American Idol
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
While many top e-psychologists have ruled the internet to be the most serious of businesses, many argue that American Idol is the most professional, serious of serial businesses to ever exist on Muhammad's great purple Earth. The professionalism of this serious business is evident in the fact that it's always number one in ratings every single year. While you might think this implies American Idol to be a good show, it is really just hundreds of pop star/country singer/rock star rejects clambering to win a lesser-of-infinite-evils contest. Every contestant ever to win this show has gone on to release a shitty, uninspired album consisting of songs that are all the same. If you know a friend who actually buys these albums, and loves everything American Idol related, please do the world a favor and shoot that friend in the face. There's 30 million of these people, so there's a lot of work to be done.
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[edit] Format of the Show
For about the first month or so, AI is actually worth watching, since here they show lulz that would be regarded as some of the lulziest hours on television. Basically, unique batshit people who can't sing come in and waste the producer's time, because they're attention whores and think anyone but themselves will care that they went on TV, and sacrificed whatever dignity and self respect they ever had. Interestingly enough, the people who are shown during the audition round possess a wider range of suckitude than the people who are actually good possess a range of being a quality singer. To put that in normal people terms, everyone who gets through sounds the fucking same.
After a bunch of losers are picked, the show moves onto Hollywood Week, where the contestants go through many lulzy reality show antics such as writing their own, terrible songs and pairing up in threesomes. To much disappointment, no sex ever occurs in these threesomes. Although I'm sure much relief was felt when everyone found out Ruben Studdard wouldn't be taking off his clothes. No one wants to see that fat blob of chocolate pudding rolling around on the ground, burying his gelatinous head into Kelly Clarkson's vagoo. Then blah blah blah, tedious boring elimination process, talent gets better, not worth watching, only complete faggots truly give a shit, etc.
[edit] Reject Lulz moments
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[edit] American Idol is a Corporate WhoreWhen American Idol isn't pimping people who are carbon copies of the last million pop singers to pollute this earth, it's dropping its skimpy mini skirt in public and opening itself up to rape, although it would technically be consensual, since American Idol loves money like Simon Cowell loves his cocks. On a regular basis, the show is assfucked by Cingular, Coca-Cola and Ford. Hell, half the show is devoted to promoting these shit companies. Kelly Clarkson adopts to the new scene [edit] The Judges [edit] Randy JacksonStereotypical useless Nigglet who raffles off overused Niggarian slang, such as 'Yo dog!', and 'That was aiight man!'. He's almost as equally useless as Paula. For a great drinking game, take a shot of Tequila (or eat a chicken wing, Randy's favorite food) every time Randy calls someone pitchy. The game would apply to every time he says 'Yo', if it weren't for the fact that you would be given alcohol poisoning/diabetes from this. [edit] Simon Cowell He is the only mentally capable person of the three judges, actually giving helpful comments to the contestants. Because American Idol's fanbase is so mind fuckingly retarded, they boo every single thing that comes out of Simon's mouth, because criticism is BAD and WRONG!!!!1111one It doesn't really matter though, since Simon actually made the show. Because of this fact, Simon is not entitled to life, though the possibility exists that he might have created the show just so sentient life can enjoy the lulz delivered by his constant verbal pwnage of the contestants. It will be an especially lulzworthy moment when Simon meets Snapesnogger, even though he will be torn apart by her fans. Some contestants argue that Simon should not be on the show due to being English, even though they miss the point that Randy is a nigger from god knows where and Paula is an offspring of a Syrian and a Canadian Jew, therefore making Simon more ideally American than the other judges. [edit] Paul AbdulAlthough she has constantly denied it, one can clearly see that Paula Abdul carries about ten whiskey canteens in her bra at a time (got to do something to make up for all that missing merchandise!), sneaking drinks from them about every half second. Because of this, Paula always acts drunk when she's on American Idol. She can deny that she's an alcoholic all she wants, but there's no way in hell she wasn't on something when she decided to hit this. It would be a mistake to ask Paula what she was thinking, since this would imply that Ms. Abdul actually forms thoughts in that sad little brain of hers. As for her skills as a judge; she never has anything useful to say. Ever. [edit] The Hosts[edit] Ryan SeacrestA closet homosexual who loves to wear women's underwear and beachwear under his suits every time he goes on American Idol. He is infamous for his catchphrase 'Seacrest, out', leading him to believe he's hot shit. Although whenever he tries to act chummy with the judges, they treat him like a big ugly dog with warts on its eyes and shun him. He once had an extremely faggy live talk show on FOX, but it got canceled. Probably because FOX is poor as shit and couldn't afford Seacrest giving away so much free crap. He should be hit in the face with a tire iron and thrown screaming from a top the tallest nearby skyscraper. [edit] Bryan DunklemanOh hell, who even cares about this faggot. [edit] Vote for the Worst During the third season of American Idol, a community called Vote for the Worst formed in the deepest bowels of the internet. Basically, a bunch of people band together to vote for the worst contestant on the show, to purposely piss off the producers and make AI fans butthurt and angry. This community alone has made the latest season, season six, highly watchable since instead of just a few people sucking, everyone sucks. [edit] SandjobBut no one sucks quite like Sanjaya 'Sandjob' Malakar. For the last couple of weeks now, Sanjaya has been hulaing his way though the top 12. In doing this, he has successfully pissed off everyone involved with American Idol. He even made a little girl cry with his shreiking. Simon has even gone so far as to say he'll quit American Idol if Sanjaya wins. This statement makes one thing very clear: Sanjaya must win American Idol. Or so help me God, I will blow up an orphanage. I'll do it. He also has a sister with quite the set of jugs. She originally made it to Hollywood Week, but got cut near the end, most likely due to Simon's hatred of the breasts. The /i/nsurgency will answer to the call of Anonymous and see through to the victory of Sandjob. They shall make history. Or not. [edit] See Also[edit] External LinksThis article is outdated, someone fucking do something. |
