Mike Huckabee
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Former fatty Mike Huckabee is a batshit insane Baptist Preacher and governor of Arkansas running on the Republican ticket for the presidential race of 2008.
As of early 2008, the media is labeling him as a frontrunner for the primaries, despite the fact that 99% of Americans have no idea who he is. Above and beyond that, he gets cool points for fronting a band called "Capital Offense".
Contents |
[edit] I’m a Hunter. Not a Fighter.
Huckabee has being seen in the media as a complete and total dumbass. Like most politicians, he feels this is a good sign for him because it means that he is a viable candidate. Unlike most politicians, he is seen as being dumb as a bag of bricks causing fail and epic lulz. A late entrant to the Republican race, Huckabee only came in as a double fucktard, having been pulled out of the hat to get votes by stealing selected policies from Ron Paul without stating his own real point: he hates Catholics almost as much as Mormons and the ZOG needed him for that reason.
| “ | Suddenly, I seem to be in the cross hairs of every predator who is out there," "As a hunter, I know that a good hunter never aims his gun at a dead carcass. You only point it at something you want to put on the wall as a trophy. | „ |
| —Newest Trophy For the Lulz. | ||
[edit] Areas of Expertise
[edit] The AIDS
Huckabee has earned the support of many african-americans by suggesting in the early 90s that AIDS patients should be quarantined to keep it from spreading. This position got many public pools in Arkansas closed, angering the butthurts at Habbo.
In 1992 Huckabee filled out a 229 questionnaire where he promptly made it into his own old media blog/manifesto by bitch slapping the shit out of Elizabeth Taylor and Madonna by saying they should come up with the money themselves for The Gay Plague. He also recommended that anyone who even remotely looked like they might have a lesion be quarantined, causing Brooke Shields to hide her mole in terror.
Unfortunately for him this was 1992, where everyone with a working brain stem and a copy of Time Magazine knew that The Gay Plague was not an airborne disease. This fine manuscript laid dormant for at least hundred years until someone with unlimited time found it December of 2007:
| “ | Medical protocol typically says that if you have a disease for which there is no cure, and you are uncertain about the transmission of it, then the first thing you do is that you quarantine or isolate carriers. | „ |
| —Mike Huckabee – Stupid is as stupid does since 1985. | ||
| “ | If I were making those same comments today, I might make them a little differently. | „ |
| —Mike Huckabee. Forgetting to say that Madonna's music stunk in 1992. | ||
[edit] Foreigners
December: When questioned about an intelligence report in Iran that was all over the news, blogs, and tattooed on the ass of Condi Rice for the world to see, Mike Huckabee seems to have missed it.
| “ | It would have been nice had someone been able to first say, 'here's some things that are going on, that are taking place,'" "That didn't happen... | „ |
| —Mike Huckabee. Throwing his Staff under the bus . | ||
[edit] More like Latter-Day Ain't Really Christians Amirite?
I know nothing about no other religion
December 12 2007 Huckabee, a Baptist Minister, who has close and personal relationship with god, asked CNN if Mormons believe Jesus and the devil are brothers Because he had no idea and was afraid to ask his staff, as they were still busy researching exactly where Iran fell on the Map. He thought it would never be quoted, but CNN has finally figured out a good lulz when they see one.
| “ | attacking someone's religion is really going too far. | „ |
| —Huckabee. Pwn’d going too far. | ||
[edit] Huckabee as Lulz Killer
As if anyone would even know who the fuck Bob Newhart is, Huckabee has taken to doing wacky comedy bits on his Cell Phone causing unlulzy fail. As clearly evidenced by the fact that there is no ED article for fucking Bob Newhart.
Wrong number? Or sticking it to Rudy's wife?
[edit] Endorsements
He got the call from Chuck Norris, thereby classifying his entire candidacy as old meme. Fortunately, Huckabee's fart jokes appeal to a segment of the population broadly overlapping with Chuck Norris Fact enthusiasts.
[edit] The Iowa Caucus
On January 3rd, 20078, Huckabee won the Iowa Caucus. This just proves that half the voters in Iowa are afraid of getting the shit kicked out of them by Chuck Norris and/or Gawd. The other half are too afraid to *not* vote for either Hillary or Obama.
[edit] Things that make Huckabee Cry
- Gays
- Illegals
- Gay Marriage
- AIDS
- Moar Illegals
- Fred Thompson (who is either gay or an Illegal)
- Mormons (underwear they wear is gay)
- Gays
- His Staff
- Your Mom (who is gay)
- A nekkid Hillary Clinton
[edit] What to do if you meet Mike
- Ask him if he has ever spoken in tongues
- Tell him he's a commie.
- Ask him if he lost weight on Ayds.
- Break out in an impromptu YMCA
- Tell him you loved him in Baby's Day's Out
- Steal His Iphone.
[edit] See Also
