"It is somewhat ironic," lectured the broccoli, "that I should be the source of your revelation. Wouldn't you think it should be the other way `round?"

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The problem is that my eyes are full of sand. And not a few errant irritating grains. No, I mean that the sheer weight of the sand I am buried under has caused my eyeballs to collapse and my ocular cavities have filled entirely with sand. Sand is pressing against my retina as I record this.

You might think that the pain would be unbearable. You would be right, at least for a while. There does, however, come a time when you have to ask yourself just what exactly 'unbearable' means. After bearing an unbearable pain for a certain number of years, say five in my case, you must acknowledge that the pain can in fact be borne, it is just tremendously unpleasant to do so. For a month or so the pain is blinding. After that, however, you may begin to be surprised by just how much tactile information your optic nerves can pick up.

If you have ever wondered how many grains of sand could fit on a human retina, rest assured that I have counted and it is more than you think.

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The queue looked lonely, so I thought I'd share with you kids a short story I wrote many years ago...

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A followup to my recent story The Happiness Broker.

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Before:

Hey, we need to talk! Don't you remember me? From school? Well I sure remember you! Look, let me buy you a coffee. Surely you have a few minutes to chat. A lot has happened since those days.

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THE MATRIX:
A HAIKU INTERPRETAION BY KITTEN

EXT. HEART O' THE CITY HOTEL

Police cruisers flash
Sirens lighting up the night
Black sedan pulls up

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I smashed up my room the other day. I pulled open my cupboard, throwing clean clothes all over my carpet, cracking clothes hangers over my knee and tossing them aside. I threw my ornaments off the shelf, spraying fragments of pottery, glass and wood everywhere. I upended the dirty washing from my basket. I smashed up furniture, throwing splinters among the mess.

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Paperwork bores me. Usually I don't fill it out.

But in jail, you don't have a choice.

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LOS ANGELES, CA -- Officials from ASCAP today indicated they intend to pursue music royalties from the organizers of Burning Man, an artist's gathering and celebration held over the Labor Day holiday near Reno, NV. The unconventional event, held annually since 1986, has never paid fees for any of the music played at the event, says ASCAP. "We intend to pursue all available avenues to get this issue resolved," said Tony Wilcox, ASCAP spokesperson.

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"Two for the hub. 347 Eglinton East. Emergency."

Number two-fifty-six poured the rest of his coffee down his throat and threw the cup to the ground. Two emergencies from Eglinton. For once, dispatch hadn't screwed him over. He climbed on his bike as he lifted his radio to his mouth.

"10-4"

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