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Oscar Blog

CBC Arts Online's play-by-play

Illustration by Jillian Tamaki
Illustration by Jillian Tamaki


March 6, 2006 - 12:11 a.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Props to Jon Stewart. To quote the man himself: well played, sir. He was accessible without losing his edge, polite without being too fawning.

So, what have we all learned this year - that smart films with controversial themes win prizes but collectively still can't collectively beat Big Mama's House 2 at the box office? That more rappers should be invited to perform at the Oscars? That in Hollywood, Tom Freaking Forrest Gump Hanks can win for playing gay in the dreck that was Philadelphia but that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal can't get no love (except from each other)? That after tomorrow none of it will matter anyway because Mission Impossible III is opening soon and who knows what kind of can of cuckoo Tom Cruise will open up next?

I guess the good news is, owing to the power of Hollywood, there's no more racism anymore. Thanks Paul Haggis! Now maybe if he and the other producers of Crash could just figure out a way to settle their own differences....

Good night, y'all and goodluck. (Yeah, I said it.)


March 5, 2006 - 11:39 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Crash: the year's most downbeat Hollywood movie proves to be its most decorated. Should the cast and crew even be allowed to feel good about their success at tonight's Oscars? I mean, the world being such a cruel place and all...

Not to belabour the point, but I'm disappointed that Munich got nothing. The fact that the camera panned to director Steven Spielberg every five minutes was little consolation. I'm happy Good Night, and Good Luck was shut out. Good night, and good riddance.

And would you look at that: all wrapped up at 11:29 p.m. I don't know who's ultimately to thank, but the show seemed to zip by tonight. The producers kept the acceptance speeches short tonight — they even interrupted/pre-empted a few, which made for some unintentional humour. Some might call it unfair; I call it merciful.

Jon Stewart was surprisingly congenial. I say "surprising" because I truly thought he'd use the occasion to tear a strip off Hollywood. As it stands, he merely tore little striplets off it. Which is a meandering way of saying, I'd have him back in a heartbeat.


March 5, 2006 - 11:36 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Oscar sez wha?!?! Crash for best picture? That is the upset of the night. It's late, but could I rant for just one minute about this overrated, knee-jerk, gooey-intentioned, manipulation of a movie. It had some good performances, I'll give it that, but that was because the actors rose above the Hallmark card script. If nothing else proves Hollywood's self-regard, it's this pick. (Racism is bad, y'all.)
Andre, what are your final thoughts on the night?


March 5, 2006 - 11:25 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Ang Lee just took the best directing Oscar. Not my first pick this year (that would be Spielberg), but the dude is just so disarmingly humble, you can't begrudge him. But I can't overlook the fact that he broke one of the biggest no-no's of Oscar speeches: never repeat a line of dialogue from your movie! For shame, Ang.


March 5, 2006 - 11:20 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
It is my patriotic duty to point out that at some point Paul Haggis, winner for best original screenplay for Crash, once called Canada his home. Congrats, comrade! Too bad they not only cut off the mike before your lesser-known collaborator got a chance to speak, but turned off the lights too.
I see your thhhpppphttt and raise you a myeh, for this winner. Not the strongest contender in this category by a long shot... perhaps a consolation prize (because it won't win best picture) or the beginning of a sweep?


March 5, 2006 - 11:13 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Felicity deserves more than a drink. Something along the lines of an Oscar, more like. But Reese has been doing great work for a long time, so I'm still happy about her win. Though rambling and little hysterical, I loved the gist of her speech.
Brokeback won best adapted screenplay. Thhhhpppphttt! Great movie, but no great shakes, screenplay-wise.


March 5, 2006 - 11:08 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
John Travolta was winking and doing the pistol-finger wave to the audience during the acceptance speech by the Memoirs of a Geisha cinematographer. Classy!
Okay. I'm just going to say this once. When you are a shoo-in to win an award, you write a speech and write it well and make it smart and short and memorable. You don't ramble. You don't thank everyone you ever met. You don't giggle cutely. You don't rub your furrowed brow and mumble. Okay, Philip and Reese? Got it? Good. You may sit down now.
Will say that winner Reese Witherspoon did redeem herself with her tribute to June Carter Cash's "strength and self-respect" as a woman - two qualities I think Ms Witherspoon shares.
I hope someone buys Felicity Huffman a drink tonight.

11:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.


March 5, 2006 - 10:59 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Philip Seymour Hoffman just took the golden god for best actor. I was really hoping he'd accept the award as Truman Capote. And what happened to the barking-dog routine he pledged he'd do if he won? So, so disappointing. Seriously, though, that speech has to win for Most Prolonged Shout-Out to Mom. These speeches sure are chiseling away at my hard, hard heart, Rachel.


March 5, 2006 - 10:52 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Me neither, but the director gave the speech of the night so far. Loved his shout-out to his stars. Loved his acknowlegement of the other nominees. That's the way to do it. My hard, hard heart is melting a little, Andre. I may just be crying by night's end. Crash just won for editing. Hilary Swank looks lovely introducing the Best Actor award. "Trial separation" suits her.


March 5, 2006 - 10:42 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
I think Clooney's doing well tonight, all thing's considered. He's not only playing Best Dressed celeb and Sexiest Bachelor, he's also playing Hollywood's moral conscience. Cut the man some slack, Rachel! He's only going to walk away with five awards tonight.
Tsotsi just won best foreign picture. I can't even pretend to be surprised.


March 5, 2006 - 10:40 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
King Kong just won it's third award tonight, this time for sound editing. Peter Jackson is conspicuously absent. I think it's kind of sucky that he's at home sulking, when the people who did the heavy lifting for King Kong namely, the special effects guys are getting awarded. Frodo would have been there for Sam, Peter, that's all I'm saying.
And that brings us to the Death Montage, with an awkward intro by George Clooney, who seems off his game tonight. Richard Pryor gets the plum spot at the very end. Is it just me, or was the applause a little subdued this year? Was there a memo? No whoop-wooing the dead?


March 5, 2006 - 10:28 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Funny, I don't remember the word "witch" in the original version of that song... I suppose the performance was about as respectable as a song about pimping can be. I feel personally vindicated that it won Best Original Song — for no other reason than that I have it in the office Oscar pool.


March 5, 2006 - 10:22 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
I was charmed by Altman's speech. To me, it was a genuine, unscripted moment, gracious and heartfelt. And while he's had some definite misses (Mr T and the Women, anyone?), it was a deserved award. And I like that his family looks like they might herd goats in Vermont.
Oh no, they di-int! They had Luda introduce the rap song. I'll leave it to you, Andre, to assess the performance of It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp.


March 5, 2006 - 10:16 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
The preamble to Robert Altman's honorary Oscar award was EXCRUCIATING. It's the kind of spiel Hollywood insiders find charming, and I find unbearable. Everyone's been buzzing, wondering just how the notoriously prickly director would behave once the applause died down and he actually got a chance to speak. To the relief of the show's producers, Altman came across as avuncular. He encapsulated his canon thusly: "I've just made one long film." He ended by saying he still has 40 years of filmmaking left in him. We'll see, Robbie.


March 5, 2006 - 10:03 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
I am enjoying Stewart's ad-libs: "Stay tuned for Oscar's salute to montages!" Hee-hee.


March 5, 2006 - 10:02 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
One surprise: Stewart seems to have exhausted his Dick Cheney jokes. I counted one. I feel ripped off.
Jake Gyllenhaal: Best Stuffed Shirt in a Presenting Role.

10:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.


March 5, 2006 - 9:55 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Brokeback Mountain won for Best Original score, bringing us almost to half time, at 9:52 (do you think it will end by midnight?). Seems like a good time to check in. Any surprises for you so far, Andre? Are you winning the office Oscar pool?


March 5, 2006 - 9:53 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Oscar night can't be all pleasure, Rachel. There has to be at least 11 per cent half-hearted self-loathing. But Salma Hayek in a slinky dress is just the thing to snap us out of it.
Bill Conti has conducted the orchestra at 18 Oscars. I don't know whether to feel admiration or pity.


March 5, 2006 - 9:47 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Ah, the montage of the history of Hollywood's commitment to social change. Because that's what it's really about. Not the money, but the ability to change people's minds. Hollywood is like the Rosa Parks of..., er, Hollywood! Racism is bad, y'all. And so's homophobia. And sexism. And whatever was bad in Something's Got to Give. It's bad y'all! Nice of Jon Stewart to call them on their hypocrisy.


