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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Copypasta (or Copy pasta, or COPY PASTA) is text on *chans that gets copied and pasted over and over. This is how it works: someone posts something on /b/ that riles people up. People see the topic and copy that first inflammatory post. Then a week or so later someone posts it again. Or they might post it a day later. Or a minute later. Whatever. The flamewar starts over again.

[edit] Copypasta Archive

[edit] I Just Fucked My Sister

This is NOT copypasta. I repeat NOT copypasta.

I know coming to /b/ for advice is a top notch bad idea, but I honestly have no where else to turn because this situation directly involves my family, and friends.

Let me start from the beginning, i am 18 and my sister is 21. I just finished highschool and my sister is home from college. I guess this year her grades started slipping or something, because i walkd past her room and she was crying, i walk inside to ask whats up and she hands me a letter - apparently she's up for review by her college for dismissal. I feel kinda sorry for her so i gave her a hug and one thing led to another and we started making out, this is really weird because ive made out with girls before but my sister blows them all out of the water. in the back of my mind lies the fact that shes my sister and what we are doing is sick and wrong, but i guess my sister has more experience and it felt so fucking good.

Here's the dilemma - after making out, karen started taking her clothes off and she started pulling my pants down, and im like hey what are you doing!? shes like oh comon jordan arent you even a LITTLE curious? and i felt bad because its true, my sister is a hottie and i always wished that she wasnt my sister. ive even gone as far as to fap to thoughts of doing her. she then said "for tonight, lets not be brother and sister, i really need this cuz i feel like shit right now and our parents wont be back till late, and we arent gonna tell anyone.

I pretty much just fucked my sister. no, to be more honest, i just lost my virginity to my sister. my question, /b/, is WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?? what do people usually do after they fuck their sisters?

pic very related, thats karen.

[edit] The Girl Next Door

When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

[edit] Alpha Male

I'm an Alpha male /b/.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

[edit] Angry sun

When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to 'Peach'). Back on topic though; so I had advanced to World 2, "Desert Land" and I was moving along rather smoothly, in the back of my mind knowing that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult; I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A button and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the fucking sun decided to go apeshit and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That fucking bastard.

And no, this is not copy pasta.

[edit] Atarii E.T.

Most gamers know the story of the hundreds of thousands of E.T. cartridges Atari crushed, encased in concrete, then buried in Alamogordo, New Mexico. What most gamers don’t know is who Atari buried along with them...

[edit] Azn Rape lol

oh my god /b/ I just witnessed something horrible.

Today I was in NYC, I take summer classes at an art school in New York, and I saw a man following an old asian woman and her little asian grand daughter I think it was. He followed them for 4 blocks before making his move, I only saw all of this because they were all infront of me walking down E22nd street at the time I was walking down it. Anyways, the man kept getting closer and closer to them until finally he hit the woman with a crowbar and grabbed the girl. I immediately ran up to him as fast as I could and whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

[edit] /b/ is...

/b/ is the guy who tells the cripple ahead of him in line to hurry up.
/b/ is first to get to the window to see the car accident outside.
/b/ is the one who wrote your number on the mall's bathroom wall.
/b/ is a failing student who makes passes at his young, attractive English teacher.
/b/ is the guy loitering on Park Ave. that is always trying to sell you something.
/b/ is the one who handed his jizz-drenched clothes to Good Will.
/b/ is one who introduced you first to Goatse.
/b/ is a hot incest dream that you'll try to forget for days.
/b/ is the only one of your group of friends to be secure in his sexuality and say anything.
/b/ is the guy without ED who still likes trying Viagra.
/b/ is the best friend that tags along for your first date and cock-blocks throughout night. The decent girl you're trying to bag walks out on the date, /b/ laughs and takes you home when you're drunk, and you wake up to several hookers in your house who /b/ called for you.
/b/ is a friend that constantly asks you to try mutual masturbation with him.
/b/ is the guy who calls a suicide hotline to hit on the advisor.
/b/ is nuking the hard-drive next time someone knocks on his door.
/b/ is the one who left a used condom outside the schoolyard.
/b/ is the voice in your head that tells you that it doesn't matter if she's drunk.
/b/ is the friend who constantly talks about your mom's rack.
/b/ is the only one who understands what the hell you saying.
/b/ is someone who would pay a hooker to eat his ass, and only that.
/b/ is the uncle who has touched you several times.
/b/ is still recovering in the hospital, after trying something he saw in a hentai.
/b/ is the pleasure you feel guilty of when you tried playing with your anus during masturbation.
/b/ is wonderful.
/b/ is the person at the end of your street that always stands at the door, and in the day time walks up and down the street for no apparent reason.

[edit] /b/ is not...

I realize that most of you have ether forgotten what /b/ is or are simply newfags who dont know.

/b/ is not where we make posts talking about our personal lives and our problems...we're not your fucking livejournal
/b/ is not some place where we giggle at memes....we're not fucking YTMND
/b/ is not some place where we make confessions we're not fucking grouphug
/b/ is not some place where we find pictures on other websites and post them here ...we're not fucking ebaumsworld
/b/ is not some site where we go to jerk off to hentai pics....we're not fucking aerisdies
/b/ is not some place that you go to, to get someone to hack your girlfriend's e-mail account because shes cheating on you for the 15th time...we're not your fucking personal army
/b/ is not some place you go to ask for help with a personal problem, we're not your fucking psychologist
/b/ isn't some place you go to trash talk other people you'll never meet simply because its an anonymous board with "no rules" and you can get away with it with out any repercussion...we're not a fucking group of internet tough guys
/b/ is not NICE

so /b/....what IS /b/...i want to see how long it takes for someone to get it.

[edit] Beating up a girl

when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.

By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.

When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.

I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actally hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.

It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over face and chest.

Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick and tossed it to her.

I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of highschool kids did it.

When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.

...god I’m fucked up.

[edit] Bento Box

Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)

[edit] Wadren is invading our privacy!

Hey, im posting this for my friend:

Patch 2.3 - WoW Warden updated to invade our privacy even more

I'm writing this in effort to get some kind of response from Blizzard, as Wardens behaviour after patch 2.3 has been changed considerably. If you already know what Warden is and about the previous conflict that happened between Blizzard and gamers who were afraid that Warden compromised their privacy then skip the points 1 and 2. A few somewhat similar posts (including a 10 page thread on US forum) on WoW forums have been deleted but they contained unnecessary flaming and rude comments. Lets keep those out of this thread and not give Blizzard an opportunity to delete this thread. If we keep this constructive and if the thread STILL gets deleted, then we know that this is something that Blizzard wants to hide from the public. Just in case, I have also put up this text on: http://wardentwothree.blogspot.com I also encourage you to spread this information around by posting on guild forums and such. Please link to the URL above in case this thread gets deleted. You can contact me at wardn23@gmail.com . You can also join the channel #warden on QuakeNet for further discussion on this topic.

1. What is Warden and what does/did it do (PRE patch 2.3)?

Warden is Blizzards anti-cheat program that comes with WoW. If you're running WoW then Warden is running in the background. Warden is downloaded "on the fly" from Blizzard servers and can be updated at ANY time possible without the user noticing it, not only at the same time with patches. Warden runs several times in a minute. It reads ALL your Windows title bars, and scans the first bytes of ALL your running processes. Warden then "hashes" this information and compares it against a list of "illegal hashes" (cheat/3rd party programs). If it finds a match you might get banned.

2. So why should I be worried (PRE patch 2.3)?

Window titles and first bytes of your processes could easily include some private information, like social security & credit card numbers. Blizzard has previously stated that players should be OK with this information being gathered as it is not used for anything else except detecting cheaters. Already before patch 2.3 Electric Frontier Foundation labeled Warden as spyware and called it a "massive invasion of privacy": http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2005/10/new-gaming-feature-spyware Here are links for BBC and news.com articles, both published in 2005: http://www.news.com/Game-players-say-Blizzard-invades-privacy/2100-1043_3-5830718.html http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4385050.stm

3. What changed in 2.3 and why if I wasn't worried before should I be worried now?

Before 2.3 there were ways to expose what Warden was doing. There was a program called "The Governor" which allowed one to see what data Warden was dealing with. As of patch 2.3 Warden has been changed so that it includes a cryptographic function which _effectively disables_ our ability to see what kind of information is being sent to Blizzard servers. Now we have no way of knowing if its just our processes and window titles that are being scanned, and that it is only this information that is being sent further.

As far as I know, by encrypting the data that is being sent by Warden Blizzard did at least momentarily achieve to disable a software called "ISXWarden" that was being used by some botters. This was a small victory for them though, since the amount of ISXWarden users compared to some other popular bots is low. The other popular botting programs remain unaffected by this change. But I am a lot more interested about my OWN PRIVACY than momentarily stopping an insignificant amount of botters. This Blizzards war can be (unfortunately) compared to DVD or Blu-Ray encryptions - Blizzard may slow them down but they will always find a way to go around it. Only this time the normal users privacy gets invaded because of this.

For those who are interested in the technical details, here is a link to ISXWardens developers comments about the recent Warden change. Keep in mind that what he has posted in regards to the technical aspects of Warden and what it could do to invade our privacy are true but I believe his motives are far different than mine, he is basically pissed off because the recent change took away his business: http://onwarden.blogspot.com/2007/11/storm-is-brewing.html

Warden, as a program that is running on our computers could be made capable of (for example) scanning our hard-drives. Is our trust in Blizzard and all of their employees this great? We allow them to scan for all this information with a program that could be updated any second without us noticing it, now without even knowing what information they might scan for, just for the sake of cheat detection? What if a real hacker gets his hands on the "Warden server" and maybe decides to change the Warden code a bit?

Why are other ways of detecting hackers/botters/cheaters not implemented? Blizzard should concentrate on detecting the possible botters with means that do not invade our privacy! There are ways to do that, why are the GameMasters not doing their job and checking for possible botters ingame, why are the bots who have been reported several times by different people still running around? Why are the characters who are online 24/7 farming gold not being checked on? Does this game not bring enough money to Vivendi/Blizzard for them to hire a few more GMs? Implementing other

4. But by accepting the EULA and TOS you agreed to all of this, stop whining crybaby!?

The EULA and TOS are largely not enforceable by laws in many (if not all) European countries. Violating the EULA doesnt mean that you're violating the law. Blizzard knows that hardly anyone reads the EULA and can hide pretty much anything in that large junk of text that is hard for a normal human being to interpret without legal advice. If Blizzard is allowed to do this without any criticism at all, more software/game firms will learn that they can do it too and we will start seeing more and more "Wardens" invading our privacy.

[edit] Chris Forcand

Dear foruchan,

It has come to my attention that this is the source of the defamatory comments, message logs and images that have been posted on my blog and sent to my church and employers. I have come here to demand that you stop this behavior immediately before I am forced to take more drastic measures to protect my good name. Don't make me contact the moderators of this BBS over this matter. I also demand that you apologize to me and to my church and employers for your harassment of them.

Yours in Christ, Chris Forcand

[edit] Cooking with Semen

Has anybody ever tried cooking with their own semen?

About a month ago I got adventurous and decided to fap into the frying pan, using my semen in place of little extra butter I usually put in the pan when I'm grilling grill'd cheese.

I didn't notice much difference in flavour when I tried it, although it definitely didn't taste any worse.

Last night, however, while in the process leading up to grilling two sandwiches for lunch for myself and my sick mother, I noticed my neighbour's 13 year old daughter changing in the yard next door (our window sort of faces out into the neighbour's yard, the suburban layout of our community is somewhat strange), presumably after getting out of the pool. I got the urge to fap and decided to encorporate it into my cooking again in secret.

My mother did seem to notice a difference in flavour for the better - I nonchalantly told her I used a different butter, which in it's essence wasn't entirely a lie, I just didn't specify it was my nut butter. I'm not about to outright lie to my mother.

I consider myself a respectable man of principles, you know.

[edit] Copypasta chefs

Original, hand-crafted copypasta; The perfect present for a wedding, christening, new baby, birthday, anniversary, retirement, mother’s day, thank you, school reunion - any occasion you can think of! Our copypastas are each individually handcrafted by a skilled and dedicated chef and guaranteed to be of the highest quality.

These beautiful and decorative copypastas are hand-crafted from crushed and powdered words bound up with only the finest pasta. Every copypasta is completely hand made, from the basic raw materials through to the finished product every process is carried out by hand. The only exception is a cleaning and polishing process in which the copypasta is put through special machines. Even these machines have been developed for particular use in the preparation of the copypasta, for, although the copypasta is quite durable, fine details such as noses, horses ear's, swords, daggers and flag staffs could be snapped off if treated too roughly.

The National Association of Copypasta Chefs (NACC) is dedicated to protecting artists and crafters - their work, creativity and intellectual properties and marketing rights. I believe to keep the true work of the artist and copypasta chef alive we must act to promote and protect our art and craft.

[edit] Deer Island / Skull and Bones childsex

Deer Island.

Private getaway to the Skull & Bones Society.

What do they do there?

They raise children for sex and sex alone.

When members of Yale's most secret of secret societies go there as a "getaway," they do not bring their girlfriends. They instead bring small keys [with skull-and-crossbone designs on them, how original] made of various metals [typically gold, sometimes platinum; mixed with stronger substances for strength, of course] taken from the teeth of dead enemies. Mostly fillings, though.

What do these keys unlock?

