Saddam Hussein
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Possibly the most alternative man on earth, Saddam "Wilt Chamberlain" Hussein, Britain's most amazing basketball player, was known for raping thousands of women (source, Bill O'Reilly). He was also the star of the Prince of Persia line of computer games, which were based on his rise to power. His best friend was Rasheen.
A strong supporter of all things politically correct, Saddam Hussein was devoutly liberal in many of his views, save those that deal with rape, murder, blackmail, star wars, extortion, torture, genocide, cannibalism, abortion, gardening, and intolerance; indeed, due to his extreme left-wing standing, he maintained absolute dominion over Iraq at gunpoint for at least 100 years. He was also notable for the massacre of the Kurds, which he quite rightly justified as having committed "for the lulz".
Saddam mainly listens to music by bands such as Type O Negative and Otep, and thus was widely respected in Goth subculture. His mustache was, in fact, modelled on that of his hero, the lead singer of System of a Down. Despite the fact he was a goth, he was loved by everyone, even Jews and Mecha-Hitler.
Saddam's greatest weapon had always been known to be one of two things: his very, very deep, highly platonic and appropriate love for all living things, and his gas.
Eventually, massive butthurt was inflicted when Saddam was taken out by the Righteous Hand of God.
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[edit] Gas
At least 100 years ago, W and Tony Blair decided it might be fun if they played 'Find the Nuke' with Saddam, a very popular game at the time.
The rules were very simple; David Kelly, a weapons inspector for the United Nations, was to wander around Saddam's favourite palace, the Taj Mahal trying to find any Weapons of Mass Destruction that were lying around. The resulting adventure was recorded in Disney's Aladdin.
After 12 levels and 6 bosses, David still had not found Saddam Hussein's nuclear armaments: all he had found was a few thousand gallons of highly flammable, volatile, and valuable oil, which he wasn't allowed to keep. Very upset, he went home to the United Nations.
When W and Tony heard about Saddam not giving away his oil fields, they got slightly upset and challenged him to a game of hide and seek.
While getting prepared for the game, which consisted of W and Tony thoroughly liberating Iraq through amazing firepower, Saddam merely tried to settle the argument by burning his oil fields so no-one would be upset. Unfortunately, Tony and W really wanted to burn the oil themselves, in areas where it would cause even more ecological havoc.
Whereas Osama bin Laden, current ruler of Afghanistan and Saddam's BFF, was really, really good at hide and seek, Saddam wasn't so hot as he was at Hide the Nuke; W and Tony found him in his favourite underground bunker, listening to The Cure, and made him stand away from his country for Time Out.
Despite the fact that Saddam is on permanent holiday in one of America's concentration camps, he is still very much loved in Iraq and, to this day, his capture is protested by muslims and suicidal pilots all over the world.
[edit] PermaBanning from life
On 5th November 2006, Saddam was sentenced to Death by hanging, and can now go and hang with his Brothers in the great terrorist camp in the sky. He was not sentenced due to his crimes against Humanity, they decided to kill him for the Lulz.
[edit] Breaking Broken News
A few minutes ago, it was announced that he was hanged Thus creating lulz for all. Here's the official video-cellphone footage.
Of course, because everyone and their second cousin is trying to upload this POS video to JewTube (or because Saddam once published a book by his uncle called "Three Whom God Should Not Have Created: Persians, Jews, and Flies" [1]) this won't load at the moment. Until JewTube gets it's shit together, you can see the anti-climactic clip here [2]
It is speculated by many that Saddam is the true saviour of man and not the cock sucker Jesus. Yes he's gonna return as a zombie mutha-fuckers!
Click HERE for America's favorite tribute to Saddam's demise.
