STEP ONE: Contact the Payroll office.

Doing your best impression of your boss (and we know you have one), get someone in the payroll department on the phone. Inform them that you would like to change the beneficiary of your company-sponsored life insurance program. Let them know that "your lousy wife" has been cheating on you with the mail room guy, and that you'd like to have her name removed from your documents immediately.

STEP TWO: Contact the HR department.

Still using your boss' annoying-as-hell voice, call up a clerk in HR and ask them the change your tax status to "Single." Let them know that "your lousy wife" has been cheating on you with the guy in the company cafeteria, and that you'd like to have her name removed from your documents immediately.

STEP THREE: Contact the mail room.

Call up the folks in the mailroom, making sure to infuse your speech with your boss' grating vocal peculiarities and tell them that you are resigning immediately. Make sure they know that all your mail should be forwarded back to the sender. While making your request, make sure to mention that "your lousy wife" has been cheating on you with the CEO of the company.

STEP FOUR: Contact the bank.

Using any voice you like (the bank won't know any better), call your boss' financial institution. Tell them that you would like to cancel the direct deposit of your salary into your account. Make sure they know that any future funds deposited should be immediately reversed in the interest of fairness. Also ask them to remove "your lousy wife's" name from the checking account, because she has been cheating on you with your brother.

STEP FIVE: Contact the police department.

Imitate your boss in a state of feeble desperation and call the cops. Let them know that you are convinced "your lousy wife" has been cheating on you with a local priest, and that you intend to have her killed in an "accident". Confess to them that you set up the "accident" and that you are filled with remorse. Give them your boss' address and describe yourself as "armed, upset and extremely nervous".

STEP SIX: Contact your boss' wife.

In your own voice, tell her that your boss has suddenly left the office, claiming that he was going to live with "his other family in Arizona." When she asks you for details, tell her that you don't know very much, but that someone at the bank mentioned your boss' panicked state and that when you asked around, people in HR, the mailroom and payroll had also seen him acting erratically.

Once you have completed Steps One thru Six, crack open a beer, put your feet on your desk and roll the videotape. Take the tape home, invite everyone in the office over and show it again and again and again.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE JUST COMPLETED AN OFFICE PRANK!

- Harmon Leon