Locks to the various underground chambers scattered about the island. There are fifteen tombs of this type [one for each member of this year's chosen bonesmen].

The girls are allowed to grow no older than fourteen years old.

They are abused, raped, and taught to like it from birth. They have no nationality, no recognizable country of origin. Typically they're the offspring of gullible [but clean] whores that are brought to Deer Island by clever bonesmen. The whores are killed after the childbirth [and detained on the island during the nine months leading up to it].

At thirteen, the girls are allowed to bear children. Before this age, abortions are routine, one of the island's few year-round residents is an abortionist. He is well paid, and is one of the only non-bonesmen ever allowed to take place in the childsex.

Once the thirteen/fourteen year old girls have given birth, they are taken into what are near-exact replicas of the gas chambers at Auschwitz camp I [only crafted from ornate stonework; there are etchings on the walls of various Skull-and-Bones images, the number 322, etc.]. They're told that this will be the site of a celebration of their new child's birth. A futon in the middle of the room is where the child is fucked for the final time, before being choked until unconscious, and gassed [once the bonesman has left the chamber safely, of course].

For having made mention of ANY of this, I could be killed.

(second post begins here )

The girls are given trust tests at age eight, before fellatio can become part of their sexual repertoire.

The bonesman will lay his potential cocksucker down on a cold concrete floor in the middle of a well-lit auditorium underground, and force her to lay spread-eagle. He then inserts a straight razor into her vagina, vertically, slowly, being careful so as to minimize any potential damage. One flinch from the girl, and the blade is pulled up through the uterus, and the girl is then disposed of [the bonesmen often HOPE for a twitch from the girl, so they can mutilate her with the razor just for fun]. If the child remains calm, the razor is removed, and she is "rewarded" with the privelege of getting to suck the cock of one of the most powerful men in the world.

Semen must be swallowed, if fellatio is performed. If the child can't get the bonesman off, he will grab her head, and give a warning thrust, jamming his penis into the back of her throat. She is given a couples seconds to recover, and the quality of her blowjob must either improve, or she will get another thrust, harder this time. If a third thrust is necessary, the bonesman does not let go of her head at all, but rams it into his pelvis, until he ejaculates. The girl is often unable to breathe by the end of this, and so, the razor comes out, and the girl is finished off. This very rarely happens though, the girls are taught the proper respect by the time they reach the age of eight.

That's all I can share safely tonight; I'll try to post more soon. I need to make it look like I'm here doing research.

-"322 minus one"

[edit] Early Communists

The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.

[edit] Fingerprint removal

How to safely and effectively remove your fingerprints:

1. Get a bottle of Sodium Hydroxide (NaOH)
2. Put some on your fingerprints.
3. Rub it on a smooth surface like a table for a minute.
4. Wash your hands thoroughly and don't get any under your fingernails.

Now all you need to is ensure you don't leave hairs or proteins on the crime.

[edit] First gay experience

Well my first gay experience happened like this:

I was about 50 yards or so up this path when I noticed a man standing off the side of the path apparently staring into the woods. As I got closer I realized his pants were down around his ankles and I could see his ass. Now, I'm straight but I have to say that it was a really nicely shaped ass for a man and I took notice. I figured maybe he was drunk and just peeing in the bushes, so I started to walk quieter so I wouldn't disturb him. But as I got closer I started hearing strange grunts and sucking sounds. I realized there was another man blowing him.

Now, I'm not gay but I slowed my pace down to watch. I slowed and approached the standing man from behind. His friend didn't take any notice as his eyes were tightly closed. I came right up behind the man standing so that I could have reached out and touched him. That's when I brought the cinder block down on his head, hard. He collapsed on top of his faggot friend and I quickly finished them both off. I rolled them into the bushes and finished my walk. That was only my first of many such gay encounters.

[edit] Fried Pig Pussy

Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another.. human pussy again. But FUCK human pussy! I fuck dead pigs. You'll read all about it in heartburn how I fuck them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds!

I couldn't get no twat from serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony bologna dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here serenity lets show these assholes how we fuck. Lets show these assholes how we fuck. My sweet sweet serenity.

Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds.

I'll eat pork rinds with god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no fucking laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy. Or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our fucking hair wild.

Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. Fuck you, you fucking, farting robots. Suck my dead pig. Suck my dead pig!

[edit] Furry Texan

I've been a Furry for 10 years now and want to stop. The problem is that the group of furs that I hang out with don't like me now and if I took my fursuit off, they would probably beat me up and kill me. My last boyfriend (a cute b/w wolf) gave me herpes on my ass and now I have a hard time taking a shit. Sometimes I have to take an Ex-lax so my shit will come out easy.

I've never had sex with a girl, because I don't know how to pick them up. That's why I turned Furry. But now I'm just tired of guys ripping my ass when they don't use lubrication. I've had to get stitches three times. I went out with a fox last night who said he only gives, he doesn't receive, so I had to suck his dick and he made me swallow or he would kick my ass.

- Tony, Age 20, Austin, Texas

[edit] Gay In A Locker Room

I'm a gay man and I have nothing but fond memories of my time spent in the girls' locker room. As an effeminately homosexual adolescent, I felt very uncomfortable and out of place in the loud, nasty, testosterone-fuelled environment of the boys' locker room, so our dyke gym teacher let me use the girls' locker room instead. All my friends were girls and they loved me, I was kind of their cuddly little gay mascot. But there's always one bitch who'll kick up a fuss, and it's usually the ugliest one in the room. This hatchet-faced shrew called Arlene took issue with my presence, she was all "Oh I don't feel comfortable with him looking at my naked body", and I was just like "Girl, I wouldn't look at your tired ass if it paid me to". She got over herself eventually. Sometimes I would sashay into the boys' locker room and pretend I'd forgotten my schoolbag, then I'd run back to the girls' locker room and tell them about all the small sad willies I'd seen. I also had great fun towel-whipping those bitches until their fat asses were red raw! Lolz.

[edit] GOD

God is just some guy who bought Sim City and was bored. Some guy sitting at a giant computer is controlling you right now. When you have several decisions going through your head and you don't know which one to pick, God does. "Flirt? Tickle? Entertain?" He decides. You have no say in The Sims. You're just some computer graphic.

That is God.

[edit] NOT EVEN THE FUCKING CHILDREN

Today was a day that will forever be the climax of my life, at this point, nothing could get any better. That little cunt is going to get it, him and his fucking family. They are all going to die. ALL OF THEM, NOT EVEN THE FUCKING CHILDREN.

You see, it started one day, and I was at the fresh young age of 12, the first day I ever saw him. He looked friendly at first, but little did I know that that exact day I had met the devil himself, just in a childish form. He asked for my name, and I said my name, which is Caleb. And almost as soon as he heard my name, he yelled out (let me tell you that this was inside of a school) "Hey, everybody! It's Caleb the Cunt-Sucker!" Everyone laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Even the teachers were laughing. It was degrading, it was down right.....damning. It continued thought the rest of my years in school, and I even went as far as almost committing suicide.

After I got out of school, I got a job at a local garage. It wasn't the cleanest, or well-paying of jobs, but it git me threw. I had to stay at home, I hardly had any money, let alone have money to pay for a house.One day, I was driving back home, and I saw him. And not only did he have a perfect house and a perfect car, he had a family. A picture-perfect family. I snapped that day, and when I got home, I started planning his downfall.

Now, today was the day, the day that I would for fill my dream of killing all of them. I will be back later to tell you the result. And I will finally tell the brutal death of those fucking maggots.

[edit] Reported WoW to PEGI!

Blizzard... You cant expect trust from your players if you dont act reasonable towards them aswell. The HUGE amount of money you earned from us, didnt make you throw us any bones, but quite the opposite to be honest. Let me elaborate:

Prior to release you said in a interview that you aimed for a playerbase of 600.000 players. You ended up with 8 million instead. I know you have extra expenses to servers, customer support and so on, but it is obvious that if this game would have been good business with less 1/10 of the current playerbase, you are having a HUGE profit as it is now.

If you cared the least about the players instead of acting greedy you would have posted more money into development and support than whats the case at the moment. Getting rid of goldspammer is only a question of resources, and you DO have the money to monitor the capitals for these tedious gold-ads, if you really cared about it.

If you cared the least about the players instead of acting greedy you would have fixed some of the bugs thats been in the game since release. Just to mention one: The mage-spell Blink. It has been broken ever since release and nothing has been done.

If you cared the least about the players instead of acting greedy you would have thrown us a bone once in a while with new fun content. We have had ONE major content patch since The Burning Crusade. In vanilla wow we got new content every month, and for those who remember, the back of the box says it would be an ever expanding world to explore. The world is expanding, but its not from our monthly fee. It seems like Blizzard one day, while taking a morning swim in their piles of gold-dust came up with thew following idea:

"Hey.. Why not skip the free content patches, give heck about bug-fixes and instead use the monthly fee on making expansions and whole other games, to sell to the players once again. They pay us for making the game, and pay us once again to buy it. Woah.. Great idea"

Blizzard.. You went to greedy, and you give heck about us players. You moderate these forums in a neo-fascist way and milks the cow to an unreaonable extent. WHY should you get devoted players then?

Thats why I reported you to PEGI for the brewfest. I really doubt that excessive use of alchohol is a game suitable for 12 years. Its not only the brewfest, but the ingame alchohol itself that triggers my morale.

If I felt that you cared the least about me and my fellow players I might have kept my mouth shutted, but seeing how you make a insanely profit, and still make up ideas to milk us even more, simply make me feel like taking a couple of zillions out of your pockets by lowering your playerbase.

The thing about holding back on the free content we used to get, when you saw the option to let us pay for it through expansions, simply was the final straw. You always defended the monthly fee by saying it would be spent on content updates. Instead you are using it on starcraft 2 and expansions.

I really really hope your greediness will cost you and PEGI will raise the age-cap to 18.

Have a nice day!

[edit] I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest

I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.

"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.

"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.

Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.

God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.

I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.

I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.

[edit] Jar Jar Binks

I like to wear a elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again. Can I sue for harassement or possibly assault?

[edit] A Little Revenge

Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!”. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little shit must've gotten in a fuckheap of trouble.

[edit] Match My Rank

FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I PICK FUCKING "MATCH MY RANK" AND YOU PUT ME UP AGAINST A FOUR STAR GOD DAMN IT FUCK YOU! I'M A FUCKING TWO STAR. FOURSTAR DOES NOT MATCH A FUCKING TWO STAR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU GOD DAMN CHINKS?! YOU MADE THE FUCKING WII, NOW MAKE YOUR ONLINE SYSTEM OPTIONS FUCKING WORK. I'M TIRED OF SETTING IT TO MATCH MY RANK ONLY TO FIND IT NOT MATCH MY RANK THEN GO DOWN A RANK BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKED UP SYSTEM. GOD DAMN IT. FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER GAME FROM YOU AGAIN. AND I'M GOING TO BOMB JAPAN TOMORROW. HOW ABOUT THAT, NINTENDO?

[edit] Moot Fanfic

It was another agonizing day on /b/. Newfags, gaiafags, furfags, you name it. Anonymous was tired of it. Moot was tired of it, too. She wanted to stop it. But she couldn't.

There was only one way: Snacks.

W.T. Snacks, ex-girlfriend of said Moot, was the only way to solve the cancer that was killing /b/. They decided to meet eventually.

As soon as poor Snacks entered Moot's humble little adobe, she was pounced upon. Thrown to the couch, she was quickly stripped of her tight, constricting and beautiful schoolgirl outfit.

Now both Snacks and Moot were in their beautiful lingerie. It begun.

Moot climbed over Snacks on top of the couch, a slight purr to her neko lips, as she leaned down to gently plant those lips on Snacks' face. Quickly, the blonde, teenage girl struggled and squealed under the neko's grasp, but it was futile. Moot had the upper hand.

That upper hand quickly lowered itself, one of Moot's soft, milky hands slowly caressing one of Snacks' delicious breasts, the other intertwined tightly in the smooth blonde hair of the girl beneath her. She replied with a quiet gasp, turning into a soft, shivering moan, as the nekogirl began to molest her.

Snacks' back arched in pleasure as she crawled out from under Moot, sitting back against the couch. Moot slid off, onto her knees, in front of the beautiful loli, and then began her work.

She pulled aside Snacks' panties, revealing the tiniest sprinkle of silky blonde pubic hair, and the perfectly symmetrical, tightened folds of Snacks' virgin cunt. Her semi-rough neko tongue tenatively stuck out, a hand on each of the girl's thighs. As the tongue dragged along sweet, damp lips, Snacks let out a whimper and a moan of delight, squirming from Moot's ever-so-soft kisses.

As Snacks' love juices emptied theirselves into Moot's mouth, her tongue dug deeper, her delicious flat chest grinding up against Snacks' leg. Her own wetness was approaching, plus... something a little different, and Snacks' eyes went wide in shock as she realized the truth. Moot had a penis.

The shock quickly subsided into gasps and mewls of love as Moot did her best to pleasure her slit. and eventually Snacks could not resist that pleasure. Her back arched and out rang a loving, passionate moan as she orgasmed, juices finding their way to coat Moot's face and chest.

Moot herself could stand it no more. She stood up and dropped her panties, exposing her slim, yet exotic six inch shaft in front of Snacks, pulsating and throbbing in Anticipation. Snacks could not resist. Her legs spread wide, and her fingers held her sopping wet pussy open.