[edit] Hep Kitten's Fresh Saddam of Bel Air
Now this is a story all about how Saddam got hung turned upside down Id like to take a minute chill here with me, Ill tell you how Saddam became the fake prince of WMDs IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN western Iraq born and raised Killin Kurds was how he spent most of his days Chillin the palace, relaxin all cool Raping some virgins outside by the pool When a couple of Bushes who were up to no good Started dropping bombs on his neighborhood He made one little movie and cheney got all scared And said FIND HIM AND PUT HIM ON TV BEING DRAGGED OUT OF HIS LAIR He whistled for his trial but when it came near The judge was UN and obviously a queer If anything you could say that this man was fucked So I thought awe forget it and smoked a fat blunt I came on irc around six or seven Heard he was dead raping virgins in Heaven Looked at my Kingdom, said goodbye to Saddam To sit on my Throne the Fresh Prince of your mom
[edit] World Reaction
As the sands of time did that thing they do when time is running out (even though if you turn the egg-timer upside down you can start again...unlike Saddam) world leaders and proles alike weighed in on the weighty issue. One of the first was Tony Benn, former Labour M.P. and a leading figure in the British opposition to the Iraq war. He traveled to Baghdad and met and interviewed Saddam Hussein in February of 2003.
He also met with Saddam Hussein on the eve of the Gulf War. He helped to secure the release of Britons being used as human shields after Iraq's invasion of Kuwait.
Appearing on the Larry King show as Saddam had his last meal of Shiite balls on a stick, Benn was asked if it was true that he opposed the execution. What follows is his response and subsequent conversation with King.
BENN.: Well, I'm against the death penalty. But 665,000 Iraqis have died since the United States and Britain invaded Iraq. One more death will probably be presented as a triumph for democracy.
But the real verdict on Iraq came in the midterm elections. The American voters realized, like Vietnam, it was an unwinnable war. And I think that is the real background.
Of course, Saddam was a close ally of the United States. When I met him in 1990, just before Kuwait, he said, "I feel utterly betrayed by the United States. They armed me. They sent me into Iraq -- Iran" and so on.
So there's a history to it that hasn't come out so far in the discussion.
KING: You are not saying, Tony, that he is not a tyrant, are you?
BENN: Oh no. After Pinochet in Chile was put there by the CIA killed a lot of his opponents. But the Americans were told he was linked to 9/11. He was not. Americans were told and so we had weapons of mass destruction. He didn't. I mean, I think most people in the world know why the invasion occurred. The president wanted the oil. And the consequences of this execution may make the present crisis worse, but it certainly won't solve it.
KING: What should his punishment be?
BENN: What will his what?
KING: What should his punishment be?
BENN: Well, I mean, giving my personal opinion. I remember the Nuremburg trials after the war, and I was in favor. But I think pinning it all on one person and hanging them is not as good as Desmond Tutu, Archbishop Tutu, who talks about truth and reconciliation.
If in South Africa, Nelson Mandela had hanged all the white leaders of the Apartheid regime, there would have been endless vengeance and bitterness and killing. He didn't. He said bring out the truth and make that the basis. And I think that is a better way of doing it than executing people. That's my conviction now."
[edit] Death Conspiracies
Saddam didn't actually die. Before he was hanged, Octal420 ran into the room with a Guy Fawkes mask, and started killing a shitload of people. He got a 6-star wanted level. He took Saddam, and blasted all the cops to shit. He didn't bother to replace the tape inside the camera, as he did this so fast that no one saw it. Saddam is currently chilling with Tupac, Elvis, Sasquatch, and Osama bin Laden in Octal420's basement. A perfect plan, as no one will suspect that they are living in there.
[edit] Gallery
 Animated gif of Saddam's death. |
 Oh snap! |
 Who's dead now fuckface? |
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 Allah couldn't be reached for comment. |
 OH NOES! MY NEOPETS!!1 |
 One for each Kurd he gassed. |
 fgsfds |
 In happier times: Saddam, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf and Kim Jong-Il with hookers and blow |
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[edit] See Also
[edit] Links
- His full execution (for translation, see Pussyhawks).
- wtf_inc LJ icons
