Mormon
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Did you know that... Drinking coffee garners you a one-way ticket to hell?? |
Mormon got the name from the angel Moroni (seriously) and there is Gabriel The Angel of Death, Michael the Angel of Light, well Moroni is The Angel of Stupid (his name is Greek for "dull-witted").
The principal belief in Mormonism is that the Faithful must wear special underwear, 24/7. Many Baptists also wear the special underwear, "just in case."
The only thing Mormons have contributed in popular culture is Orson Scott Card's novels and that fucking stupid movie Napoleon Dynamite. Thanks to the Mormons you have to hear masses of people quoting some lame-ass kid with a perm every day for the lulz factor.
e.g.
Stacy: DANG Mary, you TOTALLY gave me cancer. GOSH!!
Mary: Lulz Stacy, can you fetch me my chapstick? *Dies in hospital bed*
Morons are advanced in only one way; using women in the proper way, as breeding devices.
They like to tell stories, and claiming that evrythang is true. Day Thinks that dey can have a mass but they dont they just testifii and vote lulz! The priest is not even legal TEHY TAKE 10% OF YOU INCOME!!!!!1 WTF!??!?!
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| Did you know that... LDS is almost LSD? ? |
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| Did you know that... In the 1800s Mormons would shoot and kill settlers that came onto their land?? |
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[edit] The Book of Mormon
The holiest book in the Mormon faith is the aptly named Book of Mormon. Written by indians, it is a widely accepted work of, loosely based on the Bible. In it, Jesus, after having risen from the grave, travels to the New World and tells the Indians about him. The curry Indians. In the end, Jesus teams up with Cloud Strife, Goofy, and Inuyasha to defeat Satan, who has taken the form of Sephiroth. Jesus becomes Super Saiyan Level 6 and then sacrifices his life again and becomes part of the lifestream, but not before Joseph Smith gathers the power of the planet, or something like that. Then it goes off into how you can get to have your own planet if you're a good Mormon or something, but apparently all the planets are about as shitty as Utah is. There may also be a part where Joseph Smith fights L. Ron Hubbard to see who gets to be Jedi master.
The Book of Mormon was "revealed" to Joseph Smith on golden tablets. When the mushrooms wore off, however, the tablets were nowhere to be found. This was the first of the Mormon Miracles.
Many people believe that the book teaches love and compassion to families but it really teaches the Kama Sutra to many Jedi masters and how to to make more money than a Jew in a week. They also teach how to get with Hillary Duff while she is sober and your wife is by your side.
A good video on the book of mormon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTfRdd1m47s
[edit] What Mormons Do
Mormons do plenty of stuff, but a lot of it is unacceptable to most. First, teenagers may not date until they are 16 years old, and not only that, they run MorningStar Farms, a militant Vegetarian food company, whose products include the famous Soylent Green.
One such Ex-Mormon was arrested in Las Vegas. Not only did this provide lulz, it proved that what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas.
Many Mormons will go to the laundromat on Thursdays looking for new wives to help them wash their undearwear by hand. One Mormon by the name of Garry Hocking was known to have pimped 100 women at only 14 laundry mats. Nevar Happened LOL I Suck Cocks.
Mormons have been known to run for president on the GOP ticket, despite the fact that they are clearly Mormons and thus have no business being outside of Utah.
Mormons also enjoy torturing kids. If a kid is being tortured, somewhere, somehow, a Mormon is masturbating to it. LOL THEY DONT MAStERBATE SRSLY
Mormons also when young spend about two years of their lives in a foreign country on missionary work.
[edit] Notable Fact
In the 1830’s, when men’s pants were first tailored with buttons visible down the front of the fly, the Mormon leader Brigham Young discouraged the population from wearing them, calling them “fornication pants.”
- Tehy like to convert everyone (WARNING: dont let them in your home they will read to you!!!!)
- Tehy use bread (no not eucharist) and plain water for communion! LULZ
- Tehy played a part in founding the shit town Great Neck and are lame.
