China
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
China might be our friend and big trading partner, but the Chinese are inscrutable. It's hard to know whether to trust an inscrutable friend, especially if we are not sure exactly what inscrutable means. We refer to Chinamen with many names, including;
- Chink
- Chinky-winky
- Chiamese
- Ricers
- Taiwanese
- Korean
(Actually a type of Chinese person)Lies OF COURSE KOREANS ARE 1000 TIMES BETTER THAN THESE PEOPLE - Jacky Chan (Remember; Every chinese guy is an impersonator or Jacky Chan. It's just a fact.)
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[edit] Geography
Just North and to the West of the "Little Japan that Couldn't" is the greatest nation on earth, the People's Republic of China. China's sheer size makes white people tremble and piss their pants. The nation is populated with over one billion people known as "the Infiltrators". The Chinese are constantly pirating intellectual properties of other countries because they don't give a fuck about pussies who can't do shit about it, or they're training in kung fu, only to later on dominate the world. China is the only remaining communist super power in the world with close ties to Russia and the evil-doer, North Korea. IRL it is populated by a race of geneticly regected piles of yellow rice called azns whos all mighty kung-fu is no match for a bullet, in summary the only real thing the chinese are good for is
A)to laugh at how funny they look
B)shitty products (all of which can be found at wal-mart)
Chinaland is dotted with huts filled with thousands of chinese labours. It is said that the sounds of their shoe making can be heard from mars. the extent of their powers is not to be reckoned with as the majority of the labour population (pretty much the entire population, not counting JACKIE CHAN) are pokemon masters. I once saw a chinaman eat a pikachu with only one chopstick. The pikachu then used lighitng attack/lightining bolt from inside him. his moustache cuaght alight and began the great-moustache fire war of china (also known as the bejing olympics of 2008/salvation day/thanksgiving/christams/easter/most birthdays/DBZ episode 785)the resulting nuclear explosion killed over 80 billion chinamen worldwidem but did not harm normal people in any way. (as chinaman are so small the explosion only killed them)However, the years of labour they endure is all worth it, as on payday they are each given a small some of sand and a bit of dog hairs.
[edit] Chinese Hobbies
- Inspecting and being good at eating cunts
- Fucking other countries' women
- Giving birth to
over 9000one childrenper family - Eating anything that moves and shitting epidemics. See SARS and AIDS.
- Practising Wu Shu, a blatant and unrepentant faggotry that has been elevated to olympic sport[1]
- Manufacturing inscrutably low quality, knock off products that break upon use
- Manufacturing malfunctioning weapons to other countries who are at war with each other only to make money
- Doing math (and enjoying it)
- Growing rice (and enjoying it)
- Eating rice (and enjoying it)
- Ricing cars (and enjoying it)
- Eating pussy (and enjoying it)
- Being the bad gangster guy fucking people up (and enjoying it)
- Butchering the English language
- Stroking their huge e-peens by editing this article
[edit] People
In the wise words of Charles de Gaulle, "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." There are many slang terms for citizens of China such as "Chinese", "Chinamen", "Dragons", "Triad", "White People Killers" and "Masters". However, the correct term is "Chinese" and you should always properly address them as such to avoid offending them. There are billions and billions of them. They are all inscrutable, but think how much money you'd make if you sold a cell phone to each of them.
There is only one kind of Chinese, regardless of what some people would like you to think. There is no such thing as Taiwanese, or Tibetan, or Mongolians. Those who address themselves as such are only outcasted members of Chinese society due to lower intelligence and ugly appearances.
It is well documented that Chinese people are insane. This is the reason why the Japanese and their bitches the Koreans copied everything off of China and added animu gay flashy crap in to appeal to 16-year-old girls and lead them to them believe that Japan actually has a culture. In fact, many much-loved Japanese and Korean "inventions" in the West such as dog meat, Korean communism, Samurai, their entire numerical system, shotacon and widespread famine came from or via China in the first place.
[edit] Famous Chinese
- Lin Zhong Min
- Guan Yin
- Bruce Lee
- Mao Ze Dong
- Yao Ming
- Chuck Norris
- Wang Wei (The pilot who took down an American plane and made them apologize)
- David Lin
- Ming The Merciless
- Fu Manchu
[edit] People who wish they were Chinese
- Jackie Chan
- Dali Lamer
- Kim Jung Il
- Bill Clinton
- Chuck Norris
- Jean Claude Van Damme
- Steven Segal
- William Hung
[edit] People on Chinese Pay Roll
- Bill Clinton
- Osama Bin Laden
- Hillary Clinton
- Kim Jung Il
- The Entire Nation of Iran
- 99% of Pakistan
[edit] Government
Deng Xiaoping is inscrutable. Is he a communist or is he a capitalist? Does he hate our freedom like an Evildoer or does he love money like a good leader? It's all very confusing, especially since he has been dead since 1997 which makes him very inscrutable indeed.
