Sue,

I recently entered into a new relationship and the sex is fab-u-lous. My new partner is very playful and enjoys many acts including anal play. This is a real plus for me as I'm a confirmed ass man. My only problem is her desire to penetrate me. I'm inclined to try (to satisfy her) but I'm afraid this might mean I'm gay. What do you think?

Billy Boy

Dear Billy Boy,

Not to worry! Most men, if they can overcome a homophobic fear of being gay, truly enjoy all kinds of anal stimulation. The rectum and anus is full of sensitive nerve endings, but the male rectum also houses the prostate, home to an incredibly erotic zone. Being gay means that you want to have sex and intimate relationships with another male. Having your female partner stimulate and even penetrate your anus means that you are open minded.

Just a word of caution. If she is wanting to strap on the dildo and bend you over the coffee table, just make sure the device is small, and extremely well-lubricated or you may end up with more than you bargained for.

And...Because anal sex really has no gender (after all everyone has an anus), she also gives some general advice on butt toys.

There are a variety of sex toys meant for anal stimulation ranging in size from the petite beginner kit meant for opening up the sphincter weeks before anal penetration is possible, to the huge, honking fist-sized probes that have been packaged for the predominately gay market.

A moderate, slightly larger than penis-sized dildo should be as far as you can go safely, however. Anything too much bigger than a penis runs a real risk of damaging your sphincter muscle and leaves you with all kinds of problems with bowel elimination control (ugh!)

The rectum doesn't stretch like a vagina, and actually tears much more easily. A puncture of the rectal wall can be very serious, even fatal. People usually get into problems by inserting objects that could break, or using too much anal eze (a product made with novocaine that numbs the whole area so you have much less sensation) where the warning pain is diminished and damage could result.

So, stick to a silicone or latex butt plug, dildo or vibrator. The butt plugs have a large base so that the toy doesn't go deeper than you want and you have to go fishing (or worse, head to the doctor) to get it out. The good news is that with plenty of lube and a gentle hand you can have lots of anal play with a larger object and add a whole new experience to the anal stimulation you enjoy.

And there's more

Sexilicious.com a very popular women's sexuality online community also has a sex advice column, Ask Kat. This one is from an open guy who wants to know how to find a woman of his dreams who reams.

Hey Kat,

I was inspired by a previous question from a femme who wanted a woman to make love to her like a man. I've got the same damn problem, except that I am a man. Are there such women out there? I wouldn't mind lesbians except that they seem to mind me. I need a straight-ish woman who's not afraid to feel like a lesbian.

need2know

Kat Answers:

My needy little puppy,

Halt! Whoa! Slow down a split second. I need to get this straight, for lack of a better word. Just to clarify...

You're a man who wants a woman to fuck him like she's the man and you're the woman. (I hope I've got that right)

Phew. Aren't we compliKated little buggers with our oddball ins and outs and ups and downs? Human sexuality is the ultimate hedge maze, Needy. I wish I could confidently guide everyone to the marble bench in the centre with a well-chosen word but I'm still lost amongst the greenery myself.

Here's where I think we're going with this. You want to dress as a woman, yeah? Dressed as a woman, maybe in some skimpy, kinky lingerie and such, you want a possibly butch-like gal to "take you" in the manner of a man laying with a woman.

Oh hell, honey, that shouldn't be too hard. My dander's rising at the very thought of it! This Kat knows for a fact that plenty of women savour the idea of role reversal and gender play. It's not nearly as obscene as you fear it to be.

In my opinion (hold on tight, because we're digging under the hedges now to clear the maze) your most direct route might be to place a personal ad stating very clearly just what you're looking for. That allows you to reach only interested parties in the most blunt, honest way possible.

That's the way to go if you're just thinking sex. If you're hankering for a more relationship-y set up, then you might be better to go the usual route and introduce the idea of gender play slowly.

Whichever you try, it is my sincere feeling that the gal you're seeking isn't as far away as you think she is.

Here's looking at the girl in you, baby,

Kat

Frank Prendergast - Segment Producer

Opposite sexes participating in traditional same sex activities… what could be queerer?

As homos, we often think that we’ve got a corner on the everything-that-isn’t-vanilla-sex market. How wrong we’ve been.

For me, the most striking image from the Up Your Butt story is a picture of two naked women wearing dildo harnesses. A naked man has his backside to the camera.

Call me naïve, but I thought butt play and fucking were strictly the domain of gay men and the occasional woman. Fudge packing, for me, has always been synonymous with being gay.

Clearly, someone has upset the apple cart - leaving gay men little to call their own.

A man can like having his ass ploughed but he’s straight. A woman can look down and be turned on by the fake phallus that’s plunging into her partners butt and still consider herself a card-carrying hetero.

So if sexual orientation isn’t about practices what is it about? Are gays and lesbians just a well-organized collection of professional whiners with a non-existent cause? Are gays just misogynists-fearful of women? Or maybe it’s masculine imagery that we’re ga-ga over.

Could I be happy with a wife who whipped out the dildo every now and again?

I don’t think so. But I still don’t have a clue why.

What this story has done for me is peeled away one of the many layers that make up sexuality, revealing-not answers-but more questions.

For a journalist, I consider this a job well done. I hope you enjoy the piece and feel free to forward your comments to me at frankp@citytv.com.