Around
the States in Eighty Days
Being an irregular and erratic account by the
Greedy Bastard himself as he sets out to traverse America on
a comedy tour.
Day
Sixty Six.
Saturday,
December 6, 2003 - The Egyptian Theater, Boise, Idaho
Last
night we played a breathtakingly beautiful theater in Eugene.
Basket weave ceiling, scalloped tiers interior. Deep, but
comfortable and beautiful. It actually seats 2,600 but I don't
think there are that many people in Eugene. We get a pretty
good turn out. From the way some of our crowd are dressed
I get the idea that there are tepees and tie-die communities
just outside the city. It's a mild day, threatening rain but
it doesn't actually arrive till after the show when it buckets
it down.
I saw Fuck Freud chalked on the sidewalk in Seattle,
proving perhaps that even the homeless in Seattle are intellectuals,
but here in Eugene they are nicely dressed and very polite.
I don't yell at anyone, though I am tempted to challenge one
bearded messianic figure who is declaiming loudly from an
open bible preaching to a crowd of nobody at all.
Eugene is an altogether nice place. There are pedestrian friendly
shopping streets lined with many art galleries. Tonight they
are advertising an art walk. I find a Tibetan shop and splurge
on unusual things. I feel ok shopping as all the profits go
to the Dali Lama. Then I realize too late that this isn't
PythOnline. There's a very pleasant well ordered bookshop,
where I find a copy of Liberace by Liberace. This is
too good to resist as a Christmas present. Though my friend
Jim on the phone asks me particularly not to give it to him.
But what is the perfect present for a Crystal Palace comedy
writer actor? Eddie Izzard also supports Crystal Palace. I
think comedians are drawn to supporting this soccer team,
because without a sense of humor you'd be finished…
The local Japanese Restaurant (Masuka) offers a Rock 'n Roll
and more wittily an Ebi Metal. The chef who says he is a huge
fan sends me a banana bird dessert which is a kind of banana
fritter with delicately sliced apple arranged as the "beautiful
plumage."
Skip is very sick. He has recurring bouts of Pneumonia and
he fought his way to the doctor. He retires early to his bunk.
Not like him and he must be sick, but today he makes a remarkable
recovery. He is very cheerful this morning. "It's good
when you feel good" he says. Gilli, however, I am concerned
about - her black eye is spreading, she has bruising on her
forehead, still has headaches and last night a couple of nose
bleeds, but she absolutely refuses medical advice. She has
enough headaches trying to get these shows up and running.
After the Eugene show the street teams are present in force,
teenage girls with hand painted shirts with flattering references
to the Greedy Bastard on and some jolly young men. During
the signing one or two older ladies reveal they have spent
some time in their beds having sexual fantasies in which I
starred. A couple do this in front of their husbands. I assume
it's foreplay. One woman says "Michael may be the nicest
but you are the sexiest." I assure her I will immediately
let Michael know. A young lady with a very fine bosom requests
I sign her breasts and I reluctantly consent. It pains me
to do this but I think it is expected of one. She has delightful
skin and I do my best not to rush the job, but after ten minutes
I am done.
This is a tough stage of the Tour for us. Five dates in a
row, each separated by a long drive but today in Boise is
the real challenge. The good news is we are sold out. The
bad news is that we are playing a cinema. They are building
a temporary stage but there are no wings, no dressing rooms
and no depth to the stage so we can't bring out the twelve
foot high lyrics for The Philosophers Song. But we are a well
oiled machine and our professionals are in there solving the
problems. Gilli is even building a quick change booth. We
plump for handing out lyric sheets rather than cutting the
Sing-along, but tonight we will be using the bus for back
stage dressing rooms and make up.
I was a bit pissed off with a print journalist from Phoenix
yesterday. I don't set up these interviews, in fact I only
do them because the local promoters request it and I want
to help them. So I give this guy half an hour of my life and
I answer all his questions which are legion, including details
of the show for which he has done no research, though he,
not I, is being paid for this conversation and at the end
he says "thank you for pimping yourself." I restrained
myself but it was hard. So Michael Senft of the Arizona Republic
if I am pimping, who is the whore?
It was a long and occasionally bumpy drive last night. We
came over the Rockies again and back into mountain time. I
woke up at 8.30 as we pulled into Boise. Mike and Lish look
tired and they are taken off to a hotel to recover. It's an
intermittently rainy day and we hang out on the warm bus watching
soccer and making porridge. There isn't anywhere else to go.
Jen parades around in her pajamas and silk dressing gown becoming
increasingly frustrated by requests for her family arrangements
tomorrow. Her peops are coming out in force in Spokane. We
decide to split our leave tonight. The boys want to stay and
drink beer and mingle with the Boise girls. Our "girls"
bus will leave after the show so Jen can spend time with her
family.
Previous
Total
|
9,078
miles
|
| Chicago
IL to Edmonton ALB |
1683
miles |
| Edmonton
to Calgary, ALB |
186 miles |
| Calgary
to Vancouver, BC |
603
miles |
| Vancouver
to Seattle, QA |
147
miles |
Running
Total |
11,697
miles |
|
