Children

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Child)

Children have many uses!

Children are n00bs at RL. Like all n00bs, they are easy to pwn, and this is funny. 13 year old boys and 16 year old girls are children, which explains why pedophiles like them. It is funny to point out that someone is a child and therefore a n00b; however, you may be pwned by their reminding you that you used to be one also. This is like the no u meme: you cannot defend against it, unless you were grown in a tube and released at puberty.

1 Facts about Children
2 Stages of Childhood
3 Controversy
4 What to do to children

[edit] Facts about Children

Children are demons sent by condom companies to scare you into using protection (and giving them more money, amirite?). Therefore, by having unprotected sex, you perform the Summon Child (rank 3) ritual. This ritual, if successful, ruins your fucking life.
89% of people claiming to be children on IRC are fat old pedophiles. The other 11% are FBI agents trying to catch and convict the former. The real children on IRC, claim to be adults, but act like morons, can't spell, use ALL CAPS, aLTeRNaTiNG CaPS, use DoS attacks on other IRC people for fun, get in OP wars on IRC, abuse OPs, flame, cuss, etc.
If you have a LiveJournal and rape a child, you become e-famous and get a "Sick Fucks" category story on ED, like ohbutyouwillpet. That's more than worth the jail term.
Children in third world countries are commonly known as cannon fodder.
Sam Rassenfoss is a lover of all types of children, because he is a pedophile
No one gives a shit about YOUR childhood. It will either be raped by Rule 34 on the internets, or by a shitty remake in Hollywood

How many points can you get.

[edit] Stages of Childhood

Baby: Funniest when dead. Most likely to be raped by a LiveJournal user.
Toddler: Discovers things. most likely to be raped by a swarthy Chinese man.
Child: If the parents have any money, this will be the fucktard stage. Most likely to be raped by unimaginative pederasts.
Teenager: HORMONESHORMONESOMFGFUCK ANYTHING IN SIGHT!!1!! If there's grass around the wicket, it's time to play cricket!
Adult: become an adult baby. It's all good, baby.

[edit] Controversy

There is much ongoing controversy on the topic of children. One group, known as Childfree, believes that nobody should have children. Members of this group usually use contraception or castration to ensure that they never have children.

The opposing group, known as the pro-choice group, believes that everyone should get pregnant, followed by an abortion. This is the more enlightened point of view in regards to children and childbirth, common among feminists.

A third group, known as pregnant teens, are drunk sluts that are too stupid to know how to have their mates use condoms, and if you are looking to get laid (easily!) we recommend looking there.