, you could just continue your rest." Without bothering to waste more time with him, I dusted him.

The young vampire had a look of utter astonishment on his face as he fell down and turned to dirt.

At least that one wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. The town was once again a safer place to live. For all the mortals, even for this pretty girl. I walked to her, wondering what on earth was she doing at the cemetery in the middle of the night.

"Are you okay?" I leaned down to see if she was hurt.

Did she appreciate my concern? I don't think a kick in the ribs would be considered as a thank you in any polite society, so I'd have to answer no.

While I was rolling on the ground, holding my chest and fighting against the urge to scream, she climbed to her feet. Glaring at me, she began to brush dirt off her pants.

"Do you have any idea of what you just did?" Her voice was tense. "Do you have any idea of how long I had to wait here to find him?"

"What did I do? I just saved your life! That other vampire was just about to kill you!"

She stopped shaking her jacket and glared at me. "Shows what you know about vampires."

"I know all I need to know."

"Really?" The girl pulled something from her pocket and waved it in front of my face. "See, so do I. I wasn't all helpless here."

Seeing the familiar shape of a cross, I backed away from her. "Hey! Watch it!"

"It's just a cross, you idiot. Not a gun."

"Shows what you know about vampires!"

I had a second to regret that before she made her move. Her eyes squinted, and then the cold metal burned my skin as she flung the cross on me. This time I couldn't keep the scream inside, and as I fell, I let out a yelp. I was so shocked by her actions, I didn't notice the spade she'd grabbed until it slammed to my temple.

Then I couldn't notice anything, as all the lights went off.

---

The first thing I noticed as I came back to my senses was that everything hurt. My ears were still ringing from the hit to the head. My arms hurt, too. It didn't take long for me to realize why. As I tried to move, I heard chains rattle.

Someone had chained me to the wall.

I wasn't exactly new to being kidnapped, so I didn't do anything stupid like start to scream at the top of my lungs. I stopped rattling the chains, and opened just one eye to see where I was and who'd attacked me. The first wasn't all that easy to answer, since it was your ordinary basement, almost identical to the one Masterson had locked us in to. The second however wasn't all that tricky. My kidnapper was standing on the other side of the room, humming something to herself as she was fiddling with some stuff on a table.

Black hair, pink sweater and black leather pants. Yep, that was definitely the same girl I'd rescued from the vampire earlier.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I snarled that even as I yanked my chains. It was really disappointing to notice that I couldn't just free myself that easily. The chains were strong enough to keep me safely tied to the wall.

I was getting really annoyed. No matter how I struggled, the chains didn't budge. It was funny how quickly I'd gotten used to being stronger than an average human, but even a vampire couldn't break these chains.

The girl had spun around at the sound of my voice, and she was now grinning at me. "Cool, you're awake. I didn't know how long you'd be unconscious, and I was a little afraid I'd hit you too hard, but then again it was just your ordinary spade. Not a cross or a stake." Her voice was really high and she seemed to be really excited about something.

"I'm okay." I growled, moving my arms a little. "And for your information, I'm one of the good guys here, so you can get these off me." The rattling of the chains was really starting to annoy me.

She frowned a little. "Good guys? But you're a vampire! I know it, I tested you. Your skin burned when I touched you with a cross."

That explained some of the aching. "Yeah, okay so I'm a vampire. But I'm a good one!" Who the hell was she? I thought she had to be at least a couple of years younger than me. Not from around here, even though she really tried to talk like us. Us? Californians.

"I don't care." She smiled. "As long as you're a vampire, that's enough for me."

Enough for what? Had something happened to Faith? Was she a Slayer? But why on earth would I still be alive if she was?

"I say, I was rather stunned to see that other fellow rise from his grave." Her phony accent slipped when she went on. "To think that mother's known about this all along and never went out to really look for you." There was contempt in her voice. "If I'd known that vampires really exist, I wouldn't have just written about them."

Mother? Who was she? Something about her was familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. There was something in her voice, and the scent... For a moment she'd sounded almost like Giles. And faintly even smelled... It couldn't be! "Are you Gemma Masterson's daughter?"

