Kuro5hin.org: technology and culture, from the trenches
create account | help/FAQ | contact | links | search | IRC | site news
[ Everything | Diaries | Technology | Science | Culture | Politics | Media | News | Internet | Op-Ed | Fiction | Meta | MLP ]
We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership | k5 store

[P]
Onion story becomes reality, no shit (MLP)

By ljj
Sat Sep 17th, 2005 at 01:11:16 AM EST
Culture

This could almost be a story straight out of the beloved The Onion (only it would be better written).

A story that appeared on The Onion last year, has actually become reality.

Web readers have long enjoyed the fine satire on "America's finest news source", The Onion. Nobody can argue, the articles are funny because they are actually rooted in reality - or provide an alternative view of reality that makes us think about world events and human existence in a different way.

But who would have thought - ever - that an actual satirical article on The Onion would ever actually become true?

Consider this article that appeared on February 18, 2004: Fuck everything, we're doing five blades.

Followed by Gilette unveils 5-bladed razor with two lubricating strips which appeared on CNN.com on September 14, 2005.

The Onion even got Gillette President, James Kilts' tone right, without all the profanity, of course.

The only question that remains unanswered now is this: Does somebody at Gillette's R&D department read The Onion - or not?

Sponsors
Voxel dot net
o Managed Servers
o Managed Clusters
o Virtual Hosting
www.johncompanies.com
www.johncompanies.com

Looking for a hosted server? We provide Dedicated, Managed and Virtual servers with unparalleled tech support and world-class network connections.

Starting as low as $15/month
o Linux and FreeBSD
o No set-up fees and no hidden costs
o Tier-one provider bandwidth connections

Login
Make a new account
Username:
Password:

Note: You must accept a cookie to log in.

Related Links
o The Onion
o Fuck everything, we're doing five blades
o Gilette unveils 5-bladed razor with two lubricating strips
o CNN.com
o More on Culture
o Also by ljj

View: Display: Sort:
Onion story becomes reality, no shit | 77 comments (68 topical, 9 editorial, 1 hidden)
Great (none / 0) (#76)
by airpiao on Mon Sep 26th, 2005 at 12:20:19 PM EST
http://www.acme-arts.com/

Good story!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . .
Arrrggghhh, my eyes! (none / 0) (#75)
by Orion Blastar Again on Fri Sep 23rd, 2005 at 04:56:13 PM EST
(orion.blastar@gmail.com) http://360.yahoo.com/orion_blastar

The Onion has too many pop-up ads and Javascript, and that is just with using Mozilla Firefox that is supposed to block those sort of things.

I take exception to this one Wrestling Announcer Can't Believe What He's Seeing as everyone knows that the WWE hires handicapped Announcers and Referees on the condition that they are blind, and stick to a script written in Braile. If neither an Announcer or Referee cannot believe what they see, that goes against the WWE recruiting policies, as they are not supposed to see, just do what they were told to do. The ref calls it as according to the script, and the announcer follows a script as well. Sometimes the wrestlers forget things, or do not stick to the script, and mistakes are made. I guess it is then when an announcer might say something like they cannot believe what they are seeing, as it is a figure of speech that means a wrestler is not sticking to the script.

"Do unto others as you want them to do unto you. If they treat you badly, you will know them as an enemy of God. As an Avenger of God, you are sworn to destroy them. Thus are you known as Orion Blastar." "Remember Matt 10:34"

I hate shaving. (none / 0) (#70)
by Ignore Amos on Wed Sep 21st, 2005 at 12:21:13 PM EST

Consequently, I avoid it as much as possible, and thus end up looking like a lumberjack most of the time.
Didn't SNL make a crack at it too? (none / 0) (#65)
by Squidman2501 on Mon Sep 19th, 2005 at 10:10:43 PM EST
(squidtrumpet@aol.com)

I'm pretty sure I remember seeing something on Saturday Night Live (or maybe I skimmed across Mad TV during a channel-flipping spree) about a multi-blade.....it had either 20 or 50 blades....some needlessly large number like that...and it had an animation of how each blade removed first the hair, and then subsequent layers of flesh from the face....I think I remember chuckling at it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock. -Hank Arendall
The Onion. (none / 0) (#61)
by Harvey Anderson on Sun Sep 18th, 2005 at 09:26:10 PM EST

The humor is just oh-so dorky.  I saw somewhere a few years ago a job advertisement for some other comedy rag, and it said something like, "We are not looking for Onion-style humor.  In fact, if you find the Onion funny at all you probably should not apply."  Great stuff.
A better "Onion article becomes reality" (2.90 / 10) (#54)
by GoddardBolt on Sat Sep 17th, 2005 at 08:11:14 PM EST

The Gillette article is amusing but weak. This is much better and is so accurate it's scary:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001 | Issue 37*01

WASHINGTON, DC-Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
...
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
Geiko (none / 0) (#53)
by joecool12321 on Sat Sep 17th, 2005 at 06:13:47 PM EST
(boredguy8@NgOmSaPiAlM.com)

Geiko has a commercial where they 'interrupt' a 14-blade razor commercial. I'm pretty sure it was Geiko. It was a freakish looking monstrosity.
What a Shit story. (1.83 / 6) (#52)
by LilDebbies Wife on Sat Sep 17th, 2005 at 05:21:10 PM EST
(fuckoff@gmail.com)

How the hell was this posted? Even to the section stories, this is shit.

