Cult
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cults are tiny religions which may or may not believe in Jesus; what they have in common is that their members are always brainwashed morons.
Contents |
[edit] Some Popular Cults
- Scientology
- Al Qaeda
- Baptism
- Rational Response Squad
- Branch Davidians
- Cult of the Dead Cow
- Scientology
- Forbidden Zone fans
- Heaven's Gate
- The KKK
- Islam
- The Moonies
- Paganism
- Pentecostalism
- Scientology
- The Church of Latter-Day Saints
- CHB
- Wicca
- Tara Gilesbie worshippers
- Sonic CulT
- Touhou
- The Dugger Family
- The Blue Oyster Cult
- Scientology
[edit] Starting a cult
transmitfailure was voted most likely to start a cult in high school, but predictably he has thus far failed. If you would like to start a cult, you will need:
- charisma
- some "original" dogma
- an obsession with controlling other people, and
- copious funds.
L. Ron Hubbard started one of the largest cults (Scientology) in history with only 2 and 3 (later acquiring 4), but he had an advantage because he was on drugs, which as everyone knows give you voodoo powers. Although most cult members are of course white (excepting Pentecostalism), some Christian cults purposefully attract niggers, which they use to advertise the important fact that their cult is superficially different than the cults Purelily associates with, and therefore more legitimate. Since niggers are 10% or so of the population in most areas of the civilized world, this tactic obviously helps somewhat in increasing cult membership. Your cult will need some type of symbol, but don't come to us for help if you're stupid enough to use someone else's. The Scientologist symbol in particular will get you in deep shit. Litigious motherfuckers.
[edit] Maintaining a healthy cult
It is very important that your cult members be isolated from outside reality as well as profoundly retarded, otherwise they will just leave, and you will have failed it. Punish disobedience with crowd favorites such as the Iron Maiden and castration, and reward good behavior with pie. It is also important to have your "holy books" be as long and incomprehensible as possible so that you can claim exclusive understanding of them no matter how much of them your followers read. Defunct cults such as Taoism and Quakerism left out this important element and thus have completely failed to cause any major atrocities or mass suicides. Don't make the same mistake!
A good tip for your cult: always have a scapegoat; nothing keeps people together like focused hatred, and it works wonders when trying to justify things which might otherwise seem batshit insane. You can try to create a totally new focus of blame (e.g. thetans), or simply choose from the following guaranteed-effective bogeymen:
- Jews
- men (see feminism)
- the entire human race (see emo and Slipknot)
- the hamster
- Bill Clinton
- faggot slime (very popular)
- psychiatry (well suited for cults that involve pedophilia)
You will also need some mindless rituals to give your drones a greater sense of meaning in their lives, but these can really be absolutely anything, even simulated cannibalism.
[edit] Ending your cult
If you are bored with your cult, we recommend initiating a mass suicide. This is really the only safe way to move on with your life, and tends to eliminate the possibility of greedy ex-members getting liberal ideas in their heads about how they should have had food every single day and complaining to the media.
