Not Another Wellstone Spectacle
After reading about it on the Drudge Report, we expected to be appalled by the Coretta Scott King funeral, which, according to Drudge, "turned suddenly political as one former president took a swipe at the current president, who was also lashed by an outspoken black pastor!" More on the "former president" in a moment; the "outspoken black pastor" was Joseph Lowery, a co-founder of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. According to Reuters, Lowery "gave a playful reading of a poem in eulogy of Mrs. King":

"She extended Martin's message against poverty, racism and war / She deplored the terror inflicted by our smart bombs on missions way afar," he said.

"We know now there were no weapons of mass destruction over there / But Coretta knew and we knew that there are weapons of misdirection right down here / Millions without health insurance. Poverty abounds. For war billions more but no more for the poor."

Lowery is a civil rights hero, as this biography makes clear:

Lowery began his work with civil rights in the early 1950s in Mobile, Alabama, where he headed the Alabama Civic Affairs Association, an organization devoted to the desegregation of buses and public places. During this time, the state of Alabama sued Lowery, along with several other prominent ministers, on charges of libel, seizing his property. The Supreme Court sided with the ministers, and Lowery's seized property was returned.

He is also a lousy poet and a worse foreign-policy analyst. Hey, nobody's perfect. But when we watched a TV clip of part of his poem, we just could not be offended. This is one of those cases in which tone is more important than substance, and the tone of this funeral, from what we've seen, was largely a high-spirited and celebratory one--in sharp contrast with the creepy manic rage that prevailed at Sen. Paul Wellstone's funeral in 2002.

After Lowery spoke, President Bush embraced him on the stage. Later, as New York's Daily News notes, George H.W. Bush poked fun at Lowery's metrical maladroitness: "Maya [Angelou] has nothing to worry about. Don't give up your day job." Baptist Bill Clinton, in turn, poked fun at his Episcopal predecessor: "That ain't bad for one of the frozen chosen." Even ultraliberal Sen. Ted Kennedy and Rep. John Conyers left contemporary politics aside and delivered entirely appropriate eulogies, according to the CNN transcript.

The one moment of true malice came when Jimmy Carter got up to speak. He said of Dr. and Mrs. King, "It was difficult for them then personally with the civil liberties of both husband and wife violated as they became the target of secret government wiretaps"--clearly a swipe against President Bush's terrorist surveillance program.

Does Carter really mean to suggest that Robert F. Kennedy's spying on Martin Luther King is the equivalent of the current administration spying on al Qaeda terrorists? What an ugly and invidious comparison.

Plenty of Nothing
The November election is still 272 days off, but already the Democrats are fighting over why they lost, the New York Times reports:

Democrats are heading into this year's elections in a position weaker than they had hoped for, party leaders say, stirring concern that they are letting pass an opportunity to exploit what they see as widespread Republican vulnerabilities.

Maybe the problem is that a political party can't be successful if it stands for nothing more than exploiting the vulnerabilities of the other party. Not all Dems agree, however:

"It's absolutely required that the party talk about things in addition to the Abramoff scandal," said Martin Frost, former leader of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. "I think the climate is absolutely right to take back the House or the Senate or both. But you can't do it without a program."

And [Sen. Evan] Bayh said, "I don't believe we will win by just not being them."

Ms. Pelosi of California, the House Democratic leader, did not dispute that argument. But, pointing to the Democratic strategy in defeating Mr. Bush's Social Security proposal last year, she said there was no rush.

"People said, 'You can't beat something with nothing,' " she said, arguing that the Democrats had in fact accomplished precisely that this year. "I feel very confident about where we are."

John Kerry* throws some surplus metaphors into the mix:

"We are fighting to find a voice under difficult circumstances, and I'm confident, over the next few months, you are going to see that happen," Mr. Kerry said in an interview. "Our megaphone is just not as large as their megaphone, and we have a harder time getting that message out, even when people are on the same page."

Early this afternoon we received an e-mail message from Kerry's "campaign," titled "You're Not Invited!":

Dick Cheney will be there. So will Rick Santorum...Phyllis Schlafly...Newt Gingrich...Ann Coulter...Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman...and Grover Norquist, a figure at the center of the Jack Abramoff Republican lobbying scandal.

Tomorrow, at 9:30 a.m., the gavel will drop on CPAC 2006--the Conservative Political Action Conference. Soon a parade of Bush administration and Republican Party leaders will trek over to kiss the rings of the right-wing political operatives who work so hard to push the reckless Bush agenda through Congress--and of the right-wing agitators that stop at nothing to keep Bush-backing candidates in power.

