Hepkitten
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Hepkitten a.k.a. Dowager Empress Kristen Madison Lauren Fonzerelli Rockerfeller (lol nerd) is the originator and creator of LJ Drama, Mayor of Bantown and skipper of the Drama yacht. In times of trouble, she is known to transform into her super-powered alter-ego Heprial: Guardian Angel of Trolls. When corrupted by evil, however, she becomes Hepa Yaga: Terror of the Tubes, flying across the internet on her vax, and eating children. Hepa Yaga should not be confused with Dr. Hepa Yaga, Ph.D., of the syndicated advice column PLZ ADVZ. Her birthday is July 31st and is celebrated with a national holiday in Russia and Serbia called Hepday. She is also a hobbit.
Hep is best friends with fellow fat whore Randi Harper [1].
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[edit] History
Hep is a renegade lawn gnome sent to subjugate our race so her evil plastic flamingo overlords can eat our brains and often rides into battle on an undulating dolphin named pwny. As a midget she is rumored to be bff with Santa after meeting him during work experience. It is common knowledge that if you capture Hep she must lead you to the pot of gold which she keeps hidden at the end of her rainbow.
She is also a communist and has caused many flame wars after trying to convert others to her retarded political views. She often attends communist rallys IRL and speaks at conferences as leader of her political party "Future Communists of America".
Hep was the key instigator during the Hackphreak Rebellionis the Mayor of Bantown and now runs Bantown with an Iron Fist (inserted rectally). Current president of LiveJournal. Claims to have served in LJDramanam, although some argue that reports deny this. A formidable opponent in an MC battle.
[edit] Rise To Power
During the 1970s in the eastern European country of Hepvia, Hepkittenova ruled her nation with an iron fist and a velor cape. . . It wasn't until the day her satellite dish picked up a faint signal of the ill-fated Steven Bochco police drama cum musical, Coprock, that she began to understand the true meaning of "noblesse oblige" - the obligation of the upper class to supply those less fortunate with Kenny G. . .
Unable to locate a single copy of Kenny G's Live at Red Rocks CD, Hepkittenova eventually realized she had to go west: farther than falco's domain of Austria; past the Hasselhoffian confines of Berlin; beyond the hot sultry Spanish coasts where Las Ketchup was known to Asereje; all the way to the land of the free, the home of the brave, where the sounds of Michael Bolton, Dave Koz, and John Tesh were heard by all and worshiped like the gods of Arena rock they were. . .
Blinded by the glitz and the glamor, Hepkittenova decided to drop the ova. While still remaining as fertile as you would not believe, the newly christened 'Hepkitten' felt as though she'd lost something. A part of her soul perhaps? Maybe something deeper? It wasn't until she'd hit rock bottom, sitting through an nkotb tribute band, that she'd hear the haunting strains of a musician who would gently pull her back from the brink of destruction... Yanni... or maybe it was Zamfir, master of the pan flute.
Regardless, she rose from her seat at the Palladium like a phoenix rising from its seat at the cow palace and got a job at the local Kwik-e-Mart. She was a convenience-store clerk and good at her job. One day, she committed the ultimate sin and testified against other clerks gone bad; clerks who tried to kill her, but got the Hello Kitty toaster she loved instead. Framed for murder, now she prowls the badlands, an outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter, a *renegade*.
[edit] Trollascii by jesuitx
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[edit] Links
- hep's egowhoring site
- hep's livejournal
- Hep's image gallery. Nudes can be found therein
- Hep invites Hal Turner to Lulzcon
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit user_talk:Hep.
| Hepkitten is part of the iDrama Suite | Encyclopedia Dramatica • LJDrama • Frienditto • Ghettoditto • Narcopolo • AudioLJ • Anonymuncule
Related People |
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| Hepkitten is part of a series on ED Government
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Executive Branch Theocratic Branch Judicial Branch Founder Documents |
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| Hepkitten is part of a series on people who have slept with Rubberduc 
| Nomadlisa • Rob Levin • Andrewpants • San Francisco • Girlvinyl JWZ • Hepkitten • Bradfitz • Weev • Sloth • Ghettofinger • Battlecry |
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| Hepkitten is part of a series on Whores | Anna Nicole Smith • Ashlee Simpson • Attention • Becca Manns • Blondie_xoxo • Britney Spears • Buckwild • Cam • Chris Crocker • Comment • Dave Eggers • Drama • Emmy Rossum • Fat • GoddessMine • Idol • Jamie Lynn Spears • Madonna • Miss Teen South Carolina • Paris Hilton • Prostatot • Prostitute • Queen • Rahaeli • Randi Harper • Sadhe_Sati • Scene • Sema JayHawk • Skank • Skeezer • Slut • Tara Gilesbie • Trap-kun • Vanessa Hudgens • Klara Wagner • Zoey Zane
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