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Relationships
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Love Yourself
Ramona Dougals
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Relationships
are how we relate to others. We have a relationship with everyone that we know
and who is close to us. This is not reserved for our family or someone who we
are involved with. Every interaction we have with another is the act of
relating. If we have a problem relating to others, this affects our ability to
have supportive relationships. We have to ask ourselves if our relationships are
supportive and if they are not, then ask ourselves why they are not. Everyone
wants the perfect romance or marriage, but not everyone looks at the mechanics
of how to have one. If we fail to have supportive relationships in our life, how
can we have the perfect relationship?
Let’s look at what is a
supportive relationship. The word support is very important. It means that our
interaction supports another. This means more than supporting another in their
decisions or actions, rather through the act of supporting, we honour and
validate who the other person is. In turn, this validates who we are. Both are
supported, no one loses, no ego's involved, and in so doing, we honour the
relationship. This is what it means to have a supportive relationship. This is
the desired goal. Now, how do we accomplish it?
There are several reasons why
we may have problems relating to others. One primary reason is our behavioural
patterns. These patterns are developed over a course of our lives. It starts
when we are children, through to our adolescence, and by the time we are adults,
we have established our behavioural patterns for our relationships. We can have
both positive and negative behavioural patterns. What causes negative
behavioural patterns? If we look at a person's life, we can readily see which is
negative or positive behaviour. But we may not easily see the cause of the
negative.
The cause usually
resides in the past in which a trauma or an event occurred that effects how we
behave in the future. If that event occurs again, or if something happens
currently to cause us to experience that trauma again, that is when we respond
to it. Situations can act as triggers, which may cause us to react to the person
that is involved in the situation. This causes a negative behavioural pattern.
Until we can identify the problem, we are powerless to do anything about it.
Whatever the situation was to
trigger a reactionary response, the cause must be discovered in order to heal
the original fracture. In Shamanism terms this is called a Soul Fracture. A
fracture of the Self. Each self is part of the whole which comprises the soul.
Soul Fractures occur for a variety of reasons and may or may not relate to this
current lifetime. Traumas have occurred in past lifetimes that may or may not
have been addressed. The Soul holds the body of these life experiences.
Furthermore, the life process itself can be very painful for some. Past
experiences that have dishonoured, or invalidated who we are, cause us to close
ourself off even more. These experiences build up with time and unless a
clearing occurs, emotional or physical problems may develop.
If a problem has been
identified, what can we do about it? One can try to clear it themselves, or one
can go to a practioner who is adept at doing clearings. In order to clear, one
must identify the cause that created a behavioural pattern. Then, move through
the experience of that situation, and experience the emotions that associated
with it. Then, we must have closure. This means completing it anyway. We should
have a sense of completion.
So, after we have identified
the cause and received closure or completion, then we let it go. This does not
mean to forgive or forget, that is not what it is to release. The act of
releasing is our readiness to heal. Only after the experience has cleared can
healing occur.
The healing
process is a time when we must be very loving to ourself. If we beat up ourself
about the experience that had caused us harm or our past reaction to it, then we
cannot heal. In being loving to ourself, we validate what we had experienced at
that time and our emotions for it. Our emotions are always valid. So it's
important for us to do this self validation in order to heal.
Love is the energy that helps
us to heal, whether we give this love to ourselves, or we receive it from
another. When we look at having loving relationships in our life, why not start
with ourself? Because that is where love comes from. This is what transforms our
relationships and our lives. We must love the self first. And we cannot do that
until we have healed and become whole.
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