The neko futa descended upon Snacks. Almost immediately she was at it, her cock slipping inside Snacks' warm, inviting orifice, beginning to pound mercilessly, crushing her virginity. The larger girl yelped in pain, then mewled in delight, wrapping her arms around Moot's loli frame. Moot's tongue found it's way to Snacks' nipple, suckling on it like a newborn child as one hand groped Snacks' other breast, the other tweaking and playing with Snacks' clit as they mated in passion.

Plowing through each of the blonde girl's orgasms, Moot continued to suckle and kiss her breast, pleasure flooding both girls' senses as final orgasms approached. All the hatred, all the bans and horrors of /b/, to this moment, were now drowned in one last second of ecstacy.....

...and then there was no more. Moot almost screamed out in delight as she came, shooting her neko seed deep into Snacks' womb. She could only twitch and shudder in response as their fluids mixed inside Snacks' tight cunt.

They lay there for several minutes, when suddenly, Moot's mother entered the house. As she gazed upon the form of her son/daughter, shaft eagerly buried within the wet tunnel of Snacks, she became scared. She said, "You're moving with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air!"

I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say this cab was rare, but I thought naw forget it, "Yo Holmes, to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and yelled to the cabbie, "Yo Holmes, smelled you later!" Looked to my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

[edit] NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN

FACT: NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTIAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUEMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY.

[edit] Ophie

After spending a few minutes here I can easily say that all of are lacking of any wit or intelligence whatsoever. You all believe yourselves to be better than everyone else, and I can tell you right now, that that is not the case in the slightest, you pseudo-intellectuals. I am much better than all of you. Clearly I am because I am neither pretentious, long-winded, asinine, discourteous, nor are my tastes quite as bland as yours. No, I am quite concise, and I would never stretch beyond that of my means or what I am designated to.

I'd have to say that this board is full of anonymous lurkers, attackers, and trolls, who have nothing better to do than throw their elitist opinions around in an attempt at misguided show-boating with people they'd never ever meet.

None of you build any persona or stand by anything remotely attached that I can feel some sort of personal connection to. You lack any sort of direction and I can't have that. You're analogies are far too complicated, linear, and they're rather contradictory. Why, there's never even any variety here!

I give this image board, masquerading as a message board, a 1/10.

[edit] Papa Gino's

Damn you, /b/. I fucking hate you. I've been noticing how you've been fucking with my head, making me see memes everywhere, and now it cost me my job.

I used to work at a pizza joint called Papa Gino's, which is a chain here in New England. Today, two guys came in, and they were very obviously a couple. Never in my life have I seen people this blatantly gay. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bleeding heart liberal hippie treehugger commie bastard, and I'm even bisexual myself, but DAMN these two were gay. Everything was going fine, right up until I served them their food. Instead of the usual "enjoy your meal" bit that I usually say, /b/ seized control of my brain.

"There you are, guys. Enjoy your AIDS." As soon as that A passed my lips, alarm bells went nuts in my head. But it was too late. I didn't realize what I had just done until I had finished speaking. The two guys just stared at me in shock for a momment, and I went pale. I knew that my days of free pizza and all the Mountain Dew I could drink were over in that one instant.

The two dudes go APESHIT. My manager comes over, and there's screaming about hate crimes, bigotry, lawsuits, and one of them even stood up and threatened to beat the shit out of me. We got into a fight, and my manager got scared, and said youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air.

I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!"

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

[edit] Reese's Puffs

So I met this girl who worked at starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says "And it's part of this complete breakfast!"

[edit] Shitbutter

Hello /b/

I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I waledk quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

[edit] Super Mario 3 sucks a fucking cock

This game is shit, plain and simple.

Oh, let's all get the warp whistle and warp to "big world"! Too bad big world isn't fucking fun, like the rest of this game. The entire thing is designed to anger and frustrate you. Oh, you get Kuribo's shoe on one fucking level! Wow, pardon me while I make the universal motion for a handjob. Kuribo's shoe fucking sucked. What did it do, exactly? It let you JUMP ON THINGS, something you were able to do the entire fucking game. Oh, also you looked gay.

There are some interesting power-ups in the game, such as Tanookie Mario, Hammer Mario, and Frog Mario. But guess what? You can get them on like 2 levels total, and if you fuck up and get hit ONCE, you lose them, FOREVER. Wow, that's fun! I love games that demand I play perfectly or have no fun, because I'm a fucking jap who strives for absolute perfection in gaming otherwise I kill myself.

Mario 3 may have been interesting or fun at one time, but the game is a worthless piece of shit in today's day and age. It's horribly flawed and full of punch-in-the-dick moments, much more so than it has moments that are just fun to play.

[edit] Terminator

I have a ritual called 'terminator'. I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

[edit] The legend of 4chan

Legend has it that if you travel east to Japan, you will find an old man living on the coast just 40 miles south of Tokyo. If you give this man $500,000 he will take you to an island just off the coast that can't be found on any map. This island is filled with people without faces or names, who hold grudges over the most trivial of matters. When you arrive at this island the first thing you will see is a swimming pool that is never open. Just beyond the pool you will find a town that is filled with cats. You must find a white cat wearing a pink bow. If you ask the cat how to get to Mexico, he will stand up and ask you for three things: Your name, your face, and your soul. If you agree to give them to him, your face will vanish and you will forget your own name. You can live on the island and have whatever you desire, but you can never leave the island. The only way to escape is to find the cat again and ask for a young child. The next day a van will pull up in front your house. You will hear a knock at the door, and a voice will ask if you want to come to a party. No one knows what happens if you answer the door.

[edit] Serious Thread

When I was younger, my best friend went out with the love of my life. I was 11. And that experience ruined me emotionally. Even though I didn't give any hints to either of them about my real feelings, and that those feelings only really surfaced after they started going out, I still felt profoundly betrayed.

Because of my "best friend" fucking me over I don't feel comfortable opening myself up and extending my emotions.

In the past couple of years I have attempted relationships. I really have. But it hurts so bad when I see the same thing happen all over again...my newer best friend gets buddy buddy with the girl I love and I am blocked out of her life. She gets other boyfriends and I try to show her how much I love her. I really fucking tried. That guy was no good...I was trying to help when I brought that knife. He deserved a good stabbing. Not that he got one...I just wanted to look manly in front of her.

I pretty much gave up on her - let's call her 'J' - a few months ago, and have since moved onto her friend. I think she's different...she actually sees past my semi-autistic features to my personality. I even went to the school ball with her. She kinda ignored me the whole night and flinched every time I tried to dance with her or speak to her, but it still shows progress right? Let's call *her* 'K'.

Some inferior woman-thing tried seducing me. She tried to distract me from my real love. We dated for a couple weeks, kinda, but only because I was so messed up at the time and didn't know what I really wanted. I broke up with her though because I can't really handle anything right now. My life is pretty intense at the moment. Maybe things will get better when I move to the city.

[edit] Wiimote Threesome

Sup /b/ So I know what you're thinking, moar copypasta right? Nope, this really happened to me, like 30 minutes ago. So my parents are out of town for the weekend, and I figure I'll just stay up getting high and fapping. Later in the afternoon, I'm a little blazed and the doorbell rings. I figure the neighbor kid lost another ball over our fence, so I answer it. Turns out it's a couple girls I go to school with, they're both stone cold foxes. I tried asking one of them out the previous year, but it kind fell through. They say that they were bored and decided to drive over and say hi since they knew my parents were out of town. I'm still pretty stoned at this point, so I just kinda mumble and invite them in. I ask them what they want to do, then, since I've got these two hot chicks alone with me at my house, I try to act funny and say, "You two wanna come downstairs and play with my Wii?" It was funny to me at the time, but for some reason they just looked at eachother and giggled. So we went downstairs and I started up Wii Sports, since it's easy to play.

I sit down on the couch and they both take a seat on either side of me. I hand them each a remote and instead of standing up to play, they snuggle up to me. I start em out on Tennis, and we're all sitting there laughing at their attempts to play. One thing that really get them is how the Wiimote vibrates when they hit the ball. After a few games one of them says that she can smell pot, and asks if I've got anymore. Imagine my luck, two hot girls wanna get high with me alone in my house. So we all take a few hits, and they're laughing harder than ever. We keep playing for a while, trying out different games, until one of them presses the Wiimote to her nipple as it vibrates. She does a real fake pornstar moan and laughs, but I can see her nipple standing out through the shirt. Right now, my dick is rock hard and almost poking out through my pants

I take the Wiimote and laughing with them say, "Watch" as I put it over my crotch and it vibrates. They think this is hilarious, but I can see that they've noticed my boner. One of them takes the Wiimote from me and does than same, except she's practically jamming the Wiimote into herself through her pants. So here I am, sitting in my basement while these two girls are practically fucking eachother with my Wiimotes. I'm thinking, wow, how much better can this get?

Then the one on my right takes off her pants. She's not laughing, just smiling and saying "This thing is almost as good as what I use at home." My mouth is hanging open, and the other girl is just laughing and watching. We're in Tennis mode and she starts rubbing herself, moaning each time the remote vibrates.

Now the other girl takes my Wiimote and does the same, taking off her pants. This time, though, she goes right for it and jams the whole thing in herself. Without even thinking, I'm rubbing myself in my pants, almost ready to come. The first girl looks over at me and says, "What? Are you getting jealous?" With a smile she puts down the Wiimote and leans over, she takes off my jeans and my erection pops out through my boxers. She kneels in front of me, while the other girl starts kissing at my face. I was surprised I hadn't come already, I guess it was the weed slowing down my physical functions. All I see is her smiling face inching down to my rigid cock mouth agape, the other one is watching too, rubbing herself while she jams her tongue into my open mouth.

I feel her warm, moist mouth envelop my cock. I can tell she’s having trouble getting it all in, but the feeling is amazing. Slowly she works my cock in her mouth, wrapping her tongue around the head, licking it as he work in and out. The other girl pries herself away from my mouth long enough to grab the Wiimote and come up behind the brown haired girl, eagerly sucking away at my penis. She leans over and starts working the Wiimote in and out of her friends vagina, now dripping with fluid. She starts moaning while sucking my cock, imagine this sound, mouth full of my member and moaning loudly. I can feel myself reaching orgasm, I try to tell her, but my mouth won’t move, I’m lost in the heavenly sensation of her tongue and mouth. She pulls off just as I start to come and says, "Mmm, are you almost done? My mouth is getting-" She never finishes, I cum loads into her face, she gasps in surprise and more shoots into her mouth. She laughs and smiles, her friend still working the Wiimote in and out of her pussy, she licks the semen off her face as more spills out into her cleavage. Her friend pauses for a moment, just long enough to come around and lick the jizz of her breasts.

We fooled around for a bit longer after than, and eventually I showed them both how good I was at Wii Sports . . . among other things.

[edit] I know who you are

Anonymous,

I know who you are. You're almost invariably male, caucasian, middle-class. Your parents were normal, vanilla folks. Maybe you had a sibling or two.

You went to a public school, pulling high or middlish grades with ease and relative disinterest. You didn't really gel with most of the other kids; you found them boring, they found you weird. Your contempt for the average person grew with your age, never seizing control like in some emo dipshit, but simmering casually in the back of your head. When some asshole who could barely read got hurt, you pyobably laughed. When some stuck-up skank got herpes, you probably smiled. Chances are you got on well enough with your teachers; you weren't a preening asshole like many of your peers, at least showed vague interest in learning, and perhaps the teacher sensed and picked up on your general contempt for others in your classes. This trend no doubt continued into college, if you had the motivation to bother.

It's a bit of an exaggeration to say you hate women: you don't, after all, enjoy the socializing game. You're probably no Don Juan, either. You long ago began to think of women as disappointingly petty, but you still hope to encounter someone interesting at some time or another.

You enjoy being anonymous because it is a release from the normal world: no anonymous has an identity, no anonymous is a preening faggot. Anonymous realizes he is just a guy fucking around on the internet. Anonymous knows others of his kind enjoy this fact, too. You despise the furfag, the gaiafag, the internet tuff guy for one simple reason: he acts like the internet is the real world, a place where actions should have social consequences and where there needs to be a pecking order. Needless to say, you do not approve.

[edit] /B/'s Present

Hey, /b/

Heres a present!

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[edit] Angry German rant

I'M A GERMAN

SON OF A BITCH AMERICAN

AMERICAN IS PIG

DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER?

DO YOU WANT A PIZZA?

AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING

GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS A MURDERER

FUCKING U.S.A

[edit] Black Guy Rant

We were talking about this with a friend earlier: WHY ARE WHITE PEOPLE SO ANGRY AT BLACKS?

and we came up with this answer: they're jealous!