"You know her?" She cocked her head, looking pleased. "Yes, I'm Christine Masterson."

I didn't really care who she was. I just wanted her to let me go.

I was quiet for a moment and continued only when I was sure that my voice wouldn't tremble. "If you want to kill me..."

"Kill you?" Her laughter cut my sentence. "Oh no, my dear vampire. I don't want to kill you, I want to be you."

Be me? What the hell was she talking about? "How could you be..." Then it dawned on me. "No! No way!"

"Oh, yes." The girl purred.

She wanted to be a vampire? Why? Didn't she know what vampires were like? The fact that Angel and I had our souls didn't mean that others would. Not even the ones we made. There were too many things that might go wrong. I knew it, we'd talked about it many times with Angel. No matter how good Willow was in putting spells on people, we just couldn't risk it.

No more new vampires. Not strangers, not our friends. "Why the hell would you want to be a vampire?" I was sure none of my friends would take the offer if I volunteered to turn them. I knew that because asking Angel to bite me was the most difficult decision of my life. If the world hadn't been in danger of going to hell --again-- I would have rather died.

The fact that everything had turned out fine was truly a miracle.

There was a mad glow in the girl's eyes. "I've always wanted to be a vampire. Even before I found out that you guys really exist. When I stumbled onto mum's journals, it was like getting myself a gold mine. To have that chance to finally be a..."

"A bloodsucking fiend from hell?"

My sarcasm didn't work. Christine just shook her head, looking like a teacher who's a bit disappointed on the student. "No, you silly! A strong, sexy creature of the night. It'll be so cool to be able to live forever and do whatever I want to. Not to mention all the blokes I'll be able to get! I bet that when I'm a vampire, I'll be mysterious enough for them."

Okay... She was definitely crazy. Did she really think that turning into a vampire would be a help to her love life?

"So will you? Turn me into a vampire, I mean." She batted her eyelashes at me. "Please?"

I didn't even have to think about it. Since we still had no idea of why I had my soul, I wasn't about to risk unleashing a 'real' vampire to hunt in Sunnydale. And to tell the truth, she was annoying the hell out of me. "No."

"Oi, that's not fair!" Christine actually stomped her foot.

If I wasn't chained to the wall, I would have doubled over with laughter. "Life isn't fair. And neither is death." What a moron!

She flung her hair away from her face, and for the first time I could her face well. She was one of those who seemed to think that more was better, at least when talking about make-up. I never really understood the Gothic look. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to bite me?"

"Yes." Thank you very much for the offer, but no thank you!

"Too bad." She walked to the table. There were a few magazines there, and a backpack that looked like a teddy bear. Since there was nothing she could do to me with a magazine, I assumed she'd go to teddy. I was right.

The chains rattled again, as I tried to get free. If anything, I was persistent.

"I know all about vampires and how to become one." She rummaged through her bag and then pulled something out. When I saw the saw-edged kitchen knife, I swallowed, but didn't make a sound. "First you must drink my blood. Then I'll drink yours."

Oh, shit! She was crazy! Grimacing, she cut her own arm, her knuckles white as she deliberately made the cut so deep that blood almost spurted out of it. My gaze focused on the wound immediately, my mind cataloguing all the facts. That she hadn't hit a major artery, that in just minutes the blood would stop flowing, the deep, dark crimson color of the thick, delicious liquid... Oh eww! Bad thought! It'd be good to just look away now.

I did my best not to breathe, but some vampiric instinct took over when the scent of blood floated towards me. The gash in her arm wasn't just a scratch, the scent was strong, reminding me of the fact that I hadn't eaten for hours.

But that hadn't been human blood.

At first I'd thought that it didn't matter where it came from, but when I had the chance to taste more than just cow blood, I'd realized that every species had its own specific flavor. It wasn't all that clear, but noticeable. It always tasted good, though. That scent that surrounded me was definitely different from cow's blood. Rich, dark scent. Something I could almost taste.

Something I wanted to taste.

I didn't plan the move, but suddenly the chains went taut again. There was a sound of laughter as I struggled to get to the source of that wonderful...

