Sean Hannity

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Sean Hannity in Full Marionette Outfit. Note separate eyebrow controls.

Sean Hannity, (real name Mordechai Wiesenstein) the vocal, patriotic, pretend-Catholic political pundit represents all that is good about the media. Last Thursday, he had a hole drilled into the middle of his back that connects to his mouth, allowing Dick Cheney to maintain full control of what he says. His turn-ons include performing circumcisions, Boy Scout camping trips, humping the legs of authority figures, and accusing Democrats of emboldening the enemy. His turn-offs are Islam and people who don't agree 100% with everything he says. He is still awaiting legal immigration status to become a US citizen. In early 2004, Hannity graduated with his master's degree in Freedomology.

1 Hannity and Colmes
2 Hand Signals
3 Verify - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers
4 J'accuse - WAIT NO FRANCE SUCKS - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers
5 I AM NOT A NEOCON WTF BURN GAYS - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers
6 Hannity and Drama
7 Sean Hannity LJ Whores
8 See also
9 Sean Hannity Photo Album

[edit] Hannity and Colmes

Sean Hannity, together with Alan Colmes host the hilariously right-winged Hannity and Colmes, on the fair and balanced Fox News. Although Alan Colmes calls himself a liberal, his Michael Stipe-like appearance (that of being riddled with AIDS) causes him to become the perfect beacon against any type of political thought that could be construed as anti-W.

[edit] Hand Signals

Sean Hannity has based his career on hand signals which allow the mentally slow but rigidly attentive conservative Fox viewer to follow along with him.

[edit] Verify - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers

I just want to verify, you are a Communist?

This is the most frequently seen Hannityism. When a guest on Hannity and Colmes makes a point that could potentially be at all considered liberal, Hannity, needing time to think up a proper retort employs this hand signal and rewords the guest's last statement in the form of a question.

Guest: I'm sorry, shouldn't the New Orleans National Guard be present to protect their own city instead of dying in Iraq?
Hannity: I just want to verify, did you just say you are a Stalinist and would like to collectivize the entire midwest grain harvest?
Colmes: Sean I don't know about th...

[edit] J'accuse - WAIT NO FRANCE SUCKS - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers

You sir, are a socialist left wing fag lover.

Uh oh, Sean Hannity is pointing at the camera! And thanks to the magic of live-via-satellite, he is essentially pointing at you. The next sentence out of his mouth will contain some or all of the following words and punctuation: ignorant, liberal, you, are, an, !

Guest: How am I a socialist for thinking gay people are humans too?
Hannity: Read the Bible ignorant sir! Jesus says it's bad! LOLOL
Colmes: Sean I don't know a.....

[edit] I AM NOT A NEOCON WTF BURN GAYS - As Shown by Mr. Fat-Fingers

I accuse you of being anti-American.

HEIL BUSH!

Note this is very similar to Hannity's 'Verify' hand signal, with the exception that he holds a pen or stylus while doing so. This is to create the false impression to the numb-headed Fox viewer that Sean Hannity is in fact literate and educated. You can count on him pretending to take notes somewhere within the next 20 seconds.

Colmes has been known to flinch and cower reflexively at times when Hannity uses the pen in this manner. There are several documented instances where Hannity actually stabbed Colmes with the pen, climbed onto the desk and devoured huge chunks from the back of Colmes' head. Rupert Murdoch has the photos framed by his bedside.

Guest: Sean what's that arm-like object going up your ass?
Hannity: How dare you accuse of me being a Neocon! Bill O'Reilly and I are both center-minded people.
Colmes: Sean I d.....

[edit] Hannity and Drama

Sean Hannity and to some degree Alan Colmes famously pwned Michael Crook on their show by calling him several names like "dumb idiot" "ignorant disgrace" "mean and cruel" and "a waste of our time" and having him sit there stupidly. It is a true sight to behold. Video of Hannity pwning Crook

As can be seen in this video, Hannity ensures the propagation of the conservative way of life by taking a random jerkoff from the internets and wagging his finger at them for five minutes. This gives the illusion of a free and open exchange of ideas while making certain that no actual information is spread.

[edit] Sean Hannity LJ Whores

There are many people who worship Sean Hannity online.

There is a community, wehateliberals, run by synthetikmisery and bluetooth16 that centers around masturbating to Fox News and Sean Hannity. This makes Jesus and God, known Conservatives, cry.

Jesus told them to love, but they seem unable to love you without lubing up first and then getting a little on your leg.

Never bend over to pick up anything while near Sean Hannity or any of his fanboys. If you do, you will end up losing your ability to poop correctly and make Jesus cry.

[edit] See also

Sean Hannity's home business

[edit] Sean Hannity Photo Album

Animated Hannity gif, for your pleasure.	Das Hannenstein	Proof that Hannity (far right, rear) is not a racist.	Backstage at Fox News studio
Sean's wife, Mrs. Hannity, a real red-hot mama	Zabasearch.com