Atheist
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Atheism is a religion created by God at least 100 years ago to mess with peoples minds and to create lulz on the internet. Since Atheists presumably have no moral restraints, it is assumed that they'd be out getting pre-teen tang, but instead spend most of their time making shitty YouTube videos in their parent's basement. Most Atheists have e-drama regarding why they became Atheists, usually involving stories that end in, quite literally, butthurt tales of abuse at the hands of priests who only did it for the lulz. One might think that atheists are simply people who don't believe in God, but that would be naive. Atheists will fight amongst themselves about the meaning of the word almost as much as agnostics do.
Most Atheists are virgins because thinking freely takes up the time most people use to lay pipe in gash. Also, fags are always Atheists because God hates fags. This is a fact. It should be noted that Atheists are super geniuses due to over exposure to Tool. Unfortunately, while most religious people are out getting drunk, fucking bitches in the shitter, and playing IRL, Atheists are busy reading the Bible for ammunition against Christians and to jerk off to the incest scenes in it.
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[edit] Failed Logic
Atheists typically think they are smarter then you no matter what. Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC. Many also exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that Secret Christian Agents (SCA) are trying to eradicate them by putting the word "God" in things. A high priest of Atheism discovered last Thursday that should a fellow Atheist hear the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance three times within an hour, they will instantly convert to Christianity and then die.
Generally, all atheists are liberals with serious superiority complexes who are often willing to argue with anyone, especially Xtians .
Many of them believe that some philosopher (e.g., Nietzsche or Karl Popper) has proved that atheism is correct. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God because through the infallible argument that anyone that believes in a God is stupid which means anything they say is stupid which means that it would just be wasting the intellectually superior atheist's time. Kierkegaard never existed.
Atheists generally suffer under the delusion that religion somehow is the cause of all conflict and that it is directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred in history. Of course, most atheists failed their history class, because otherwise they would know that atheist dictators killed over 130 million people over the past century, and that they murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion, mass murder being the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking.
Point this out to any atheist and they will undoubtedly respond with, "BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM!!11", which is bullshit, because they obviously did. Lenin, Mao, and Stalin all viewed religion as an obstacle to the dictatorship of the proletariat envisioned by Marx and thus sought to remove this obstacle by any means necessary.
[edit] Sources of drama
Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators.
YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Response Squad. You can check out their "Blasphemy Challenge" to see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists!" You can oftentimes receive boners from the angry responses from fellow Atheists who give out poor comment points to anyone that demands Tits or GTFO to any female Atheists.
The majority of atheists must always, and will forever, debate who is the biggest idiot for believing in religion. In addition, some atheists believe that atheism is the belief in nothing religious: this is also bullshit.
Most atheists cannot stand each other; putting two together in a closet usually results in a deadly battle of who can fuck the other in the ass faster.
[edit] Physical Traits of the Atheist
You can often spot an atheist in the wild merely by their physical appearance alone. Look for grimy, food-encrusted neckbeards, pale, greasy skin, obesity, and/or a general disregard for personal hygeine. Often they appear as if they have been living in their mom's basement for the past 5 years, surviving only on Fritos and Mountain Dew. This is because atheists have no time for ignorant, superstitious theistic concepts like "showering", or "haircuts", or "not being a fucking disgusting slob."
[edit] Important Facts About Atheism
- Black people can't be Atheists in the MMORPG RL due to class restrictions.
- Niggers can't be Atheists. Probably because of slavery. This fact is repeated because it is eXtremely important.
- If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also did 9/11
[edit] Morality
Atheists tend to gripe about how religious people say that they can't be moral. They apparently care about morality even though they say that they don't believe in anything. Any mention of this contradiction to an atheist will result in a 10-page rant about how the Bible sucks ass because it is a 2000-year-old book. The atheist will fail to realize that nobody gives a shit.
[edit] Atheists on the internet
Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by hardcore neck-bearded faggot atheists. Atheists are world-renowned for shitting up any religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "LOL RELIGION IS FOR SHEEP LOL GOD IS DEAD QUIT LIFE CHRISTFAGS HURRRRRRRRR", no matter how intelligent or rationalized it looks. Atheists commonly complain about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, while failing to realize that shitting yourself over anyone with any sort of theistic beliefs is far more obnoxious than the religious people they frequently whine about. Christians, in this case, have an upper-hand over atheists for not going into shitfits over religious discussion on an internet forum.
In this example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how for once the Christians seem like the sane ones. Also note the inability of certain users from this site to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed batshit psychos.
Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes.
It is also to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand. No lulz may be had when you are too busy whining about how people who go out in the sun or shave are just deluding themselves, and too stupid to understand the workings of the universe which these fat, neckbearded slobs of course have fully understood.