March 5, 2006 - 9:40 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Memoirs of a Geisha just won for art direction. And that should be the last we hear from that camp tonight.
Samuel L. Jackson just moseyed on stage. That guy must have seasons tickets to the Oscars — just like Jack Nicholson.


March 5, 2006 - 9:34 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Nice to see that Marc Anthony let J.Lo out of the dungeon he's been keeping her in. How subtle of the Academy to have the Latina actress-singer introduce the song from Crash. And the performance for the song is cheezelicious! Racism is bad, y'all. There's fire on stage and everything cause prejudice like destroys things. And people are like crashing into to each other. Get it? (Did they bring Debbie Allen back to choreograph?)


March 5, 2006 - 9:25 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
March of the Penguins just won best documentary. Was kinda hoping for a speech from one of the cast members. Instead, we get grown men brandishing plush dolls.


March 5, 2006 - 9:22 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
It was only a matter of time. Stephen Colbert gets pulled in to voice over a very funny Daily Show-style take on the Best Actress category. "Dame Judi Dench took my eye out in a bar fight!" You know what, I bet that beeatch did it, too.
Terrence Howard is bit of a nebbish. And in what could be a shout out to Joan Rivers, he's wearing an broach from her QVC jewellery collection.


March 5, 2006 - 9:16 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
They just big-upped Lauren Bacall for being an Academy Award nominee and a Hollywood star. So why couldn't she deliver a simple, Teleprompted speech without sounding like a nervous third grader?


March 5, 2006 - 9:15 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
And the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress goes to: Rachel Weisz. I think that the music came up under her acceptance speech so quickly because it was identical to one she gave at the Golden Globes. Still, deserved win for an excellent performance. My girl Amy Adams wins Miss Congeniality for clapping the most and looking genuinely happy to see Weisz win. That's sisterhood, my friends.
I guess Frances McDormand didn't have time to change after teaching her community college intro to creative writing class back in 1994. I know she didn't have chance of winning, but still, she couldn't run a brush through her hair?


March 5, 2006 - 9:04 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
I don't know about you, Rachel, but I find the musical "soundtrack" playing behind every speech just so (sniff) heart-warming. Even the laundry-list speech for best make-up (winner: Narnia) choked me up.

9:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m.


March 5, 2006 - 8:53 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
I guess in the divorce settlement, Jennifer Aniston got custody of this year's Academy Awards.
Memoirs of a Geisha wins for Best Costume design. Kimonos trump petticoats every time. Aw, the cut to the designer's sweetly shy daughter was really cute


March 5, 2006 - 8:48 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Stewart isn't batting a thousand, but I'd say his joke-to-funny-joke ratio so far is pretty high.
The show just took a turn for the obnoxious: the best animated short category is being introduced by animated presenters. Ack! That laughter must be canned.


March 5, 2006 - 8:44 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Ooooh, Jon Stewart's Scientology joke did not go over well. And why is Joaquin Phoenix so grumpy? Has he drunk the Thetan kool-aid, too?


March 5, 2006 - 8:40 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Just what the Oscars needed: a little shot of British class.
Dolly just ooh-oohed her way through Travellin' Thru, her Oscar-nominated song from Transamerica. Her voice is in fine fettle. Her mouth, however, keeps threatening to slide off her face.


March 5, 2006 - 8:36 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
After being caught in Kirsten Dunst's cast-off Chanel at the Golden Globes, Reese Witherspoon plays it safe by wearing a dress that no one else would be caught dead in. Still, she's lovely.
The Wallace & Gromit producers who won for Best Animated Feature are wearing cute matching bow ties. They even brought one for their Oscars. Now that's confidence.


March 5, 2006 - 8:30 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Many people find Ben Stiller obnoxious. I am not one of those people. His presentation for the best visual effects category was inspired.


March 5, 2006 - 8:28 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Agreed. Jake deserved it. I'd argue he actually should be in the Best Actor category. Did Clooney just kind of compare his win to Hattie McDaniel's win? Mr. C. just dropped a teensy bit in my estimation. It's like when people call themselves the "Rosa Parks" of something.


March 5, 2006 - 8:25 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
I thought Jake G. wuz robbed, but at least Clooney was self-deprecating. And thanks for the history lesson, George!