The thought of what caused the need cleared my mind a little. Blood. Human blood. "No, I can't do this." My voice held huge quantities of desperation. Or maybe it was the change on my visage that made my words sound so odd.

"Yes, that's it. I knew you'd get into this, too. Nice fangs, by the way."

That scent became overwhelming when she stepped even closer to me. My whole being throbbed with the need to taste her blood, to feel her heartbeat inside of me. Somewhere inside my mind there was a small part that felt disgusted about the whole thing, but a bigger part agreed that this was what my existence meant. This was natural for me.

If she really wanted me to drink from her, why should I refuse? That was easy to answer. I might accidentally drain her. Kill her. And even if I'd bring her back, lives would be lost. There would just be one more vampire in the world for Buffy to slay. Soul or no soul, I had the hunch that she wouldn't settle for eating animals.

Her hand rose to caress my cheek. I felt her warm blood on my face. It was too much. Blindly, I turned my face to the left, reaching out for that sweet liquid that was driving me insane. My world had became a red haze, the bleeding wound its center. As I opened my mouth, my teeth scraped my lips, but I didn't care about that. In just seconds I'd be beyond all pain or discomfort. Even though I'd never tasted another living being, I just knew that the taste of her would make me swoon.

This was right. The only truth there was. She was offering me something I couldn't live without. Her blood, her life. I was a vampire. To me blood was life. Whatever she did when she became a vampire wasn't really my concern. After all, all vampires kill. All the ones I'd slain or seen had killed. The Master had killed, Thorwald had killed. Even Angel...

"No!" I yanked my head away a fraction of a second before my mouth could close over her wound. Panting hard, I tried to calm myself, holding onto the only thought that had kept me from losing myself. Angel. He'd never killed a human being. The one who had, was Angelus. The soulless monster I hated. I didn't want to become anything like him.

Christine tried to force me to take her, smearing the blood all over my face. I could feel it run down my chin. The small, but still clearly audible --at least to me-- sound of the droplets dribbling on my chest was maddening, but not overwhelming anymore.

When she tried to open my mouth, I aimed a kick to her ribs, enjoying the sound of all the air leaving her lungs as she landed on the floor.

She glared at me, but didn't get closer again. "You may fight now, but you can't fight forever. I have time to wait until you get hungry. Then nothing will keep you from drinking from me."

I knew she was right, and prayed that somehow Angel and the others would find me before that happened.

---

Since there was no way to know what the time was, I had no idea of how long we were in that small room. It seemed like eternity, though.

Thinking about Angel helped a lot. So did the fact that I wasn't all that hungry. It was far from easy, but I managed to keep the urge to feed from her in check for a long time.

Until I got hungry.

I don't think words can truly describe how I felt when I realized that no matter how strong my will power was, sooner or later my instincts would drive me to do something horrendous. Sure, Christine was now sitting on the table, glowering at me and sulking, but when I lost it, I'd beg for her to come to me.

Before I became a vampire, I had no idea how strong the hunger for blood really was. I mean, I'd been hungry when I was still a mortal, and it didn't kill me. In fact, when Cordelia was getting all enthusiastic about the idea of fasting, I spent two whole days without eating to see what it was like. I'd thought that was bad. Compared to what I felt when I went for half a day without blood, that was a piece of cake.

The only solution my mind could conceive was to kill myself. After all, I would come back, wouldn't I? That was the whole idea of being a vampire. Immortality. But if I banged my head against the wall hard enough, I could postpone the moment when I'd lose myself.

Yeah. If I killed her, I'd lose everything. Even if taking a life wouldn't make me lose my soul, all the things I cared of would be lost. I couldn't face my friends ever again if I was a murderer. Not to mention Angel.

Thinking about him made it easier to decide what to do. No matter what I lost there, I'd still have his love and respect. I would not let Christine Masterson take those away from me.

I moved my chin forward, so it touched my chest. One quick jerk backwards, and I should be able to crack my skull. Not exactly a happy thought, but in that situation, it was the only thing I could do. I couldn't wait for longer. If I got hungry --I mean really hungry-- I might not be able to resist the scent of the blood.