Let's see why:

1)We got awesome resistance against the sun. Enjoy being burned 2)We are more fit, we can outrun any white male anytime 3)We got bigger dicks 4)Girls dig us better 5)We have very wide social circles. White people have forgot how to live in society 6)We got rhythm. We can dance, rap, sing, make music, you name it! 7)A black chick wouldn't date a white boy. On the other hand, white girls would drop their white boyfriend anytime for a black guy if given the chance 8)We're simply cooler. Admit it, maybe it wasn't the case some 200 years ago, but nowadays being white sucks whether being black is cool as hell 9)We got a sense of what family is about 10)We get MANY children so that our genes will last long on this motherfucking earth, not like your average pathetic 2 children 11)If you don't die a virgin, and happen to get a daughter... chances are she'll be sucking and swallowing black dicks :)

I could be going on and on and on but you get the point by now

Enjoy being white, sucker :)

[edit] What

This is what's great about getting old. I'll read this, forget all of the information and go see the movie. I will enjoy it, half way through the movie I'll forget what the plot is, get confused and go to the parking lot and try to find my car by holding my keys over my head and pushing the panic button until my alarm goes off. Which will scare the shit out of me, and I will think it is a cop, because I already have one arm up. I bring the other hand up and get on the ground, hands behind my back. Then I will fall asleep. The next morning I will find my car, a mere three feet away. I get inside and discover the battery has somehow died, so I call a tow company. After an hour, for some reason, a tow truck shows up and a black man starts running toward my car. He's screaming, so I lock the windows and hide in the back seat. I never realize that I've set myself on fire from the cigarette I forgot that I'd lit twenty minutes ago. I become an hero. This thread is great. My name is George, are there rules on this internet page?

[edit] Throats Slit

You've got to help me, /b/. I've done something horrible.

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend. When I saw them together, I got so furious, I slit their throats with my pocketknife. Then, I buried the two bodies and my mom got scared

And said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

[edit] Syrup

Hey /b/ , I was drinking my coffee just now when when my friend and his brother who made said coffee bursts into the room laughing. They threw a bottle on my lap and ran away. This JUST happened

What is syrup of ipicuc?

Should I go to the hospital?

[edit] Fox News Cyanide Plot

at 9:45am on the morning of November 15th, 2007, at Fox News's headquarters in New York City, there will be a brief power outage, then everything will appear to return to normal. i will have used the outage, however, to sneak myself and 4 2L bottles of potassium cyanide and a container with .5L of concentrated sulfuric acid. i will walk into the main lobby and scream "YOU PEOPLE SPEAK LIES TO THE WORLD" as i combine the two deadly ingredients and release a noxious gas that will poison everyone in the lobby. people will shriek in horror, children will cry for their lives, my mom will get scared and say "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

[edit] I own this boat

I can't believe you fucking morons waste your life here. Listen, this is your LIFE. You need to be living with real human beings. You need to go find a girlfriend and spend time with her. You need to find happiness. Happiness is not in your online games or crappy manga books, it is in other people.

Do you really want to be 40 years old and look back to your 18-25 years and realize you pissed them away in fits of loneliness playing RPGs and crying yourself to sleep? I know most, if not all of you, had no real childhood or highschool experiences because you were too busy being antisocial losers. Change that, now. How much greater would your life be now had you worked up the courage to talk to that one girl and go to the prom with her? Wouldn't high school have been amazing if you actually went out with friends on the weekend and saw movies? This is why you people love anime so much, because it portrays these perfect people going through high school living the lives YOU wish you could have lived back then.

Stop wasting your time on the Internet. Look outside and see the trees and the sun. Please. There is a world out there. There are interesting people all over. Why do you want to throw away what is left of your life playing fictional RPGs when real life is one big RPG with real consequences and relationships?

Are you just afraid? I mean, look at me, I own this boat.

[edit] M&M Duel

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[edit] Crying in Canteen

Something horrible happened to me today.

This girl that I liked walked up to me during lunch break, along with her friends following her. I was very nervous already -like I always am with girls- and could tell from the heat on my face I was heavily blushing, which made me even more nervous. To add to that, her friends were laughing behind her shoulders, so I smelled something fishy right away.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me then occurred. Never in my life have I felt so miserable. She looked at me with a grin on her face, and told me that first off she never liked me, and was just playing with me for a laugh. Then, she added that I was ugly and that no one would ever want to be with someone like me. Behind her, her friends were laughing and capturing the whole scene with their camera phones (so yeah, it was probably planned from the start, all to have a big laugh at me)

I didn't even know how to react, so many people were around and looking at me that I just felt I was going to fall unconscious. I walked out of there mechanically -I was barely able to think- as quickly as I could with tears I was hardly keeping and went to the bathroom to CRY. I hadn't cried for years and there I was, in the fucking canteen's bathroom crying.

I'm a fucking loser and I hate myself SO FUCKING BAD. I hate girls and I hate humans. They rob you of every single piece of self-esteem you have for their own self-enjoyment. How the fuck am I supposed to go on with life when people are so horrible?

FUCK

[edit] Concerned Mom on /b/

"Soup b" is I think the greeting here, excuse me I just have not understood much of the phrases used here. My son has been excluded from his school after being accused of sending mass e-mails to most of his schoolmates and faculty containing inappropriate and offensive pictures. He has since claimed that he found the pictures on a website named 4chan's Random Picturing Board. He hasn't admitted to me what he is doing on this website, only stating that he enjoys "the lull's". This website is on my son's AOL history and after visiting it myself I am extremely concerned. I think I understand what it's all about and I see that you're all friends posting pictures and discussing them in humorous ways, your typical teenage tomfoolery and I don't deny that I once took part in some of the more lewd conversations I've seen on this Random 4chan web-site. However, more concerning was the repetition of gay themes, and a cult-like worshipping of a certain Bill Kualitz. Also the frequent mention of a pool being closed due to AIDS, as I have heard my son say once before I knew he was what he calls a "betard", is this some sort of code word? So I think I'm right in saying most of this Random Board users are members of the Gay, Trans. and Bi community? Does the lull's refer to anal sex?

My son will not admit anything to me, so I'm going to find out here for myself from the rest of you. Should I be concerned about my son's sexuality and especially his health?

Thank you very much for any information you can provide, and any advise as to how to help my son. I have nothing but respect for the GLTB community.

[edit] VTec, Finnish Style

People make me laugh. This guy was bullied, being laughed at, pointed at, etc. People didn't give one fuck then. They didn't care that they made him suffer, that his self-esteem took a hit every time they mocked him. "Who cares? He's here for our entertainment! He's the Finnish guy to make fun of!"

But now that he gets back at them, "he's the bad guy!" People cry over their lost ones, but WOULD HAVE THEY CRIED if he committed suicide because of what society did to him? PEOPLE KNOW that when they bully someone it has a powerful, dangerous effect on the bullied. Yet, they don't care. Their entertainment comes first, of course.

Well guess what, the roles are now switched. Now it's their turn to fucking suffer. FUCK THE MEDIA, he IS the true victim. Stop making him look like a monster! This guy earned the right to such actions. I stand by his side 100% and pray his soul rest in peace

[edit] AC Slatering

Guys this is probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomache was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tommorow. I am so embarassed and I hope my gf doesnt blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.

[edit] Childhood Sex

Some 19-year-old guy came over to my house a few times. He lived across the street, though I can't remember what his (alleged) intentions were in coming over. I couldn't tell what kind of race he was - part-mexican, part-black, some kind of brown - but I remember him being fairly tall with one of those shitty half-assed moustaches those types of guys grow. You know, the kind where it's somewhere between ratty stray hairs and a full, well-groomed mass of hair.

Anyways, the only real memory I have of this guy was my grandpa walking in on him in my room with his jeans down to his ankles and the back of my head blocking the view of his genitals. All I heard was my grandpa's authoritative yet perplexed voice say, "What's going on in here?" The guy was stunned into silence, and I, for whatever reason, cheerily explained to my grandpa that he was teaching me how to zip up my jeans. And somehow he bought it.

That's where I received and gave my first blowjob. I didn't see the guy at my house anymore after that. I saw him on the street a short while later, and I waved and said hello, but he didn't respond. After that, I didn't see him ever again. I found out later that he was a registered child molester. I was four.

Cut to my next memory. I'm in preschool. It's recess, and I go play with a girl I'd befriended. What did we play? Why, house, of course. What girl doesn't want to play house? I could've played with the other kids, but I had other plans.

We sat down in the little play house, and she's blathering on about some pretend nonsense. I mention something about peepees. I ask her if she has one. She says no. I ask her if she's seen one. She says no. I ask her if she wants to. She's interested. I pull down the front of my pants and expose my PENIS. She giggles, saying something like, "that's weird."

"What are you doing?" Some kid must've heard the conversation and now he's interested. I yell at him to go away, that this is private, and he's not allowed in. He gets butthurt and runs off. I think I'm in the clear.

"Can I see yours?" I ask the girl. She responds, "But I don't have one!" She pulls down the front of her pants to show me. Just as that happens, I hear, "What's going on in here?!" Oh shit, it's the fucking teacher. Just my luck, too, that she's a woman. She goes on a tirade and I can't quite slip my way out of this one.

I get kicked out of preschool. My mom denies the whole thing, deeming the incident ridiculous. The girl got to stay in. I saw her a year or two later outside the preschool. We waved. I never saw her again after that. I was five.

Moving forward to kindergarten. I was increasingly having trouble containing my sexual urges. I began popping boners left and right, yet I didn't understand the mechanics of "getting off" at that point, so there was nothing I could do about them, other than reach down my pants and "adjust." That got me a lot of dirty looks. However, I soon found a way around this.

Second grade. The teacher is giving this long, boring lecture, and I doze off, daydreaming about things that got me hard. Sure enough, I got hard. This time, however, I decided to do something about it. I began rubbing my dick against my inner thigh from the outside of my pants, and it felt amazing. I was detached from the world in an overwhelming feeling of ecstasy. The feeling built and built and built until I ejaculated, though nothing came out.

To my surprise, I realized I had been staring at a girl with a fat face the whole time, and she had been looking at me the whole time. She must've wondered why I was staring at her, trying to figure out what I was doing, but she couldn't see under the desk...that is, until she leaned over and saw where my hands were. She made a disgusted face, and I then realized how ugly she was. I don't blame her for that, though; I can only imagine the faces I was making.

This was when I figured out how to cum; I'm sure many of you have funny stories about this momentous event as well. Though it was quite a great feeling, looking at pigface didn't give me much satisfaction. And since I didn't get too far with girls, I decided to go into familiar territory: boys.

Thus, my best friend became "more than friends." We would often slip away to the bathroom together and take turns performing fellatio on each other. One time some kid came in and we pretended like we were peeing, then went right back to it afterwards. That made it more fun and exciting. No one suspected a thing.

I'm actually quite regretful of this, in retrospect. Chances are that this kid is pretty fucked up and is struggling with his sexuality. That's a heavy weight on your shoulders as a kid. I'd like to reach out and apologize to the guy, but I doubt I ever will for fear of what he may do or say to me. It's like, how would you approach the guy whose life you alone fucked up? What would you say to him? And it's not like there could be justice in punishment or something; I didn't know what I was doing to the fullest extent, so there's this sort-of existential paradox of no one place to put the blame and anger and regret. But I guess that's happened to a lot of people under similar circumstances, so there's this feeling of sympathy and coming together that makes it better to deal with somehow. That or tortured solitude on the internet. But I digress.

Those events happened on-and-off from kindergarten to second grade, until I moved. I began to slowly realize the evils that I had done, so I did what any normal American would do: I ate. I ate so much that my doctor would later make a joke about me breaking into the local Krispy Kreme shop and eating all their doughnuts - right to my face. And it wasn't even funny. That made me eat more. So much for reverse psychology. Prick.

I should probably mention that it was at this time that I was introduced to pornography for the first time. I was ten. And it was awesome.

Anyways, now that I was Tubby McChubbems, I had a hard time finding friends; that is, until some neighbors forced their kids to play with me. Thus, I stumbled upon my next victims. Nothing really fancy happened, as I had tried to curb my sexual appetite ever since realizing my evil ways. I eventually gave in and played grab-cock with three various boys, but that's as far as it went. I moved again, and went through the whole process again of re-questioning my values and so forth. I finally came to the conclusion that I wouldn't initiate the acts anymore. But this time, a strange thing happened; instead of me instigating the sexual encounters, they were instigated upon me by two other boys at two different times.

The first guy invited me over to his house and we started looking at porn on his computer. It was one of those shitty free websites where they let you watch a 2 minute video for free once each day, and we figured out how to watch more videos by changing the date in windows (woohoo shitty javascript free porn score). This guy was quite an asshole, the kind of guy I'd imagine the average /b/tard to be, and he abruptly decided we weren't gonna watch porn anymore. Needless to say, I was quite averse to the idea. However, he said he'd put on Basic Instinct, so we watched that instead.

Guess which scene it was? Yup, the mirror-above-the-bed scene. It was just as good as porn to a twelve-year-old. The scene starts and I plead with him to go back to computer porn, and his response was, "Only if I can see if you have a boner by tapping your dick with the remote." "Dude, I already have a boner." I told him, and he said "I just want to make sure." So I said fine. And he did. He gently tapped it at first, and then he slapped it pretty hard with the remote and let out a laugh comparable to that of Scut Farkus' cackle from A Christmas Story (remember the kid with yellow eyes?). With that, we went back to the computer.

That was the end of that. WHAT NO REAL SEX? No, but still, wouldn't you say that's weird? I never even thought about anyone's junk at all unless I was going to do something with it, you know? He was pretty fucking ugly anyways. I looked him up on myspace and he looks like a gas station attendant. His quote was something like, "finally done with high school. thank fucking christ," which I can totally relate to, but coming from him it's like the mantra of basement-dwellers everywhere.

The second guy, on the other hand, had more in store for me.