March 5, 2006 - 8:21 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Jon Stewart get a solid B for the opening monologue. Slow to start, a couple of cornball jokes (Bruce Vilanch, I blame you!), but he sharpened up at the end.
CLOOONEEEEY!


March 5, 2006 - 8:16 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
The "gay" western montage was better than all the online Brokeback mashups combined.


March 5, 2006 - 8:14 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
8:03 First Death to Smoochy reference.
8:09 First Dick Cheney reference.
Um, Charlize... we need to talk about the dress.
Is Keira Knightley dating Jack Nicholson?


March 5, 2006 - 8:09 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Nice to see that it took Stewart approximately six minutes to start the partisan tomfoolery. In all fairness, the Republicans, Democrats and Hollywood are getting it in equal measure.


March 5, 2006 - 8:08 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Awesome! A genuinely funny opener. And a Brokeback Mountain joke right off the top, too!


March 5, 2006 - 8:02 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Hopes/dreams for tonight: Jon Stewart firing on all cylinders; short speeches; something, ANYTHING, for Munich.

8:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.


March 5, 2006 - 7:58 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
I'd be disappointed if Crash won for Best Picture, as many people are predicting it might (though based on what information I don't know). Apparently the Academy members are much bigger suckers for an LA film than for one about gay cowboys. Otherwise, go Amy, go Felicity, go Ang.
I really really don't want to see Jon Stewart bomb. His New York liberal schtick might not translate to Hollywood. And you know what that means? They could bring back Whoopi.
What about you? Hopes for tonight?


March 5, 2006 - 7:50 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
I must confess I missed the gist of the Howard interview. Handy thing, the Mute button.
Felicity Huffman just gave the most sincere interview thus far, looking giddy/awkward/bewildered. She squirted real tears (I can only assume) when she watched taped congratulations from Desperate Housewives co-stars Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan.
OK, enough sniping. Rachel, what are your hopes/dreams for the evening? (By the way, I was kidding about that being the end of my sniping.)


March 5, 2006 - 7:41 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Um, what's up with Sandra Bullock? Girlfriend's looking a little puffy-eyed. Lasik surgery?
Eek! A red carpet "journalist" just gushed to Terrence Howard, "You made the world fall in love with a pimp!" right in front of Howard's kid. Now there's a post-Oscar conversation I'd love to hear: "Daddy, what's a pimp?"
It's official. The celebrity I'd like most like to sit beside would be George Clooney. I know everybody loves him, but he really seems like a fun guy.


March 5, 2006 - 7:37 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Oh! Nicole Kidman has arrived. I'm sure you'll agree no Oscar night is complete without her. Her smile looks more disingenuous than ever. I hope she remembers to return to Mme Tussaud's Wax Museum at the end of the night.


March 5, 2006 - 7:28 p.m. EST
By Rachel Giese
Red carpet greetings back at cha.

Funny coincidence, Andre, because my favourite moment so far was when Mizrahi said that the million bucks worth of bling in Luda's ears were "cute earrings!" Luda visibly blanched. Other celebrity observations so far: I'm glad to see the Academy recognized Jessica Alba's fine work in Into the Blue and made her a presenter tonight. Keira Knightley looks absolutely gorgeous. Dolly Parton sadly succumbed to a whopper of a botox treatment. And here's a fun fact: Amy Adams used to work at Hooters. Thanks for the tip, Ryan Seacrest!


March 5, 2006 - 7:17 p.m. EST
By Andre Mayer
Good evening, Rachel. Happy Oscar eve.

Tonight's Oscar ceremony marks the red carpet debut of Isaac Mizrahi, fashion designer turned celebrity "interviewer." Whoever coined the word "obsequious" must have been staring at Mizrahi at the time. Lordy, he's shameless. I would have to say that my fave Mizrahi encounter thus far has to be with rapper Ludacris (who appeared in Hustle & Flow). When Isaac asked Luda who his greatest sartorial influence is, the rapper answered "Chris Bridges." Isaac looked perfectly dumbfounded, not realizing that was Luda's real name. Isaac also loses points for failing to point out that with his cornrows and glasses, Luda looks like MC Hammer. Please Luda, don't hurt us!

7:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.


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