My suicidal plans were interrupted by a loud bang on the door. I raised my gaze up from the floor, staring at the heavy iron door, which suddenly didn't look all that secure anymore. It looked like all the hell was banging on it.

All the hell, in the form of one desperate man.

There was a short silence, and I could smell something strange. Almost like one of those weird concoctions we used to burn in our chemistry classes. A very familiar feminine voice muttered a few words in some weird language. Then there was a soft 'click' as the lock opened, a trickle of liquid oozing from the keyhole. Yep. Chemistry and magic equals a free vampire.

Christine's eyes were huge as she stared at the door. She blinked a few times as she realized her plan had gone wrong, and then rushed towards me, the knife still in hand. Maybe she thought she could do something with it, to threaten me or something. I never really found that out, for she didn't get even close to me.

A whirlwind of leather clad fury burst into the room. Sharp fangs glinted in the fluorescent light as Angel turned to look at me, his gaze gliding over me, as if to check if I was really safe. I smiled at him, knowing that everything was all right. He let out a small sound, and then moved faster than a human eye could see, grabbing a hold of my kidnapper when she'd taken only a few steps towards me.

There was an agonized yelp, that echoed in the room as my lover yanked the knife out of Christine's hand. She looked actually shocked that he'd act so violently. What did she expect? That he'd give her a pat on the head and ask her to please not to kill me ?

Angel pinned her against the wall, holding her by the throat. I'd never seen him like that before, not when Buffy had been in danger, not even when he'd been Angelus. His game face held no resemblance to the face of my love. It was all rage. Cold rage.

A small sound made me look at the door. The others stood there, obviously shocked by what was going on. Gemma Masterson was standing right behind Giles, who was blocking the doorway, keeping her away from the room. That was very good. I didn't think Angel could control his anger if she tried to do something foolish.

Christine was staring the mad vampire in front of her straight in the eyes. "You don't scare me!" The slight tremor in her voice spoke otherwise.

"Then you're a fool! You should be very afraid."

The girl shuddered.

Glancing at me, Angel continued. "He's very important to me. You touch him, I hurt you." Angel's words were just a growl. "You hurt him..." He left it hang there.

"You what?"

His eyes were two fiery orbs. "I kill you." His mouth opened, showing his fangs as he lowered his head. A moment before those two sharp teeth could touch her skin, he whispered, "Did you hurt him?"

There was a silence. I could see doubt in Christine's eyes, as well as a huge amount of healthy fear. Angel succeeded in something I'd tried in vain for a long time, he was scaring the hell out of her. Finally something was getting through to her.

"No." She whispered, almost trying to meld through the wall. "Tell him, Mr. vampire! Tell him I didn't hurt you!"

So inside all that bullshit, she was just a scared little girl, who had seen one too many vampire movie. "It's all right, Angel. She's just confused. She didn't really hurt me."

Angel didn't move. "You look pretty bad from here. Are you sure she didn't hurt you?"

Before I could answer, Christine let out a sob. "Mommy!" She seemed to turn into jello, and when Angel let go of her, she sank to the floor.

"Chrissie!" Gemma Masterson hurried to her daughter, holding out her hand as the girl started to cry in earnest.

Christine flung herself to her mother's arms, whimpering something. That view was blocked by a strong body, and then I was enfolded into an embrace, too. Angel's strong arms pulled me against his chest, his tight grip holding me like he was afraid I'd disappear if he let go.

"My hero," I muttered into his ear. Feeling the death grip loosen a little, I planted a kiss on his neck.

His breath brushed against my cheek as he gasped, "I could have lost you. If she'd harmed you in any way, I would have lost everything!"

I guess I should have been shocked of what he clearly meant by that, but I wasn't. His words made me feel warm inside. That wasn't a small thing for a vampire, you know. "Hey, I'm right here. And I'm not gonna go anywhere."

"Alexander…" Angel whispered, moving his head so that he could kiss me on the lips.

It didn't matter that I was still chained to the wall. I answered his kiss and used my right leg to pull him closer to me. Feeling a bit dizzy from all the fear, I couldn't even worry about the fact that we weren't exactly alone. The chains on my wrists rattled, as I tried to move my hands to grab him, to get closer to him.