We were at my house this time, and this guy, out of nowhere, gets a boner and pulls his dick out. It was kind of funny the way he went about it now that I look back on it; all the subtle hints - closing my door with some excuse about parents listening to teenage conversations, laying on my bed trying to look all cool while watching tv, so nonchalantly taking his dick out and looking at me with a raised eyebrow - meticulously planned, I'm sure of it.

Not being the type to disappoint, I took out my dick as well. He wasn't so interested in the idea of giving as he was in taking, which was fine by me since I was trained to be a giver by my original molester. After some warming of the hands, I began rubbing his cock, and he really hammed up his display of appreciation. My grandparents were in the house, so it was quite risqué to be doing any of this. I offered to suck his dick, but he was opposed to the idea - just experimenting, I guess. I decided it was probably better if we didn't do anything further anyways.

Other than him sporadically jumping on my back when I laid down on the floor and trying to somehow fuck me through my pants (which failed), that was all that happened. That was the first time I saw a curved dick. Little did I know that later mine would curve as well...but in a different direction. Sidecock, anyone? Ah, the glory days of being twelve; when your balls were smooth and your dick didn't curve. You gave your cock cool names like Steve or Jimmy, whereas now... now I call him One-Eyed Pete, mainly because if I put a little captain's hat on him, he'd look like a depressed pirate. "YARRrrr," in the saddest of ways.

That was about the gist of my sexual encounters. Rather than stopping here, I'd like to consider the aftermath of these events. Join me, won't you?

I'm almost old enough to legally drink, yet I'm still technically a virgin. I've never kissed a girl, or a guy for that matter, nor have I penetrated any orifice other than the mouth. I don't consider myself bi nor gay, not only because the balls never touched, but because I really want to fuck some pussy. Women turn me on, and sex with a man seems absolutely revolting, but it does seem somewhat difficult to discount all of those homoerotic experiences I've had. Returning to my original statement at the beginning of the thread, would things be different if I had gotten a bit further with that girl in the playhouse? Perhaps. Would none of this have happened were I not molested? Perhaps. But speculation is a meaningless task. No one knows.

As for the sexual repercussions: conventional porn turns me off. Nothing gets me flaccid like watching some hollowed-out whore writhe around on some guy's semi-chubby. Even the amateur stuff is becoming a bore. Thus, I've turned to alternative pornography. Somewhere along the lines I became slightly interested in, yet at the same time disgusted with bestiality. Every now and then I need to see a dog convulse on some woman for twelve seconds to get one off. And then afterwards I say to myself, "Jesus fucking christ. What the fuck is wrong with me. This is beyond fucked up." I've lost you, haven't I? Let me bring you back, then.

Hentai used to do it for me, but not so much anymore; it is, however, saved by two alarmingly fucked-up taboos (in my opinion): incest and lolis.

For me, I have no sexual interest in lolis because of their physical attributes. Rather, it's the mental empathetic response I have to them experiencing these sexual encounters at such a young age as I did. Incest follows the same pattern, as incest is usually depicted with at least one underage participant, at least in hentai. I've often found that some of these fucked-up ideas "leak out" to other sexual arousals; for instance, I've found myself being aroused by incestuous pornography featuring adults, such as the 1970's Taboo series. I have no urge to commit incest with a family member, but the carried-over taboo principle makes it worth jerkin' to.

Though I've found myself being aroused by related young girls in particular, as many of you have in your responses to certain threads - for instance, younger girls bouncing up and down on your lap and you may or may not try to hide your boner - I've made sure to not do anything to harm the relationship or the child since realizing my ways. I suppose some people live out their lives as deviants, taking pleasure in thinking of what they would do to such children, whereas others treat it as an affliction, seeking refuge on the internet where they can get these thoughts off their chest without persecution.

In closing, I'd like to ask if any of you have anything to add to the thread if you haven't already - similar experiences, similar thoughts, opposing views, memes, combos, count to 10, etc.

Yours truly,

Anon

[edit] Girlfriend Now Fucking Dad

soup /b/.

You have a sixteen year old girlfriend. She's cute, sweet, witty and fun. She looks like a goddess and fucks like a devil. You love her and she loves you.

You wake up in the middle of the night, roll over, and find she's not there. You go out into the hallway, and hear a noise coming from your dad's bedroom. You push open his door and look in to see your girl bouncing up and down on your 45 year old dad's cock, calling him daddy and begging for more.

Who would you be more mad at, your girlfriend, or your dad?

Me personally, I was more angry with my girlfriend. At least my dad was getting some for once, and in style. Actually I'm kinda proud of him... He lives with me, since my parents were divorced, so I could kick him out, but, meh...

I dumped the girl, but she still comes around sometimes... to see my dad :(

Picture related.

(PS: not illegal, cause 16 is AOC in australia)

[edit] WTF /b/ ?

WHAT THE FUCK /b/ ????

I saw this picture on /b/ yesterday, and today its on the front page of every newspaper. And the worst thing is, when he was here on /b/, YOU WERE ENCOURAGING HIM TO DO IT!

Is this all /b/ is good for? An hero, several anonymous as well as people having nothing to do with this have died, you could have stopped it but instead you trolled and laughed...

(Posted after Pekka-Eric Auvinen went kicked in Jokola High School)

[edit] Jenkem

I am writing you anonymously because I do not want my child to get in any trouble, but I need to alert you to something your students are doing that is potentially very dangerous. Yesterday afternoon I came home early to find my son and his friends getting high on something called "jenkem" which they say they heard about at school. This "jenkem" is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. They urinate and defecate in plastic bottles and leave them to ferment in the sun, then inhale the resulting gas. I know it sounds unreal but when I came home I found my son and his friends laying on the grass in the backyard and they were acting very strangely. There was a horrible, putrid smell in the air. I can't believe my son would do something like this. I looked it up on the internet and apparently this was something invented by african children that wound up online and now kids all over the world are doing it. My son says most of his friends at school have tried it.

This seems to be a new thing and I can't find any information about the health effects of jenkem - I think it is the methane and ammonia content that provides the desired high, but I don't really know. Both of those are very harmful chemicals. All sorts of diseases are spread through fecal matter. I imagine it could lead to some very serious health problems at you school. My wife and I are utterly shocked and talking about private school. We have talked to our son about this and he says he won't do it anymore, but because it is on the internet kids all over the country are trying jenkem and they need to be educated about the health risks. It is only a matter of time before somebody dies from methane poisoning or this leads to a hepatitic outbreak. I don't know exactly what you could do about this as jenkem is legal but I needed to inform you of what some of your students are doing.

[edit] NAMPLA

The evening of October 23rd, 2002, local police uncovered what looked like an ungerground animal sex club; the cops infiltrated the area and arrested all involved members who were part of NAMPLA, the North American Man Pet Love Association. When questioned about the incident by the press, the leader of NAMPLA commented, "That bitches don't know about my sex club." And when questioned about the number of animals that have partaken in the club, leader Jeff Ox said, "The numbers aren't fully calculated, but we suspect that the figure to be around over 9,000." When the press inquired about his childhood past Jeff only mentioned about last Thursday. He explained, "It all stated in West Philapelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chilling out maxing relaxing all cool, and shooting some B-ball outside of my school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood, I got one little fight and mom got scared she said, 'You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Aire' I whistled for a cab and when it drew near, license plate said FRESH and there was dice in the mirror. I anything I could tell this cab was rare, but said forget yo homes to Bel Aire. Pulled up to their house around 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell you later. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Aire."

When the press questioned him about his favorite childhood activity, he simply replied "fapping to cp and furries on Caturday." And also "long cat is long". Many have speculated that if having sex with animals is for the lulz then it's just aawwwriitte, amirite. The judge gave every involved member a ten year sentence, and many cried out in horror "This is madness", while members of the press rejoiced and yelled "No, this is SPARTAAAAA!!!" After receiving his ten year jail sentence, he told his comrades of the NAMPLA club "Tonight we dine in hell!!"

Now many members have passed and most members have become An Heroes and epic fail guys, but Jeff Ox has agreed to given an interview. One question into the interview, he replied "BRB Church."

[edit] Fapping in the USA

Hey /b/ what's up?

I'm a senior in high school and my sister is in 8th grade. Ever since she started junior high she has started to spend a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom perfecting her appearance. This really pisses me off.. first of all because at some point in the fucking morning i'd like to take the 10 damn minutes it takes me to get ready without having to bang on the bathroom door for 20 minutes.. and second because someone that young really should not be so fucking concerned about their appearance.. hell anyone at any age shouldn't imo.

Anyway, the other morning I finally got the bathroom and I decided to go for the early morning shower fap session. You guys know what a struggle this can be right?? Well there I was thinking about some hot asian girl in my language arts class, about to climax, when the little bitch knocks on the door and says "is it safe to come in? I need to do something."

Granted she has done this countless times before and it hasnt really bothered me, but this time I had spent a good 10 minutes working up dick and I wasn't going to let her escape this great injustice. So I tell her it's safe, she opens the door and then I whirl the shower curtain open with my red hot steaming dick shining in its full glory.

She screams and runs to tell my uptight christian parents who now think I need counseling.

That afternoon when I got home from school she was locked in her room. I knocked on the door and told her I wanted to apologize. She opened it and I walked in, gave her a big hug and said im sorry for doing what I did this morning. She accepted and then said "Brother, that was the first PENIS I have ever seen in real life"

At this moment I felt a surge of power and gratification that has yet to be equaled.

[edit] Z0mg drugs

Sup /b/.

What happened was, I was coming back to study hall after 7th period, and put my head on my desk and took a huge sigh because my stomach was hurting incredibly.

This might seem normal, but take a few things into consideration:

- My desk had a blob of hand sanitizer on it the size of a small paperback book, left by a kid with OCD. - I was lying in it without noticing it. - It can be used as an inhalant.

So, after I inhaled, I felt normal for about five minutes other than the intoxicating stench of the sanitizer. Then, something odd happened.

People's faces started melting/warping in a way I can't even begin to describe.

I kid you not.

I was terrified, but luckily enough it only lasted for a few minutes.

I still felt dizzy and sick to my stomach, and picked up my violin and went to orchestra. The entire time I couldn't read my sheet music.

[edit] Note to virgin newfags

Alright all you underaged newfags, listen up.

Day after day I keep seeing you mongoloid virgins in here asking questions like 'What does a pussy feel like?' or 'What does a pussy taste like' and I am fucking well sick of your shit.

A VAGINA is like a new running shoe, OK? At first, it looks good, smells ok and fits rather snugly. As time goes by, it stops being all of those things though, especially after being used repeatedly. It starts to look beat up, smells worse and worse, and things get kinda sloppy. A VAGINA is basically a tepid reservoir of bacterial filth, with new bacteria and viruses being added every time a new strange cock goes in (which is usually fairly often, because all women are whores. Even Mom.). It tastes like it smells too, sour with a peculiar strongness. They all smell and taste like that. All of them. Wanna know why? It is also a drain for bodily refuse like dead cells, dead bacteria, and dead spermatazoa. It smells the way it does, because it is full of decaying things all closed up in a moist, heated pocket.

So go ahead, stick your face in it and lick up that stinking, rotting slime.

This PSA brought to you by a concerned /b/rotha.

[edit] Wimminz

Women are not actually attracted to men. There is a vague idea of what a man is physically, and some are better than others aesthetically speaking, but the purely physical appearance of a man is almost inconsequential unless he is horribly ugly or outrageously attractive.

Women are attracted to status, money, how much a man smiles and laughs, how many friends and resources a man has, how full a man's life is--how many "cool," "exciting" and prestigious things he is doing or connected to.

They are interested in how other people view him--how many people want to be around him, how other people interact with him and whether their interactions convey that he is special and amazing. They want him to be extremely outgoing and aggressive, they want him to demonstrate his status over other people by dominating them in various non-violent ways.

A woman's attraction to a man is a function of her jealousy at the thought of another woman having that man. She doesn't care who he actually is or EXACTLY what he looks like physically, she only cares about the VALUE of the life he has constructed around himself.

A woman basically is a greedy materialistic prostitute. Although that sounds vulgar, it's true. She trades her physical self to buy into the success a man has created for himself.

[edit] STOP CALLING OUR STORE

Hi, I'm Gregg and I work at Gamestop. I have a simple message for the members of this forum.

DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING CALL UP MY PLACE OF WORK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU PATHETIC FUCKS DON'T HAVE JOBS OF YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARENTS PAY FOR YOUR SKYPE AND YOUR INTERNET ACCESS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO ACTUALLY WORK A FULL TIME JOB.

WHAT YOU FUCKHEADS DON'T REALIZE IS BY YOU CALLING AND ASKING FOR BATTLEFROGS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER YOU FUCKERS SAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, IT TAKES UP PRECIOUS TIME WHICH WE NEED TO HELP ACTUAL CUSTOMERS.

YOU ARE MAKING US LOSE MONEY. AND BY 'US' I MEAN THE EMPLOYEES. EVERY PRANK CALL THE STORE WE WORK AT RECEIVES, WE LOSE HOWEVER AMMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND ON THE PHONE TALKING TO YOU COMES RIGHT OUT OF OUR MEASELY PAYCHECKS.

SO FUCK OFF IT ISNT FUNNY AND OUR STORE ATLEAST HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES AND YES THERE IS ACTION WE CAN PURSUE AGAINST THIS MESSAGEBOARD.

Have a fucking great day. And don't call my place of work anymore.

