Audiophile

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What a typical audiophile faps to.

Cho Seung-Hui before his headphones were stolen.

An audiophile is a person who is into otic sex, that is sex with ears. It comes from the Greek audios, sound, and philos, fucking. Audiophiles also will have sex with CDs and tie themselves up with speaker cable. Especially pretentious audiophiles will favor old vinyl records, saying they feel "warmer". When they can't get something on vinyl, they will attempt to run everything else through an expensive tube processor to make it sound "warmer".

An audiophile can be spotted by their habit of complaining about MP3s, because the high frequency sounds that even your dog can't hear get stripped out in compression.

Audiophiles will often spend at least 100 dollars on gold speaker cable, because they think that the raw pretentiousness will make them have an audiorgasm. Sadly for them, there is no known mechanism that can make MCR sound any good. Audiophiles are all deaf, however, and as a result they can't actually tell the difference between those $5 earphones you bought at Go-Lo and $250 Sennheiser HD555s.

[edit] How to spot an Audiophile

If outdoors (rare) will be wearing three sets of noise - cancelling headphones, because one just doesn't cut it.
Will have no money for little things like gas, food or clothes.
Will have a 60GB iPod with three songs on it, due to their compulsion to have everything completely uncompressed.
Will probably be a Mac user.
Will spend $120 on a Telefunken-branded triode when Sovtek sells the same damn tube for eight dollars, and will claim to be able to tell the difference.
Will have the vast majority of their house (mortgaged) full of their sound system, which will sound shit because audiophiles all think that broken "classic" parts own modern things like 7:1 surround sound.

See also: SHAKTI Stone