Even though I couldn't reach him, he definitely could reach me, and his arms tightened around me. I was safe. Good god, I was safe! No matter what would happen next, at least I wouldn't have to kill anyone. And I was held by someone I loved more than anything. Wrenching my mouth away from his for a second, I managed to rasp, "I love you!"

Angel made a growling sound somewhere deep in his throat, and I could feel his face twist again, against mine. Our fangs clashed while we kissed, and then my feet were lifted off the floor. Yep, he sure as hell has a good grip. At least when he's holding my butt, grinding us together.

"Ahem!"

The dry reminder of the guys standing at the doorway made me flinch. Angel stopped squirming, too. We stood there, twined together, and tried to calm ourselves. The whole thing with Mastersons wasn't over yet. I needed to eat, and we all needed to talk.

I raised my head from Angel's shoulder. Who the hell was I trying to kid anyway? "Could you people wait outside? Like, for a minute or two?"

Buffy was the only one to blush. She let Giles guide her away from the doorway, following all the others. The last thing I heard before the Watcher slammed the heavy door shut, was her giggling, "Bondage fun, anyone?"

Well, since I was still in chains...

"Xander..." Angel was clearly trying to calm down. "Do you have any idea where the keys are?"

What keys? Oh, to the chains. Right. Wait! Wrong! He wanted to open the chains? Bad idea. Actually, I had a better one.

Holding onto him even tighter with my legs, I used the cuffs as leverage and started to move against him. "No keys. We don't need them!"

Angel's gaze was the deepest gold I'd ever seen. He stared right into my eyes, completely still. Then he smiled and thrust against me again. I was beyond smiling already. Not beyond aiding him with thrusting, though.

Yes!

Life --death-- did not get better than this!

---

After the disaster at Prom night, the School Board had decided to attend a big ball for all the graduates, the night before Graduation. Like Prom2, the Revenge of the Spiked Punch. This time without the guy with the chainsaw, though. Our lives resembled a horror movie even without real people going nuts all around us.

It was the last chance to be together with my High School friends. Well, I for one wasn't saddened at all by the fact that the school was finally over.

The place was packed. It almost reminded me of Prom night, when all girls had been in pretty dresses and guys in tuxedoes, looking really uncomfortable. I hadn't been an exception. Damn those things are tight in all the wrong places. For a moment I imagined having to wear them for all eternity like some deranged Dracula impersonator. Then I shook my head. Jeans and a shirt were just fine for this vampire, thank you very much.

At least there was no need for a formal attire this time, even though our dear stuffy Principal had hinted that it was preferable.

I smiled at Principal Snyder, the smile widening into a grin as he scowled at me. At least I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. Freedom, sweet freedom. When I spotted Willow and the others at the far side of the newly decorated 'ballroom', I headed that way.

"Xander!" Buffy waved at me.

Giles turned to glance at me, and then returned his full attention to Buffy. Willow and Oz had similar knowing smirks on their faces. I winked at my best friend. It hadn't been all that long since they'd had that similar expression because of Angel and me.

Teasing them was good, but I was so happy to see the Watcher occupied finally. At least I didn't have to be a lab rat anymore.

"Friends, countrymen, Sunnydale-ians." I heard Giles' groan. That made me feel really proud of myself. I still had it.

The Watcher shook his head. "Some things never change."

"Hey, if Xander never ages, maybe he'll never grow up." Willow started that out smiling, but when she finished the sentence, there was a slight frown on her face. "I can see how that could become annoying in a decade or two."

"Willow!" I glared at her.

The others laughed. After a moment of sulking, I decided to join the laughter. The thought of never growing up wasn't all that bad, since I had someone to be young with. That thought changed my laugh into honest chuckling.

"We got a letter from the Council today." Giles pointed out after the laughter had ended. It didn't seem like bad news, though. He was still smiling, and so was Buffy.

"Yep." She went on with the tale. "Seems to me that the thing with Christine Masterson changed her mother's perceptions on the whole issue. On her recommendation, the Council's decided that we should go on with our lives, and you two can help."

