Christian rock

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

1 Christian Rock
2 A 3 Point History
3 Deep, emotional lyrics.
4 The Effects
5 Making a Christian Band
6 Christan Metal
7 May Contain Christians

[edit] Christian Rock

Christian Rock, occasionally shortened to "CR" or "Turn that fucking shit off" is a kind of music played by evangelical christians in order to raise enough funds for another crusade to pwnz0r Islam and save your souls from eternal damnation...n'shit. It achieved global success thanks to goths and emos trying to escape burning in hell fire for eternity when they die.

Ye olde Christian Rock fans

Typical Christian rock song. (see Homosexual)

[edit] A 3 Point History

At least 100 years ago heathen niggers infect popular music, pissing off the god fearing white folks no end by making all their children talk "gangsta" and giving them AIDS.
The hardest-core christians refuse to listen to this crap claiming "It is of the devil" but no-one gave a shit and nigger music became teh biggest thing EVAR!!!1!. (as did AIDS)
Last Thursday came the churches retaliation, it wasn't a mass Lynching as expected...shame, it was the creation of a new musical style, a style laced with pro-god-jesus-is-fucking-hawt-gay-jewish-screw-muslims-convert-or-burn-in-hell subliminal propagander known only as "Christian Rock"

Everyone in the air force is christian

[edit] Deep, emotional lyrics.

IRL examples of Christian Rock lyrics:

"Shadows have come and in them we run,
A quiet infection,
It started with this the place of the fearless,
Taking the dark,
And we know the blood that spills like a flood
Now do you understand?"

Heavy stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

"Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away) 
Now that I see you (I could never look away) 
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away) 
Now that I see you (I believe no matter what they say)"

OMG So exciting i could kick a puppy!

Fuck the song, we wants christian girlz!

How to save someone wounded by Christian Rock

[edit] The Effects

For awhile nothing changed as still no-one gave a shit about a group of religious nut jobs singing piss poor songs about love with unoriginal lyrics ripped from the bible. HOWEVAR! In the 90's being christian suddenly became popular no thanks to faggots like U2 when part of the recording industry realized that young white rich Christians have their parent's money to spend. This resulted in many new bands "converting" to christianity in order to sell more records. Talent was not necessary for this, as evidenced by these Christmas lyrics sung by Scott Stapp of Creed:

"Away in a manger 
No crib for a bed 
I'm still using Jesus 
To make some quick bread"

[edit] Making a Christian Band

Want easy monies but without the hastle of fraud? Make your own christian group! Tis simple and will get you and your mates a VIP pass to heaven.

Make sure at least one of your band members has been seen in a church and all band members are white.
Get a copy of the bible, usually found proping up chair/table legs.
Skim through it removing anything remotly connected with love or praise.
Add nice happy words words to make it rhyme.
Sing lyrics over some basic rock chords, its bloody simple, only a complete retard could arse this up.
?????
PROFIT!!!

You'll be laughing at the eternally damned in no time.

Niggers eventually found ways to fuck christian rock up MOAR

[edit] Christan Metal

Creating the definition of an Oxymoron, Christan Metal was born. Combining good old fashion Christan Values with Christ Raping metal, fucktards attempt to appeal to a younger, more edgy audience. the result is a large turd that goes against both the values of Christians and Metal, and is just an Embarrassment in general.