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President Bush and his Bushy wife.

+10 Combo Points

President Bush at his laptop

A poster for his 2004 presidential campaign

George brings his own style to the fireside chat

George Bush looking like a cunt.

A man of unspeakable gayness

Says it all, really.

People forget that President Bush was an original member of The Village People: "Texas Air National Guard Guy."

George "W" Bush is the Leader of the Free World (unfortunately). Before becoming the most fail President in history, he ran a shitty failure of an oil company, was the owner of the Texas Rangers, a shitty failure of a baseball team, and was Chief Executioner for the State of Texas, a shitty failure of a state. Behind the mask of stupidity, W is secretly one of the most brilliant men ever to exist. During his life he managed to dodge the Vietnam war, rig presidential elections, not once, but twice (which says a lot about the stupidity of the average Americunt), pass all the laws he ever wanted to pass (making him the first real dictator of the USA), while making himself, his family and all of his friends very rich by starting two wars.

1 The Tale of Fail
2 Preznit Bush v Da Persians: Mithridates Day
3 Dubya & Dubai
4 His "Regime Change" on The English Language
5 Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit
6 Anecdotes and Family life
7 Drinking Game
8 As a Trolling Technique
9 Gallery of Failure
10 See also
11 External links
12 Video of the Now

[edit] The Tale of Fail

President Bush was raised in New Haven, Connecticut, the grandson of Senator Prescott Bush, who made a fortune doing business with the Nazi German government at a controversial time when most other businessmen refrained from doing so. President Bush's father, also named President Bush, was the Director of the CIA before becoming President. One day, he moved his growing family to Texas where they quickly picked up Texas accents. (Later, President Bush's brother Jeb insisted that he had been raised in Florida, not Texas.)

In his teenage years, young George Bush spent many happy summer days with the bin Laden boys, old family friends. BBQs, tennis, golf, jet-ski, all the usual down-home recreational activities of a Texas country boy. George and young Osama - "Sammy" - were especially close. They used to organize the most amazing midnight circle-jerks, really the talk of the town! As they grew older, George and Sammy would have little contests: Who could snort the longest line of coke in one go? Invariably, George was the winnar.

Eventually, the good times must end -- or must they? George was about to get drafted for the Vietnam War. His family connections, however, easily got him a place in the "Texas Air National Guard," a non-existent fighting squadron based at a beautiful lake in the Texas hill country. His primary responsibilities included "more of the same": Rest & recreation, a-whiffin' and a-chuggin'! This went on for several years, and George was awarded numerous medals for bravery (for example, for doing a belly flop, on purpose, from the high diving board -- hilarious!).

After the War, George's parents decided that it was time for him to go to school. Arriving at Yale University, he quickly became the life of the party as president of the trendy DKE fraternity, and as a member of the "Skull & Bones" secret socitey. Along with new best-buddies John Kerry (later Massivetwoshits Senator) and George Pataki (later Jew York Governor), George really let it all hang out. He even appeared in some sketches on the popular "Laugh-In" TV program, and marched in the first "Stonewall" Gay Pride march. Unfortunately, however, like most fags of that era, he had to have nasal re-section surgery to repair cartilage obliterated by many years of cocaine. His doctors solemnly advised him that if he kept on doing those white lines, the next time it could kill him. They quietly recommended that he switch to huffin' gold spray paint. Bush took them up on this advice, and has nevar once looked back.

As he grew into the prime of manhood, George felt a little bit bored of all the partying. Everyone kept telling him, "George, you really should be President some day! We can totally hook you up!" All he needed to do was try a little harder to present himself "in drag" as a hard-workin', God-fearin' Texas guy; Sure, it's OK to have a beer or two after a hard day's work in the oil rigs, but this every-day sex & drugs-on-a-bender business on the party circuit has got to go. Also, he needed to get himself a wife so that everything looked normal and straight.

It was hard, mighty hard, durned hard, plumb hard, but George practiced almost every day. He finally learned how to read. He memorized the names of a few important countries. He memorized the names of a few important US states. One day, he was finally able to memorize the slogans that he was writing at least 100 times a day on the blackboard -- the slogans that would put him in complete control! "Compassionate Conservative," and "I'm a uniter, not a divider!"

By the Fall of 2000, George was in a tight race against an animatronic mannequin called Algore. Under completely legitimate circumstances George managed to collect enough pokemon from the electoral college and he won! At last, he was President. At last, he could spread his passionate juices all over the whole wide world! Soon, the Jews did WTC, and George's place in history as America's most fail president was assured.

[edit] Preznit Bush v Da Persians: Mithridates Day

Cabinet meeting notes by W

George W. Bush is the most physically powerful human being on Earth, apart from Arnold Schwarzenegger, that Incredible Hulk guy, and Mr. T. George is the only person who can save us from the gigantic Iranians. These Iranians are massive, and by massive I mean rad. The only person who can beat them is George, check out this evidence:

[edit] Dubya & Dubai

Last Thursday, Dubya made another one of the most fucktarded decisions of his career when he sold the U.S. ports to the United Arab Emirates in Dubai.

