Hipster
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
"Hipsters" are elusive creatures because a true hipster will never admit to being a hipster. You can usually find them in more urbanized areas. They are devoted to anything hip whether their forte be art, music, fashion, or a combination of the three. There are several types of hipsters: the plain old Hipster, Art Fags, Indie Fags, Avant-Gard types. Hipsters rarely date those who are not in their subculture. The rare except can be made with the Punk subculture, which certian parts of hipsterdom intertwine with. You can usually smell a hipster from a mile away, since they are usually saturated with the smell of smoke and cheap booze. Most hipsters smoke either: fancy imported cigarettes, Marlboro's, Camels, and sometimes American Spirits(because their so not mainstream). Because Parliaments and Newports are for the unwashed masses. Strangely enough, these connoisseurs of cool love to drink cheap beer and box wine. Drinking expensive alcohol is for the capitalist pigs, and being a capitalist pig is so un-chic.
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[edit] Types of Hipsters
- Typical Hipster - The typical hipster does not have a concentration, and their interests are evenly distributed in avant garde and hip art, music, fashion, etc. Their clothing is hip, but not as overly indulgent and hip as the avant garde hipster. Their musically tastes are cool, but they do not look too deeply into music. They enjoy the arts and literature, but their life is not dedicated to either. What they wear constantly changes, because what is hip constantly changes.
- Indie Fag - The hipster that has a concentration of music. They are the most laid back dressed of the bunch and can be easily identified. Both sexes have the tendency to wear button up shirts, straight legged pants, hoodie, and some type of flat bottomed shoe that isn't for running if it is a girl they may wear flats and a sweater. Sometimes it is difficult to tell indie boys and girls apart, due to the fact that they look so much a like. What is the Indie fag today is what remains of what hipsters *use* to look like. Yet are still accepted as a part of the hipster community. They listen to all the coolest and most subversive music that you have never heard of. And if you had heard of them...well..they heart them first. Indie fags are more likely to smoke and drink 40s. They have a record collection and have probably read a good amount of Kurt Vonnegut.
- Avant-Garde Avant Garde hipsters are hipsters thats specialty is fashion. They always are wearing the more outrageous thing and pretend like they did not spend 5 hours preparing their outfit the night before. Whatever is in, they wore before it was. They tend to be obsessed with always finding the new thing. It is hard to describe them because their fashion sense changes every five seconds, but you will be able to pick them out in a crowd because they are the person that looks the most ridiculous. But if you think it is ridiculous you are just an unfashionable dolt. Their music taste is always current and hip and leans towards the indie, electronic, new wave, and post-punk. A notable avant-garde hipster is It-Girl Cory Kennedy.
[edit] Belief Structure of the Hipster
- The "Hip" which can be named is not the true "Hip". Many ascetic religions seek a life of simplicity. "Hipsters" seek a life of obscurity. The great vessel of their obscurity is the "hip". As they fall deeper and deeper into the "hip", they find themselves further and further away from the accursed "unhipness" of the mainstream. "Hipsters" engulfed in the "hip" sink further and further away from the mainstream and even further away from the "hippest" people they know in the scene. At one point, the "hipster" may begin to mumble. This is akin to Pentecostal speaking in toungues. The mumbling is what happens in towards the final stages of the "Hipsters" development as the "Hipster" begins to speak about bands that are so "hip" and obscure that the bands themselves don't even know they are bands yet. There are no words to describe the music that bands that don't exist yet make, so the "Hipster" begins to mumble pretending that he is speaking. It's quite sad, really.
- All personal labels are considered "unhip" and the great "hip" ones will not abide by any such labels. "Hipsters", though they know full well that they are "hip", will never answer to being a "hipster" and often will refuse the word "hip". They also are known to speak in a "hip" psuedo-language. Pseudo-language, in that, some words are real and some words are shit they just made up. The "Hipster Handbook", an expose on the "hipster" lifestyle says "What was once cool, now is deck". Deck being a word that means "cool" to other hipsters as it is fin or "uncool" to say cool. It is a part of the renunciation of the "unhip".
- The "Hipster"'s lifestyle is shrouded in a mystical rhetorical substance known as "irony". It is said that "hipness" manifests itself in areas where there is the most irony. Irony is a difficult concept to understand, so percieving it takes hipness in itself. Irony can also be percieved or created out of such things that are "unhip". Where ever the irony is, once perceived by the "hipster", the "hipster" must begin to decode the irony for hidden messages and must take the messages of the great "hip" to heart. If you see a "hipster" lethargic on the couch watching "Gillian's Island", this is what he is trying to do.
- Remember: "Bisexual" is the new "I'm so drunk!"
[edit] "Hipster" Lifestyle
They show their devotion by listening to Guided by Voices for hours on end, and are harmless unless you engage them in one of their discussions on music. They can become violent in this state, so be sure to satiate them by putting on a copy of Slanted and Enchanted by Pavement. Once they have fully calmed down, turn off the music and kick them out of your apartment as fast as you can.
Consult the Hipster Handbook before engaging them in anymore discussions, as hipsters have a tendancy to remember everyone's musical tastes. You will need to convince them that you were only being momentarially ironic in stating that "Linkin Park isn't too bad." "Hipsters" themselves do this all the time with American Idol "musicians."
To get hipster pussy or cock, you must start an indie rock band, have access to at least a keybump of cocaine, and backstage passes to any Interpol, Franz Ferdinand, or Ladytron shows that may be coming up.
[edit] Bohemian
A term, roughly equivalent to hipster, that once meant something, like, 100 years ago. Known for their rhapsodies.
[edit] Hipster Irony
Please refer to the main article Irony
[edit] Known Hipsters & Wannabe's
[edit] External Links
- Myspace hipster #1
- Myspace hipster #2
- Myspace hipster #4 (Hipsters like to skip numbers when making lists.)
- The Hipster Handbook This book changed my life... for the worse.
- Pitchfork media -- Try not to get any on you. It stings when it gets in the eyes.
- forums.hipinion.com -- msgboard full of hipsters, or are they?
- Hipsters Are Annoying
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Hipster is part of a series on Music. |
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