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Furry

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Furries Described

Furries defy description. If furries were simply hardbodied 19-year-old girls in bunny suits hoping around for our amusement, there'd be no need for this article. However, they are people whose chief goal in life is to ruin the innocent, vaguely arousing fun of wearing animal costumes for sex.

Even Germans know Furries are disgusting.

Sometimes furries disguise themselves and their fursuits by cosplaying from different fandoms to avoid their daily beating, such as Sonic the Hedgehog. Don't be fooled by their clever rouse, they're still sad, depraved, middle aged men in children's costumes (and from the looks of it, emo as well).

[edit] The Furry

[edit] The Species-Dysmorphic

Typically, furries don't consider themselves to be human, a commonly agreed-upon notion. One of the things they do to counteract their "fleshy, pink, hyooman form" is construct an elaborate, very expensive outfit of an anthropomorphic creature, typically known as a fursuit. These are made from the finest dime-store shag carpeting, bought specifically for it's unique shagging properties. Some go so far as to live inside of them, forming what can only be described as a self-contained ecosystem of stink and sweat. Sometimes furries may try to wash the fursuit with furshampoo, but since animals never bathe, why should they? A notable example of this is Kyle Boughen.

How furfags multiply.

How furfags fail to multiply.

Some furries will undoubtedly claim that they have a purely nonsexual approach, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a $1500 skunk suit when no one else is watching, all the while not trying to seduce the house cat. This, ladies and gentlemen, is an Internet Fairy Tale. No furry would pass up the opportunity to romance a small furry mammal. This myth has been perpetuated by countless furries who try to make their way of life appear to be less lynchable. However, all this ends up doing is pushing them along faster on their highway to hell.

If a furry ever approaches you and declares his celibacy, run and do not stop. In fact, if he even approaches you at all, run, it's a trap.

Dispelling the Furry myth

Furries always claim that their "furfaggotry" is a innate part of themselves. Sometimes this comes in a form of a "Totem Animal" to give themselves a guise of druidic legitimacy. Other times they may claim that they are, in fact, the reincarnation of an animal from a past life. Other other times, they will claim that they are, in all honesty and without a doubt of their verity, a true lycanthrope, who can magically transform themselves into a real animal. To figure out the true origins of Furry, our crack team of scientists are working on a theory that furries are, in fact, actual animals who have, through some unknown means, transformed themselves into a socially maladjusted loser, and subsequently lost the ability to turn back. However, we are no closer to achieving the true answer than a furry is to achieving soap.

Furries are renowned for their artistic nature. A typical furry masterpiece is created using the best graphical editing software money can buy, such as Microsoft's MSPaint, to depict a humanoid animal either becoming very, very fat or having 3-5 massive penises either on them or in them. These images, shown prominatntly in public galleries, either electronic or real, tend to attract more furries, who in turn attract more furries who feel strength in numbers, to the point where the gallery is no longer just in innocent Geocities page. This is how FurAffinity and many others came into existence.

While defending against the fur, take note of their wide, gratuitous use of pseudo-intellectual nonsense and mythical outlook on life. This typically includes the unrealistic dream where furries are, ironically enough, better than humans. Prime examples of this are freakylynx,Illlaw, and Zets_coony.

Naturally, these innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers, bears, oh my), or rife with dark symbolism (snakes, ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furry's "human nature". Furries who claim, say, a banana slug or an anchovy as their totem animal are almost non-existent. The only known examples of such furries, in fact, are the those who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially maladjusted outsiders even within a community of socially maladjusted outsiders; and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph.

Fascist fetishism

Typical furfag children at play.

[edit] History

In the beginning, God created all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds of the air, Adam and Steve. And the LORD did look upon his creation, and smile, for it was good.
And it remained good right up until Steve decided he was really a nine-tailed dick-nippled fox deep down in his perverted little heart.
And Satan went unto Steve, and verily, he did say unto him "Behold, oh Steve! If thou dost but tap thy Crypt Rats, thou might slay this Fox; and take of him his skin to be thine own; and make of it a Suit of Fur; and then might thou know the little animals right to thy heart's content."
And Steve did as Satan told. And Steve did yiff and scritch unto all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds in the air, and Adam, who was dressed like a panda, did until all were verily sore.
And the LORD did look upon this and smile.
Even the great comic minds, The Goodies tackled the subject in the early 80s, shortly after that their show was cancelled!
In 1986, the Internet introduced furfags to the mainstream with T.H.E. Fox on Compuserve

[edit] How Furries are Created

- In the sixth grade there are two kids, Joey, and Jimmy. They both get the assignment to do a report on the cheetah. Joey and Jimmy go to each others' homes and study long and hard. They even find out where cheetahs live and eat.

The next day, they turn in the report, and their teacher, Mrs. Williams, gives them both an A+. They are both extremely excited. Joey decides to tape the report onto his refrigerator and go play with his friends, but Jimmy decides to go home and stay up all night making an anatomically correct cheetah costume.

