Message: | I could write pages about this subject. Generally, I agree with SKU. One should always leave a tip and consider it a "given" addition to the price. As SKU rightfully mentioned, the reason for the bad service often isn't the fault of the waiter/waitress/waitperson/waitroid. Too often, the fault is the customer's.
This opens up an important consideration: how many of us know how to be good customers? Often the reason why we consider service to be "poor" is because our own unreasonable expectations aren't met. For example, when you arrive 15-30 minutes late for your reservation and spend the first 15-20 minutes in idle chatter instead of looking over the menu and force the server to return to the table several times to get the order, you shouldn't get upset when the server tries to get you to vacate the table so they can accommodate another reservation that's waiting for your table. Here's another example: insisting on a substitution then getting upset when the server says that they can't do that. Many restaurants serve dishes that simply can't be altered because of the way they are prepared (sauces made in advance and in bulk, dishes like risotto cooked halfway in advance to ensure a reasonable delivery time from the kitchen to your table, etc.).
Here's another way we can be bad customers (as hinted upon by Ethan T and Can). When we do receive bad service, how many of us say anything about it? Immediately? While we're still having the meal? Instead of meekly refusing to leave a tip, you should make a complaint or comment to the manager as soon as possible. If your concern is valid (and if the restaurant truly cares), the manager will do his or her best to make sure that your complaint is addressed and that the problem doesn't happen again in the future. The manager may even make an adjustment to your bill. How the manager handles your complaint can tell you a lot about the restaurant. If you're shy, write a note on a napkin, business card, or whatever and leave it with your tip. If you're still not happy, simply don't return and tell your friends (and fellow Chowhounds) about your experience. But don't quietly punish the server (they might just think you're a cheap bastard instead and never make any efforts to improve).
Restaurant employees are some of the lowest paid workers in California. Granted, a good waiter at Spago may pull in hundreds of dollars in tips every night, but most aren't so fortunate. Servers are taxed a fixed amount for tips that is calcuated according to the receipts they handled, regardless of whether they were tipped or not. I've had restaurant-worker friends who actually received negative amounts on their paychecks and had to pay the restaurant to cover their tax withholdings. There aren't too many jobs where you have to pay taxes on money you may not have actually made.
If you have a problem with a server, tell them so (in a civil, polite manner, of course). Tell them something like this, "I'm giving you a full 15 percent tip, but I'm disappointed with your service." And tell them the specific reasons why you're disappointed. It may help them improve. It may give them an opportunity to explain or apologize. Or it may give you an opportunity to see why you shouldn't tip at all. Communicate. You may be surprised by the results.
This is my guideline: I tip 15 percent when the service is bad or below average (and notify the server and manager about my dissatisfaction); I tip 20 percent when service is good to above average; I tip 25 percent and up when service is excellent. The question here should really be "Why not tip extra for exemplary service?'
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