Guns N' Roses
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Guns N' Roses were a bunch of untalented dudes who didn't really know what they were doing but somehow managed to conquer the world by mixing Punk, Glam, Heavy metal and Blues together and putting out an album called Appetite For Destruction. Formed out of the ashes of two bands, Hollywood Rose and L.A. Guns, they were five guys who abused drugs, fucked women and had girly little squabbles with eachother. They have a very annoying forum here.
[edit] Axl Pose(r)
Axl Rose either was or still is the frontman of Guns n' Roses. If you attend an Axl Rose performance, be sure to stand up towards the front and videotape him. He will most likely react in a reasonable manner. Axl used to be popular among 13 year old boys and everyone else, but is now universally despised for his woar crimes. He'll pick fights with you, but he'll bring his body guards. Swiftly kick him in his weak ankles then run. Axl Rose has a tattoo of the cover for Appetite For Destruction on his arm, which has the skulls of the original members of Guns N' Roses. Little did he know that within the next 10 years, he would drive each and every one of them out of the band. Following the death of Freddie Mercury and the big memorial fagfest at Wembley in 1993, Axl proposed that Queen reform with himself as lead vocalist. However, when informed of the job requirements, he withdrew the offer and went back to wanking off at home with a can of chunky peanut butter.
All Axl fucktards will swear by their idol, no matter what. Here're some results we got from the Axl Pose army:
-No new "gnr" album in 16yrs+ :
What the lobotomized fans say: He's writing something epic !
What it really means: The guy is not a very creative or talented musician
-No original members :
What the lobotomized fans say: It's still GnR, Axl is there dancing to the old songs
What it really means: We are seeing a cover group of a once great band
-Chinese democracy comes out this year :
What the lobotomized fans say: our idol is back!
What it really means: cash is running out, let's pull a cash grab tour.
Warning: Axl Rose is serious business he will publicy kick the shit out of you just for not using a coaster.[1] The fact that you are 65 years old and you name is Hilfiger will not save you. Axl will bury you right in his backyard.
Immigrants and faggots make no sense to Axl. Police and niggers need to get out of his way. Axl does not want your gold chains today. Axl has become the worlds fattest junkie.
Years ago if you were lucky , you could sometimes see Axl back in his hometown of Lafayette , IN, shopping at Vons. It was quite a thrill if you enjoyed being next to an egotistical douche who smelled worse than a bus station bathroom.
See: Adolf Hitler
[edit] Saul Hudson (Slash) (Black Death Vodka)(Carlos Hendrix)
The guy with no shirt, a top hat and lots and lots of hair. Usually plays a Les Paul. Legend has it that this man also has a face. Some people say he was the main jew who did WTC. Was later replaced by Buckethead, who also lacked a face.
A little known fact about "Slash" is that he is a negroid, thus adding to the lulz because of the fact that niggers cannot play rock and roll, but nobody gives a shit.
[edit] Izzy Stradlin' your girlfriend's face
The quiet guy. He was a key aspect in writing music and shit.
[edit] Duff (Beer) McKagan
The tall, blonde bass player. Drank so much his pancreas exploded in the mid '90's. Idiot.
[edit] Steven Adler AKA Retarded ex heroin freak who is a washed up child molester
The drummer that most fans prefer. He likes heroin. A lot. Also rumoured to suck guys off for heroin. In '93 he sued his band because he said they were the reason for his addiction. Steven likes to make statements to the effect of claiming the original G'n'R will reunite...eventually; Steven is the only original member who actually believes that.
Steven is resourceful, when the restroom on his plane is occupied Steven will gladly use a ashtray in the First Class section.
[edit] Matt Sorum Old Man
The git that replaced Adler after he got fired for being a junkie. This man's drumming is so bland, tepid, and mechanical that he probably bangs his wife to a click track. Left in the mid-90's along with the other members of the band after getting too fed up with Axl's constant PMS rants. Practically a nobody.
[edit] Gilby Clarke (This guy is actually ok)
The git that replaced Izzy after he left 'cos he got bored.
[edit] Chinese Democracy
The long-awaited fifth album by the band was finally released on April 18, 2023 after wrangling the title from The Offspring's clutches. It debuted at #1 and went triple-platinum on the first day of release. But when the consumers found out how awful it was, numerous riots ensued throughout the U.S. since they waited at least 100 years for new product from them and what they got was an aural kick to the nuts. Of course, Axl did not care about the riots, as he was at home counting all the money he had made thanks to the many fools who shelled out cash for Chinese Democracy. Reportedly, Axl was heard to say: "Fuck them jerks, I am a rock god!"
The album came in a large box and comprised of five CDs that all had to be played at the same time for complete effect and even allowed the listener to pick out a track number for each CD (for example 1, 1, 7, 3, 9) creating thousands of song structures, a 438-page paperback novel (which served as liner notes and a backstory), a small jar of snake scales, a cigarette butt autographed by Slash, and a drop of Axl Rose's blood on a microscope slide. The music consisted of very little hard rock, rather being filled with big-band horn sections, lengthy operas, a Belgian mens' choir, and kitchen appliances somehow hooked up into Moog synthesizers.
The political and humanitarian elements that took 30 years to write are totally wasted; by the time this album was released China had actually become democratic.
As a matter of fact, Chinese Democracy has nothing to do with Guns N'Roses. It's just Axl's retarded solo "project".
[edit] See Also
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