Things would be much easier to say up to the microphone like a boss DJ.
Damn (none / 0) (#50)
by jolt rush soon on Sat Sep 17th, 2005 at 02:38:15 PM EST
http://paradroid.com/

now I won't be featured in NTK's "life immitates the onion" feature for submitting those urls. This has been an ongoing theme throughout NTK's history.
--
free (as in mp3s) electronic music
lol $ (none / 1) (#46)
by Pat Chalmers on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 04:57:56 PM EST



Man... (none / 1) (#40)
by MattGWU on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 10:19:04 AM EST
(com dot pcburn at shogun (In reverse!))

I don't even want to know how much those blades are going to be.

Onion: California elects Austrian body-builder... (3.00 / 2) (#37)
by claes on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 08:36:09 AM EST

for governor. What a hoot!

-- claes

Quote your source (none / 0) (#36)
by starsky on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 08:11:57 AM EST

as everyone who gets the Holy Moly Mailout is going to recognise this. It's pretty funny though. Oh, I can't decide, +0.5.

http://www.stripbroker.com
5 blades? (none / 0) (#33)
by danro on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 07:17:41 AM EST

That bad boy will shave to the bone in one pass!
I think I'll steer clear of those things, thank you very much...
If anyone from Gillette should happen to read this (2.00 / 6) (#32)
by A Bore on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 06:55:42 AM EST

ANY MORE THAN TWO BLADES CUT UP YOUR FACE AND MISS BITS UNDER YOUR CHIN. ARE YOU AWARE OF THIS SALIENT FACT?

It doesn't matter how much you smear the fucker in Aloe, it's a physical reality. And stop comparing your shaving paraphernalia to formula one cars, you're just embarrassing.
Last night a DJ shaved my wife
Correction (none / 0) (#31)
by nebbish on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 06:12:50 AM EST
(nebbish * gmail dottkom) http://wetfloor.co.uk

The Onion used to be funny.

---------
My atheism is my rock - idiot boy

Hmm. (3.00 / 2) (#28)
by BJH on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 02:39:48 AM EST

"The Schick launch has nothing to do with this, it's like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen as far as we're concerned," Chairman, President and Chief Executive James Kilts, told Reuters.

Hyperbole? NEVAR!!1!

I'm very disappointed with the Onion (none / 0) (#26)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Sep 16th, 2005 at 02:08:19 AM EST
(crawford@goingware.com) http://www.goingware.com/tips/

I used to be very fond of linking to their wonderful piece "Factual Error Found on the Internet" but now you have to pay to read it.


-- "You're not as big an asshat as everyone seems to think." - Kurosawa Nagaya.

does the liquid olives are dunked in (1.50 / 6) (#24)
by balsamic vinigga on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 11:34:52 PM EST
(balsamic.viniga@gmail.com)

kill bacteria

or

cultivate bacteria?

---
and the mean meaning of mean is....

The choice of a new generation. (none / 0) (#22)
by Back Spaced on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 10:57:07 PM EST

It's like the cola wars all over again.

Bluto: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder. He's pre-med.

are you serious (none / 1) (#21)
by alevin on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 07:43:57 PM EST
(insomniac@nospam.users.sf.net)

you are telling me the possibly-racist crime statistics story has but 18% of the votes of some spittle about gillettes new 5-blade razor
--
alevin
-1, Not interesting, nor funny [n/t] (1.40 / 5) (#16)
by AnonymizedAgain on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 04:54:08 PM EST
(gmail faggot lulz) http://bash.org



That's nothing! (3.00 / 14) (#12)
by GileadGreene on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 03:05:40 PM EST

Not bad, but personally I prefer this Onion article from January of 2001. It's a piece about then President-elect Bush's inauguration speech, entitled Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'. Some really prescient stuff in there.
Not so Funny (3.00 / 4) (#11)
by PrezKennedy on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 03:05:13 PM EST
(? at prezkennedy org) http://osgaming.net/

Especially when the gag has already been done by Cracked with a forty blade razor. That is clearly outrageous.
and? (2.80 / 5) (#8)
by thekubrix on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 01:43:47 PM EST
http://www.bapudi.com

This was fucking stupid.

When the onion wrote that, there was already a four blade razor on the market, so going to five wasn't a complete shit in my pants funny moment....

you must be easily amused...

Bapudi!

-1 AUTHOR IS KNOWN ADVERTISING AGENT (1.50 / 10) (#7)
by toulouse on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 01:43:28 PM EST

PERFORMING VIRAL MARKETING FOR THE GILLETTE COMPANY.


--
'My god...it's full of blogs.' - ktakki
--
Con-SPIRACY!!!!! $ (1.50 / 2) (#5)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Sep 15th, 2005 at 01:25:01 PM EST
http://peopleofthevalley.blogspot.com/


----------------

Read the thrilling adventures of Amon and The People of the Valley. Don't be no sukka.

Onion story becomes reality, no shit | 77 comments (68 topical, 9 editorial, 1 hidden)
View: Display: Sort:

kuro5hin.org

[XML]
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest � 2000 - 2005 Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
If you can read this, you are sitting too close to your screen.

Powered by Scoop create account | help/FAQ | mission | links | search | IRC | YOU choose the stories! K5 Store by Jinx Hackwear Syndication Supported by NewsIsFree