They've got a lot to talk about. Because from excusing the incompetence of the Katrina response...to denying the illegality of warrantless domestic spying...to condoning the corruption of the DeLay/Abramoff wing of the GOP...to disguising Bush policy failures on everything from Iraq to Social Security to the botched prescription drug program...

...Republican and right-wing activists have been getting a lot of practice trying to hide their incompetence, corruption and failures from the American people.

While they plot strategy, here's what we're going to do: raise the money we need to break their grip on power and drive them from office.

Actually, it looks to us as though anyone can attend CPAC who is willing to shell out a $125 registration fee. Anyway, here's John Kerry raising money for a party that stands for nothing. Seems to us the Democrats are in dire straits.

* The haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who at least isn't as angry as Hillary Clinton.

Where's Don King When You Need Him?
"Boxer Urges Sheehan to Not Challenge Feinstein"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Feb. 7

Eat Your Heart Out, Woodstein!
The Washington Post's crack investigative team of Thomas B. Edsall and Jonathan Weisman goes digging for dirt on the new Republican leader:

Rep. John A. Boehner (R-Ohio), who was elected House majority leader last week, is renting his Capitol Hill apartment from a veteran lobbyist whose clients have direct stakes in legislation Boehner has co-written and that he has overseen as chairman of the Education and the Workforce Committee.

The relationship between Boehner, John D. Milne and Milne's wife, Debra R. Anderson, underscores how intertwined senior lawmakers have become with the lobbyists paid to influence legislation. Boehner's primary residence is in West Chester, Ohio, but for $1,600 a month, he rents a two-bedroom basement apartment near the House office buildings on Capitol Hill owned by Milne, Boehner spokesman Don Seymour said yesterday.

So Boehner is getting a cut-rate deal on an apartment in exchange for his lobbyist-landlord's access to him? Well, uh, not exactly:

Boehner's monthly rent appears to be similar to other rentals of two-bedroom English basement apartments close to the House side of the Capitol in Southeast, based on a review of apartment listings.

Wow, Edsall and Weisman have uncovered another Watergate! But only in the sense that the Watergate is an apartment building.

This Porridge Is Too Hot, and It's Bush's Fault!
Sooner or later, someone had to place the blame for the Danish cartoon imbroglio where it belongs: on President Bush. The blame for everything belongs on President Bush, and columnist Eugene Robinson explains how in this case:

Eventually the focus of this conflict will shift back to the United States, the undisputed leader of "the West." With all his talk of freedom as a universal right, President Bush pretends to understand that U.S. support of corrupt dictatorships in places such as Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan contributes to the feeling that Muslims are under attack and helps give strength to fundamentalism and jihad. Yet, the Bush administration continues to prop up these same autocrats, some of whom happen to sit on huge reserves of oil, while giving little more than lip service to those in the crowds that took to the streets over some undistinguished Danish cartoons.

The United States and its allies easily conquered Iraq, only to see religious parties dominate the recent elections. The radical religious movement Hamas won control of the Palestinian Authority and the religious Muslim Brotherhood is now the only coherent opposition force in Egypt.

Those Danish cartoonists and their editor set out to teach Muslims a lesson about free speech. They ended up giving the rest of us a startling illustration that while Bush and his allies speak of a post-9/11 global war against terrorism, terrorism is nothing but a tactic. This is really a war of ideas, a battle for hearts and minds, and it's a war in which "the West" will lose ground until its deeds are more consonant with its high-minded words.

So let's see if we follow this. President Bush is to blame for continuing to "prop up" autocrats. This democratization process is too slow. But he's also to blame for encouraging elections in Iraq, Egypt and the disputed territories. This democratization process is too fast. OK, Goldilocks, what exactly do you think he should do?

Of Course You Know This Means War - Bugs
"Stop Cartoon Violence - Bush"--headline, News24.com (South Africa), Feb. 8

Innovations in Oceanography
"West Beginning to See Islamic Protests as Sign of Deep Gulf"--headline, New York Times, Feb. 8

Zero-Tolerance Watch
A 6-year-old boy has been suspended from school for "sexual harassment," reports the Enterprise of Brockton, Mass.:

[The] boy was suspended from his Brockton elementary school for three days last week after officials said he put two fingers inside a girl's waistband, touching her skin, during a class. . . .

Berthena Dorinvil, the boy's mother, said he does not know what sexual harassment is and in the wake of the Downey school's action, she wants him transferred to another school.

As an expert on the subject once said, "Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda."