Look for this story on "teh googlez".

This chapter is a stub. You can help by expanding it.

[edit] His "Regime Change" on The English Language

Anonymous hax my MySpace?!

A credit to his race

W is a known as a great orator and is renowned for extensive vocabulary skillz. Since taking office he has recommended the following changes to the English language:

"nuclear" is now "nukular"
"subliminal" is now "subliminable"
"french" is now "freedom"
"underestimate" is now "misunderestimate"
"terror" is now "t'rrir" and/ or "terra" or "t'rrrr'r"
"terrorism" is now "terism"
"terrorist" is now "turrist", pronounced like "tourist", which is very lulzy indeed.
"America" is now "Merica"
"dissemble" is now "disassemble"
The Gulf Coast is now "This area of the world"
"Pakistani" is now "Paki"
Google is now "teh google"
Individuals of Middle Eastern descent are now "Turbie Tops"
"New Orleans" is now "Atlantis."

[edit] Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"I know it's hard to put food on your family."
"I like my buddies from West Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle aged, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."
"For every fatal shootin' in America, there are 3 nonfatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable."
"Border relations between Mexico and Canada have never been better"
"They misunderestimated me."
"With this war in Iqaq still goin' on. I often hear people say "where are the Mandelas? Where is Nelson Mandela?" Well, I've got news for you; Nelson Mandela is dead - because Saddam killed him
"Who could have possibly envisioned a person in Iraq who is not a terrorist douchebag at this point in history?"
"One of the great things about books is, sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
"I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future."
"It isn't the pollution that is harming our enviroments. It is the impurities in our water and air that are doing it."
"It is my job to do my job."
"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."
"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job."
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
"You forgot Poland."
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."
"I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."

[edit] Anecdotes and Family life

Did you know
that... George Bush was suprised that he failed to win the Nobel Peace Prize by starting a war - Twice??

The only man known to end sentences in the middle of them, because he is done talking now. We're working tirelessly...(sigh). Look, we're tireless.
When asked why they voted for Bush, At least 100 people claimed innocence, stating "I did it for the lulz."
In 1963, Laura Bush ran a stop sign & killed her boyfriend, lulz.
The couple have two cockslut daughters Jenna and Barbara that are trying to make it bigtime in Hooters. Well-known for their club-wrecking hijinks, the pair employ Secret Service agents as their personal chauffeurs and bouncers.
When recently asked how she would like to change the world, Jenna remarked she would permanently remove the letters L, S, and Q from the alphabet. She also stated that her life's goal is to fuck every last nigger in the world and that she won't be satisfied until she does.
During his latest visit to Europe W was greeted as an hero in Albania, which is no mystery because Albanians are good for nothing wops-wannabe that would eat their own children for free food in more decent places other than Albania, fucking shithole.
His brother is even stoopider than he is, and illustrates the reason why anyone with the last name of Bush should never breed. Just look at W's daughters!

[edit] Drinking Game

Whenever W is making a speech, drink a shot of your choice of alcohol every time he says one of the following words:

Nation
Freedom
Security
Nukular
Ter'r
Iraqi
Peace
Democracy

George W. Bush is the savior of the American people. Four more years!

[edit] As a Trolling Technique

On the other hand, George W. Bush's epic failure can be used to generate at least 1.21 gigalulz of comedy at the expense of all of the bandwagon politic 16 year old girls on the Internet who write, "OMG BUSH IS HITLOR!!!!!!". The good thing is that using Bush to troll is not very difficult to do: his administration has pissed so many people off that the net is ripe with communities just waiting for you to join and talk about how much he's benefited the American people and the world as a whole. Don't forget to tell everyone how George saved us from the terrorists, mention 9/11 over 9000 times (lol Giuliani), and let them know how excited you are that Bush has decided to run for re-election again in 2008. Because for all you, they, or the rest of the world knows about the American Constitution, it could be true.

[edit] Gallery of Failure

Mirrors!	Hail Satan	Bush's Redneck Country Cousin	George Saddam Busshein: real reason behind the push for cloning the perfect asshole
Bush's Ancestor 'George Ape Bush'	George W. Bush takes a shower	Laura Bush demonstrating how she fist fucks Dubya	There is not much to say about what is going on here.
	You're on notice.	The truth about George W. Bush; HEEZ A FUKIN JEDI, BITCH	Bush will one day get The Chair.
This way would also be good.	Post this everywhere for fast luck.	Jenna Bush attempting to strip in front of an audience	Good times in the '80s when George's Dad was "Vice" President
Village People reunion, 2005	Cock goes where?	the year 2009...	He is the anti-Ken Jennings
He appeals to the young'ns.	Babies hate George Bush.	The glasses do nothing.
Fuck yeah.	Count Bushula	Our President's fetishes	President Bush testing a gyrocopter prototype.
A typical Bush supporter	Gizorge Bizush	Lulz	George Bush's face after being anally violated.
W supports the troops