He then becomes an artist and draws pictures of a cheetah with four penises and three vaginas fucking the absolute shit out of a tiger who has a dildo implanted on its head and seven tits and three dick-nipples. Thus, in Jimmy, a furry is born.

[edit] How to Become a Furry (Tutorial)

In the late March of 2006, a tutorial depicting a satire tutorial about 'How to Be a Furry' was made and uploaded. While receiving praise on deviantArt by non-idiot members of the site, both furry and non-furry, it has received criticism on livejournal by butthurt furfags who don't know the subtle art of satire and having a sense of humor. The most notable whiner being xydexx, as seen here.

[edit] Evolution and furfags

Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a slow gradual process hotly masturbated over by godless scientists. However, since furfags are not fully "human", furry breeding will result in de-evolution, the reversal process in which mankind regresses into a retarded, animalistic state.

As de-evolution rears its ugly head, true fursecution shall become a political issue and each furry will receive three fifths of a vote.

[edit] Conflicts With Furries

[edit] Trolling For Great Justice

(Note: Starting these conflicts are epic win.)

The furry subculture is not without its detractors. Furries are frequently mocked and featured on Something Awful and the Portal of Evil, all for great reason, where the worst of the worst are showcased and ridiculed. This leads furries to try to defend themselves with cries of fursecution, and often comparing their detractors to Hitler and act as though being made fun of over the Internet is anywhere equal to the plight of the Jews. All this ends up doing is performing a credibility holocaust on the furry. The totally unwarranted victimization of the furry community often leads to cutting and cries of "leaving the fandom, afk".

Here's a wolf raping a horse. You can't tell if she's enjoying it or not, furries always have a mock-orgasm look during yiff.

Scientists have long theorized that furries are so repulsive that there is no way they could stand each other. Although they have attempted to present a united front, this theory was recently proven to be true by the discovery of this shocking video of two furries in the wild:

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN

[edit] Reverse Trolling

Furries, who have been the victims of troll-based warfare for many years, have sometimes attempted to turn the tables on their tormentors and strike back.

On February 10, 2005, a furry calling itself omghi2trolls came into existence, adding several apparent trolls to the roster. Omghi2trolls was supposedly a parody of omghi2furries, but the "joke" caved when the owner of omghi2trolls deleted its journal on the same day it was created.

In April 2004, supposedly reformed furry Postvixen created biteycircusflea and befriended several known trolls in the hopes of being return-friended and allowed to spy upon all of the deepest, darkest secrets in whatever friends only entries they might have lying around. When a group of Internet detectives discovered this, it swore up and down that he really wasn't trying to hide, REALLY. Since the journal entries as biteycircusflea were about as TL;DR as his usual ones, this might even be factual.

Nothing quite says furry more than two anime Nazi furries sucking each other off. With this, who need an article?

[edit] Wikipedia drama

Since so much of furry existence revolves around the internets, many of Wikipedia admins are furries. These furry inforamation officers include: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, Wwwwolf, and Xydexx. These furries have made it their chief goal in life to make sure that all web sites, including Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involves making approximately ten to the boob illionth power edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that doesn't fulfill their need for alpha-wolf dominance, the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles as well.

Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry fandom" is one of the many, many, many trivial points being bickered over between Xydexx and allegedly-cooler heads in the various articles' Discussion pages. Why? Because furries are without logic and subsist off of meaningless trifles. The one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this can be found on their yiff article.

[edit] Baseball team incident

One night in July 2007, an Americunt sports team stayed in the same hotel as a furfag convention, and this was reported:

"Virtually everyone, even those who looked otherwise "normal", had a tail sticking out of their clothes in the back. Players and staff reported neighboring rooms generating loud animal noises, barking and other, deep into the night. At first it was kind of funny to see these people wandering around the downtown streets and filing into the hotel, but after the novelty wore off it just made everyone feel creepy. The "furries" seem harmless enough, but people who think they might be an animal trapped in a human body just are unnervingly odd, to say the least."

Don't believe it?

[edit] Nigra/Furry Incident at Otakon 2007

THIS IS A THROWDOWN, A SHOWDOWN, HELL NO I CAN'T SLOW DOWN IT'S GONNA GO DOWN

Being a furry is expensive. Sometimes poor people try to do it too, but eventually not only end up doing it wrong, but also getting branded for life as a furfag, further condemning themselves to poverty.

During the Otakon anime convention, some random furry wandered into the 4chan Aftermath, a mini-convention of /b/-tards outside the main doors of the Baltimore Convention Center. According to witnesses and the Nigra himself, somebody shouted "Holy shit, it's a furry!" At which point the valiant /b/rother spun around and yelled: "A furry?! Where?! Oh, FUCK", charged the furry, and assaulted her with a ghetto blaster.