No matter what some might say, I did not squeal. I did make a happy sound, though and hugged the person closest to me. It happened to be Wills, so it was okay. I would have loved it to be someone else, though.

Brushing that thought aside, I watched the others rise the glasses full of lemonade to toast on the Council's decision.

Couldn't resist the opportunity to make a joke about having a glass of blood there, just to see Giles and the girls grimace. For some reason Oz seemed to think the joke was actually funny.

Go figure.

The music was loud, as it should be, but it didn't exactly encourage people to talk. Or to yell over it. So we stood there, watching people dance. Every once in a while someone would come to ask Buffy to dance, and every time she declined, throwing a goofy smile at Giles. Oz and Will divided their time between standing there, staring at each other, and dancing and staring at each other.

Should have been nearly perfect. But for some reason it wasn't.

Something felt wrong. It was like an itch between my shoulder blades. Every once in a while I had to glance over my shoulder to see if someone was staring at me. There was no one, just the feeling of unease. I hoped the feeling didn't mean that the dance would be interrupted by some toothy guy with horns jumping through the window. Wouldn't be the first time something like that happened.

Didn't say that out loud, though. I definitely didn't want to jinx the whole thing.

Willow and Oz were dancing like they were glued to each other. I watched them for a while and then turned to Buffy. She was standing by Giles' side, holding her glass. I wondered if they'd spend the whole evening acting like there was nothing between them. After all there was nothing wrong with them being together now. Officially, Buffy was of age and had graduated from High School.

They had every right to dance with each other.

Suddenly there was a shift in the atmosphere. Nothing had changed, they were still playing the same song, and people were dancing, but the whole room felt different somehow. I shivered, and then realized that the door to the gym had just flung open.

And in the doorway there stood a very familiar figure.

For a moment time stood still, and I just stared at him. The man wearing black. The one who had once been just a mysterious stranger, and was now something much more. He could still do the mysterious routine, though. Like that moment, making his entrance perfect.

"Angel." I whispered, and then my feet were carrying me towards him. There was a smile playing on his lips, but his eyes were serious as he watched me approach. "You came here after all."

He nodded. "I wasn't sure if I made the right decision. This is your night, and I didn't want to spoil it in any way. If you'd rather I left…"

"No." Shaking my head I grabbed his hand and then pulled him inside the room.

Now the smile on Angel's lips reached to his eyes. "No?"

"No." I agreed. "I want you to be here with me." It wasn't all that eloquent, but it was the truth. I suddenly realized that the sense of wrongness had disappeared when he'd stepped into the gym.

He looked around. "So what do we do next? I've never attended to this kind of a thing before. What do people do in these parties?" There was genuine curiosity in his voice.

Well, now. What could two vampires do at a dance? A few ideas came to mind immediately, but I decided that they could wait until we were alone. "We could walk around the room, chat with friends and teachers. There's a buffet table over there." I gestured with my hand. "But I already spent half an hour standing by there, hoping that I could have a bite of real food without the nasty side effects."

"Anything else?" Angel raised an eyebrow. "Do you think we should go and talk with Buffy and Giles?"

I looked at him standing there, looking edible, and for once in my life I couldn't think of anything funny to say. "Angel?" His name was the only thing I could rasp out.

"What?"

"There's one tradition I forgot to mention." If I still had a heartbeat, it would have pounded in my ears. "Usually people also dance. Especially the couples."

He was quiet for a moment. Then his gaze swept over the dancing people. "I do think you're right." His voice was teasing. "I wonder how that little detail escaped me completely."

"Ha ha. Very funny, loverboy. Now do you want to dance or not?" I glared at him.

Angel looked down to his shoes. When the dark gaze met mine again, I could see relief and that spark that told me that we wouldn't spend more than a few hours sleeping the next day. Oh, the whole day would be spent in bed all right, but definitely not sleeping. "You want to dance with me in front of all your classmates?"

Why the hell not? After all, those two girls from my math class were dancing together, and no one was paying them any attention. Okay, so they had been out of the closet for over six months, but still. I wanted to have that moment with the guy I loved. If people talked or gossiped, that was their business, not mine.

