Tyler Peterson
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
Tyler Peterson was a deputy Sheriff in Crandon, Wisconsin. On October 7th, 2007, at 2:00pm, after he woke up from a 45 minute nap and decided to take a stroll through the woods, he was brutally murdered by a police sniper.
This sad incident was probably unrelated to the fact that 12 hours earlier, he went to a local pizza party at somebody's house, where his ex-gff rejected him, and all of her friends called him names like "worthless pig". Peterson went batshit insane, grabbed his rifle, and pwned two male suburban dwellers and four hotties... Sadly, Peterson was only 20 years old and hadn't outgrown his fucktarded jock phase from high school, so he may not have realized that in America, calling a cop a "worthless pig" is just like saying "hello".
Tyler Peterson kinda died alone, but kinda didn't. Technically, he died about 12 hours after everyone else, so it's a toss-up. In any event he won't have the prestige of being dubbed An Hero since the cops beat him to it, ultimately having the last lulz.
[edit] News Report Highlights
5 hours after the murders, around 7:30 a.m, Peterson showed up at the friend's house in north Crandon. He calmly told the Kegley family about what happened, and spent a few hours talking and thinking things through. He told them they weren't in danger, but refused to get rid of the gun he had tucked behind his back.
The family quietly called 911... and apparently, it took a couple of hours for the police to show up. The family would occasionally wander outside to look for them. Tyler took a 45 minute nap in the bed of his truck. A few laborers from the family's construction company arrived at the scene, heard about what happened, and continued to call 911 "many, many" times.
Tyler's nap was eventually disturbed by the arrival of dozens of officers. They cordoned off 200 acres and began to negotiate... when you are dealing with an armed 20-year-old fucktard, you don't want to take any chances. Negotiators couldn't get him to drop the gun, but Tyler made it clear that he was ready to deal with the police... Paraphrased, "I want to turn myself in, I want to decide what kind of consequences I want to face, what can we do?"
Somewhere around 2 p.m. Peterson walked off toward the woods. He got about 50 yards from the house and was shot by a sniper, however it was latter announced that he shot himself in the head three times, twice under the chin and once in the side, while the sniper got him in the leg. It is widely believed that this force was excessive, and non-lethal methods were available to police.
[edit] EDiot Research
After searching myspace for 54520 Crandon zip code, EDiot researchers found only a couple of accounts with displays that read "R.I.P" - however one said ""R.I.P. nick brooks. your new band blows". Basically no one cares and/or less than five people in Crandon actually have access to the internets' tubes.
[edit] Resources
- crandon high school: where everyone was
faggedfragged - tory51209 - she wants her brother and also lives in SLUTSVILLE, Wisconsin
 Tyler enjoyed racing kiddie-cars a few years ago when he was 15 |
 Tyler's "hot" sister, Tori |
 You knew it was only a matter of time before you saw this |
 A picture from Tyler's high school yearbook with his new toy |
 MTG - the latest card in the (home) Invasion series - Tyler Peterson, Creature Legend |
 Tyler has been nominated as an honorary /b/tard for his actions in the field. |
Categories: Stub | People
