Alice Cooper

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Stud alert!

Cross-dressing shock-rocker who wears snakes across his neck because he is too poor to afford a scarf. Basically he's the Marilyn Manson of the 70's.

[edit] History

Alice Cooper was also the name of his backup group, all similarily skinny and diseased-looking, who would all later become fat, and for one of them, dead. No one gave a shit about the backing group though, many not even knowing they existed. That what happens when you name a band after the lead singer you stupid cunts.

By 1974, Cooper's bandmates left the group since Cooper would get so wasted he would try to grab their cocks while they were sleeping, thinking they were his snakes. Cooper left to pursue a solo career, but his popularity gradually declined. He even tried to reinvent himself as a punk singer, but this only resulted in lulz for everyone else. In 1983, he was arrested for sneaking into a snake cage to have sex with the boa constrictors at a zoo. A few years later, he sobered up and reinvented himself as a hair metal singer. Sadly, not as many people did not care as was expected and he managed to score a hit with his song 'Poison'. Fortunatley nobody cares about that 'song' anymore.

[edit] Where is He Now?

Nowadays, his albums mix a rehash of his classic sound with whatever bandwagon he can jump on. His albums chart poorly or don't chart at all. Much of The Last Temptation sounded like alternative-metal as written by a pro wrestler. Dragonland followed with a faux-industrial sound. The latest, Dirty Diamonds, was released roughly six months too late to cash in on the brief garage rock trend.

He now has to pay the bills by being an amateur golfer. He's also a major Bush ass-kisser, registered Republican and born-again Christian.

Despite this, he remains the inspiration for many of Marilyn Manson's antics. Some argue that he still pwns Manson, who is too busy babbling about French fibbonacci sequins to bother making anything of musical value.