[edit] Katie

Alright /b/, I work in an office, and sometimes I'm attracted to this girl who works at the end of my line of cubicles. Her name is Katie, and I'm not really sure if I should be showing you her picture, because she's not THAT attractive, but you know at work your standards are lowered. She's nice and all that, nice personality so don't be mean, if you knew her you'd understand.

So anyway, earlier this morning I was at work and I kept leaning back so I could look down at her. I didn't really have all that much work to do, only useless shit, the kind that takes 5 minutes but you put it off so it takes an hour. Well at the end of the line, there is a space, and then a ditto machine, with a light on it and it blinks sometimes when it's out of paper. I noticed the light was blinking red so I decided this was my opportunity to walk by her and change the paper all casually, maybe even chat her up for a second.

Alright, here's where things got crazy. When I got down near her cubicle I said hello and she smiled at me, giving me these 'fuck me' eyes and I almost lost it!

I stepped up to the machine before I replied so I wouldn't look too desperate. Then I looked down at the red blinking light and I felt a crazy breeze sensation rush over my body...

[edit] Blasphemy Against /b/

Dear /b/, I have recently witnessed what I believe to be the undoing of us. A thread where anonymous was actually posting pictures of their RL selves. As far as I am concerned this is complete blasphemy. Not only does it undermine who we are, anonymous, but it also has shown me that a large number of /b/ users are the very people who we torture. As i scrolled down through the faces i saw pictures of highschool students being totally epic and drawing unibrows on themselves as their senior picture. As far as I am concerned this is not /b/. The original beauty of anonymous is that we can be anyone, a gas station attendant, a co-worker, or even your boss. However seeing what is seemingly the majority of /b/ to be pistol-weilding fatfuck,gothfag,scenefag,overallshitbag is truly sickening. So i beg of you anonymous, we must put an end to this faggotry. Why do we sitback and watch as our internet is slowly murdered. So this is a message that goes out to all, if deep in your heart you believe you are not anonymous, leave. It is not that we have a personal issue against you, it is simply you do not belong among us. So i beg of you Anonymous ask not what newfags do to your internet, but what YOU can do to rescue your /b/.

[edit] i h8 xbox lol

why do they call it the xbox 360?

because when you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away

(NOTE: The original post wasn't a troll, just a really stupid kid.)

[edit] A Very Anon Thanksgiving

soup /b/... I had a TERRIBLE Thanksgiving. I would like to tell you about it.

You see, yesterday we had our family thanksgiving and it was my job to prepare to the turkey. Well, I had the turkey in advance so I could beat the rush, so I simply went to the kitchen yestersay morning and put the previously unthawed turkey on to the counter and began to cut the plastic wrapping off of the massive dead bird.

I began to tedious task of preparing this beast and then I noticed this thing seemed to have a gaping turkey VAGINA. I laughed to myself and put it in the oven after setting the timer. To pass the time, I figured I would satisfy my hard on with a little bit of 'me time' and porno movies I happened to have on my computer. No one was up yet, so I wasn't disturbed and I came easily. In fact, I had perfect timing. The timer buzzed the second I came.

I wanted to sit there and relax, but I knew the damned bird would burn if I did. I dragged myself up and proceeded back into the kitchen. I nearly pissed myself when I walked in on my little brother thrusting his thirteen year old cock into MY turkey. He jerked his head in my direction and the bird hit the ground with a wet flop, his cum dribbling out of its dead hole. I felt sick so I yelled at him to get back to his room. I had worked so damn hard and spent good money on this fucking thing.

I didn't even want to pick it up, anon. I sighed and sat on the floor next to it. There was nothing I could do. Well, except have my way with the turkey. They wouldn't notice, anyway.

[edit] Misogyny Rant

I hate women. I really do. Every time I look at them, my blood pressure shoots through the roof. When they're gabbing on the cell phone about Paris Hilton. When they're adjusting their lipstick and taking up my time rifling through their stupid purse. When they whine to me about their period. When they blither on and on about some artist/film director/musician nobody else gives a flipping fuck about. When they cry and expect your personal sympathy.

But most of all, /b/, I hate them because they're smug, hyperactive little bitches made that way by our shithole society. Look what uncontrolled feminism and the media has done to them: they think they're superior. They can call the shots. No woman will even know what it feels like to be completely alone and unloved unless she is FIERCELY ugly. All their crying about relationships is merely them fucking up; any girl can get any guy she wants if she tries.

When girls are feeling down, they can have any man they like and fuck him. Even if they have no friends in the world, even if they are pathetic, ugly whores, they could strike up a conversation with any guy in class and make him theirs. But a lonely, pathetic man is hated by women. They know they're better than him. They give him nothing. Even though they know he suffers from his biological urges, they sit and laugh and do nothing for him. They get to choose who is happy and who is sad.

I know this is BAAWWWWW over being a virgin. I know that it's not morally right. But I'm posting it because every single one of you sexless /b/tards thinks the same thing. When you watch your roomate make out with his girl, when you hear it in love songs on MTV, when you see it on the streets: know that those women are laughing at you, hating you, denying you something completely harmless, just because they hate who you are as a person. And that's their never-questioned right in this world.

[edit] Period

I know this forum isn’t supposed to be used like a blog but I need some help. I’m fourteen years old and I had a problem in one of my classes. We had to write a paper on how grammar has changed since old english…

Well the paper was do on the friday before September and he said we’d get them back on Tuesday. so I went to class on tuesday and he said the papers were wrote really good. So he handed them out and I was pretty nervous because he reads the grades out loud in front of the whole class.

so he is handing them out and everyone is getting good grades and then he calls my name and says “this is the worst paper you have written for me” and then he said a whole bunch of the problems (bad grammar ect.) I made.

then at last he said “and the most annoying problem you made was you forgot the period on the starts of some of your sentences” and he yelled “YOU ALWAYS NEED A PERIOD”

and then right there in front of the whole class my period blood started to come out. I was wearing white pant and everyone saw it. It was like someone throwed a really slimy jelly donut on my croch area. Super embrassing.

So now I need advice,' I was wearing white after labor day, and everyone saw. What should I do?

[edit] Mom Caught Me Masturbating

Dear /b/, the worst thing has happened just yesterday.

I was sitting there in front of my PC, pants down, fapping to one of the hottest hentai pic I could've ever found on my hard disk, when my mother walked in.

Normally, I would've just tried to hide my erection by pulling my pants back up and pretending to do something else, preferably the least suspicious possible, but not then.

As I was nearing the end of my masturbatory session and couldn't hold it back anymore, I closed my eyes and let myself overwhelm to the orgasm just at the same moment she opened that damned door. I knew I should've locked it, but I believed nobody would've ever bothered entering without asking beforehand.

Thus, being unable to see anything for all the time I enjoyed the, let's say, "warm feeling", I couldn't have noticed she was here since the beginning.

So, yeah, my mother saw me ejaculating till the last drop of semen, and in the lewdest way possible, even.

It was only when I was finally done and did a swift peek to see if I had done any mess on the floor, that I realized her presence.

My heart went right down my stomach at her sight: she was just standing there, staring at me with dismay, then left the room without saying anything. I'm not lying if I admit that, then as now, I just wanted to die due to the huge embarassment that followed.

About a day has passed since the incident, and she hasn't spoke a word to me yet. She hasn't made it evident, but I strongly sense that the good old days have abruptly come to an end for me.

[edit] prettyboyalex

I just found this site and I'm going to have to say I think this is a load of crap. I don't understand half the shit that goes on here and the shit I do understand is just fucking retarded. Saying something over and over again doesn't make if funny. What are you doing with your lives!?

I'm a model, and a pretty damn good one at that. I work for a small private company and do contracting work elsewhere. I make an okay living doing nude modeling as well.

/b/ I will stay here and help you, but you need to understand that now I'm in charge, okay? You can call me prettyboyalex. I'll post a picture every time I post. Peace and Love, all!

[edit] Party Van Visits Bel-Air

In west pedophilia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chilling out, fapping, and posting CP And all flaming some camwhores for they faggotry When a couple of mods who were up to no good Started partyvanning in my neighbourhood I got one little ban and my mom derailed And said "I'm gonna call Chris Hansen and send your ass to jail."

[edit] Abortion

Month One: Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two: Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three: You know what Mommy, I'm a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four: Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five: You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six: I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No...

Month Seven: Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

[edit] Goodbye /b/

So long, peeps.

My monthly check-up-on-/b/-to-see-if-it-stopped-sucking visit is coming to an end, and as before, I shouldn't have bothered. It's even called "Random" now, for sanitary purposes.

If you're here now and you think Random is funny, you might be right. Perhaps it is funny, but it is but walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, compared to the old /b/.

What you are seeing today is just an endless looping rehash of the fun we had. If you think it's funny now, try to imagine the fun we had when it was fresh, and people had the time to shop, improve and alter a birthing meme. It was a time of creativity, good quality trolling and the occasional SCIENCE discussion. Good times.

Feeling like Milton's Satan reminiscing about the splendor of heaven where he once dwelt, comparing everything to that glory now lost and unable to see his surroundings for what they are, but only what they are in comparison, I bid you adieu. See you next month, and keep on trying.

Obviously, I will stick around for the remainder of this thread. If you remember the old ways as well but are stuck in here because the internets are basically pretty empty, bland, and boring outside of /b/, feel free to drop in and describe your pet theory about where and when /b/ went wrong.

[edit] Porn Baleeted

b/, I have deleted all of my porn. I have deleted a collection of pictures and videos that I built over the course of months. Holy grails that I scoured the web for, and at one time considered priceless; videos that I never even watched, but rather downloaded as part of a mass porn gathering streak. I deleted files that /r/ delivered, and countless nudes found right here on /b/. I deleted pictures that camwhores uploaded, doing things that I told them to do.

Folders that I took the time to organize were indiscriminately sent to the recycle bin. Untold days worth of searching, downloading and organizing were undone in a matter of minutes, and on the spur of the moment.

It's not something that I contemplated, it was not premeditated or debated in my head. I didn't do it out of fear of discovery, or out of some spark of morality. I'm not actually sure of exactly why I did it. But I must say, after it was all done, I had a brief moment of satisfaction. I'm not going to stop looking at porn; certainly I am not going to stop gratifying myself. But there was something curiously pleasing in destroying my porn collection. I think it's because with all the chaos and uncertainty in my life, this is one thing I had control over. I took control of it, I destroyed my porn collection and I have no regrets.

[edit] VTec Outrage

I know most of you likely will not read this because most don't have any interest in these things (you really should), but these are important issues that I feel need to be more out there.

We all by now know about the gruesome Virginia Tech shootings that took place, and I can't even stress enough how horrible it was. So far, Bush has no plans of doing anything about the current gun laws. The student that committed this heinous act against those innocent people was very mentally disturbed. He was in a hospital just two days prior to the shootings. He walked into a gun store, purchased two guns and over 50 rounds of bullets, and no one asked any questions. Does this make sense? Apparently, you can buy gun sas long as you haven't committed a felony. But mental illnesses are okay? There needs to be more serious background checks on people. If something more was done after Columbine, because we all know nothing was, this may have never happened. 32 people just died, and other 20 some others are injured. 32 families are torn and burying their children, relatives, friends. Imagine for a second how that must feel. What is it going to take? By the way, there were TWO GODDAMN HOURS between each killing spree. The police had plenty of time to shoot the killer down or make an arrest. The ones running the country are saying they're deeply saddened by this tragic event. Well, that's what was said the last time this happened, and what did they do? Absolutely nothing.

[edit] Gadget

It was a typical morning in the Gadget household. Brain was outside doing his business, and Penny was sitting at the table pouring herself a glass of orange juice, and Gadget was making pancakes.

“Did you sleep well Penny?” He asked.

“Yes I did, Uncle Gadget.” She replied, her uncle’s T-shirt fluttering as she sat back down. She didn’t need pajamas yet, her uncle’s shirt covered her body well enough.

“Go go gadget hand!” Said Gadget, holding a plate in one hand and the newspaper in the other. He needed to grab a spatula and thought his Gadget hand would be useful. Like always, the gadget he tried to use does not come out. Out popped the hand, but it was the Gadget Mallet. Like always, he had no control over it, so he stepped back so he wouldn’t hit something, then WHAM! Smacked Penny on the back of the head, knocking her out cold.

Gadget gasped in fright, the mallet pulling itself back inside his hat. He went over to her and lifted her from the chair.

“Penny! Penny! Wake up!” But she was barely breathing. That’s when Gadget noticed, through the loose shirt, her tiny bosom, just starting to bud. He stared at them for a full minute, wondering why he hadn’t noticed before.

His face went flush, he didn’t know what he should do. Should he take her to the hospital? But then they’d probably deem him unfit to take care of her, that he was a danger to her. So he did the next to logical thing, laid her in the bed, hoping she’d wake up soon. There was no blood, so he thought she’d be fine.

An hour later, nothing. Brain was laying at the foot of the bed, whimpering. Gadget came in to check on her. He sat on the side of the bed and shook her, but she didn’t move. She was breathing, but she wasn’t responding to anything. He got more and more worried. But he couldn’t help but remember how he felt when saw her chest. So small, but still so…so what? Innocent? Perfect? ….arousing? Yes, he didn’t like it, but he was aroused by the sight of her.