'Rommel, You Magnificent Bastard'
"Oklahoma Picks Patton as Offensive Line Coach"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 6

And to Think He Was Already a Legend
"Guitar Legend Les Paul Improves"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 7

Bird Lovers

"Woman Does 'Mouth-to-Beak' to Save Chicken"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 7

"Lance Armstrong Pays Radio Tribute to Crow"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 7

Bottom Story of the Day
"Bus Departs"--headline, Calgary Sun, Feb. 6

How De-Pressing
"The editorial staff of the alternative weekly New York Press walked out [yesterday], en masse, after the paper's publishers backed down from printing the Danish cartoons that have become the center of a global free-speech fight," reports the New York Observer's Ben Smith, quoting an e-mail from erstwhile editor Harry Siegel:

New York Press, like so many other publications, has suborned [sic] its own professed principles. . . . Having been ordered at the 11th hour to pull the now-infamous Danish cartoons from an issue dedicated to them, the editorial group--consisting of myself, managing editor Tim Marchman, arts editor Jonathan Leaf and one-man city hall bureau Azi Paybarah, chose instead to resign our positions. . . .

We have no illusions about the power of the Press (NY Press, we mean), but even on the far margins of the world-historical stage, we are not willing to side with the enemies of the values we hold dear, a free press not least among them.

Siegel is a talented young man and we expect he'll land on his feet. Besides, he's probably too high-minded to have been a good fit at the Press, which at its best was totally unpredictable and irreverent. (Disclosure: We wrote a few articles for it in those days.)

But blogger Robert McCain, also an erstwhile Press contributor, notes the real absurdity of the current owners' refusal to publish the cartoons:

It's kind of weird that NYPress's current ownership is worried that the Danish cartoons would be offensive to Muslims. When they used to mail NYPress to my house, my wife would have to hide it from the kids because the back half of the tabloid is full of ads for gay bars, sex-toy shops and transvestite hookers.

So I'm sure devout Muslims, flipping through NYPress, browsing the "personals" (e.g., "SHM LOOKING FOR TOP MAN") would be absolutely horrified to come across those Danish cartoons, y'know?

We can see his point. Check out this article about "Aspen Gay Ski Weekend":

Serena Williams, or at least her drag-queen stunt double, didn't stand a chance. Sporting three blond wigs, a leather corset and faux diamonds the size of cough drops, Miss Elaine Lancaster sashayed down Aspen Mountain and made downhill skiing look as effortless as runway modeling.

As the transvestite skier ascended the outdoor stage, the subdued spectators put down their champagne flutes and erupted into applause. Whether they were cheering for athletic technique or sartorial grace wasn't clear. But the judges, a bit tipsy by now, sprinkled confetti in the air and granted a perfect 10.

"The bigger the hair, the closer to God," declared Miss Lancaster, a drag performer from Miami whose real name is James Davis. The Chanel sunglasses came off, but the milelong eyelashes stayed on. "I'm the queen of Aspen."

Oh wait. Actually, that article isn't from the New York Press but from the New York Times--which also isn't running the cartoons for fear, it says, of offending Muslims.

(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Nick Olson, Julie Beck, Vincent Giandurco, Frank Russo, Dan Giles, Tom Mayer, Ethel Fenig, Ed Lasky, Orin Ryssman, Kathleen Sullivan, Anne McCaughey, John Peterson, Ruth Papazian, Andrew Strnad, Kevin Hudson, Paul Stajduhar, Kevin Kaufman, Michael Nunnelley, Ken Mersmann, Daniel O'Donnell, Alex Selim, Aaron Gross, Joe Christian, Clark Perkins, Mark Schulze, Anita Gorman, James Currin, Jose Carbonell, Bryan Fischer, John Barrett, John Sanders, Paul Beach, Lawrence Weiss, Kevin Littleton, Bob Batts, Randy Riness, Brian Ball, Andrew Haberern, Ben Sandler, Tom Dziubek, Mary Ann Lomascolo, Sean Gaffney, Bill Rambo, David Remus, Tom Neven, Steven Thompson, John O'Connell, Charlie Gaylord, James Eckert, Hylton Kalvaria, Lori Cohen, Brian Cook, W. Simmons, Monty Krieger, Dan Friedman, Bill Jones, Steve Tefft, Jeffrey Spiegel, Dave Chomas, Bill Hunt, Thomas Dillon, Dan O'Shea, Ed Ryman, Michael Mroz, Jerry Newcombe, David Hyman, Bill Katz, Jonathan Rothenberg, Jeff Parker, Buddy Smith, R. Mermelstein, Greg de Moksconyi, Jason Craven, Jeff Stuckman and C.E. Dobkin. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Amir Taheri: Islam prohibits neither images of Muhammad nor jokes about religion.
• Heather Robinson: I'm a Zionist, and I liked "Munich."
• John Fund: Museums in Washington, Berlin and Budapest pay tribute to communism's victims.