Around
the States in Eighty Days
Being an irregular and erratic account by the
Greedy Bastard himself as he sets out to traverse America on
a comedy tour.
Day
Fifty Four. Relief at last.
Saturday,
November 22, 2003 - Vic Theater Chicago
The
Vic is in the Lakeshore Wrigleyville district of Chicago,
with the El thundering by overhead every few minutes. During
the show the house shakes as the trains pass. It feels like
a moment from an Ealing comedy. I must say I am really enjoying
doing the show. After thirty five performances and a couple
of months on the road it all comes perfectly naturally. Indeed
at one point when there is a massive explosion from our sound
we all completely lose the place in the Money song and we
each pick up at a different spot which makes me laugh with
joy. The audience doesn't mind at all. They laugh right along
with us. Jen wins, she has such a strong and powerful voice.
Mancow is in the house, which is kind, because he said he
would, and my very sweet and beautiful niece Sasha comes to
the show, with her friends Joelle and Katy. She has grown
into a fine and adorable woman. I have known her all her life.
I am a fortunate greedy bastard to have a large Chicago family
of in-laws and they are all coming tonight. Then we have almost
a week off. I'm staying out in the burbs (Steve Dahl country)
while the buses and most of the group make their way up to
Edmonton via Fargo. I know Jen and Gilli are looking forward
to getting into my bed finally. I keep the door locked on
tour just in case. You never know with young women.…
I hope they clean up afterwards. I'll join them all again
in Edmonton on Thursday night. I shall miss my room mates.
Skip has become invaluable. Jen is getting better and better
in the show and Gilli is a total amazement. As well as stage
manager and lighting director and wardrobe whipper-in and
general Pooh-Bah on the tour she is also a gifted singer songwriter
in her own right. Now she works on my back! Is there no end
to her talents? I am in pain after the sound check and she
massages my shoulder and relaxes it, and puts me on my face
and cracks my back and voila I am fine. On Sunday at 9 you
can see her real talent when she sings at Jilly's (1007
North Rush, phone: (312) 664-1001). Oh, and she just won the
LA Independent Rock and Roll Award for the second year
in a row.
A lady leaves her nice red bra in the Encore bucket and afterwards
kindly shows me where it came from. No not Victoria's secret,
her abdomen. I have signed one or two breasts on this
tour. It always seems a little weird. But you know I do it.
Somebody has to. Arnie Granat is beaming after the signing.
I give him a big hug. He has done my last two tours and we
made a bit of money off a TV version of Eric Idle Exploits
Monty Python which also languishes in the same Warner
vault as Rutles2. I like all the Jam people. Apart from Arnie,
Steve Traxler, and Scott Sampson their company seems to consist
largely of short very attractive women. They throw us a party
after the show and buy us dinner at Leona's, which is more
than decent of them. Afterwards I am sniffed appreciatively
by the women. One of them is positively swooning since I am
wearing her boy friends cologne. (212 by Carolina Herrera
and I love it.) I told you about these Chicago women didn't
I?
Chris Jones from the Herald Tribune comes in for the free
meal and I rib him for something he wrote about me in his
paper concerning our dinner in Kalamazoo. When I walked into
the restaurant with him last week he went ahead with the girls
and sat down while I was delayed saying hello to all the people
who recognized me. I spent some time shaking hands, being
appropriately modest, ignoring no one. He writes in his column
that no one recognized me. Would that it were true,
darling. Sweetheart there was only one person at the table
unrecognized and he comes from Manchester and writes a column
for the Trib. "Bury[1] supporting
bastard" I say to him, and he grins sheepishly. But his
review is very nice, and will help us a lot.
Afterwards Arnie drives me home. We agree Chicago is a great
city. "If the weather were better" says Arnie "everyone
would live here."
Incidentally we have changed our venue in L.A. from Royce
Hall to The Henry Fonda Theater and that's where we will wrap
up this tour on December 19th. So book early as it's not that
big… Last chance to see, do you really want to miss,
etc etc..
I'm going Christmas shopping today. I can't think what to
buy Nicole Kidman. Or for that matter Halle Berry. And what
do I get Cameron Diaz? Panties again? I always get Hugh Grant
panties, he's easy to please, and I'm getting Russell Crowe
a tool kit with his name on it. Mel Gibson, well a copy of
The Life of Brian, natch. Can you believe he's made
the same story and missed all the jokes? And whatever will
I get Kate Hudson? Will she want me to make her cookies? It's
so difficult with these big stars. (Dream on. Ed)
Since I'm off the bus till next Friday here is the mileage
so far, courtesy of Glyn our rugby loving driver. (Well done
England. We finally won something. The Rugby World Cup.) We
are just shy of 10,000 miles since we set out from Boston.
Previous
Total
|
7,021
miles
|
| Ann
Arbor to Pittsburgh, PA |
290
miles |
| Pittsburgh
to Columbus OH |
204
miles |
| Columbus
to Battle Creek MI |
331
miles |
| Battle
Creek to Kalamazoo MI |
27
miles |
| Kalamazoo
MI to Davenport IA |
307
miles |
| Davenport
to Madison WI |
196
miles |
| Madison
to Minnesota MN |
272
miles |
| Minnesota
to Chicago IL |
430
miles |
Running
Total |
9,078
miles |
Footnotes:
- [1]
Bury. Not a graveyard but a once proud and mighty
English soccer team.
|
