An incredibly moronic band hailing from the barren tundra of Ireland and discovered by Steve Jobs, U2 have established themselves as one of the most self-indulgent, uncreative and worst bands ever. Lead by giant asshole and douchebag Sonny Bono, pronounced Bone-oh, (also the owner of a small penis, who had the great idea to lobby congress for the Penis Term Extension Act, but was overheard in bad weather as Copyright, which anyway allowed Disney - a company that's not made a good animated film for at least 100 years - to sue kids for "infringing on their copyright" by drawing Mickey Mouse, for at least 20 million more years) and guitarist "The Stick", they create a unique brand of shitty lyrics about love and poor production. They have the inhuman ability to play the same song for over twenty years and as a result have burnt out approximately a quarter million delay pedals.
One of the other guys from U2 attempting to be as gay as Bono
Bono is undoubtedly the star here, with his wrap-around shades and his never-ending quest to butt in on political issues he doesn't understand, he has become an international symbol of celebrity stupidity. He owns castles and was killed after crashing into a tree during a skiing trip. The other two guys, the drummer and bassist, have been replaced numerous times. Also note that Bono sounds very much like Cher when singing.
At one point, U2 was using their special-edition U2 iPod [1] to replace the other two musicians. Bono was recently a top contender for the position of Pope, but lost the Eurovision Song Contest to the German contestant, who was apparently the Emperor from Battlestar Galactica or some shit.
To quote Clear Channel DJ Kasey Kasem: "These guys are from England, and who gives a shit?"
And to quote The Beatles: "These guys are stupid spud-fucking Micks and are more overrated than us."
Bono is currently a really uninteresting "person of interest" in Scotland Yard's ongoing investigation into the December, 2002 murder of Joe Strummer. The former Clash frontman was the only holdout in a 'Clash reunion tour' plot that if successfully executed, would have exposed Bono and U2s' true identity -The Fake Clash.
Furthermore, it has been reported by the BBC, that an initial search of Bono's ass yielded the only known copy of "Joe Strummers' Little Red Book: How to preach to moronic Americans that everything's their fault." If this is in fact true, it could point to Bono as a suspect in the still unsolved 1983 Yoko O(pw)noing of The Clash.
Recently gained noteriety for attempting to construct a fifty-meter high phallic tribute to Bono's penis in Ireland. Lulz ensued.
All the U2 concerts sound alike, and that is due to the fact that they sound like German submarines, before going to attack unmanned American Recon drones.
Some liken the music as not so much being like music as it is like the raping of earholes.
If you want to listen to U2 music, follow these steps:
- Sit firmly on a chair.
- Buy a $300 t-shirt at their concert.
- Wear the t-shirt.
- Punch yourself in the dick.
- The sounds of your moaning will resemble that of U2.
Congratulations, you've just heard U2 without buying a CD or wasting your bandwidth.
[edit] Bonus Links
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