Japan has a drinking problem... but if you've got a thirst for adventure, it's where you want to be.
In honor (or in horror) of these bizarre beverages seemingly not fit to rinse your septic tank, raise a cracked glass to the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks, our first ten inductees into the Soft Drink Hell of Fame... Jeers!
Our rundown of the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks gives a pretty good indication why most of the 1000 or so new soft drinks and beverages launched in Japan every year fail miserably.
Look on the bright side, though: they may not be good to drink, but you can't say they're not good for a laugh.
When American companies introduce products tailored for foreign tastes, we often experience discomfiting culture shock. Sort of like when Homer Simpson uses his toaster time machine to go back 10 million years, steps on a slug, and then comes back to an oddly different world. Maybe that really did happen, and Springfield is now Tokyo! Exhibit A: Pepsi Ice Cucumber, introduced to the Japanese soft drinks market June 12th and to our Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks listing immediately thereafter. Pepsi? Good... Cucumbers? Great! Cucumber-flavored Pepsi? DOH!!
Cue suave voiceover: "Next time you're out on the town with the one you love, treat her to a cup of Hot Calpis"... then trudge home alone after she pours it over your head. Yes, delicious Calpis - I can't even read it without grinning - is known as Calpico in other countries (for obvious reasons) and is one of Japan's most popular and enduring soft drinks . Milk-based with a sweet yogurt taste, Calpis comes in original and a variety of fruit flavors. Some vending machines offer this bizarre beverage hot... steaming hot.
Ahh, refreshing Coolpis... THE soft drink to offer guests - before removing their blindfolds. Actually a Korean copy of the disturbingly named Calpis, Coolpis comes in Peach flavor and (stop reading now, if you can...) Kimchee flavor. Kimchee, for those unacquainted, is a traditional Korean dish made from fermented cabbage and LOTS of red pepper. Makes Peach flavored Coolpis almost appealing, doesn't it? Anyone for a Calpis vs. Coolpis taste test? We could call it a pis-ing contest.
And now, for something close to the heart... Mother's Milk. Is there anything in the world more wholesome, more natural, more life-giving than mother's milk? Is there anything in the world that would make you drink it from a store bought carton? NO, on both counts. If I was a baby, maybe, but not from an udder - I mean, another - mother! We shudder to think of the scene inside one of the manufacturer's factories... those poor farmgirls, milkmaids or what have you, shackled up to cold, pitiless machines that never, ever stop... and then I woke up.
After chugging down a pint of Mother's Milk, head on down to your local Black Vinegar Juice Bar to give it a good curdling. Black vinegar is noted for its health benefits; the trouble has always been making it drinkable.
Mixing it into bizarre soft drinks with soy milk, blood orange juice or blueberry juice is supposed to solve that problem, but we remain skeptical. At least you can splash some on the salad (via Plastic Bamboo ).
Comments
Actually...
Cucumbers are fruits, anyway, so I guess is not too much different from other fruit flavored soft drinks. Also, I've tasted some of that stuff...it's not too bad o_O
root beer, maltz beer
Weird drinks indeed. All but that Kids Beer. In German-speaking countries and in South America a sweet beer wihtout alcoohol and with a light chocolate taste named Malz Bier (Maltina in Spanish) is very popuplar. As well as Root Beer in North America...
Japanese Food
One thing that is really mesmerizing and worthwhile in Japan is touring aisles at your local convenient store. On your right, you can find Ritz crackers, snicker bars, and just about everything that you can find in the States. On the left, you see things which you've never seen before : squid rings, fermented soybeans, raw fish, curry flavored icecream and so on. Such diversity makes dining in Japan much more
interestinginvestigative than other places.Kidsmokes
ah well u know... Kidsmokes already exist... but in other name... remember de Chocolate cigarette don't you?
kids beer is non alcholics
kids beer is non alcholics and it tatses good they sell it comic book conventions and comics book store here in miami
It could be worse...
It could be worse... once they down a few dozen pitchers of Kidsbeer and come up with an idea for KidSmokes!
Kidsbeer???!!!
What the hell were they smoking when they came up with Kidsbeer?!?!
Coolpis IS Korean
Coolpis IS Korean, as it states in the article - but it's distributed in Japan and that's close enough for me. You'd better believe i was going to find some way to get "Coolpis" onto the list - if only to make Calpis look good by comparison :o)
I still think it's Korean
I still think it's Korean for the package had Korean printed on it or maybe it's just fake.
Good morning from Japan!
Good morning from Japan! There are a couple fakes in here, FYI. Once again, the "mother's milk" is not a real product, and I'm pretty doubtful on the kimchee drink, although I've only been to South Korea once. As for the Ice Cucumber, it's sadly real. I don't know if any of you ever did this, but if you take a bag of Jolly Ranchers, unwrap several different flavors, and let them sit in water for a while, it picks up some strange artificial fruit flavor. That's EXACTLY what the Pepsi Ice Cucumber tastes like (but carbonated). I really don't think anyone would describe it as "good", but it's not terrible, either. Just sweet with a really vague (non-cucumber) flavor.
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