Also, according to John Lennon, if you go carrying pictures of chairman mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow.
[edit] Military
The Chinese military consists mostly of great legions of soldiers armed with deadly chopsticks. Be at ease, for they all know kung fu and are ready to kill anyone. They all have one mission: to create the People's World of China, but are unable to because the United States of Americunts stand in their way. Currently the chinks are planning on attacking their little bitch Taiwan, only to unite China once again, and then attack the Americunts to reach world domination. WORLD WAR 3 will then begin, and many changes will be made, such as the NEW NEW Testament will be the fortune cookies, the world's tradition is to suck chinese people's dicks, and so forth. The army commanders currently have developed three main war strategies: The Great Offensive, The Never Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of 1-2 Million across the border into other nations.
[edit] Zerg Rush
Because Chinese literally breed like Rabbits, a popular technique is the Zerg rush. China has a One Child Policy, but if they allowed parents to have two children, America would get fucked up, so they'll give them a chance.
Disadvantages of the China Zerg Rush: It costs the Chinese government approximately $1 to give their soldiers a cheap uniform and a basic two day training course. That is not difficult. HOWEVER, it is quite expensive to produce weapons, even if they are cheap unreliable pieces of shit. Thus the creation of kung fu and government forcing everyone to learn it. So in one group of five Chinamen, there will be approximately one or two rifles. The others will just throw fireballs at you.
Advantages: No country has unlimited ammunition. Whilst a group of troops is firing at the neverending horde, a Chinaman will fly around the back and kung fu their ass up. Fuck with one, fuck with them all, and your bound to get kung fu-ed. Why bother messing with them?
[edit] Things They Don't Want You to Know
It is a stereotype that the chinese penis is small. The enormous ones are only hidden from society, and are only used with beautiful beautiful women, and lots of them at the same time. They are quite common, but the stereotype drives some people away. Learn the secret, learn to be pleased.
[edit] Economy
The people of China are willing to work hard for little money from a young age until they drop dead. Without the hard work of people in China, most people in places like United States, Canada and Australia would be naked, living in trees, and eating berries.
It should be noted that China is diametric to Texas in that everything is smaller in China. This is made up by vast numbers. For example, the current population of China has been estimated to be as low as 6 billion to as high as infinity.
Exactly 100% of chinamen spend most of their lives as slaves in math plantations.
1.00 USD = 8 Chinese Yuan (also known as 'one month's wages').
One thing that should be noted about the Chinese economy, is their flourishing ability to market moustache hairs. One day on my travels through the Chinese poor-houses (the largest being Bejing), I came across a very old, powerful and wise Chinaman. His moustache was so long and healthy that it was easily in several countries at once, and many people came across it thinking it was a beever. They can sell their moustache hairs for just under -1890 U.S dollars per tonne, a feat not easily accomplished. A common phrase for a Chinaman (or Chinawoman of the new generation) to be heard saying when they have just found that there 10 year harvest of hair has actually cost them money, is 'OOOHHHH NOOO HELPPPP'.
[edit] History
Although the Chinese have been a civilized peopre for almost 12,000 years, they really have almost no history. The only things China is famous for is Confucius (inventor of the fortune cookie), the "Dynasty Warriors" franchise, and eating with sticks. And also the Great Warr. Most people have come to believe that the Chinks have evolved from Rabbits, as their breeding habits are closely rerated. Chiamese peopre were the greatest civilization in ancient history, but unfortunatley, since that was a different government than the modern chinese one, it never happened.
[edit] The Great Wall of China
The Great Wall of China was constructed between 6006 BC and 2010 AD. It resulted when Emperor Whanger the Great was troubled by the depredations of pandas in his petunias and ordered a wall built around his moustache. Unfortunately, three days after giving this order, the Emperor died, resulting in the collapse of the WangPong dynasty and at least 1100 years of Civil War. In the resulting confusion, nobody bothered to tell the wall-building crew to stop, and with typical Chinese industriousness and respect for authority, they just kept right on going. The Great Wall now stretches across ten thousand miles of rice paddies and steppes, and notably goes right through the middle of Madame Poon's House of Delights in Szechuan, where you can get the "Three Maidens Ride the Thunder God's Chariot" for only $1.6 U.S. The Great Wall is known for being so large that it can be seen from any other point on Earth, even when standing atop Quasidan's penis.
There has been a tale about The Great Wall of China also stopping the rabbits from Mongolia getting in, this is yet to be verified. China has had a history of having a rabbit problem for many thousands of harvests.
[edit] Later History
In the past century, China has had good relations and a very strong alliance with its neighboring country, Japan. In fact, whenever you meet a Chinese person, repeatedly refer to them as Japanese. This will ensure your ability to make many Chinese e-pals.
