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Mad love affairs. Blind dates. Cyber-seductions. No wonder singles seek Anna Johnson’s expert advice. Now it's your turn to help: Read the dilemma below and offer words of wisdom. Then check back March 12 to see Anna's solution.

See the answer to previous dilemma: Mr. Right wants “a break”

The current dilemma: Dumped and drowning

They say when you're drowning you shouldn't panic, you should relax. I can't; I'm heartbroken. In November the man I had been living with for the past year dumped me. Having no place left to go I moved back to my mom's house. Now I won't lie and say he was abusive or unfaithful, actually everything was fine. Or at least that's what I thought.

Since then we talk all the time and he claims to "love me so much" but that he needs to get his life in order (he has a lot of stuff going on). Just the other day he called me and told me that he wanted to hear my voice and tell me that he loved me. Of course this makes me think there's the possibility of a reconciliation. That night I called him at home and there were women there. I asked him who was there and he said "some people." When I said goodbye he made a point of saying my name and that he loved me as if he was trying to prove something. I'm so confused. Is there any grown man out there that can explain why a 46-year-old man would behave like this?

Post your advice in the box below. Anna Johnson answers Dating Dilemma every two weeks and cannot offer weekly updates.

You know, some of this advice is rediculous! Guys don`t lie any more than women do, guys aren`t pigs any more than women are.. What I am saying is that for every lieing cheating man there is a woman too. I think temptation island showed that to the general public. In any case, suppose he IS telling the truth and he DOES love you I think there is only 1 way to find out. If you truely love something set it free if it comes back it is yours if it doesn`t, it was never meant to be.. If he dumped you, you should let him go. If you dumped him then you he should let you go. 
What I am saying here is that if he truely misses you and wants to do something wait until he asks you to do something (DON``T ASK HIM) When he finally asks whatever you do don`t give him any booty just talk with him, maybe a little kiss and a goodbye.. NO BOOTY (I can`t stress that enough) If he tries to hard to get you to give it up he doesn`t love you, he just wants sex.
Don`t give him what he wants for a little while. After all a true relationship isn`t sexually orientated anyways. 
If he is abusive all I can suggest is leaving him altogether until he seeks professional help
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Boys lie.  If a man`s mouth is moving, a lie is coming out of it.  He says he loves you, he`s lying.  Men like playing little games with women too...no matter how old they are.  ``Let`s see how long I can keep her hanging on...let`s see if she`ll put her life on hold for me...stupid girl.``

Take it from someone who got that shaft first hand.  Get over him.  Get on with your life.  Go out with your girlfriends to a club and pick up some really hot guy (you don`t have to DO anything with him...just get a phone number to boost your confidence).  Better yet...find a guy you can really connect with (read somebody who likes to go shopping as much as you) and go out with him a few times.  Get your own apartment - and a new phone number - AND DON`T GIVE THE ADDRESS OR NUMBER TO HIM.  Otherwise he`ll just keep waltzing back into your life to hurt you time and time again.

