Mario
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Mario is Nintendo's mascot and has starred in many of their games, due to Shigeru Miyamoto's inability to come up with new characters.
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[edit] Mario's Origins
Mario's parents sailed to New York on a giant loaf of ciabatta bread from the old country (Italy) at least 100 years ago. They then built a house in Brooklyn, using wood that they bought off of Mecha-Hitler. This was, of course, a highly fatal mistake.
At least 100 years later, Mr. and Mrs. Mario decided to have a son and name him Mario, so that his name would be "Mario Mario" (which he was made fun of for all throughout school). They also had a second son named Luigi, who was neglected by his parents as well as everyone else who ever met him. Later he got mindwashed into being badass, but this lasted for about five minutes.
Then, sometime last Thursday, Mecha-Hitler got sick of Mr. and Mrs. Mario missing payments on the wood he sold them, and decided to pay them a little visit. He killed them right in front of their children, which scarred them for life.
[edit] The Good Stuff
Mario and his brother Luigi then decided to set up a plumbing service. One day, however, they were called out to fix the sewer underneath Flava Flav's house, which contained enough cocaine, crystal meth, and Absinthe to completely fuck up the space/time continuum. Mario and his brother fell through this hole, and ended up in Super Mario Land. And this is where the good stuff happened.
In Super Mario Land, which was apparently named after the guy who has never been there before in his life, there were all kinds of weird otherkin and furry shit going on, such as talking mushrooms and turtles. The story goes that Mario then raised his power level to over 9000, then killed millions of enemy Koopa soldiers with his bare hands and impaled Bowser on his own flag before dying in a direct blast from an atomic bomb. Of course, Nintendo couldn't put all this on their original 8-bit console, so the Mario game was limited to Mario being fat and jumping on turtles. Way to go, Nintendo. Way to go.
It is also well-known that Mario was instrumental in the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
Mario is still wanted by the FBI, but they are too scared to arrest him.
[edit] Donkey Kong
Mario got drunk and started trying to steal some nigger's white girlfriend. He succeeded and almost killed the nigger for good.
[edit] Donkey Kong Jr.
Donkey Kong's evil spawn attempts to free his dad from the man by climbing up vines or some shit. Eventually he pwns Mario and gives him butthurt. But nobody remembers because Jr. was indeed a jew.
[edit] Super Mario Bros.
Mario teams up with his brother and they kill some giant turtle and shit to save some princess.
[edit] Super Mario Bros 2
Mario, Luigi, some midget, and a blonde whore team up and battle a frog. They totally changed it and made it gay, and noone cared after that.
[edit] Super Mario Bros. 3
Bowser took over the mushroom Kingdom installing his progeny as puppet rulers of the various Kingdoms inside the Mushroom Empire. Mario caught of guard by this coo at a furry convention didn't even change out of his sexy racoon gear, before he went after Bowser and his kin with a vengeance...He went on a world spanning quest to violently murder the children and followers of the King Koopa. After slaughtering all of his children Mario pulled out the shock and awe on bowser himself! Some argue that this is the best game ever, and it would score over 9000 on a 1-10 rating scale. However anyone who agrees with this is a furfag, as this is the game where Mario came out as a furry wearing an arsenal of fun fursuits, such as raccoon, turtle, frog, and a jew.
[edit] Super Mario World
The same game as 3 but this time you get to ride a gay dinosaur that gives you a blow job.
[edit] Mario is Missing
Some gay game where Luigi unfortunately finds his brother in the closet.
[edit] Mario 64
Same gay shit, but you collect some fag stars and run around in 3D.
[edit] Super Mario Sunshine
Mario flies around on a jet pack for 20 hours until you get bored to death.
[edit] Super Mario Galaxy
You are able to play as Mario in space, or what he thinks is space. Yes, our good old friend Mario has OD.
[edit] Facts About Mario
- Mario is not to be confused with Joseph Stalin, the communist leader of the Soviets.
- Mario lives a double life as Ron Jeremy. Nintendo doesn't want you to know this, because some people wouldn't let kids play his games if they knew.
- Mario rescued that damn princess at least a billion times and the bitch never put out.
- In the 2004 election between George Bush and John Kerry, Mario was actually the winner. However, The Man doesn't want you to know this.
- Mario can kick your scrawny bitch ass without touching you.
- Mario is a tough Italian bastard. He has pwned Sonic, Link, Megaman, his brother Luigi, Hitler, your mom, Nikola Tesla, Sir Isaac Newton, and Abraham Lincoln.
- Mario once got arrested for public indecency. He was then set free after impaling the judge on his mushroom-engorged cock.
- Mario drives a go-kart because he spent all his money supporting his shroom habit.
- Mario only keeps Luigi around because he forgot Luigi exists.
- The reason the Allies won World War II is because the Soviets managed to recruit Mario for the battle against Berlin.
- Mario has recently been pwned repeatedly by Mecha-Hitler following his upgrade to Supreme-Jewsmasher-Pizza-Delivery-Omega-Droid, because Mario has no friends.
- Mario then used his amazing powers of plumbing to build Robo-Stalin, who Mecha-Hitler has yet to destroy.
- A big celebrity in the homeland, Mario used to date Aria Giovanni but stretched her so much she had to leave him to pursue a career in internet porn.
- Mario single handedly took down the Soviet Union.
- Mario is currently hiding in the United Kingdom, due to the massive back taxes he owes the Italian government and the Mushroom Kingdom. He has assumed the name of Ben Ingram in order to sell pizza. He still manages to tell tales of his interesting life fighting bowser by saying his dads friend did it.
- If Mario were gay, his name would be Sonic the Hedgehog.
- Mario named his cat Chuck Norris because he's a pussy.
- Mario is so badass, he accused the Sopranos of being full of offensive Italian stereotypes. Then he ate them.
- The reason that W couldn't find Saddam's chemical weapons is because Mario drank them. He later admitted that he thought they were soda, and he found them quite tasty.
- Mario teaches typing.
- Mario has the same style mustache as Freddie Mercury because he's a manly man.
- Mario's full name is Mario Mario.
- ????????
- Profit!!!
[edit] Gallery
 Mario before 10AM. |
 A star is born. |
 Mario at the peak of stardom. |
 At one time Mario was just an American immigrant. |
 FLAWLESS VICTORY |
 The exciting story of a typical mario game |
 "The brother I never had." |
Again, Mario is fucking fat. |
 An artists impression of what Mario looked like during these days, edited from a misleading thumbnail. |
Mario in his latest hit game, Mario Moonshine |
 The Real Super Mario |
 At one point, Mario was a nigger. He sure loved greasy fried chicken then. When he turned back into a fat piece of shit Italian, he still loved chicken. That's because he's a fat fuck, and since he was Italian again, he loved fried chicken on his fettuccine alfredo. |
 It's common knowledge that Mario games did WTC. |
 Click to enlarge. |
 Super Mario Bros. in all its graphic detail. |
 The real reason Bowser keeps kidnapping her. |
 Mushroom kingdom has many exoctic creatures. |
 An example of Mario Games serious dialogue. |
 Not only is mario against Torrent downloading, he is also An Hero. |
 lol,Rule 34 |
 Wait, anyone remember this game? |
 lol? |
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
Mario on Newgrounds- Newgrounds has an almost gay fascination with the chubby Italian plumber.
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Mario is part of a series on Gaming. |
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