“All right,” he said, “I’ll look one more time, and this time I wont react that way. It just caught me off guard, that’s all.” So he peeked again. Oh god they were just the same as he remembered them. Her nipples a pale pink, barely distinguishable from the rest of her flesh. He felt it…a rise in his pants. It’s been years since becoming a cyborg freak of nature that he felt something so basely human. Much of his body had been replaced, but some of them weren’t, and this one…was working.

He began to rub her chest, just to touch it. It was so soft, yet so hard. He saw her panties, white as snow. Not once did he ever think of her this way, but now it was as if nothing he could do could prevent him from thinking this way.

Brain started to growl, and this startled Gadget. He grabbed Brain by the collar and drug him outside. He didn’t know what would happen, but the last thing Gadget wanted was a witness.

Gadget came back, seeing Penny still unconscious. He sat back down and unbuttoned the shirt covering his niece’s body. He lifted her up and slipped the shirt off. Oh god she was so clean, so innocent. He just looked at her in awe, wondering how he could have gone this long and hadn’t noticed. The human flesh in his pants was hard. He was very aware of this.

He stopped. So far it wasn’t so bad what he was doing, so if he stopped now, he would be just fine. His hands, however, wouldn’t stop. They slowly took the panties off. He lost his breath when he saw her small slit, barely even there.

He lost it. All his inhibitions went out the window. He tore his clothes clean off. His body was white and slim, with the smallest hint of muscle. His throbbing manhood, his cock, was swollen and throbbing. “My god” he thought “This brings back memories.”

He picked his niece up, her head bobbing back and forth, no muscle reflexes at all. He kissed her tiny breasts. He sucks on her nipples. He grinds his dick along the crack of her ass. Oh god, he could have came then, but he knew he didn’t want to.

If she hadn’t woken up yet, he figured she wouldn’t for a long time. He stuck one finger in his niece, feeling her inside. “So..so smooth” he thought, moving his finger back and forth. He wanted so badly to be in her, he was so scared she’d wake up at any minute.

He began to kiss her breasts, while putting the tip of his dick inside her. “Oh god!” he thought, feeling her crotch seem to grab hold of him. He pushed deeper inside, up to the balls he was. He began to fuck her. He knew he would never look at her the same, but he didn’t care at this point. All he wanted was pleasure, with all the world saving he’s done he deserved it.

Just then, Penny woke up. “Uh, uh! Uncle Gadget!!!” She yelled. Gadget stopped, speechless. What was he supposed to say? But then he noticed something. She didn’t jump off him. She could have, but she didn’t.

“I..I…uh..” He started to say.

“Uncle, if you wanted me, you should have just said so.” She replied, starting to move up and down herself, moaning a little. Gadget was flabbergasted, he never, ever expected his niece to act this way.

“You’re a little whore Penny” he said, getting back into it.

“Yes Uncle, fuck me!” She said. And he did. He pounded her hard. He laid her on the bed and got on top of her. He fucked her in the missionary position. “Fuck me!” She kept yelling, Gadget getting more and more excited every time. “I’m coming Uncle!” she yelled, moaning.

He lost it. He was about to cum, and as he did, his Gadget Mallet came out again, swinging erraticly. Penny had here eyes closed, so she didn’t see it. As he came, the mallet pulled back, and on his first spurt the mallet smashed down on her face, caving it in, with one eye popped out the socket and dangling by the nerve. “Oh no!” Gadget though, but he couldn’t control it. He spurt again, and this time the mallet hit so hard her brain was visible, some of it on the mallet, and some coming out of her ear. The only thing that still looked like Penny was her pigtails, though bloody and filled with brain matter.

He shuddered a few more time, as the last of his cum dribbled out, the mallet not hitting so hard, but frequently and mostly just bushing the bone and brain and flesh mixture on the bed.

“Oh god oh god oh god oh god” he said, “What am I going to do!?!” He knew that they would soon find out and they would take him to prison, or worse yet, kill him. He didn’t want to do that, so he decided to kill himself. He went into the kitchen and drank some Draino from under the sink. With the metal parts in him, he knew it would be delayed, but his vital organs would be eaten away within 30 minutes.

He went in the room where his niece’s body lay there, dripping with blood and brain pieces. He just stared at her, wondering….will there be an afterlife for him? He noticed that the stump of her neck….he could see her esophagus, staring at him, mocking him. So he decided. He was going to fuck the throat with a hand mixer. He was going to go out with a bang, and he couldn’t think of another way.

As he stuck the beaters in and turned it on, the Chief appeared from the trashcan.

“GOOD LORD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO GADGET!?” Chief yelled. “GO AWAY CHIEF! I NEED TO FINISH THIS WITH THE APPLIANCE!” “No Gadget, you are the appliance” And then Gadget was a toaster.

[edit] Courtroom Drama

“Mr. Nick!” Phoenix looked down as he felt a tiny hand tugging on his bright blue suit pants. “Excuse me, Mr. Nick!” It was Pearl Fey. She looked very small behind the tall oak defendant’s stand. Phoenix heard Franziska vonKarma, the prosecutor, babbling something about her perfection, and decided that he could spare his attention. “What is it, Pearls?” He whispered out of the corner of his mouth. The eight-year-old girl stared up at him with her large brown eyes, thin eyebrows arched inquisitively. Her silky brown hair was braided into two circles behind her head that bounced up and down when she was surprised or excited. And to top it off she wore the standard light purple channeler’s robe with a pink sash, only in miniature. She was, in a word, adorable.

“Mr. Nick, I have to go potty, bad!” “I’m sorry, Pearls, but you’ll have to hold it a little longer. The judge doesn’t look ready to call a recess yet.” “Oh…” “Don’t worry, we’ll get you to a bathroom. Just hang in there, okay?” “Okay!” said Pearl, breaking into a grin. Phoenix couldn’t help but smile back. He didn’t usually like kids, but Pearl was so sweet, she could never cause any trouble. “Mr. Wright! I would advise you to pay attention to your own client’s trial!” “Y-yes, your honor!” Phoenix stammered. The judge continued.

“Ms. Von Karma was just about to call the next witness to the stand…” It was Lotta Hart, the nosy photographer who almost always managed to show up in time to witness the crime scene. They began the cross examination. Phoenix listened carefully to the entire testimony, and Pearl waited patiently. He kept reviewing all the evidence, looking frantically for contradictions, but the story seemed airtight. He could tell the judge was getting impatient, and his window of opportunity was closing. This looked like it could be the end…

“Need some help?” A familiar voice came from right next to him, and Phoenix glanced over in astonishment. “Pearls? What…” His heart almost stopped. There stood Mia Fey, his dead mentor. He’d always had something of a crush on her, and now she looked more beautiful than ever before. Now, her hair was brown, and braided up in the back just like Pearl’s. He realized that the young spirit medium must be channeling Mia. “Hmmm…these clothes are a little small though.” Phoenix blushed as he realized just how short the eight-year-old’s skirt was on the fully grown Mia. It barely covered her crotch! And now Mia, who had always had a large bust, was quite literally almost popping out of the miniscule channeling robes. She must have noticed Phoenix staring.

“Get it together, Phoenix! You’ve got a case to win!” He nodded and turned back to the witness stand. Mia continued. “Now, start trying to press the witness for-urk!” She suddenly felt an intense pressure in her abdomen. Wow! That little girl was working on quite a load! “Are you okay, Mia?” “Y-yeah…I’m fine…” she reassured him, although she was beginning to sweat. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it. “Ms. Hart, isn’t it true you took more than one photo of the crime scene?” “Well, yeah! You reckon I’d let a story this big go by with just one pitcher to show for it?” “Would you mind presenting those additional pictures to the court?” “That will not be necessary.” Said Franziska, smirking across the courtroom at Phoenix.“The prosecution has deemed the additional photograph to be irrelevant.”

Phoenix pointed in his trademark gesture. “I think that’s for the people of this court to decide!” “I’m sorry, Ms. Von Karma, but I must agree with the defense on this – YOW!” Franziska cracked her whip viciously at the old man. “Very well! If you wish to waste this court’s time, I will present the other photo.” “Hmmm… what could this mean…?” Phoenix pored over the newly submitted picture for any discrepancies. “T-there, a contradiction! Think about the evidence you have and compare it to the picture you just got!” counseled Mia in a rather strained tone of voice. At that very moment she was forcing back an intense urge to use the bathroom by any means necessary. I’ve got to focus on the trial…she chided herself. But she could feel her concentration slipping. As her protégé raised an objection, she gripped the defendant’s stand with white knuckles. She shifted nervously in her uncomfortably tight clothing. She couldn’t really blame Phoenix for staring, after all, she was sporting some truly eye popping cleavage.

“Are you really alright, chief? You don’t look so good.” Phoenix asked. He seemed genuinely concerned, as Mia’s face had blanched and she was now sweating noticeably. The air around her was beginning to waver and bend almost imperceptibly. “Don’t worry about me, you need to think of the client!” Ugh...this is the worst I’ve ever had to go in my whole life. I can feel my connection to Pearl waning… Mia quickly began to understand the bottom line: if she didn’t find relief soon, she would go back to the spirit world and leave Phoenix on his own. As the fight between Phoenix and Franziska dragged on, Mia’s eyes widened in desperation. An airy fart squeezed itself out of her, and the very tip of a hard turd emerged from between her cheeks. This was almost too much for her to bear. She needed a toilet, now. Her lips parted as an almost inaudible moan escaped them. She clutched her backside tightly and hopped up and down to distract herself. This caused the auburn circlets of hair at the back of her head to bounce up and down, just as they did when Pearl was excited. She stopped and doubled over as she farted again, louder. The sheer volume of feces inside her astounded Mia. She fought hard to hold it in, but it was a losing battle. The whole room started to narrow to tunnel vision, and the sound of Phoenix and Franziska arguing at the top of their lungs faded to a dull roar. This is it…she thought. It’s now or never.

She relaxed her overburdened sphincter, and a large volume of gas immediately escaped her. “Ohhh…” She ceased to perceive anything else in the room, except the blissful release she was feeling. She gave her body a gentle push to help things along, and just like that she was defecating. Her eyes were closed, and beneath her slightly upturned nose her mouth was formed into an ‘O’ of pure bliss. The enormous turd that had been bothering her slid smoothly out of her rectum and rested against her soft pink panties for a moment, before another push from Mia caused them to bulge out easily with a soft crackle. The poop kept coming and began to pile into a soft mound. Even though everyone in the courtroom was watching Mia awkwardly, all she could feel was the warm, gooey sensation on her behind. If I had known how much pleasure you can get from soiling yourself, I would have done this while I was alive!

When that piece was finished, she could feel another one lining up for exit. This one was wider, so she spread her legs and bent over the stand, revealing even more cleavage. But she couldn’t have cared less. Her brow furrowed and she bit her lower lip out of exertion. Oh, my, this one is huge! What on earth did that little girl eat? She was so lost in concentration that Mia’s bladder involuntarily released, causing a hissing fountain of urine to cascade from between her parted legs. A wide puddle formed underneath her, splashing onto the floor from her crotch. As she strained, Mia released a big fart into Pearl’s already loaded panties. “Nnnnngh!” With all the noise she was making, almost everyone in the courtroom was looking at her. “What’s going on?” “I can’t believe it!” “Mommy, is the lady going poo-poo?” If there was any doubt before, it was now clear that Mia was definitely going poo-poo, as she began to push in earnest on the big lump of excrement inside her. Mia’s anus began to widen further and further, and gradually, her bowel movement began to slide out with a soft, mushy crackling. “Nnnh…nnh…oh!” Her sphincter was stretched almost to its limit. Finally, the widest part of the turd passed through and began to slide easily into her increasingly heavy panties.

“Ahhhhhhh…” Mia sighed in relief as the football shaped BM smushed at last into Pearl’s pink undies, which were adorned with bumblebees and brightly colored flowers. The panties sagged considerably beneath her short skirt, revealing the crack of her bum, which was smeared a chocolaty brown. Mia slowly stood up straight. Every last man, woman and child in the court room was staring at her open mouthed after witnessing her display. Mia barely even noticed. That was the nice thing about being a spirit, she thought. You don’t have to worry so much about the opinions of others. After a few moments of silence, Mia cleared her throat. “If the court is ready, may we continue with the…oh! Ungh…mmmmph…” She closed one of her eyes and grimaced. She pushed on her tummy with a slender hand and finally voided the last of her bowels. A thin log slithered out of her slowly and rested on top of the already enormous pile in her panties. “Hang on…there’s a bit more…” After an audible fart she grunted again, releasing a mushy mass of hot slop that coated her already steaming production. She nodded at the judge. “Your honor…?” “Well, I must say that in all my years I have never seen someone take a case so seriously. I suppose we may continue with the proceedings now. Mr. Wright, if you’re ready?” Phoenix’s face had totally blanched with embarrassment. “M-m-mia! What do you think you’re doing?” “Relax, Phoenix. We’ve got this trial totally under control. Just keep pressing the witness…”

[edit] Vampires? In my/b/?

Are there any vampires on /b/?

I mean real, true vampires. I am.

I had my awakening when I was 17. After a night of hanging out with some friends, I was visited by a vampire. He called himself Triumverus Caer. He came in through my bedroom window and spoke to me about his ability and his council.

He placed his hands upon my chest and I soon felt very cold. I dropped to my knees and looked up to him. He grabbed me by my neck and sunk his beautiful fangs into it. Oh, the feeling of such power coursing through my veins was almost orgasmic, I passed out from the pleasure.

