Iron Maiden
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Iron Maiden is known for being the hardest band to ever exist, influencing Metallica, Mötley Crüe, and countless other lesser bands. Unfortunately, like all legendary metal groups, they have survived and persisted much longer than God ever intended them to and are now just a pathetic shadow of their former selves.
No radio station will EVAR play Iron Maiden again, no matter how many people beg them. At least not before no one is listening to it anymore.
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[edit] Musical style
Common lyrical themes include English pride, fairy tales and mythology, and sacrificing your daughter to the Pagan Gods. However, they are perhaps most famous for their skeletal mascot, Eddie the Head, who is rumored to be the remains of the body of a 16 year old girl that bassist Steve Harris kidnapped, raped, and murdered in 1977, having kept it all these years as a souvenir and fuck toy. In his defense, though, she was allegedly asking for it.
[edit] Early roots
After firing singer Paul Di'Anno for repeatedly showing up piss-drunk to concerts and inadvertently consuming fellow bandmates, Maiden hired Bruce Dickinson (not the one famous for producing Blue Oyster Cult's "(Don't Fear) the Reaper", that one was allready decrepit) as their new vocalist. The band then reached its greatest popularity, instantly becoming a huge success with LARPers, fantasy geeks, and other rebellious high school students.
[edit] Drama
Maiden then fell into a tremendous decline when guitarist Adrian Smith quit the band due to AIDS. Even worse, Dickinson left as well in order to dedicate more time to his art-fag painting exhibitions. He was replaced by n00b Blaze Bayley, who immediately transformed the band into a angsty, quasi-gothic prog-rock outfit. In this period, Maiden released ridiculously long albums dealing with topics such as emotions and politics, nothing more than Opeth-wannabes.
[edit] Maiden today
Mortified upon hearing this, Dickinson and Smith immediately teamed up, rejoined the band, and subsequently pwned Bayley with devastating allergies. This has restored and secured Maiden's legendary status as the ruthless, pig-raping Satanists that everybody knows and loves. They also went off on an anti-American tirade at Ozzfest, which has earned them fans all around the world.
[edit] GOOD NEWS
IRON MAIDEN HAS BEEN KNOWN TO CAUSE SEIZURES
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