Did I want to shock people? Okay, so yeah, I did. Did I care of what they thought? Nope. "There's no one else I want to ask to dance. You know that, so stop asking stupid questions and let's go."

"Your wish is my command." He bowed with flourish, and then took my hand in his, leading me to the dance-floor.

The DJ really knew his business. He was playing a slow song that fit the mood of the evening perfectly. I let Angel guide me to the dancing people, and then wrapped my arms around his waist. He held me, and then I began to sway to the music.

"Ouch!" Angel moved his foot away from mine. "Just take small steps, okay. I'd like to be able to walk home tonight."

Blushing, I laid my head on his shoulder. To hide my embarrassment, I quipped, "Whoever said that romance is dead?"

His chest shook as he chuckled. "Not me. Definitely not. I'm all for romance." There was a pause, and then his breath tickled my ear as he whispered, " Besides, I'm not the one using words like 'loverboy'. Not that I object. It's definitely better than deadboy."

After the talk I'd had with Willow, I could laugh at his comment. Of course the fact that Angel stepped on my foot right after his comment was a good reason for laughing, too.

Lifting my head to give him a smirk, I almost stumbled as I caught a glimpse of Snyder's face. He was staring at us with his mouth open. I'd never seen him look so stunned before. Well, now. This night wasn't all that bad after all.

We danced until the song changed, both of us getting a little better at avoiding each other's toes. Angel grimaced at the disco beat, and hastily pulled me back to where our friends were standing. Well, at least where Buffy and Giles were. Oz and Willow were getting in to the mood, shaking their figurative tail feathers.

This time the standing and watching others felt right. With Angel standing there, his arm around my shoulders, nothing could be wrong.

"So what's on your agenda next?" Buffy quirked up an eyebrow.

I let Angel answer that. I'd have just made a comment about spending a few weeks in bed. From the sly look he threw at me, my lover had the same idea. He didn't say it out loud, though.

"The same as always. Studying for upcoming disasters, polishing stakes." He slapped me on the shoulder as I snickered. "And I think we'll finally get that car we've been talking about."

Yes! "Can we get a convertible?" Cool! I could almost picture myself driving through the nightly streets of Sunnydale, wind in my hair.

Angel looked at me. Then he shook his head slowly. "I think we'd better not. Not yet anyway. We'll talk about that when you've had at least a decade of practice with handling a car."

"But..."

"No."

"Angel..."

"No."

"Please?" I even batted my eyelashes at him. Didn't work.

"No." He didn't even raise his voice. "We're not discussing about it."

Damn, I hated it when he did that! This time I decided not to give in that easily. "You can't do that!" So, maybe it came out like a childish whine. I could have lived with the words, but that squeal made me feel embarrassed.

My lover didn't have a chance to answer my remark. Suddenly Giles began to laugh, breaking my concentration on the argument. Angel and I both turned to glower at him.

I felt like he'd just spoiled a perfectly good fight, and wanted some kind of an explanation. "What's so funny?"

The Watcher smiled. "I just remembered something." His tone of voice indicated that he didn't intend to elaborate.

If he thought I'd settle for that, he was wrong. "Like what?"

"Hmm. Something I read once." Seeing my frown, he sighed. "Oh, all right. I thought, 'Children of the night...'"

Buffy joined him for the rest of the quote, lowering her voice too. "'...what sweet music they make!'"

Both the Watcher and the Slayer glanced at each other, and then began to laugh. When it became a bit hysterical, Buffy wrapped her arms around him and kissed him noisily.

Somewhere on the background Snyder was choking on his punch.

I'd wanted those two to be happy, but this was really disgusting. A nosy Giles I could handle. This new and definitely not improved Giles, who was sporting a really bad sense of humor, was something quite different. "Angel. If we ever start to behave that way...."

"...we'll get a date with early morning sun. Yep." He held out his hand. "Care to dance some more?"

Let's see... I could stand there and watch Buffy and Giles be cute together, or dance with Angel. Tough choice. Not!

"Sure." I grinned at him, and then followed him to the dancefloor.

---

The End

May 2001

About the other non-slashy couple in this fic... Yep, it's Buffy/Giles. Couldn't help myself.