Another reason atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes is their long revered standard of ad hominem attacks on those with whom they happen to not agree. Rather than actually engaging into some form of serious debate with those silly theists and having the flaws of atheist positions shown as having no merit whatsoever, it is easier to attack theists and dismiss them personally based on presumably lower intellect, lack of scientific proof, etc.
Of course, the idea that atheists, by virtue of their atheism, are more intelligent than the general theistic population, is complete and utter horseshit, as the quotes below show.
[edit] Atheist Quotes
- "All editions of bible r 100 % forged. Jesus survived crucifixion and secretly fled to lost tribes of Jews in Kashmir (Kashmiris are lost 10 tribes of Jews and were moved from Palestine to Kashmir by force by King Nebuchadnezzar 741 BC). Jesus lived there and died at 120 yr age. His grave is in sri nagar. Faith of Christians is ONLY AND ONLY Fictions ---- No reality in this faith even 1%. These pork eaters are the most dumb people in mankind history; and finally they will realize that they r"
- "I feel very attached to the idea of atheism , that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof their is a god, so HA!!"
- "If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak, and hiding behind other weak people, just like a fucking gang. This is the basis of religion. A mass of stupid people saying "do as we say or i will kill you". That doesnt make you right, that makes you a nazi."
- "IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF CHRISTIANS PUSHING THEIR BELIEFS ON ME, i mean every year i go to buy something at the store and I see HAPPY HOLLIDAYS and it pisses me off so much i mean Christians are everywhere i mean its like UHHGGGGG but anyway this year its gonna be different. i just got down purchasing my ANTI-god pin. im going to every place where they sell christmas trees and all the "happy" (yeah more like BRAINWASHED) familys will see my anti-god pin and i will silently protest this stupid holliday yeah go atheists!"
[edit] OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!oneoneone
When confronted about their h8 and intolerance, Atheists tend to go on a screaming rant about how they are being OMFG CENSORED, saying things like "I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY WHAT I WANT, ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS CRITICIZE RELIGION, U R VIOLATING MY FREE SPEECH BY CALLING ME 'INTOLERANT' JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT ALL XTIANS R STUPID DELUDED IDIOTS WHO DESERVE TO BE TORTURED AND KILLED OR LOCKED UP AND MEDICATED".
Thus we arrive at the atheist's definition of "free speech", which is essentially: When I attack you, it's just criticism, but when you attack me, it's OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!111!!!1
[edit] How to Troll Atheists
- Tell them you're a creationist, then laugh at the ensuing hysterics
- Call them agnostics
- Call them Satanists
- Crapflood the Bible
- Tell them that atheism is a belief system
- Show them this article
- Tell them atheists have no morals
[edit] Butthurt Atheist EDits to this article
On Encyclopedia Dramatica, there are at least 100 articles which bash theism and religion, and one article which bashes atheists. Obviously, ED is unfairly biased against atheists and is trying to oppress them.
Please visit the userpages of the following users and thank them for helping to promote justice and fairness on ED:
- User:Acatisfinetookthxbi--SLAUGHTERING YOUR CITIZENS IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.
- User:Atomicswoosh--It's perfectly okay to believe in something for which there is no explanation or proof, as long as it's not God.
- User:AnonyMouse--"Atheists are people who have learned to stop sucking God's dick and realize humans are the top of the food chain, when you die, you get eaten by worms and that's the end. Too bad, go cry to your 'God' about it. many more think atheists are great, and those who believe in God are self-absorbed, holier-than-thou pieces of shit who don't know how or when to shut the fuck up."
- User:Atomheart--BELIEVING THERE IS NO GOD ISN'T A BELIEF! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE!
- User:Godlovesmeso--"If you are older than twelve, you should be an athiest by now."
- User:Nicekitty--This article is too mean. ED should be nice, like Wikipedia.
- User:TheMontgomery-- HAY GUIZ WUTZ GOIN ON IN DIS ARTICLE???
- TL;DR
[edit] External Links
THE BEST STATED DEFINITION OF ATHEISM EVER
Atheists complaining about ED; note the furry avatars. "Anyways, Uncylopedia is better in the lulz department and is less abusive to the senses". Clearly, Uncyclopedia is not part of the internet hate machine.
[1]
"Golden Comass"=Atheist Propganda?
[edit] See Also
- God
- Agnosticism
- Richard Dawkins
- Christopher Hitchens
- Rational Response Squad
- Ayn Rand
- Furries
- Liberal
- TheAmazingAtheist
- Fakesagan
- Saturnine Films
- AngryLittleGiri
- Penn & Teller
- Iidb
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