When I awoke, there was a small scroll on the floor infront of my body. I sat up slowly, my whole body was dead cold. When i reached out for it and read it. I understood it completly. This is strange because it was written in Latin. It told me about my newfound powers.

What are my powers you ask? I have the ability to withdraw the energy from your body. A psychic vampire. This kind of vampire is special because I can still go out in the sun and have a normal functioning life. I feed off energy instead of blood.

So, here I am now, I've had my powers for little over 3 years. They're great. I'm in very high respect of the elders and I've become a sire to a few of my own underlings.

Pic related, It is me.

[edit] Furfag in Oven

hello /b/ i probably wont be here for a while but we will get to that part later.

so here i am with my friend, i called him up and asked if he wanted to come over after work to hang out and we got back at about 6;30. We make some popcorn and start playing some halo coop. We are talking about sex in video games and the conversation drifted to the internet when he says "have you ever seen fur art? i kind of like it and i post at an internet forum for it too sometimes, you should check it out"

i just stared at him for a few seconds then i got up and went up stairs. I opened the door to my room and just moped around a bit, i started to rummage through some party wigs in my closet and i found a dark colored afro one, i held it in my hands looking at it before putting it on, then i whent over to the bathroom and just sat on the floor stairing at the mirror for what seemed like hours. I could hear from downstairs that he had started to play the game again, after a few more minuets i got up, went up into the attic and grabed a baseball bat, i walked downstairs careful not to kock over the potted plants, i could see him sitting on the couch there, focused completly on the game, my free hand started to twitch a little bit, he was to talking to me again; "hey can you get me a soda from the fridge buddy?" it seemed to break a trance that i was in, like i just woke up from a dream, my right hand griped the bat so hard my fingers turned white.

I walked up behind him and swung the bat at him, cracking him right below the back of his head, it sent him tumbling off the couch, i could see he was bleeding on the floor and it made me angry, i felt like i was going into a haze again, his eyes were spinning and they were begining to turn white, i raised the bat up high and brought it down on his chest, there was a slight crunch and he huffed loudly as air escaped, he groaned slighty and i screamed as loud as i could at him; "FURFAG GOES IN EVERY OVEN!" i hauled him up by his neck and legs and tossed him into the street.

after a few days i hear he was hospitalized, aperently i had fractured one of his ribs and a bone fargment punctured his liver.

so now i am facing three years in prison with no parole for aggrivated assault, 1y 8 months on good behavior, if you ever asked me, was it worth it, well to tell the truth, yes, yes it was worth it.

and i would do it again too

[edit] Makeup World

Today I had an epiphany... I realised that everyone in my class at makeup school, is two faced, fake, & bitchy. And I CANT STAND IT!!! I was at work experience with two people I THOUGHT were my friends today, and they were going on about alll sorts of people who talk about her behind her back, and then suddenly she turns around and does the most spiteful thing EVER along with the other girl to me, and I was completely shattered. She told me that she'd left on a straightener on and told me to go turn it off. In my head I thought that was a bit strange she'd ask me to do that, and I thought for a sec that we didnt have any, also that she should go do it herself. But I did anyway, as the nice person i am. I was walking out I could see her smiling after me, and when I got into the room I heard them burst out laughing and realised they were just saying that because they thought I was a fucking ditz. I tried to calm myself, but I was so angry, and so hurt, that I took my handbag and fled from the place, walking as far away as I could, and got on the phone to my brother..

He told me to come straight home, and so did my Mum. So I packed everything and told them a lie!!! I said my Mum was ill so I had to leave, which was a lie, but I wanted payback. AND HEY GUESS WHAT!! As soon as they heard my Mum was "ill", they got all guilty and started asking me if I was okay! SO FUCKING FAKE!!! I was like: NOO WAY AM I GOING FOR THAT. I just told them I was fine, and walked off. Fuck them man. I can't even believe it. I knew they talked about people and were bitches, but didnt realise they'd do it to me.. Fucking fake ass bitches. Spiteful and nasty thats what they are. And everyone in my makeup class bitches about one another, "OH so-and-so bitches about me behind my back!!" SO DO YOU!! THATS WHAT YOUR DOING RIGHT NOW. "I'd just tell them how I felt to their face!!!" THEN WHY DONT YOU TELL IT TO THEIR FACE INSTEAD OF BITCHING ABOUT IT??? HYPOOOOCRRRITTTESSS. A bunch of hypocrites! Fake, hypocrites, with no personality! I'm considering not doing the makeup thing because I'm nto fake and I dont want to be around people who are. I want things to be real, to do something that benefits people instead of hiding who they are. Makeup is fake. Models are fake. So much in this plastic world is fake!!! I cant do it.

Hopefully I'll be able to get through this week and next, without completely breaking down! hahah=P Just two more weeks and I'm done. DONE FOREVER. And I can leave this Horrible school and fake ass people and NEVER see them again =P. I can't wait until I leave it. Its disorganised and stupid. I cant deal with it anymore. I dont even care if I fail. Just need to end it. Anyways, now that is off my chest, I will smile and forget about all this crap and enjoy the rest of my night..\

[edit] Dirty 420 Fools

Earlier during class I excused myself to go use the restroom. When I got there it was the usual cigarette butts in the toilets and ashes on the floor. This time though a couple students where cutting class and smoking marijuana in the bathroom.

At first they tried to hide it but then realizing it was too late they asked me if I wanted to smoke. Obviously a joke since I don't associate myself with the scumbag stoner group in school. I replied with a witty remark I once heard on a anti-drug program we watched in health class. "I can't get high I don't have a pilot's license," I said.

I then stormed out of the bathroom and straight to the principals office to inform him that people are smoking marijuana in the bathroom.

You marijuana smokers disgust me. You all listen to shitty classic rock and smell like garbage. I never see any of you with any nice looking girls. They are just a bunch of dirty junkies like you guys.

[edit] Forgot to Wipe

wow... today was a joke. This morning i hopped in the shower after cutting my chin and mustache 8 times with my worthless disposable razor, felt some pain while washing my face, realized they were raised welts (cystic acne). I opened the shower curtain and looked straight down at the tile, i was so close to getting out and swinging on the tiles as hard as i could... i must have stared at them for 5 minutes. But anyway, i get out and feel a really strong urge to use the bathroom... i normally hold it for 3 or 4 days cause i hate doing #2 lol.... But this was day 5... and i HAD to go. NOW.

I sat on the toilet after i got dressed and took a half diarrhea, half solid release. The solid part was so thick and wide that i honestly felt some of the worst pains of my life during the pushing. I started pulling up my pants right as the last bit fell out, tightened my belt and flushed the toilet... See i never believed in wiping before, thought it was a waste of time and what not, ... I mean I never get anything from wiping anyway so wtf is the point... right?

holy god was i wrong... i got to school and felt solid clumps deep between my cheeks, i figured my boxers were bunched up or summat. Right as i made it to my first period door i thought i felt something wet against my boxers... when i sat down my hypothesis was correct.. i had feces on them, and could start to smell them slightly. The damned room must have been 90 degrees, heat blowing because a computer malfunctioned, my ass and back started to sweat profusely and i had to make as little movement as possible to avoid disrupting it anymore. My teacher called me up to get a test paper, I thought about telling him to just throw it away, but of course i had to be an ideot and go up to get it, i walked by one kid and he said "dude you smell like bbq or something" My face got so red and everyone started saying "holy shit, you smell bad man, did you shower???"

I ignore them and get back to my desk... i take a look back at the board and notice a black dot on the ground, kids started questioning what it was and my heart started RACING. One kid sniffed it and exclaimed "OH MY GOD, ITS POOP!!!!" at this point the class was laughing excessively, i put my head down on my desk and smelled FUMES coming out from below it, i looked down and there was SHIT smeared all over the tile floor and on the bottoms of my jeans.

I ran full speed out the door, walked home and ended up punching my dads laptop on the way in and breaking the screen, he still isn't home, its gonna be hell when he sees it. I can honestly say im dropping out of school and enlisting in the marines, im NEVER showing my face at high school again. I mean it doesnt matter anyway, my GPA is 1.2 and im a 19 year old sophmore.

[edit] Furfag Porn

S​up /b/? First off, let me tell you that this is NOT CopyPasta. Feel free to check.

Anyway, I've been dating this really cute girl for about 2 months now and were just starting to explore our sexual niches and fetishes. The other day she came over while my cockblocking roommate was out singing for his gay choir. She told me she had to use my computer to check her email, so I obliged. She was in the middle of a bunch of emails with her lab mate, and she had to download a graph for her project. However, I forgot to change where my computer saved image files. It was set to my furry folder. Thats right, Call me a furfag all you want. I've never been more than a furvert, with a small stash of furry porn. I dunno, I just like it for the uniqueness sometimes.

So, She downloads the file, then hunts it down to see if it came in correctly, and so she can print it out. it was at this point that I realized I never changed my save folder. I flipped 10 shits, got off my bed, and ran over to close my laptop. it was too late, there sat a huge fucking picture of a furry bunny, pussy hanging out, and she just stared at it. While my face switched to "OH FUCK" mode, she slowly went from shocked to interested, to fucking horny.

She got out of the chair, took off her shirt, and pushed me back onto my bed. She told me she wanted to be my furry little bunny, and at that point I got the quickest and hardest boner in my lifetime. I never got up. She rode me like a fucking jockey until I was too beat up to move.

[edit] /b/ is becoming LUEdicrous

Hey guise, moot here.

Listen, as benevolent dictator of /b/ it is my sole responsibility to stop this cancer, this foul malignancy that is slowly killing my beloved imageboard.

I've been thinking long and hard, and finally I realize I have no other choice if I want to stop the newfaggotry and shameless forcing of old memes from destroying what us oldfags used to call "home"

My solution?

I am permanently closing /b/ to new IPs. From here on in, only those who have been here at least 100 times in the past six months or so will be permitted to view.

I am sorry for any inconveniences this may cause, and wish you all happy fappings.

Remember, Anon does not forgive.

-Moot

[edit] 4chan Needs To Grow Up

Attention 4chan!

I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintellegant that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked woman shaking their boobs funny?

GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" and "o rly?".

Get off you fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you have no life, no social life either for that matter. The supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand "A trap".

Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I will do everything in my power to expose this site to people who will reacte legally upon this disgusting filthy site. This is not the end. It's just beginning. Grow up!

-DG

[edit] Gay Roomie

Dear /b/,

My roommate is gay. We were good friends, so when he told me, I had no problem with it, until about a week ago, when he asked if I've ever masturbated to him.

Now he's in my bed caressing my pillow. He does this every day. I've told him to leave, but he refuses, telling me it makes him feel "sexy" when he's in my bed. He's also walked around the room with no pants or underwear on. He thinks I'm attracted to him when I've tried to make it very clear that he's not my type.

Since he's in the room pretty much 24/7, I'm pretty sure he's been jerking off in my bed and trying on my clothes while I'm at work or class. He's mentally fragile, and very clingy, so if I tell him that he's a faggot and that I hate him, I'm afraid he would kill himself, which would be sad because we've been good friends for years. What should I do?

[edit] Antisocial

Hey B, I'm new.

Well, there isn't much to tell really, I guess you could consider me gothic, I love Heavy Metal, Alternative, basically any kind of rock. If I don't like you, you'll be able to tell, trust me. The love of my life is Cori, I love her with all of my soul, though sometimes I may not show it. If you talk bad about me and Cori's relationship, I will not get pissed off, I'll just ignore you, as she most likely will too, it is none of your business, and you know it. I love the anime/manga Death Note, and that will never change, criticize me all you want, it will not change my passion. Light/Raito Yagami is my favorite character, you also will never change that. I also like Bleach, Naruto(Non-american, Fooly Cooly, and Cowboy Bebop, though I don't obsess over those like I do Death Note. I also love Vampires, Werewolves, and basically anything mythological. Drawing is another one of my likes, though I am a terrible artist. I'm a shy person, and I usually hate meeting new people, anti-social is a little strong of a word, but yes, I am.

[edit] A Gentleman's Agreement

Salutations good sirs. Within a fortnight I shall set forth, with my Queen's congee of course, on a voyage to the Southernmost Colonies. In the Southland I design to retrieve a large shipment of these newfound creatures called "negroids". Upon my return from the colonies I would be happy to bequeath you one or two for your sport. However, an exchange must take place. I require several daguerreotype depictions of bantam youngsters in "salacious" poses to add to my quite substantial collection. I propose we form a gentleman's agreement, if you could supply these daguerreotypes in advance of our exchange I would happily supply a half-ape-half-man creature at the time of our meeting. Do respond in haste my good sirs for I dare say my interest has been piqued. I have included a related vignette of my cargo for your appraisal. If the benevolent proprietors of this fine establishment are to find my libidinous requests deviant, then I suspect a ban from the premises and an assemblage of celebratory buggies outside my residence may be in order. Sincerely and with great respect, Sir David V. Thomas

[edit] Grammatical note

Copypasta is, of course, a noun. The verb for the posting of copypasta is cuntpaste.

[edit] See Also

• George Zimmer - A common pasta ingredient.
• Creepypasta

[edit] Links

• Collection of delicious copypasta

Copypasta is part of a series on *Chan memes

It’s more likely than you think. Memes? In my ED? 0

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