Witnesses claim he "barely hit her" but the mental image of a girl in a fur suit with the mask twisting around is rather funny. Otakon staff told the Nigra to stop playing music and "drawing attention to himself," at which point he crossed the street and did a victory dance to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

The police later contacted the furry, and when she took off her mask her "expression was priceless." No arrests were made, probably because she described the assaulter as "a tall white male dressed in a suit and an afro." And no one ever listens to furries.

[edit] Furries and You

A cameltoe on a chick does not make her a furry. (She's still asking for it though.)

A man who refuses to shave his back is in fact a bear, but since he doesn't believe he is a bear, he is not a furry.

[edit] What furries say "Furry" does not mean

The term furry does not imply lycanthropy, vampirism, sexual preference, sex, age, or fetish of any kind. It is a completely generalized term and does not even reflect upon the animal or being to which the person identifies with or to.

[edit] Harmless and Consensual

Remember: Being a furry is both harmless and consensual.

Whenever they are justifiably taken to task for their deviant ways, furries invariably proclaim that being furry is both "harmless and consensual". This is a code phrase which, in the mind of a furry, means "I AM IMMUNE FROM CRITICISM! YOU MUST RESPECT THE WAY I EXPRESS MY INDIVDIUALISM!"

This tactic rarely works.

Finally, we have proof that being a furry is neither harmless nor consensual. Is there a doctor in the House?

[edit] The Solution

[edit] Solving the Furry Menace

Obviously, furries are a blight upon the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises. Nothing will stop them, so, there is a solution that allows them to continue their twelve-dicked horse costume lifestyle whilst contributing to society: all furfags need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TV's for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies.

Remember, just like witches and homosexuals, if you do not dedicate your life to end the existence of furries, you are one of them.

[edit] Going Public

A few clips from the CSI episode Fur and Loathing in Las Vegas. See also: How to Greet Furries in Public.

In an attempt to give furfags equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public.

[edit] More recent Furry invasions of England

There were no survivors.

[edit] Furry Nirvana

This is every Furry's dream:

Ironically enough, an island where all the furries in the world are dumped is everybody else's dream.

[edit] Furry Hip Hop

[edit] Famous Furs That Furries Love

Sonic The Hedgehog
Meeko, the raccoon from Pochahontas
Lola Bunny
Krystal, duh
Nearly every character from Tiny Toons.
Brandy Harrington, from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
Pikachu
Yin-Yang-Yo
Petunia
Renamon
Gadget Hackwrench
Minerva Mink
Rita, according to 4chan, everyone is furry for this AIDS infested fox

[edit] Holy Shit We Have a Really Big Gallery

[-] [+] 0

Something even rarer than a sober Irishmen - A female furry who actually is a female.

Apparently, Ireland locked their pubs.

Defies description.

Furry in the baking. Also Myspace Camwhore.

The best furry comic strip ever.

The idealistic furry sextoy as taken from Mimi's Girls. YIFFY.

Like zombies, they eat your brainssss

Scene from a furry convention

Redefining rat's nest.

Typical furry's daily comic strip	Furries like sex with animals, as drawn by Arania	Pro-yiffer propaganda disguised as harmless kiddie comics. WAKE UP AMERICA	Scientists are currently thinking of ways to exterminate furfags.
Neutered furry without spaceballs?			Suck the furry's rod, bitch!
Where is your God now?	Truth about Furry art.	A real furry	A furry in the making.
OMG.	HAHAHAhuhaha >=D!	One suggested improvement to furry conventions	IRL? O rly?
	Han Solo never had a chance	A furry about to devour his next victim.	Lol wut?
c'mon u can do it its just 1 click and ur an hero	Jailhouse gay furfags wish this actually happened, ever	Calvin knows the score	Mom...Dad...I'm furry...
This is your brain on lonely	No fetish is too fucked up for furfags.	Furry gender reallocation success.	Believe it or not, the situation used to be worse
Surprising.	Pity a furry's spawn	Moar interspecies romance: simian gets some pussy!	Brother Dave Thompson spent ~~over 9000 dollars~~ a small fortune creating this spectacular fursuit.
Air Canada is run by furries.	Uh, out of your urethra, dipshit? Why would someone draw this?	Kids nowadays....what will they do next?	typical furry mating ritual
What to do if you see a furry	A Typical heart warming furry tale.	Furries believe cub pr0n is awwwwwiiiggghtt.	Coyote:Okay horse! I want you to run as fast as you can while we have our testicles tethered together with this rope.
Such a tenuous grasp on anatomy furries have	You gonna get raped.	A day that's coming soon.	The Truth about furfags
How babies are made	The Haden is no stranger to furry.	thumb\|You gonna get raped!	Relatively tame furry art
Altered Beast - Furry's favourite game	A typical Furry lul	the disease is spreading to a few games to, oh noes!!!1