Also, the Chinese get extremely offended when people mistaken them for being Taiwanese. To show off your knowledge and understanding of their culture, always be sure to tell them you are aware that Taiwan is NOT part of China and is in fact an entirely different country.
Current estimates dictate that at the 117:100 male-to-female birth ratio in China recorded in 2000, the population of Chinese males will be 30 million higher than the population of Chinese females by 2020. The ramifications for this are clear: for a few years, there will be huge battles in the street where dozens of Chinamen pwnfacewash the hell out of eachother, possibly to the death ala King Of Fighters for a date with one Chinawoman. After this period has ended, China will have become the gayest nation on earth.
[edit] Culture
The average chinese child spends up to 200% of their time in sweat shops. They have most likely (800% of the time) created your shoes, braces, computers, houses, electronics and food. The average chinaman in a sweat shop recieves a maximum of 10 under nutrionalised grains of rice to eat per 7 months of 25 hours per day labour. They must create time machines from their pay (-6 Bill. yen per hour) which is tragically impossibler, and resuluts in the peremature death of billions of Chinas per year. (premarture being a minimum of 400 years old in their culture, the odlest person alivwe there is older than the earth itself)
[edit] Food
Many Americans think of eggrolls, General Tsao's chicken, and chop suey as Chinese food. However, all of this is untrue. "Chicken" is actually made from the stray cats in the alleys of Chinatowns while chop suey is in fact a traditional Armenian dish popularized by the band System of a Down.
One must travel to China to find true, authentic Chinese food. Feast on such mouth-watering delicacies as:
- Beef tripe
- Fried eel
- Internal Organs of Persecuted Falun Gong followers.
- Swallow bird's nest
- Chicken gizzards
- Marinated squid and jellyfish tentacles
- Roast pigeon
- Dog soup
- Artificially made eggs
- Cardboard buns
The Chinese, allured to the magic deliciousness of Slurpees have allowed Western convenience stores to infiltrate the southern province of Guangzhou and it's Specially Economical Zone of Shenzhen. Almost overnight thousands of 7-11s sprouted in all sizes from kiosk to full size store.
[edit] Sport
The chinks are ridiculously bad at sport. the average chinaman is 3"2 from lack of nutrition from the stray cats and dog soup. this is a great disadvantage for our tiny friends as the only physical activity is wallet making and dodgy mcdonald toy creating. they are given a 12 second timed toilet break per 4 months of labour. This is all worth it when it comes to pay day and they recieve a handful of peanuts and some oats.
[edit] Music
[edit] List of Ancient Chinese Pastimes
- Eating dogs and cats
- Opening Chinese restaurants
- Writing fortunes in fortune cookies
- Kung fu
- Speaking Engrish
- Making McDonalds Happy Meal toys
- Working at the local Wal-Mart
- Manufacturing SARS (and possibly other deadly diseases for export to the rest of the world)
- Stealing American jobs through outsourced labor
- Chinese fire drills
- Sticking it to the White Man
- Playing ping pong
- Farming Gold
- Being a Chink
- Footbinding
- Spitting on sidewalks
- Smelling like shit
- Failing at communism
- Poisoning the world
[edit] Fu Wong Pocadillem
An ancient pokemon master of china. He once ate a peanut at such a rate that it killed 42 chinese labours. Although tradgic as it may seem there is so way to stop this mad chinamans power. his only true weakness is fire attack to his powerful moustache.
[edit] US-China Relations
The Chinese word for America is 美國, pronounced meiguo, a transliteration which means literally 'beautiful country.' This would seem to be overtly flattering; however, the first character 美 (mei), though it does mean beautiful, is a vertical combination of the characters 大 (da) and 羊 (yang), meaning, respectively, 'large' and 'sheep'.
The contrast between the conspicuous 'beautiful' and the subtler 'big sheep' tells you everything you need to know about China's public versus private opinions of America and Americans.
[edit] Gallery
 Foothurt |
 "Foorish imperiarists. China wins this round." |
 Shut up. |
 An all-too-common experience |
 Nice use of 1000+ year old Anglo-Saxon terminology |
 Azns are known to want it up the butt. |
 Bruce Lee is not amused. |
 OH I SEE A COCK |
| China is part of a series on Azns
|
VT massacre suspects Cho Seung Hui | Kenneth Eng | Riboflavin | Rockonlittleone | William Hung | Wayne Chiang Noted Tyrants Chairman Mao | Hirohito | Kim Jong Ill Cam Whores Biostudentgirl | Eelgirl | Hard Gay | Tila Tequila | Tubgirl | The Wine Kone | Trap-kun Weeaboos Aayatomi | Aimee | Applemilk1988 | Arudou Debito | Desu-radio | Firedarkdragon | Fred Gallagher | Hidoshi | Jellobuns | Kevin and Kat | MRirian | Neffy | Snapesnogger | Se-chan | Two-Ton-Neko | ZS3 Azn Stuff |
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