Bitter in Virginia.
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Trying to figure out what he is thinking and why he is acting this way isn`t the real issue here.  You should ask yourself why you want to be with a man who doesn`t respect you.
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You made a mistake by living with a man before getting married. I know I sound old fashioned but,  a live-in relationship means different things to men than women. To a man it is the greatest situation. He makes a pseudo-commitment with living together. He gets someone to cook the meals, do the laundry and have sex with without driving across town or paying for an engagement ring. If this man or any man truly loved you and wanted to be with you forever he would ask for your hand in marriage not for a key to the apartment.
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You made a mistake by living with a man before getting married. I know I sound old fashioned but,  a live-in relationship means different things to men than women. To a man it is the greatest situation. He makes a pseudo-commitment with living together. He gets someone to cook the meals, do the laundry and have sex with without driving across town or paying for an engagement ring. If this man or any man trully loved you and wanted to be with you forever he would ask for your hand in marriage not for a key to the apartment.
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First of all,men never grow up,second of all he really does not want you.Your just someone on the side for when the other woman he really want,who really don`t want him wont give him what he wants.You sound as if your a raelly sweet and sincere person,so go find you a sincere man.It`s hard to find them but it`s some out there.  
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obvioulsy what we are reading is one-sided... go ahead and talk to him be honest with him (honesty is tearing your skin apart and ripping your beating heart out of your chest, then handing him a sharpened knife and letting him have his will) but if you want this relationship to continue, you have to be open... and tell him you expect the same.
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why take him back ?????????????????????????????????????????????????
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kicked you out with nowhere to go and you think he still loves you ?please he had his chance and blew it` find a real man that don;t kick a woman out with nowhere to go.you desirve much much better then that .i would rather have no one at all then someone like that. that was gross of him to kick you out like that ;be good to yourself and forget him i;ve ben there and done that  beleave me you desirve better lots of luck 
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be glad you didn;t marry this bum nobody kicks there dog out with nowhere to go; don;t alow him to treat you like that you desirve much better would you do that to the one you love .find yourself someone who knows the meaning of the word love good luck and god bless
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It seems to me that he is just as confused as you are.  Maybe he was scared of commitment, because after a year, most women want to commit.  He is trying to use his time to figure out what he wants to do.  Does he want to be single...or with you?  See, he still loves you, but he`s scared of losing his natural, single, male-lifestyle.  All men go through this stage.  Whether they act upon it is up to them.  But what he has to realize is that you have a life to live as well.  He did ask you to leave knowing that you have no place to go.  Is that love?  I guess that just depends on your interpretation of love.  Men love differently than women do.  Sometimes I feel like it`s up to us women to show them the real meaning of love...but while you are doing that, don`t let him run all over you.  If space is what he needs...give it to him.  But also let him know that you`re not going to be his fool.  By him calling and saying that he loves you, he`s giving you mixed feelings.  That needs to stop.  It`s hard to go from being lovers to being friends.  But if he wants his space and wants to be friends then he needs to stop with the I love you bit.  The bottom line is to give him the space that he needs.  If you love someone, let them go.  If they come back, they are yours forever.  If they don`t, then they were never yours to begin with.  Good luck.
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It doesn`t matter if one of his parents just had a heart attack, or he learned he has cancer, or his kid has been arrested for manslaughter, or anything else - what matters is that he sent you away with no place of your own to go to. There is NO type of ``stuff going on`` that would explain a man doing that if he loved you.   
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Keep in mind, We men need only two things: Food & Sex. We enjoy other things, but dont need them.
The second thing that you seem to need to know is that we think all togeather differently than women do. We perceive things directly, while with women everything is filtered through your emotions. If you keep in mind these important differences between men and women when making your decisions, you will experience much less heartbreak. Remember Sex to a man is a comodity;nothing else. To a woman sex is an event.
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If you care about this man, let him have his space, but don`t let him walk over you and take you for granted.  You can be his friend, you can care about him, but you can (and should) keep you options open, just as he obviously is.  If he is truly going through some life altering changes, then be his friend while he does what he has to do, but don`t rely on your apparent hopefulness that he`ll return to you.  Keep your options open.
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This idiot wants his cake and eat it too.He wants to make sure you are waiting when he`s done his roaming. When he finds someone else he`ll say bye. Who wants someone that has been used and rejected by others.. Dump the bum
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End of Readers' Advice

Be sure to check back for Anna’s response in our next issue! Got a Dating Dilemma of your own? Send it to Anna

Surf the Dating Dilemma archives

Anna Johnson is the author of Three Black Skirts: All You Need to Survive and has written for Elle, Vanity Fair, Vogue UK and other magazines. She’s a correspondent for the Australian cable TV program By Design. Born in Australia, she currently divides her time between New York City and Sydney.




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