Hippy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Dirty hippies should have died with their idols at the beginning of the 1970s, but at least 100 years later they smell worse, take harder drugs and listen to worse music. When the mud orgies called Grateful Dead concerts were finally quieted by the death of Jerry Garcia, the hippies latched onto Phish. But being a hippie is still better than being a conservative fundamentalist.
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[edit] Jesus
Jesus was a hair farmer, ate organic food, wore sandals and a robe and coined the phrase "turn the other cheek". In short, many consider another Jesus the first deluded hippy. He and his deluded band of dirty hippies went around preaching unrealistic bullshit and generally caused alot of trouble. Just like a dirty hippy, when he got called on his shit he had nothing to say. When he did say something, it was some "spaced out" diversionary double speak. Pilate: Are you the king of the jews? Jesus: Your words not mine. Pilate: According to locals wishes, hey, time to nail ya to a post.
There are hippy sub-groups in almost every group of social misfits. Polys, furries, ravers, con_geeks, all have sizable numbers of hippies in their midst.
[edit] Hippy Politics
Hippies have absolutely stupid political ideas hollow to any logic. Since hippy philosophy is very shallow, nobody actually notices that their ideas contradict each other. They always complain about the government, but they have yet to realise that they are too lazy to get jobs and they live off of the government's welfare money.
Hippies usually adopt pet causes and stick with them for lengths of time. Popular causes are environmentalism and veganism. These pet causes take control of every aspect of their life, which is why hippies are dirty ("if it's yellow let it mellow", irregularly bathing schedules, etc) and their food tastes bad ("meat is murder").
Since all hippies are stoners, they are all about legalizing it (but they don't mind when other civil liberties are infringed upon, as long as they aren't the civil liberties of Zapatistas or black people).
[edit] Quotes
| “ | Hippies. They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad. I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts! | „ |
| —Cartman | ||
| “ | I think I hear the flower children calling... | „ |
| —Fenriz, Darkthrone | ||
[edit] Famous Hippies
[edit] Janis Joplin
A fat, unwashed slut of a woman with nasty long hair. She finally rid the world of her own presence by eating handfuls of every drug imaginable. Nuff said.
[edit] Jimi Hendrix
First black Hippie. Fair guitarist, somewhat over-rated by fanboys like Quasidan. Chose to associate himself with freaks like Joplin and choked on his own vomit after eating too many drugs. Or alcohol. No real matter or difference.
Songs like Purplehaze "reveal" his sexuality with the line "Scuse me, while I kiss this guy." Or sky. But no one really gave a damn. Ever. Srsly.
[edit] Jim Morrison
A skinny alcoholic who wrote horrible epic poetry. He was picked up as a singer by some actually talented musicians. Rock stardom got him laid, stoned, fat, and finally dead, but still way fucking better than you.
[edit] The Beatles
The Beatles did not start off as hippies but became hippies when Bob Dylan first got them totally baked. They then began writing songs about fucking in the street and beating people to death with hammers
[edit] Frank Zappa
Besides being a crazy hippie in the 60s, he argued that heavy metal was not Satanic, thus making his allegience to Satan obvious. The Beatles ripped off a lot of their ideas from him but DON'T TELL ANYONE: IT'S A SECRET. Once took 12 hits of acid, while doing 5 grams of cocaine. He later bragged about this as the biggest accomplishment of his lifetime.
[edit] Timothy Leary
Discovered the benefits of eating LSD at least 100 years ago.
[edit] Robert Anton Wilson
Helped start Discordianism, which started off as a religion for hippies and somehow became a religion for nerds
[edit] Hunter S. Thompson
Was the coolest fucking person on the planet. He briefly became popular and an old meme after he introduced his head to a shotgun recently and kids on the Internets Wikipedia'd him so they could pretend they knew who he was the whole time.
[edit] Simon Posford
He is to blame for starting psytrance and encouraging white hippies to stink up Goa, India with their shit alien music.
[edit] Led Zeppelin
Hippies in tight pants who sang about Lord of the Rings. Only good if you've killed all of your brain cells. Kids with long, greasy hair like to buy Led Zeppelin faux-vintage shirts. These kids are only marginally more annoying than the people who liked them when they first hit the scene.
[edit] Noam Chomsky
Exxxtrem-lefttard. Oft quoted pseudo-intellectual speaker, whereby proving that you say batshit crazy things and keep your tenure.
[edit] Jerry Garcia
A man famous for smoking alot of Weed. Thats all he ever did and just died.
[edit] See also
- That '70s Show
- Christian rock
- Gather
- Retro
- Sebastopol
- Austin
- John F. Kennedy
- Food Not Bombs
- Pink Floyd
